There's a light, wavering. Shane doesn't even have to open his eyes to sense the change. Ilya must have turned his phone on.
The light changes as Ilya hides the phone under the blanket.
"No, Ilya, all the way off," says Shane.
Ilya draws out a long groan, but eventually the light goes out.
"How can you even see that? Stupid, Canadian, super power eyes," Ilya mutters.
Shane snorts and kisses Ilya's arm sleepily. Ilya keeps fidgeting until Shane puts his arms around him and pulls him close.
"Sleep," Shane says. "Have you even tried closing your eyes?"
"Oh, asshole," Ilya tuts. But when Shane peppers his back with kisses, he finally settles. Shane drifts off again with his lips still pressed to Ilya's warm skin.
The next time it happens, Shane is more annoyed. Again that flickering light through his eyelids, pulling him back into consciousness.
"It's late, Ilya. Sleep time," he says firmly. "No more phone."
"Sorry, Shányechka," Ilya says. "I didn't mean to wake you. I'll watch downstairs."
"Yes, my little пульт дистанционного управления. Sorry. I can't sleep."
"No. Stay," Shane grasps at him, but Ilya leans away.
"I can't, I'm too awake."
"It does. I have the eye protection, night light filter on. It’s one video. I have watched many times and I'm always sleeping before the end."
Shane tries to sit up, peering at the phone. "What video is it?"
Immediately, Ilya clicks his screen off with such flustered clumsiness that he nearly drops the phone.
"Ilya?” Shane snorts. “What are you watching?"
Ilya taps his fingers on the phone and shrugs. "Nothing."
He's so funny. Shane tilts his head to keep looking at him. The moonlight, so soft on his skin. The curve of his lips. His hair, all rumpled and messed up, sticking out on one side. He's not meeting Shane's eyes, which is very unusual. If Shane didn't know better, he'd be worried. Jealous.
"Is it porn?" Shane asks. "Porn helps you sleep?"
Ilya opens his mouth and then closes it. He nods tightly. "Yes. Sorry."
Shane laughs at him. "I don't mind." It's funny that Ilya has been watching it right next to Shane, with the sound off. "Did I not tire you out enough?"
Ilya's eyes gleam. "No. No, you did not."
"Greedy." Shane yawns. He stretches, shakes out his legs then arches his back like he does during his morning yoga. Ilya watches him very intently. Shane smiles; Ilya smiles back. Shane smiles wider, then creeps forward and slowly lowers his mouth.
Ilya falls asleep afterwards in less than 3 minutes. Shane curls himself around him and lets Ilya's soft snores lull him back into dreams.
Shane has been breathing evenly for a while, but sleep hasn't found him yet. He's content just to lie here in the warmth, cocooned in Ilya's arms.
Ilya clearly thinks Shane is fast asleep because he has started to carefully untangle himself. Shane makes a soft noise and Ilya pauses, then continues to wriggle away once Shane's breathing has evened out again. Shane hears him pad downstairs.
Shane is not sure exactly why he's still pretending to snooze, except he's so comfortable, he doesn't want to move. And, it's a good chance to catch Ilya in his late night, insomniac, porn habit and tease him about it.
Ilya comes back to the same video every few weeks. Shane's pretty sure it's always the same file from the quality of the vague shapes and light, which are all he can make out from the brief glimpses he manages before Ilya switches the screen off or hurries away to the sofa.
Shane wants Ilya to know it's ok, Shane can sleep through it now. The light is very soft and there’s no sound. He doesn't want Ilya feeling ashamed of having found something soothing. It's no different from Shane liking the bedroom a certain temperature, or his blankets a certain fabric.
And Shane has noticed the pattern now. Ilya always watches this mystery file on the harder days. Days when he's too exhausted to sleep easy, when he's been up extra early checking on new rookies or staying late to field tricky questions from overzealous journalists. Days when he's achey, playing with a mild injury or a cold. Or days when he is withdrawn, more laden with sadness, like the harder anniversaries - death days, lost birthdays. Or, any time his brother has called.
Most nights, Ilya's happy enough to leave his phone charging downstairs with Shane's. So Shane is willing to compromise for the nights when he's tossing and turning without it. Shane sees him trying. He has also noted that whatever Ilya watches does help, usually lulling him to sleep within half an hour.
Shane tip-toes down, bringing the big blanket with him - it can be cold in the cottage downstairs, even in summer. He's glad he did when he sees Ilya is shivering slightly on the sofa, even wrapped up in a quilt.
Shane has waited too long to catch him watching; Ilya is already snoring softly with his mouth open. Shane tucks the blanket over him, then brushes a kiss against his curls. Ilya sighs in his sleep and mutters something incomprehensible.
Ilya's phone is propped up on the coffee table. Shane leans forward to turn it off then blinks as he recognises himself on screen gesturing vaguely. Even without sound he knows - he is talking about the well. Later he will explain the history of the local area, point out some of his favourite wildlife, including the loons, then show off his indoor rink and his neatly stacked larder. Shane had forgotten the documentary about the cottage. How does Ilya even have this?
Shane pauses the file and discovers its name: Boring.mp4 is the only file in the folder saved in Rewatch_2016. Ilya has kept it for nearly a decade. Shane clicks it and the documentary restarts with a pretty shot of light glittering over the lake.
Shane snorts and then looks quickly at his love, still asleep on the couch. The same couch which is also now on the phone screen as Shane explains to the interviewer the original plans he discussed with the architect.
A vague memory resurfaces of their first summer together.
"Yeah. Is very good. I needed help sleeping, so."
Shane shakes his head, bemused. How many of Ilya's chirps have a solid core of truth to them? He wants to squeeze him so tight. But he will let Ilya keep his sweet secrets, slip away and let him sleep. Maybe tomorrow he'll download the documentary himself and suggest they watch it before bed for nostalgia. It could be their new night routine, together.
