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@jane-eyesore
Last night I dreamt that Cardi B was engaged to Bill OāReily and literally no one else was bothered by this except me so I went on all the late night talk shows and was like āWHY IS THIS OKAY?ā And Time Magazine called me Hater of the Year.
This is still the funniest dream Iāve ever had
āFor a true hero isnāt measured by the size of his strength, but by the strength of his heart.āĀ Ā
Hercules (1997) Dir. Ron Clements, John Musker.
19TH-CENTURY PRESIDENTIAL ASSASSIN CHARLES GUITEAU WAS A MEMBER OF A UTOPIAN SEX CULT AS A YOUNG MAN BUT WAS CONSTANTLY REJECTED WITHIN IT. THE OTHER MEMBERS CALLED HIMĀ āCHARLES GIT-OUTā BECAUSE THEY REALLY WANTED HIM TO LEAVE THE CULT. EVENTUALLY HE DID, AND TRIED TO GAIN RICHES BY PLAGIARIZING THE CULT LEADERāS MANIFESTO. HE FAILED TO DO SO AND RETURNED TO THE CULT, BUT WAS STILL HATED BY THE MEMBERS, SO LEFT IT AND ATTEMPTED TO SUE THE CULT LEADER, WHO CALLED HIM INSANE. GUITEAUāS FATHER WROTE A LETTER IN SUPPORT OF THE CULT LEADER.Ā
HE EVENTUALLY MARRIED, BUT HIS WIFE GREW TIRED OF HIS ABUSE AND THE FACT THAT THEY ALWAYS HAD TO RUN OUT ON LANDLORDS AND CREDITOR BECAUSE GUITEAU HAD LIED ABOUT BEING ABLE TO PAY RENT. SHE ASKED FOR A DIVORCE, AND HIS RESPONSE TO THIS WAS TO GO OUT AND SLEEP WITH A PROSTITUTE (A FREQUENT HABIT OF HIS) SO THAT SHE COULD TESTIFY THAT HE HAD CHEATED, EVEN THOUGH HE PROBABLY COULD HAVE JUST CONSENTED TO THE DIVORCE.Ā
GUITEAU LATER HANDED OUT FLYERS IN SUPPORT OF PRESIDENT GARFIELD, AND BELIEVED THAT HIS FLYERS WERE THE PRIMARY REASON GARFIELD WON THE PRESIDENCY, AND STALKED BOTH THE PRESIDENT AND CONSISTENTLY HARASSED THEM TO GRANT HIM A DIPLOMATIC APPOINTMENT TO THANK HIM TO THE POINT THAT HE ONCE PROVOKED THE SECRETARY OF STATE INTO SCREAMING IN HIS FACE TO LEAVE HIM ALONE FOREVER.
HE BOUGHT THE GUN HE USED TO KILL GARFIELD WITH BORROWED MONEY (AS HE HAD NO MONEY OF HIS OWN AND GOT LODGINGS AND FOOD EXCLUSIVELY BY DINING-AND-DASHING) AND SELECTED BASED ON WHAT HE THOUGHT WOULD LOOK NICEST IN A MUSEUM.
HIS LEGAL DEFENSES FOR THE ASSASSINATION INCLUDEDĀ āGOD TOLD ME TO DO ITā ANDĀ āTHE DOCTORS KILLED GARFIELD, I JUST SHOT HIM.ā HIS LAWYERS ATTEMPTED A PLEA OF TEMPORARY INSANITY, BUT HE TOOK OFFENSE TO THIS AND INSISTED HE WAS ENTIRELY SANE. HE INSISTED ON REPRESENTING HIMSELF DESPITE HAVING COURT-APPOINTED LAWYERS AND NO LEGAL EXPERTISE OF HIS OWN. HE FREQUENTLY ASKED FOR ADVICE FROM THE SPECTATORS IN THE COURTROOM BY PASSING THEM NOTES, AND DELIVERED MUCH OF HIS TESTIMONY IN THE FORM OF POEMS HEāD WRITTEN. HE WAS CONVICTED AND SENTENCED TO BE HANGED, AT WHICH POINT HE EXPLODED AT THE JURY, SHOCKED THAT THEY DIDNāT SEE HIS INNOCENCE DESPITE THE FACT THAT HE CONFESSED TO THE CRIME.
GUITEAU BELIEVED THROUGHOUT THE TRIAL THAT THE AMERICAN PUBLIC ADORED HIM FOR ASSASSINATING THE PRESIDENT, EVEN THOUGH THERE WERE TWO SEPARATE ASSASSINATION ATTEMPTS AGAINST HIM. HE ALSO BELIEVED THAT GARFIELDāS SUCCESSOR, PRESIDENT CHESTER ARTHUR, WOULD SUPPORT HIS ATTEMPT TO APPEAL HIS CONVICTION AS AĀ āTHANK YOUā FOR MAKING HIM PRESIDENT.Ā
ON THE DAY HE WAS HANGED, HE DANCED HIS WAY UP THE GALLOWS, SHOOK HANDS WITH THE EXECUTIONER, AND SANG A SONG HEāD WRITTEN ABOUT HOW HE WAS ACTUALLY GLAD TO BE HANGED BECAUSE HE KNEW HE WOULD BE GOING TO HEAVEN FOR SHOOTING GARFIELD. HE ASKED FOR A FULL ORCHESTRA TO ACCOMPANY HIS SONG, BUT THIS REQUEST WAS DENIED.Ā
HIS AUTOPSY REVEALED THAT HIS FORESKIN WAS TOO TIGHT TO PULL BACK OVER THE HEAD OF HIS PENIS. MANY WONDERED IF THIS CAUSED HIS LIFETIME OF ERRATIC BEHAVIOR, BUT THEREāS NO SOLID EVIDENCE OF THIS.
i am obsessed with this video
wait what the hell thatās my brother
the one on the left is literally my little brother
But you didnāt need to ask about the sewer fire??
no thatās definitely true
hey if weāre mutualsĀ feel free to
loot my corpse for valuablesĀ
Lego people live in houses made out of their flesh
Plastic is to the LEGO world what molecules are to us. Stop making thing weird.
the WHAT now ?
ask them to keep it more quiet then
a show: *has a cool female protagonist*
me: nice
show: *introduces smirking obnoxious boy in the first 5 minutes who will be her love interest*
me: well it was good while it lasted
Lemme guess. If it was a smirking obnoxious female, it would be okay?
no it would be awesome because then itād be a lesbian story
You asshole.
Ana de Armas as Marta Cabrera in āKnives Outā (2019)
LIghthouse keepers will never be memorialized like soldiers or cops because they didnāt kill anyone (as part of their job) but theyāre like, heroes who saved untold lives through discipline and self-sacrifice doing an impossible lonely job and Iām worked up aboutĀ itĀ
Clinging to a swaying tower in freezing, driving rain, risking death by everything from pneumonia to a fall to a fucking lightning strike to keep the lantern going when you donāt even KNOW if someone is out on the water!! Working! Class! Heroes!
Ok if you think being a lighthouse keeper has the same danger as being in the military or a cop, youāre a massive idiot
Yeah. No, itās totally safe!
See that speck in the doorway? Thatās the lighthouse keeper.
Letās zoom out, shall we?
Yeah for sure, this is nbd. Not at all terrifying. Just a regular workaday!
Itās definitely not as dangerous as being a military man:
Dude might get a paper cut and not have bandaids!!! Or he might accidentally drop a drone bomb on the wrong civiliansā¦
āSome black women complained that when they moved outside the ghetto into integrated lesbian communities in certain areas, even in the 1970s, white women sometimes automatically assumed that black women would be butch in a sexual relationship or even manipulated them into being butch. As Iris, a black lesbian from Omaha, Nebraska, remembers, āThey didnāt like you to wear make-up. They wanted you in masculine dress, but they wanted to be real āfou-fouā themselves.ā She attributes the predilection to a covert racism that is blind to femininity in black females.ā
ā Lillian Faderman, āThe Return of Butch and Femme: A Phenomenon in Lesbian Sexuality of the 1980s and 1990s.ā 1992. (via theorynotebook)
good morning everyone . i am screaming
