Stalk River

Theme by: http://themesbyeris23.tumblr.com/ Hello, and welcome to my blog. My name is Val. Made it past a quarter of a century lmao💀

[cipheramnesia]

If I did an alien abduction story it would be about someone who got abducted and came back and went out to live in isolation, but when the aliens come back to try and abduct her again they discover she has prepared a series of looney tunes home alone style lethal traps, and it becomes a comedy where bugs bunny is abduction survivor with ptsd and alien grays are an infinite supply of wile e coyotes, but all the traps specifically rely on alien abduction clichés to set off.

Like she's being hit with the bright antigravity spotlight and as she's about to be dragged off she crawls behind something. Then you cut to the aliens on the ship watching a spec rising towards them, except as it comes into focus, it's a huge anvil and not a person. Cut back to the aliens frantically pushing buttons and then back to the girls on the ground as she sees a tiny little *pfft* of a distant ship explosion in the sky

[cipheramnesia]

Flying saucer gets lower and lower towards her, slowing, slowing. When it stops, it comes clear that it is pushing against a pair of giant rubber bands, and they slingshot the ufo back into space.

[cipheramnesia]

Alien leaning over her sleeping form under the covers, but we see her leaning over behind the alien until she goes like, "Ehmmm whatcha lookin at there?" Then the alien jumps up and spins arouns but when it tries to grab her, she shoves a gift wrapped box into its hands and then it opens the box which immediately explodes.

[rikmach]

Wasn’t there an entire episode of Animaniacs with this exact premise?

[cipheramnesia]

There's an entire looney tunes character with this exact premise

[funnytwittertweets]

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

Anyway that’s why you wear wool and a life jacket babeeeyyyy

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

The important thing about wool is that it continues to keep you warm even when it’s soaking wet.

Other natural fibers don’t do this. In fact, quite the opposite. Campers and boaters are usually familiar with the phrase, “cotton kills.” If you’re wet in cotton or linen, your clothes actually sap heat from your body.

If you sink in a lake in late October like I did today, staying warm is important. I was rescued long before I would’ve actually died, but cold makes your muscles seize up, which isn’t good if you have to swim to land.

Which brings me around to life jackets. If the water’s cold enough, you may only have five-ten minutes until your muscles seize (today I probably had 40-60, more than enough time to get to land if I hadn’t been picked up), and you’ll drown.

In a life jacket, even in extremely cold water, you can float semi-conscious for perhaps another 30 minutes or so before you actually freeze to death, which is usually when someone rescues you.

What’s more, you probably know that moving around on land warms you up. Jumping jacks, jogging in place, etc.

In water, moving actually makes you colder. You need to stay still curled up in a ball, which you can only do in a life jacket.

In wool AND life jacket, you’re warm, and your head’s above water, which is pretty much your only and entire goal.

If you’re allergic to wool, synthetics are available specifically for this purpose. I know I always say natural fibers are the way to go, but when it comes to safety, wear what protects you!

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

Yep! A really simple “experiment” I learned as a kid and now use in my own courses is sticking your hand in ice water. Compare moving it around in the water to curling it up in a fist. The contrast is stark!

To increase your survival time in on cold water, you want to curl up! If you’re with others, you want to huddle!

Again, both are only possible when wearing a life jacket!

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

I know a lot of people are reblogging this for writing reference, but I like to believe that 7,000 people on this site were actually continually living in fear about this specific situation and that when the time comes, I’ve prepared them with what they need to know to survive.

[shamebats]

Oh come on lady, you can't deny a man his gaycation

[shamebats]

You must surrender yourself mind, body and soul to the gaycation or be destroyed

[shamebats]

Someone on reddit already suggested a sapphibbatical

[the-haiku-bot]

Someone on reddit

already suggested a

sapphibbatical

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[mechanica1-hands]

how could you leave out the best part—the aquarium bit

[shamebats]

"become a fish" (gay)

[ladyananas]

men will jump through an entire circus' worth of hoops rather than admitting they're bi

[helpless--romantics]

[theivorybilledwoodpecker]

The level of mental hoops that guy had to jump through to say to his wife, "No, honey! Of course I wouldn't be cheating on you! Sex during gaycations doesn't count!"

[theivorybilledwoodpecker]

Holy fucking shit! It gets trippier!

I mean, I feel horrible for the OP and her SIL...but "surrender to the gaycation" made me laugh way more than I should have.

[emilynyaaa]

this is an insane story

[flickering-leaves]

“Some men never return”

Helpppppp 😭

[brightlotusmoon]

[harperhug]

Um…here’s the reddit link? I’m speechless.

[handageddon]

Don't worry honey, all the other men on gaycation aren't real people and they stop existing after. Hey, where's all the homophoboa coming from suddenly?

[mananabuffins]

That's the beauty of the gaycation!

[authoratmidnight]

It get wilder. I only found out about this b/c of a youtube video reading the Gaycation post but, this isn't even the first one.

7 years ago someone posted this-

And 5 years a different user posted this-

What is happening with these people??? What weird ass cult did they find??

[catboy-artist]

I read the shithead guy’s rambling in Nagito Komaeda’s voice

[mlembug]

"some men never return because they're "totally feminized" into the state of permanent "pseudo-gayness"" is my favourite line out of the entire post

[tandembicycles]

Smosh also read that post (cut to time but I'm on mobile so just in case- 1:09:23) and watching everyone's reactions, two of which being actual gay men, was hilarious and cathartic.

I guess that's the beauty of the gaycation.

[electric-skillet]

One project hail mary character dynamic from the book that I love is Grace moping around like ough I'm just Stratt's little lapdog, her pet scientist that she drags around everywhere, this sucks so bad

Meanwhile everyone else is apparently like waow. There he goes. Mr. Number Two of the hail mary project. Stratt's right hand man. And also her lover.

[orteil42]

given the current climate this pride especially i feel i must mention that i love my trans friends, i stand with trans people in the fight against transphobic legislation and those who would enforce it, and this blog is not a good place for you to be if you do not vibe with that

[teaboot]

My mom likes to tell me about how when I was a little kid riding public transport with her I'd always smile and giggle and chat with weird old ladies who smelled like cat pee and homeless folks and strangers dressed in bizarre outfits but any time a tidy and respectable businessman in a suit and tie waved at me I'd immediately clam up, and she takes a great deal of pride in my supposed inherentability to clock personalities but the truth is I do vaguely remember those bus rides, and it was never about the clothes or the hair or the smell, but more because everyone "strange" asked interesting questions and listened to what I had to say and seemed to think about what I said while the neat and tidy and rigid folks only ever acted like they were going through the motions, which was boring as hell and also pretty annoying

[teaboot]

Well-to-do finance manager with tidy shoes: "Why hello, sweetheart. Can you say 'hi'? Aren't you cute. Are you on a trip with your mom?"

4 year old me: why must we do this

Fantastic old woman in the leopard print coat: "Why yes, my tooth IS real silver! Nobody ever asks me that. Do you like cats?"

4 year old me, suddenly paying attention: Finally, A Person Of Intellect

[aroloverboy]

Let’s talk about the fabulous aromantics out there

[wavelette]

like, the most compelling ships for me always stem out of one thing: the characters have a profound, ongoing effect on each other’s senses of selves. when they are apart, the characters’ actions are still affected by each other. the way they approach the world changes because of the other. 

which is this deeply Austenian view of ideal romantic relationships as mechanisms by which we come to know ourselves better and become better versions of ourselves. good romance, for me, is always tied in with a sense of self-actualization, and the way in which a beloved partner allows a person to know themselves better.

[househunting]

$1,950,000/5 br/4 ba

Philadelphia, PA

"reimagined" in 1961

[titsay]

[wizardshark]

99% of queer discourse stops right before they define the true difference between bisexual and pansexual!

[saspitite]

FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME

BISEXUALS GROW FROM THE GROUND

PANSEXUALS GROW FROM THE CEILING

[godlessondheimite]

In 2026, the chicest thing a gay actor can do is never explicitly come out as gay but also make it abundantly clear that he is. Coming out is too modern. Staying closeted is too old fashioned. But this method merges contemporary freedom with Old Hollywood glamour and allure, and it weeds out the dumbest people who truly don’t get it. I call it the Pascal Method.

[nobodys-odyssey]

Taylor Swift does this

[godlessondheimite]

no she doesn’t

[nobodys-odyssey]

You clearly don't go here or to queer history and signaling, or both, enough to have this conversation and I'm not going to explain it to you. You could have asked questions, you could have done even a modicum of research. You didn't and you made yourself look ignorant. Goodbye.

[dancinbutterfly]

#I'm fucking crying#this is an instant classic#this is the next meme#i can't believe I'm here to see a baby copypasta nary two hours old#I can't#lol#i laughed way too hard#iconic

[trying-trying2lyk]

i love writing out numbers and then putting them in parentheses like "one (1)" even when i dont need to i think its funny

[justatiredlittlesnail]

[sebright]

Houndoom

[innerchildabortionclinic]

mind palace that was formerly a palace until the ruling family was killed mercilessly for its crimes. and now it's the thinking woman's socialist republic.

[willabee]

stop drawing willabee only