maybe there's somewhere a lesson to learn @jazzminaveena - Tumblr Blog

*crushes my emotions with my bare hands* as I was saying,

i fucked up i fucked up i fucked up i fuked upppp

shit lads sorry this looks like a vent post but i was in my living room w/ my mom and we were watching that show finding bigfoot and i was scrolling on tumblr and without thinking, not registering this is my Mom next to me , i said “bigfoot is a dilf”

and my mom stared at Me and she w as like “what. whats a dilf blaine???” and i just “……” and then

and then she went on her phone and searched it bc shes the type of person that Has to know whats up and what im saying she has 2 understand ALL lingo and her fuckin. her face. her fucking face when she looked at me . she looked so ashamed. she birthed me and raised me and i told her

to her face

that bigfoot was a dilf

how. how the fukc do i go on im hiding in my room and we just ordered pizza how do i go on im starving but i cant look at her she looked so aahsmed im

thorkylo

today in “things that didnt really happen”

silverhawk

you are a reylo fanblog but u wanna educate ME on things that could never happen……Okay.

deletingadsfhkjdhflkdjsf-deacti

ive reblogged this post before but this is my first time seeing this INSANE clapback… rip that guy….

truereset-deactivated20190602

some of you have never treated a cat with enough love and kindness to experience their adoration and trust and it shows

radic00ler

stinkyhat-deactivated20231213

took a while but i did it

stinkyhat-deactivated20231213

welele

grlcurves

i can’t stop watching this i’m …

angelbabyspice

what the fuck

bunjywunjy

brief reminder that humans are among the best vocal mimics on Earth

klubbhead

Bruh

#videos

therealraewest

A guy just came to my house while I was home alone to ask if I was single why are men like this

therealraewest

Okay y'know what I’m gonna soapbox for a hot minute

When I was in high school, a man who I’d thought was the parent of a school friend followed me out to the grocery store parking lot greenhouse where I worked. It was dark, and late, and it was me, alone, in a chain link enclosure with one exit and a register full of cash. He called me up to the fence and asked if I wanted to get dinner, or go dancing. I was scared and shaking and told him no several times, and he only left when I falsely said I had a boyfriend. I was very aware that if he were to come over the fence, or just wait at the exit until I eventually had to leave, I could do nothing about it.

When my hair was very short, a hairdresser sent me to the barber’s side of the store so they could get the back of my head with clippers. The barber followed me out to my car to ask me out afterwards. I was very aware that we were the only people in the parking lot when it happened, and that the lot itself was tucked behind the building with no clear visibility to the road.

Today, a man I’ve met once made it very clear he knows where I live, and used that knowledge to express a romantic interest. If he ever decides that he’s unhappy with how I responded, he knows where I live. He knows what my car looks like. It is impossibly easy for him to determine when I’m home alone, and now I have to live with that knowledge.

Every woman I know has at least one story like this. My roommate had to be escorted to her car every night when she was a waitress, in case some man was waiting for her or a coworker’s shift to end.

If the person you want to ask out cannot physically run away from you when you are asking, YOU CANNOT ASK THEM OUT. You cannot ask someone out if they are at work. You cannot ask someone out if you’ve followed them to a remote/unoccupied/enclosed area. You cannot GO TO SOMEONE’S HOME UNINVITED to ask them out. You are not being romantic. You are not “taking initiative”. You are terrifying the person you want to woo. If they say yes, it is not because they want to, it is because they are terrified of what might happen if they say no.

I’m so tired of being terrified by men who think they’re being romantic.

blackjackgabbiani

“Every woman” you say. Do you personally know every woman in the world? Don’t presume to speak for others, and don’t make this a gendered issue either.

therealraewest

Actually every woman in the world is in one big group chat and they’re all telling you to fuck off

mxnrique

SNL - Cut for Time: My Little Step Children

WHY WOULD THEY CUT THIS?????

proto-homo

This is legiterally the funniest thing snl has done in decades

laughconfetti

they cut it because of the ONE gay reference

eschaton-the-imminent

Same energy

nikadd

both of these sketches were written by julio torres - here’s his twitter

somewhereinthedetails217

Omg 😂

pseudo-seraphim

I just want you all to know that my dramatic 6 year old ass would have loved all of this shit.

baker-p-i

I’m the dramatique™ hand to face moment in the broken mirror.

good evening! what the fuck

pbd

the fact op is a sneeze fetish blog just makes this infinitely funnier

autumnhobbit

the fact that op is a WHAT

heythatsmyleg

diddi-p

this gets funnier with each passing year

thebeautyandthehorror

spoopzoop-deactivated20171003

Good post

toucan-tea-deactivated20201108

Reblog to piss off a nazi

istuckaround

The fact there are still nazis around to offend pisses me off.

son-of-drogo

In case anyone wondered where I stood

softchad

scrubs but we can’t hear JD’s thoughts

#scrubs

hobbit-hole

if i had to get in a fistfight with any member of the fellowship it would be Frodo because i would easily win

hobbit-hole

all i am saying is that he would ostensibly be the easiest one to take on in a fight given that he’s like three feet tall and has led a life of (physical) leisure compared to all of the others due to his standing as a gentlehobbit

legolas, aragorn, and gimli are all used to combat, sam works as a gardener, merry and pippin often gallivant off and get into mischief so they have the advantage of experience in whatever it is they’ve gotten up to/would possibly fight dirty, gandalf is gandalf so while weapons are out of the question i suppose that depends on if magic is involved. i don’t think i could take him without magic even if he IS old because he’s a very large guy, but maybe

it would be my knuckles against Frodo’s baby soft poet hands, plus i’ve got the additional height and fighting experience. i just think that he would be the easiest to win against in hand-to-hand combat out of the rest of them. also he isn’t real so he can’t offer a rebuttal to my claim

penny-anna

you’re absolutely correct BUT wanting to fight Frodo makes you a monster D:

hobbit-hole

this has nothing to do with WANTING to fight Frodo, i just think he would be easiest for me to beat in a fight with no weapons. unless he utilized his very large feet, but i think he’s too polite to do that because it’s a fist fight and that would be considered playing dirty

penny-anna

for someone who doesn’t want to fight Frodo you sure have put a lot of thought into fighting Frodo……….

animate-mush

OP is wrong though: you fight Pippin.

First off, Pippin has it coming, so you won’t be fighting your conscience at the same time.

Secondly, Pippin is a spoiled rich kid. He’s no less gentry than Frodo is, but Frodo works out and is shown to have better stamina, at least at the outset. Pippin is also both the stupidest and the slowest of the hobbits. They both nearly beat one (1) troll, so that’s comparable, but Pippin appears not to have got a single hit in against the orcs that captured them while Merry was cutting off hands like a boss. Pippin also straight-up tell Bergil that he’s not a fighter.

Also there’s a nonzero chance that Frodo will just straight up curse you (if the guilt of fighting Frodo isn’t enough if a curse by itself).

And, of course, if you try to fight Frodo, you will 100% end up fighting Sam, and he will wreck you (and you’ll deserve it, you monster)

penny-anna

Also: if you fight Frodo you’ll have a very angry Sam & possibly also the entire Fellowship to deal with BUT if you fight Pippin they will probably cheer you on.

westrons-deactivated20200930

Bold of you to assume one could attempt to fight Pippin and NOT instantly be killed by Boromir.

feynites

So here’s the thing - you absolutely DO NOT want to try and fight Frodo or Pippin because they are going to be protected by the rest of the Fellowship, which basically exists to stop asshole Big People from picking on the hobbits. Folk might talk a big game but when the chips are down, you are not going to lay a single hand on any of the hobbits. Either you’ll find yourself immediately fighting all four of them or else you’ll move to land your first hit and suddenly Aragorn will side-tackle you into the trees. And he probably hits like a freight train tbh.

So here’s what you do:

You fight Legolas.

The thing about fist-fighting Legolas of course is that you will lose. This is not a fight you’re gonna win no matter what. But Legolas has his standing competition with Gimli, so once the challenge is issued, he’s not gonna let anyone else step in and fight you either. No one is liable to volunteer on his behalf, either, so you will only end up fighting the one member of the fellowship. If you are lucky he might also take his shirt off. Bonus!

Anyway.

Legolas will mop the floor with you, but he’s also already convinced you’re weaker than him anyway because you’re not an elf, so he’s gonna go kind of easy on you. And when you lose he will be all snide and superior about it, which means everyone in the fellowship is gonna sympathize with you, and Gimli will probably challenge him on your behalf afterwards, but here’s the key thing:

You will have lost a fist-fight to an immortal warrior prince.

That’s a way better loss to cop to than that time you tried to fistfight a pudgy gentlehobbit and got beaten to the point of unconsciousness by his gardener, yeah?