hey

Jenny, I like cats and all the Chrises and organic chemistry

[albedobeheading]

SLUR?????

[grimm-jimm]

My man said "boomer" with the hard "R".

[deathlessmax]

Sup, my Booma

[show-the-show]

[cliffsecord]

[roguesquirrel]

Is it okay for me to say Boomer if its in the lyrics to a song? im just trying to honor the artists intent

[hotvampireadjacent]

[anxietyproblem]

[wandasmaximofffs]

Thor (2011) dir. Kenneth Branagh

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

best job I ever had was manually removing aquatic plants from like, golf course ponds. I started out wearing waders, but the plants would be in too deep, so I just started wearing a bathing suit and water shoes and diving down under and just pulling cattails and stuff out by the roots. The thing was, when I’d first get started, the vegetation might be so thick it took up most of the pond, and I’d start in the deepest section so as I got tired I could move toward shore and start standing instead of swimming.

So I’d dive in and virtually disappear into the reeds

and it wasn’t until recently I thought about how many random tourists just saw some girl walk into an aesthetics pond in a swimsuit and dive under water and then just……….Not come back out

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

job description: golf course alligator

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

My fav part of this job is that it’s so bad for the golf course. Every year golf courses contact fish managers bc all of the fish in their ponds keep dying, and golfers’ families are upset bc they like fishing the ponds.

So we go test some water indices and usually find out that fertilizer runoff from the lawns has turned the pond into an oxygen void, so the fish all essentially suffocated, so we say “you need to build up a riparian buffer [wet habitat vegetation and trees that can absorb nitrates before they get into the water] around your pond”

And they’re like “no that looks ugly” and then they hire undergrads like me to remove the vegetation they do have

And then they’re like “wtf my fish are DEAD again!!!!”

It doesn’t end.

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

Golf course manager: I will pay you $8 an hour to destroy part of my business for aesthetic purposes

Me, putting on my goggles: say no more

[sexhaver]

in 4th grade i was introduced to the concept of “run-on sentences” by my teacher and i immediately raised my hand and pointed out that none of the sentences being used as examples were actually grammatically wrong at all and were just longer than most people can comfortably write/read and she made me sit in the corner and i feel like that shows a lot in my typing style on this hellsite

[sexhaver]

run-on sentences are adhd culture

[totallynotagentphilcoulson]

[kawaki]

would anyone like to idk.. treat me right

[gahdamnpunk]

HELL TO THE YES I would

[gahdamnpunk]

update:

[gahdamnpunk]

another update lol

[unwene-deactivated20160331]

let him in

[luxgalador]

LET HIM IN!

[unclefather]

[everythingfox]

“Sinking into comfort”

(Source)

[stevencharleston]

im screaming

[alchemust]

[one-time-i-dreamt]

[one-time-i-dreamt]

"Selena" "+" "Gomez" looks a whole lot like Freddie Mercury

[one-time-i-dreamt]

ANOTHER ONE

[bookwormdragon42]

BITES THE DUST

[christopher-bryant]

i dont get the last one

[pinkmanthedog]

I just slipped hard in the horse pasture. Lying on the ground in the snow, wind knocked out of me, I see Pinkman take off towards the house like sewer rat Lassie. Wow, I think to myself, what an incredible animal! She is going to bring me help! I am so lucky to have her!

A minute later Pinkman returns. She places a tiny tennis ball in my actively bleeding hand, and prances beside me begging me to throw it as I drag my wretched flesh prison back up to the house alone.

[pinkmanthedog]

See how fast I move next time you get your head stuck in the dishwasher rack, PINKMAN

[pinkmanthedog]

[valtsv]

adult person: life gets faster as you get older!

me aged 10: sounds fake but ok

me now:

[vulture-jack]

The permian is interesting as hell but it is so

so deeply cursed

[vulture-jack]

X

[autumnobile-deactivated20200219]

Capitalizing the first letter while capslocks is on

[vulture-jack]

#delete later dont you dare act like this isnt a perfect addition to this post

[videopriest]

counterpoint

[vulture-jack]

The permian is what happens when you zoom in too far while drawing and then zoom back out and realize your anatomy is fucked to shit

[bunjywunjy]

upon further analysis

[karethdreams]

The Permian was apparently Earth’s Griffin “No Middle Sliders” McElroy phase.

[shoresoftheshadowlands]

I used to have a pet lizard that was like the ass end to all the above in terms of ridiculousness.

[gallusrostromegalus]

If i had to guess they had a tail injury that caused lizardtailrecovery.exe to go bananas and keep growing but also HOLY SHIT I LOVE THEM.

[skeleton-richard]

@ardenrosegarden I’m scared

[one-time-i-dreamt]

[one-time-i-dreamt]

Wait, it's real????? I thought it was one of those satirical articles!