🤘🏻 @jibjabjayyy - Tumblr Blog

Life is full of leaps of faith. It’s progressed and rewarded by the risks that we take.

The “it couldn’t hurt” job applications, the requests for more hours turned promotions, the “quit the job you hate and live on savings while waiting for the current dream job to reply” decision turned dream come true. Or even the “I want more for myself even if I have to make a big change” epiphanies that bring the life back into you.

Life feels so heavy sometimes but it never denies you a fighting chance to get back up. You grow stronger. And smarter. Wiser and more empathetic.

Growth and progress create satisfaction. Satisfaction is the life blood of the whole experience that is being alive.

Leaps of faith make you feel alive.

-inner thoughts from a younger self

#hope #leap of faith

lostmf

jibjabjayyy

To my husband…

Shits fucked. You think you know someone until you don’t. You think you know what love is until it destroys you.

I’m currently hiding away in a town I’ve never heard of, completely alone. I’ve come to realize that this was his plan all along. Isolate and make me reliant on him completely.

I’ve been emotionally, mentally, physically and sexually abused in this relationship far too long. I finally gained the courage to escape. It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t how I wanted it. I’m still suffering the agony of my reality.

“He’s in jail. Don’t you know what that’s going to do to his future?!” Says the girl who obviously doesn’t care about my future or the fact that if I stayed and didn’t involve law enforcement I most likely wouldn’t have a future at all.

Everyone has their own opinions. Everyone wants to push their own agenda. Not this time.

This time I’m not defending myself to you. This time I’m not letting you rule my life. This time I’m taking my life back and doing it even though I’m absolutely terrified.

I have so much guilt and shame for not seeing it sooner. For not acknowledging the red flags. But I also have so much anger that someone could manipulate so well that I couldn’t tell what color the flags were and tell me they loved me while doing it.

I’m choosing to feel the feelings. I’m choosing to embrace the hurt. This is temporary.

I won’t let this ruin my life. I won’t let this stop me from loving and trusting. I won’t let this break who I am.

If you’re struggling with an abusive partner please remember you are worth more. If you can survive the horrors bestowed upon you then you can 100% survive the life that waits for you on the outside. There is more than this shitty existence. There is a whole world rooting for you.

I’m going to rebuild. I’m going to be stronger. I am going to be more myself than I have been allowed to be.

We got this.

#domestic violence #abuse #survivor #hope #together

Im a gif. 😂

buttonpoetry

“I think a lot about killing myself, not like a point on a map but rather like a glowing exit sign at a show that’s never been quite bad enough to make me want to leave.”

— Neil Hilborn, from The Future

buttonpoetry

“I know what it is to hate myself enough to keep a tally of the parts of me that I have disappeared.”

— Desireé Dallagiacomo, from Sink

humansofnewyork

“It wasn’t a secret. The first day we met I told her I was bisexual, and that I’d been with men and women my entire life. At the time she shrugged it off. And it wasn’t an issue for the first ten years of our marriage. The relationship was perfectly loving and stable. But then I don’t know, something happened. It wasn’t a particular man. I never cheated on her. It was something abstract. I just missed relationships with men. So I told her. I was honest. But when I uttered that thing it was like a bomb went off. She turned away her face like she’d been slapped very hard. It caused her so much pain. She lost a lot of weight. We cried and cried and cried about it. For three years we cried. We’d meet at Starbucks every day and cry in front of everyone. We didn’t live together after that. And we were never sexual again. But we were still intimate. We still took a lot of naps together. I always held her. We’d go shopping and walk arm-in-arm. She kept my last name and called me her gay husband. Her health began to deteriorate in 2007. It was a nerve disease. She lost her hearing. Then her sight. And I took care of her. She always told me to forget about her. To go out there and find a good guy. But I stayed by her side. We’d never officially gotten divorced, which helped in the end. They let me in the hospital room as her husband. I wasn’t allowed to touch her, but I was right next to her as she died, breathing with her. It’s been two years now. I’ll move away soon. There’s nothing left in this city for me. But first I’m going to have a ceremony in Central Park, and give an envelope of her ashes to everyone who loved her. I don’t know whether to call her my wife. It’s not important to me. Alexandra was the love of my life.”

jibjabjayyy

Life really is tragically beautiful and love never predictable.

did-you-know

If you’re in bed a lot, you might be lonely. Studies suggest lonely people spend more time in their beds despite the fact that they often have trouble sleeping. This is because chronic loneliness not only causes insomnia, it can also make you feel the need to be in your bed even when you’re not actually tired. Source Source 2

buttonpoetry

“Watch me plant seeds down my spine and bloom into a garden of poetry from every horrible thing that has ever happened to me.”

— Blythe Baird, from If My Body Could Speak

debrides

I worked with toddlers and pre schoolers for three years. Sometimes I accidentally slip and tell a friend to say bye to an inanimate object (“say bye bus!”) & occasionally they unthinkingly just do it.

lesbirdan

I’m glad there’s a teacher version of “accidentally called teacher ‘mom’”

hermionegranger

when I worked at Medieval Times occasionally I would slip in real life and call people “my lord”

mugsandpugs1-deactivated2019010

One time during family prayer, dad began: “our father who art in heaven, American Airlines, how can I help you?”

thomrainierskies

One time my dad went to the White Castle drive-thru and the lady (who was supposed to say ‘Welcome to White Castle, what’s your crave?’) asked, “Welcome to White Castle, what’s your problem?”

She apologized profusely while my dad proceeded to lose his shit laughing.

mirab3lle

Yesterday I went to Wendy’s and the girl said “Welcome to McDonalds” and then just sighed

icouldwritebooks

Somebody in the elevator asked me what floor I lived on, and I answered “please open your books to page eight”, and we just kind of stared at each other, blinking.

crimeronan

i work retail full time and my script gets frequently messy - ill ask the same question twice, or say “$2.60 is your total” while handing back their change, or say “how are you doing today?” instead of “have a good day!” like name it ive bungled it

but anyway, this lady came thru my line buying a book and the review on the front said: “few books are well written, fewer still are important, and this book manages to be both”

as i handed her the bag i was trying to say “thanks, youre all set” and instead my brain mashed up the review and i said “thanks, youre important”

there was this short pause in which i tried to figure out what the fuck id just said. she blinked and then said “oh thank you! youre important too!”

the real kicker was one of my coworkers. when i was relating this story later his response was “at least you said something NICE. last week i accidentally combined ‘youre welcome’ and ‘no problem’ into ‘youre a problem’”

agrestenoir

one time, since I used to work as a daycare teacher with preschoolers, i was on my college campus in my gym, and someone was running in the weight room and tripped over a machine and fell, and instead of offering to help, I just stared and said, “This is why we use our walking feet.” we both sat there for a while until the guy nodded and said, “yeah, okay, i should’ve done that.”

gin-and-eschatonic

I’ve spent a good chunk of time working in kitchens, so I still will reflexively say shit like “behind” and “coming around” as I maneuver through spaces and around people.

Which, actually, not such a bad thing; I’m a big guy and can come across as imposing pretty easily. The position calls can help defuse that, and also help avoid collisions.

Less good is the time my brain was half functional and I let slip a “coming with a knife” while grocery shopping. THAT took some explaining.

harold-theyre-thespians

I work in an office and send tens of emails to customers every day. Once my mum asked me to send her a train ticket I had bought for her. I emailed her “Hello mum, as agreed, please find attached the ticked you requested. Thanks, Alex”

narwhalsarefalling

i worked as a camp counselor, and i would have the kids tap somewhere on my legs if they needed something because im a pretty tall dude. today asked my cat if he needed something.

wren-likethe-bird

I have woken up in a cold sweat saying “is that for here or to go?”

la-mancha-screwjob

Every time a friend thanks me, and I respond with “gladly” or “my pleasure”, I die completely 1000% inside

fair-itself

I work at a plasma donation center. When processing donors, we call them by name, they walk up to the counter, and then we ask for their name and donor number. One time, instead of saying “Robert” I hollered “Name and donor number!?” into a full waiting room. Three people started announcing their names and donor numbers before we all realized that I fucked up.

maplefiasco

In college, I was a barista at Borders (remember Borders, you guys?!) I once drove through Taco Bell on my way home after a shift. When the cashier said, “okay, that’ll be $5.46!” I cheerfully responded, “Do you have a Borders rewards card?”

iamthatbeast

I have dealt with so many difficult customers over the years that I used to angrily call my dog “Sir” when I was mad at him.

widonotts

My first job was at my nearest Panera, and after coming home from a ten-hour Sunday morning shift, I was exhausted; but when my mom called me to come downstairs, instead of replying in the grumpy teenagerish tone I usually would, I said in my cheeriest, fakest voice, “Not a problem at all, let me just check with my manager!” before realizing my mistake.

artwlw

my coworker went to back up the cash registers one time and she had been at customer service right before. when we finish with a customer we have to sometimes get the attention of the next person and will shout “i can get the next person in line!” but instead of saying that she yelled “HI WHAT CAN I HELP YOU WITH” to everyone in the general area

youlovelucie

I have told my dog “no thank you” so many times after working at a preschool

spacecores

a couple of times i’ve gotten stuck in a hello how are you good how are you good how are you loop with an equally tired Fred Meyer’s cashier after a long shift but the best time was after a 10 to 10 post-holidays after they told me my total, I asked if they would like a bag today and after a confused few seconds they were like, “no… I have the bags”

thebritishteapot

Worked in a gallery where we asked people to take off their backpacks in order not to accidentally damage paintings. So when I went to the shop later and saw a guy in the line in front of me, I told him he had to remove his backpack. He probably thought I was politely trying to rob him.

valkyrieritter

The other day they had me working with softserve and fried dough. I was burned out because I kept bouncing back and forth between the fryer and my register and these people had like, 8 things in their order. We get to the ice cream part of the order, and it comes in a bowl or cone. Instead of saying “Would you like the vanilla in a bowl or cone?” I said “Would you like the bowl in a vanilla or cone?” And we all stopped and had to think that through as my cart runner is staring me down like “tf are you doing?”

dhampir-dyke

I work at Hardees and we have to yell “thank you” whenever we’re told to do something because of how loud the kitchen is.

One morning, my mom hollered at me to wake up, and half-asleep me yells at full volume,

“THANK YOU”

eyefriend-deactivated20181218

i work with dogs, and i have to be a bit strict with them sometimes in order to keep fights from breaking out. recently, while making tea, the kettle started boiling sooner than i wanted, so without thinking i turned around sharply, pointed my finger at it and stared it down, and said, “Bad boy! You need to wait!” needless to say i was very glad i was alone

mynameisdevon

I know I’ve reblogged this a billion times but I’ve worked retail for 8 years and these things are never not funny.

eleathyra-deactivated20190930

I went shopping with my mom once and she runs into a friend. Her friend shakes my hand and says “I’m Therese, pleased to meet you.” and I go “You’re welcome”.

silver-spider-art

I can barely check out at a register with out finishing the cashier’s ending script for them. I “thank you, have a great day” everyone who cashes me out. Even more embarrassing is the strong eye contact and nod that i can’t stop myself from giving shoppers when I’m a customer at my store without a uniform.

i-feel-it-in-the-earth

I work in live theatre, and whenever a time call is given, everyone responds with “thank you, five!” or whatever the time was, only now whenever anyone says any sort of time or number of minutes, I reflexively respond with the theatre reply. Host at a restaurant says it’ll be a thirty minute wait? “thank you, thirty!”

did-you-know

Medieval castle stairs were often built to ascend in narrow, clockwise spirals so right-handed castle defenders could use their swords more easily. This design put those on the way up at a disadvantage (unless they were left-handed). The steps were also uneven to give defenders the advantage of anticipating each step’s size while attackers tripped over them. Source Source 2

black-quadrant

abuse victims are very sensitive to passive aggressive acts of indirect violence. shit like slamming doors and stomping around doesn’t make a statement; it puts us in a state of panic. don’t make noise simply to rattle someone else. if you’re angry step outside and breathe. go for a walk and collect your thoughts otherwise we will not feel safe with you if you insist on expressing your anger through intimidation and force.