I'm so excited to share Carina's story with you. Theirs is one of a lot of sh*t happening all at once. Here is their story:
(Sorry this is rlly long lmao)
trigger warning: r*pe, guns
My formal diagnosis in borderline personality disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, and major depressive disorder. I was diagnosed with MDD and generalized anxiety disorder in middle school and received treatment in high school. However, after being sexually assaulted by several people, being threatened at gunpoint by a romantic partner, and then being accused an incredibly heinous crime by another romantic partner (and then taken to court for it) all before my eighteenth birthday, my diagnosis changed. I was incorrectly diagnosed with manic depression/bipolar disorder my first year of college, which led to me being improperly medicated and eventually hospitalized for a suicide attempt. When I was told I had PTSD, everything made sense—I had gone through a lot already at this point, and was still dealing with a legal trial over a year after it should have been put to bed, still having to check in with a probation officer, missing out on all the things that college freshmen should do.
Borderline personality disorder manifests out of trauma: in my case, being raped, threatened, and fearful of jail time as a teen completely destroyed me. Therapists have noted that the sexual assault I have faced between ages 14-20 were catalysts in both PTSD and BPD diagnoses, but that the legal battle I endured is what triggered both conditions to take form in their fullest way. Someone else’s actions gave me this condition. I was just along for the ride. BPD is not a mental health condition that go into remission, like depression and anxiety can sometimes do. It’s with you forever—you can only dull the symptoms. It makes me impulsive, overly intense, too trusting, and I often push boundaries in relationships where I shouldn’t. But on the brighter side, it makes me extremely empathetic, easy to talk to, and compassionate.
I am so incredibly appreciative for the support system I have and that I have the means to afford medicine and weekly therapy appointments. Four years ago, I was convinced I would be dead by this time of my life. Yet, I’m here: working two jobs, going to grad school, finished my undergrad early, and having a thriving social life full of people that I love. People with PTSD are not crazy. People with depression are not weak. People with BPD are not monsters, despite what others will tell you. Despite all of this trauma and turmoil, I exist. That is good enough reason as any to prove how strong mentally ill people really are.
Want to share YOUR story for mental health awareness month?? Send me a photo of you and your mental health highs and lows!! I will only use your name if you give me permission 💚💚 like and reblog to show your support to those who are struggling with an invisible illness.