Natalie M’phylgwnth from Carcosa just finished her beam routine, which has left another judge screaming and blind. We’re going to take a break as they look for another volunteer.
Represention of Autistic Frustration in Laios Dungeon Meshi
Like many other autistic people, I related strongly to Laios Touden while reading Dungeon Meshi. This post isn't going to spend time disputing whether he displays autistic traits or not—while I could do that, I want to focus on why specifically his portrayal struck a chord with me in a way the writing of most other autistic-coded characters has not.
Disclaimer: as the above suggests, this post is strongly informed by my own experiences as an autistic person, as well as the experiences of my neurodivergent friends with whom I have spoken about this subject. I want to clarify that in no way am I asserting my personal experience to be some Universal Autistic Experience. This post is about why Laios' character feels distinct and significant to me in regard to autistic representation, and while I'm at it, I do feel that I have interesting things to say about autistic representation in media generally. This also got a bit long, so I'm sticking it under a read more. Spoilers for up to the end of chapter 88 below.
The thing that stands out most to me in regard to Laios' characterisation is the open anger he displays when someone points out his inability to read other people. This comes up prominently in his interactions with "Shuro" (Toshiro Nakamoto):
The frustration pictured above (Laios continuing to physically tussle with Toshiro, using crude language toward him) becomes even more notable when you remember that this is Laios, who, outside of these interactions, is not easily fazed and often exists as a lighthearted contrast to the rest of the cast. Then we get to Laios' nightmare.
In Falin's words: "Nightmares love emotional wounds. Wounds you hold in your heart. Things that give you stress, or things that were traumatic for you. They aggravate memories like that and cause the dreamer to have terrible dreams." (chapter 42, page 10.) (damn. i'm properly citing for this post and everything.)
Thus, Laios' nightmare establishes an important fact: even if he is unable to recognise social blunders while he's making them, he's at least subconsciously aware that other people operate on a different wavelength to him, and that he's an outsider in many of his social circles (both past and present). His dream-father's disparaging words stress the impact this has had upon his ability to live up to the expectations set out for him, and we also get a panel of kids who smirk at him (presumably former bullies to some degree). Toshiro's appearance only hammers home how much Laios is still both humiliated and angered by his misunderstanding of their relationship.
I've thought a lot about anger as concomitant to the autistic experience. When autistic representation portrays ostracization, it's generally from an angle of the autistic character being upset at how conforming to neurotypical norms doesn't come easily to them; as a result, they express a desire to 'get better' at meeting neurotypical standards, a desire to become more 'normal' (whether the writing implies this is a good thing or not). In contrast, not once does Laios go, "I need to perform better in my social interactions, and try to care less about monsters, because that's what other people find weird." His frustration is directed outward rather than inward, and as a result, it's the people around him who are framed as nonsensical.
The Winged Lion starts delineating Laios' anger, and Laios' reaction is to think to himself, "It can sense all my thoughts, huh?" (chapter 88, page 16.) This is the scene that really resonated with me. I'm not saying I have never felt the desire to conform to neurotypical norms that is borne from insecurity, but primarily, I know that I don't want to work toward becoming 'normal'—I don't want to change myself for people who follow rules I find nonsensical. It's the difference between, "Oh god, why can't I get it," and, "WHY CAN'T YOU GET IT?" (phrasing here courtesy of my friend Miles @dogwoodbite). And for me personally, Dungeon Meshi is the first time I've seen this frustration and the resultant voluntary isolation from other people portrayed in media so candidly. Laios' anger is not downplayed or written to be easily palatable, either.
The culmination of Laios' frustrations in this scene wherein we learn that Laios has fantasised about "a pack of monsters attacking a village" drives home just how alienated he really feels. I need not go into his wish to become a monster himself, redolent of how many autistic people identify/have identified with non-humans to some degree as a result of a percieved disconnect from society (when I was younger, I wanted to be a robot. I still kind of do.)
Obviously, wishing death upon other people is a weighty thing, but the unfiltered nature of this page is what deeply resonated with me. The Winged Lion is laying Laios' deepest and most transgressive desires bare, and they are desires that are a product of lifelong ostracization by others (whether intentional or unintentional). This is the brand of anger I'm familiar with, and that my neurodivergent friends express being familiar with, but that I haven't seen portrayed in writing so explicitly before—in fact, it surprised me because most well-meaning autistic representation I've experienced veers toward infantilisation in trying make the autistic character's struggles easy for neurotypicals to sympathise with.
Let's also not neglect the symbolism inherent to Laios' daydream. "A pack of monsters attacking a village". Functionally, monsters are Laios' special interest—he percieves everything first and foremost through his passion for monsters. His daydream of monsters attacking—killing—humans, is fundamentally a daydream of the world he understands (monsters) overthrowing the world that is so illogical to him, that has repeatedly shunned him (other people). I joked to my friends that it's an autistic power fantasy, and it actually sort of is. And in it, his identity is aligned with that of the monsters, while his anger manifests in a palpable dissociation from the rest of humanity. This is one manga page. It's brief. It's also very, very raw to me. I think about it often.
To conclude, I love Laios Dungeon Meshi. This portrayal of open frustration in an autistic character meant a lot to me, and I hope I've sufficiently outlined why. Also, feel free to recommend media with autistic representation in the notes if you've read this far—I would really like to see if there is more of this nature. Thank you for reading. I'm very tired and should probably sleep now.
sometimes when I'm bored, I go through the list of recent bad faith Wikipedia edits that have since been reverted. a lot of them are politically contentious/offensive topics that attract crazies and trolls in general, but sometimes there are completely innocent inoffensive articles that people attack for no reason. some guy yesterday vandalized the article on the chemical element francium
Francium IS a stupid element. It has a half life of 22 minutes and barely exists at all, only naturally occurring as a product of the extremely rare alpha decay series ²³⁵U ➝ ²³¹Th ➝ ²³¹Pa (𝜷 decay) ➝ ²²⁷Ac ➝ ²²³Fr (1.38% chance). There’s less than a gram of it on earth at any given moment. It has no uses to anybody and it isn’t even the most reactive group 1A element due to relativistic effects fucking up its electron binding energies. Stupid substance.
If you somehow asked a genie to get you a gram of Francium in a sealed vial so you could do an experiment with it, the genie would just give it to you because the enormous amount of radioactivity it produces would instantly vaporize the sample and cook you alive. Absolute dogshit isotope and its synthetic siblings are just the same but worse
You know how people sometimes get a cat by just having a random stray cat with no collar and no chip walk in and sit on the couch like "yo fucknuts I live here now", and the people just go "well fuck, guess I gotta go get a litterbox then."
Now consider: Humans doing that to the fae. Not being captured by the fae folk, not taken against their will but stubbornly walking in to their realm and refusing to leave before one of them agrees to take this damn creature. Faeries telling each other "naww come on, you can't make it leave, it already ate your food. Everyone knows you gotta keep them if you've fed them."
And another faery yells back "I did not fucking feed that thing, it climbed into my pantry and was eating flour straight out of the bag!"
Btw your magic wizard party was poorly organized and we’re all leaving. The magic fireworks were not spectacular and the homemade potions were not delicious
You have been sentenced to death in a magical court. The court allows all prisoners to pick how they die and they will carry it out immediately. You have it all figured out until the prisoner before you picks old age and is instantly transformed into a dying old man. Your turn approaches.
I think I’d have minded less if I’d committed a truly heinous crime. Something that warranted death. Or even if I was the kind of person who would enjoy flinging a last defiance at my execution.
It was all just a show, anyway. They did it every year. They brought out a selection of criminals, and the Sorcerer who ruled us showed his power by bringing about their deaths by magic. Just to show, every year, what happened to anyone who crossed him.
There was a time, probably, when the people he executed really were rebels or assassins. In latter days he had to take what the dungeons offered. I was dragged up in chains between a pickpocket, sobbing in terror, and a man who’d killed another man in a brawl. There were few criminals of any note, by then. So instead of choosing the wickedest criminals, they chose based on appearance. The man who’d been in the brawl had a face like a clenched fist, and looked like a ruffian. The pickpocket, aging and with hands beginning to tremble, was a different kind of example. As was I.
“There aren’t many pretty ones, this year,” the man who chose me had said, examining me. “But this one will do. Not young, but not old, a woman, well-favoured enough for the gallows… what was her crime?”
The warder shrugged. “She tried to kill one of the sheriffs.”
The man looked down at me and I shrugged. “I hit him with a washing stick, because he tried to extort money from me, and he was a baby about it.” I refused to treat this as anything but pathetic, even after my sentencing. “I didn’t even break any bones.”
“Treason, then,” the man said, nodding. “Attacking the servants of the law. That will look well on the list. Send her.”
I had been debating ever since what to choose. Something quick? Something painless? I considered demanding that I suffer the attack I supposedly made on the sheriff, but then I realized the Sorcerer would only give me what the man had said I was going to do, and that was not a pleasant way to die. I had all but decided on something swift and relatively painless. Beheading with the sharpest of blades sounded good. It would be quick.
Protagonist now remembers key facts about important people. He no longer develops convenient amnesia between cutscenes.
Protagonist now has a cooldown on certain adverbs. Adverbs have been buffed by 30% to compensate.
Developer note: Adverbs are important to writing but they are sometimes overused. This change keeps adverbs relevant while encouraging the use of adjectives and verbs.
The horse now has a name.
Deuteragonist snark power has been increased to 150, up from 75.
Back-to-back repeated words that resulted from sentence rearranging or start/stop editing have been cleared.
Paragraphs which contained two or more instances of the same adjective have had their adjectives updated to accurately reflect a player’s vocabulary inventory.
Minor time traveling issues have been resolved, all characters should now exist in the same tense.
Punctuation has been improved. Commas have been reduced by half.
Characters sighing has been reduced by 30%.
Characters looking at things or people during conversations has been reduced by 40%. To make up for this, characters thinking about the conversation has been boosted and descriptive narrative has been added.
While I’m at it, here’s two artistic depictions of Watanabe no Tsuna duking it out one on one with Ibaraki-douji at Rashomon Gate, no doubt while intense folk music played because Ibaraki was known to Just Not Fucking Die while Tsuna was known for being Really Good At Killing Oni. This was the OG unstoppable force vs immovable object.
Pretty much everyone is familiar with Setsubun nowadays, when you throw those beans at oni to throw the bad luck out and draw the good luck in. There’s a caveat to the holiday where, if your family name is Watanabe, you can skip the bean throwing, simply because that means you are related to Watanabe no Tsuna and neither bad luck nor oni dare fuck with that, lest they risk being 16 hit combo Roman Cancelled into a Hyper Desperation Move in the corner by anyone related to Tsuna.
It speaks pretty damn well of Ibaraki-douji’s prowess in the art of Not Dying that she went against this dude twice and twice she walked out of it alive, though missing limbs the first time, and then just outright retiring from being an oni altogether the second time.
Also, to note, Tsuna’s sword is one of the most famous early swords in Japan folklore, going by many names, one of the being Onikiri, aka ONI CUTTER, which is a hell of a fucking name to have when other swords and weapons had more traditionally artistic names like “basket weaver” or “dragonfly spring” or “the space between your fingers”. No, this thing was the ONI CUTTER, famous for CUTTING ONI, no poetry or metaphor, this thing KILLED REALLY GOOD.
There's a lot of accidental anti-semitism in the world , but sometimes I come across the deliberate and malicious anti-semitism im DND and I'm just reminded that no matter how much I love this game it does not love me back and the original creators never wanted me to play it.
Today's example is: Phylactery
In d&d:
In real life
That's right. they named the evil artifact that the evil undead spellcaster hides their soul in after a Jewish ceremonial object.
Actually I want to add something because the genius of this particular kind of anti-semitism is that most gentiles won't know what a Phylactery really is, The only people who will notice are the Jewish players. Making them instantly feel isolated, alone, and unsafe in their d&d group.
when you come across that you should at the table paralyzed wondering
Do my fellow players know this is anti-Semitic?
If they don't know and I bring it up will they be mad at me for ruining the fun?
If they do know and I bring it up will revealing myself as Jewish be dangerous?
It's a tactic to deliberately push Jewish people out of the game. and nobody jump up to tell me it was an accident because it fucking wasn't. Before d&d Phylactery only had one definitionand I find it impossible that they would know the word without knowing the meaning. Or at least knowing it was Jewish.
Holy shit can this post fucking disappear from my dash please!
Attention goyim: Jews don't use the word phylactery. That's stupid and greek. They're called Teffilin.
I don't know why articles everywhere say that this is what The Jews™ call their Weird Little Prayer Boxes, but we don't say that, and it's not even a super common aspect of prayer (at least where i'm from) and i wish y'all wouldn't pretend to be offended at this. No jew calls Teffilin phylactery, when i first saw this post i even tried finding out if anyone i knew said phylactery, and they all looked at me like i was a dumbass. We don't need your fake outrage, and I SEE YOU FUCKIN GOYS IN THE NOTES PRETENDING TO BE JEWISH AND FEEL ALIENATED! GROSS! This is a non issue, dispel it from your mind and stop spreading this horseshit!
I was going to let this slide as someone making an honest mistake, and that you can never be too cautious around antisemitism, but then I find out that OP lied about being Jewish for this post and frankly that’s just pathetic to the point of hilarity.
[Caption: ending scene of the film Hogfather, where Death talks to his grandaughter Susan:
Susan: You’re saying that humans need fantasies to make life bearable.
Death: No. Humans need fantasy to be human. To be the place where the falling angel meets the rising ape.
Susan: With tooth fairies? Hogfathers?
Death: Yes. As practice, you have to start out learning to believe the little lies.
Susan: So we can believe the big ones?
Death: Yes. Justice, mercy, duty. That sort of thing.
Susan: They’re not the same at all!
Death: You think so? Then take the universe and grind it down to the finest powder and sieve it through the finest sieve and THEN show me one atom of justice, one molecule of mercy. And yet… you try to act as if there is some ideal order in the world. As if there is some… some rightness in the universe by which it may be judged.
Susan: But people have got to believe that, or what’s the point?
Death: You need to believe in things that aren’t true. How else can they become?]
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