Vicious Placebo @judahknockoff - Tumblr Blog

Laura Jane Grace talking about dysphoria hoodies (x)

bonus:

christs-cock-deactivated2023110

my friend asked me to pretend to be her boyfriend because her parents are homophobic af but they ended up hating me so much that they were glad when she said she was gay task failed successfully

christs-cock-deactivated2023110

okay so

be a goth. conservative christian parents don't approve of goth men. show up to their house wearing all kinds of satanic symbols if you can

know more about religion than the parents. they'll try to introduce you to christianity because you don't exactly look like a christian but your dad's an ex priest and has a phd in theology so *cracks knuckles* you'll correct them on every little mistake they make

call your fake girlfriend every annoying petname under the sun. i'm talking about babu, shmoopie, snuffleupagus. when you run out of annoying english terms of endearment call her shit like "my liver" or "my little cabbage" (actual greek terms of endearments but the parents won't know this they'll just think you're annoying :3)

to continue this, talk to your fake girlfriend in the most high pitched annoying voice possible but talk in your regular voice to everyone else

stare at her older brother's ass for just a little too long

have an annoying laugh. think of sybil fawlty but a stereotypical villain playing a church organ in his castle

let them quote bible verses to you. then ask "so when were those two destroyed for sodomy?". it's very funny to do this when judas kisses jesus, and it's even funnier when you've just corrected them over a minor mistake in church history

ask WHY abraham was begging for sodom. it doesn't make sense to you why a good christian man would go and beg for tha-

be over possessive of your fake gf (dont really do this, it's just an act)

go and fuck her brother in an alleyway. the parents won't know about this so it's an optional step

use words no one knows the meaning of. do this without realising because you always talk like that

just be yourself! that's enough on its own to make them despise you tbh

christs-cock-deactivated2023110

yes

christs-cock-deactivated2023110

i kissed him on the lips infront of his parents and claimed it was the usual greek greeting between men is that enough for you

captain--steve--rogers

Are you…. Are you secretly dating her brother OP?

christs-cock-deactivated2023110

yes

vivid-mercury

I wonder why

flightyquinn

Show up again to admit to dating the brother, but dress like a typical suburbanite and act like you've never met the parents before. Absolute power move.

christs-cock-deactivated2023110

asdgfgsjfh im totally doing this

christs-cock-deactivated2023110

want an update?

ofc you do

but i'm too tired to write all of what happened down right now so instead try to imagine the most awkward situation you've ever been in.

now multiply the awkwardness by 100

christs-cock-deactivated2023110

first of all i'm just gonna show the difference in what i was wearing

an example of what i would wear as my friend's fake bf:

and as my boyfriend's actual bf:

when my bf and i showed up his dad did such a double take

sooo yeah my bf told his parents he's gay, they looked surprised but told him it was fine... then they shared a look of pure horror (seriously, it was like they had just found out they're in the matrix) and said

"and uh. why is...he here?"

i went and introduced myself like we had never met before and said i was their son's boyfriend

i've never seen two people look more angry before but they weren't gonna say anything because they had other family members over

the family members who had never met me before and therefore knew nothing about the fake relationship thing started asking me what faith i am. i said i was raised protestant, though i'm not very religious now, but that's something i want to change. i had never mentioned anything about being a protestant before and i had said several times that my family was greek orthodox but gaslight gatekeep girlboss

aaaand then the awkwardness began. those were probably the most awkward minutes of my life (we didn't stay for long because i thought the dad was gonna hit me [he probably was. i saw him clenching his fists several times]) and i don't think anyone has ever looked at me with such murderous intent as my bf's parents

christs-cock-deactivated2023110

update two electric boogaloo ig

i have a girlfriend now🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️

guerrillatech

an-autistic-with-personhood

synebluetoo

Why would you hide that in the notes

thatdisasterauthor

I want an ice maker and enough room in the freezer for a pizza and that is IT.

libraford

I want the dumbest fridge you got. Gimme the orange tabby of refrigeration. I want my fridge to pull the wrong lever and turn my enemies into llamas instead of killing them. I want the following features: keeps things cold, has compartment that keeps things colder, a door that opens and shuts.

abronzeagegod

"Here at Stupid Jeff's Dumb Appliance Warehouse we sell the dumbest fucking appliances. Check out this fridge. This fridge won't ask you about your day, this dumb fucking fridge doesn't know what an Elon Musk is and won't fucking tell you what bullshit that dumb monkey is slapping into his phone today when you try to get some fucking milk. We took out all those "smart" electronics and in their place we put a loaded Glock 9mm that is put right up to that light that turns on when you open the door, which is the smartest thing in this fucking stupid fridge and let me tell you that fucker is on thin goddamn ice, if it gets too smart and tries to turn on before you open that door, the Glock will blow it to hell. Speaking of ice, this stupid fridge makes it. It makes ice, it keeps things cold, it comes with shelves. It's sturdy enough that when your ex comes back to your place looking for their stuff that they think they left behind like nine months ago and they know that you don't have it, but they wanted an excuse to come start a fight with you and throw a chair at your head but miss you and hit your fridge MICHAEL, this fridge will keep trucking because it gives zero shits and it only lives to keep things cold. Come to Stupid Jeff's Dumb Appliance Warehouse, if you ask us if we have an app, we break your kneecaps."

prokopetz

Apple propaganda notwithstanding, the reason tower PCs are big isn’t because they’re outdated. The reason tower PCs are so bulky is because they’re designed to be user serviceable. The case has lots of open space so your big, meaty hands can easily access all of the components, and everything is secured with friction-fit tabs and standard machine screws to minimise the need for specialised tools. A properly laid out tower PC is fully serviceable with a single Phillips-head screwdriver and no greater manual skill than your average Lego playset – heck, for some of the more modern case layouts you don’t even need the screwdriver, unless you’re performing major surgery like a full motherboard replacement.

Like, think about who benefits from convincing you that a fully modular computing device that can be serviced and repaired with your bare hands and minimal technical skill is unfashionable.

toastbutteregg

expensivemagiccc

biglawbear

I am a GUEST and I do not DESERVE to use the good normal cups, I may only use the worst cup you have

tytoalbion

Counterpoint, I am a guest and I DESIRE to use the WORST possible cup I can find that you have hidden away

zensscared420-deactivated202203

When the best sounds I can think of is just your voice

#it means I'm too high #judah's occasional text post

Sitting back and trying to remember a time when my heart didn't hurt this much

everythingfox

Majestic cat

(via)

quercus-queer

Miss Susan of Texas really never misses huh

roaminromans

raptorific

I was about to say “how do you know someone has done that unless it’s you, OP” but then I recognized the name and I went on twitter to check and sure enough he was my creative writing professor in college

potatoochann

No one gonna talk about how he called catholicism, Catholic canon

raptorific

You know that’s the origin of the term “canon,” right?

blueboy1299

wehaveallgotknives

another classic hit from the people that lost verizon a billion dollaridoos

kittenchomp

what did they even research at mit in 1861.. hoop and stick..

thewhistlingflea

I love it here

weaver-z

The year is 2031. Riverdale is finally over. The new edgy reboot of a wholesome cartoon series is Charles, a gritty retelling of Charlie Brown. Charlie is played by a now-27-year-old Finn Wolfhard. Linus’ “blankie” is where he stashes his drugs. Sally has dissociative identity disorder and the writers’ only research was watching Split ten times while high. Lucy’s father is in the mafia. Snoopy dies in episode one. The showrunners only made one good decision, and it’s that Schroeder is gay now.

jonayariley

Coming soon to the CW.

spydecai

HOW did you get almost every plot point of Dog Sees God down to a point?? Is that the joke here?

weaver-z

I want you to know that I quite literally did not know about that play until people in the notes told me about it months ago. I made up the funniest “grimdark” twists I could think of and ended up predicting an existing piece of media with horrifying accuracy. I hate it here too

aiiaiiiyo

Ice delivery man in Houston, TX circa 1920 Check this blog!

corporatebigwig

why did he eat this

shorthistorian

#the hip pop… the cigarettes in the hat…#how many kids from pre-electric refrigeration look suspiciously like this guy I wonder…#POV: You are a bored housewife whose husband is constantly away on business trips and barely looks at you when he gets home#and this guy is rolling up to your house on like a weekly basis with a block of ice and his WWI thousand yard stare

Historian finishing a dissertation on the ice industry here. For once, I am not here to take away your joy! “Oh no, the ice man is too sexy and he’s going to fuck my wife while I’m not home” was a legit moral panic for DECADES. So much so that if you were fancy, you could get an icebox built into your wall so the dirty, sexy ice man didn’t have to come inside your house with your delicate, impressionable wife. This pic is going in the diss if I can chase down the correct citation for it.