just your average witcher

I'm ok at killing monsters, I guess. I like to think I'm a pretty good writer though. may share some stories on here eventually.

[bajablast666]

This is going around on Bsky and I thought it'd be fun to do here too

⚔️ Loot drop after defeating me:

skull candy earbuds

assortment of pens

small notebook full of scribbled dialogue scraps

handful of sea glass

paperback horror novel

silly trinket that looks like an animal (probably a fish)

no less than 3 drinks (all different)

an Atom Cats snapback

I tag @coyotehusk @troubled-pasta @carnimari @whump-tr0pes @kifu @deathandthesoul @nyoxt @robobrainmurdermysterytheatre anyone else who wants to do this!

[coyotehusk]

🔪Loot drop after defeating me:

⋗ expired gift cards

⋗ earbuds that hurt

⋗ river rocks that look like meat

⋗ 3 necklaces tangled together

⋗ 2 hair ties (one broken)

⋗ 6 chapsticks

⋗ cursed yaoi

⋗ baby pocket knife

⋗ a sketchbook written in pigpen (it's all gibberish)

low pressure tag list: @myriflesnameissuzi @sunshiline-writes @twigsofmanyfaces @befuddled-calico-whump @zirconiumpants & anyone else wants to

[3-2-whump]

💀Loot drop after defeating me (thanks for the open tag)

No more than 4 crumpled tissues

Hair elastic

Vintage flannel shirt vest in questionable condition

Bluetooth earbuds that work

Small rocks

Library card

Sketchbook of explicit ‘anatomy studies’

One plastic fox figurine

Tagging: @yet-how-they-creep @defire @melpomenelamusa @scumashling @sorrowful-hyacinth @whumpsoda @whumpsmith @scarletfish8eta @bamber344 and anyone else who wants to join in

[yet-how-they-creep]

Thank you for the tag <3

🔨Loot drop after defeating me

notebook (drawings, paintings, scrap collages)

headphones

earplugs

natural history museum baseball cap (t-rex skeleton)

a heavy bundle of keys

glasses that were broken and glued together a bunch

tattoo shop loyalty card (worth a free t-shirt)

anxiety meds

I'm passing it to: @meaculpameahugeculpa @chaotic-orphan @oddsconvert @whumpyourdamnpears (no presh)

[meaculpameahugeculpa]

Thank you for the tag!

🔨 Loot drop after defeating me:

At least two bottles of sparkling water

Headphones

Various chargers for various devices

Wallet

Probably loose papers of a playscript?

A notebook and a pen

A textbook

Tissues

Tagging (No pressure ofc): @gods-mistaken-existence @justlikeotherchemists

[justlikeotherchemists]

Ooh, this looks fun! Thanks for the tag!

Tissues

A small box with unlabelled pills

A tiny notebook with a pen

An unlocked phone

Single use cutlery

Pin with asexual pride flag

A face mask

A folding fan

A candy

Wallet

Bluetooth earbuds

Open tag, but also @theloveofwhump, @whumplicity, @kira-the-whump-enthusiast.

[whumplicity]

Mwuahahaha, thank you very much for the tag >:)

⚔️ Loot drop after defeating me (if that ever happened 😌):

glasses

lens cloth + case (because apparently I am responsible for delicate equipment)

jewellery

hairtie

sore muscles from dancing that I refuse to let recover

lipstick

water bottle that I absolutely will not drink from

inexplicable amount of energy

earbuds

cash (finally, a useful drop)

candy for my little nieces and nephews

an entire bag of Kopiko for ME, which I will finish in one sitting

eyeliner

belt

1 sock

1 sock

mirror

transport card that is in the negative balance

phone containing enough whump ideas to concern several authorities

laptop

boxcutter (for arts and crafts. probably.)

photo in my wallet of my beloved

treats for the delightful cats on my walking route

brownies for the neighbours to bribe them into letting me play with their cats

paper to scribble on just in case

Open tag, except for the losers @chaotic-orphan and @neon-kazoo GET OUTTA HERE!!!

But also the darlings @jumpywhumpywriter @dreamingofviolence @madmarsii @stars-hide-our-fires @castell-da-near @daggers-and-dangers @girlinpastelshoes @writinggremln hehehe

[jumpywhumpywriter]

OH MY GOSH I LOVE THISSS

THANKS FOR THE TAG @whumplicity!!!

⚔️ Loot drop after defeating me

Discount code for mortitian services

1 glove with a hole in it

Pill bottles (full of sanity drugs)

A SINGLE. GRAIN. OF SAND.

Phone with search history that definitely resulted in being put on an FBI watchlist

Jumpywhumpywriter's soul

Lifetime warranty on a whumpee

My pet Madagascar Hissing Roach named "Brunch" as a loyal companion to accompany your next journey

Teleportation token with 3-time uses

+100000 aura

7 pristine human skulls & 2 finger bones

Colorful piece of lint

10 karma points against a person of your choosing

Rubber band

Set of mismatched socks

Mystery box of WIPS

Bookmark

Niblet of bread

1.5 sets of handcuffs

Mysterious silver locket with zero purpose other than being shiny

Catnip

Blank piece of paper (used for staring at and feeling guilty when you can't write anything)

Throwing star

Random small piece of metal (used as fidget toy)

Crossbow

Toothpick

A punch card for a free slushie that was 1 hole punch away from being usable

Six pennies

A pen I was carrying for the sole purpose of reminding me to change the empty ink cartridge in it (but of course, never did)

Gps-trackable glitter

Sketchy avocado

Sketchy avocado x2

Suspicious potato

Evil carrot

Boisterous burrito

Ball of yarn

[just-your-average-witcher]

Oooooh I like this idea, thank you everyone for the open tag

🗡️🩸Loot drop after defeating me:

1 of 3 Lord of the Rings books (randomly generated)

Worn out climbing shoes

Black lipstick

2 loose allergy pills

A gym membership card

4 pens, 2 empty and 2 leaking all their ink

A tiny notebook with my unpublished ideas (lucky you)

Keys to my time machine

Water bottle featuring my entire sticker collection

2 socks with holes in them

Entire box of tampons

Padlock with unknown combination

1 superior swallow potion (I drank the rest while fighting you)

1 set of light armor (needs repair)

A vampire with insatiable thirst cause they can no longer drink my blood

Reusable straw

[luna-azzurra]

The unlikely alliance Prompts!!

₊⊹ "Let me be clear. I don't like you. I don't trust you. And I will absolutely work with you because the alternative is worse."

₊⊹ "I need you to do something that is technically illegal and morally complicated and I need you to stop asking questions." -- "That's my whole personality though."

₊⊹ "We want different things for completely different reasons and right now those reasons point in the same direction. Let's not overthink it."

₊⊹ "You cover my blind side I cover yours. We don't have to like each other for geometry to work."

₊⊹ "I've fought you three times." -- "Four." -- "You counted." -- "Professionally yes." -- "...Fine. Four. You're better than I told anyone." -- "You're worse than your reputation. That's a compliment."

₊⊹ "If anyone asks we never did this." -- "Agreed." -- "And you owe me." -- "I was going to say you owe me." -- "We'll discuss it when we're not about to die." -- "Fair."

₊⊹ "Can I trust you?" -- "No. But I need this to work as much as you do. That's better than trust."

₊⊹ "Don't go soft on me because we're on the same side temporarily." -- "Don't flatter yourself. You're a tool I'm using." -- "Good. Same." --"...Good."

₊⊹ "Tell anyone about this and I'll deny it." -- "Already planning to. Let's go."

[just-your-average-witcher]

I love this so much

[rooksshinies]

Whumpee who doesn’t even realise they’ve passed out before waking up. They were awake, dizzy, too hot, and then dreams start to creep in, and they’re not even aware that what they’re experiencing isn’t reality anymore. Until they wake up to a gentle voice. “Hush now. You’re alright.” Their hands are curled around warm wrists. Their skin slowly registering the soft bedsheets that weren’t there last time. That gentle voice… Caretaker. Where … what happened….

[whumpup]

having to dig a bullet out. whumpee knowing it's going to hurt like hell, giving them a warning, caretaker who hasn't really done this before cringing and panicking. whumpee, completely out of their mind due to pain, thrashing and kicking and threatening caretaker's safety, with caretaker continuing anyway. biting down on something, maybe even breaking it....

[just-your-average-witcher]

Yes this

[victimeyez]

Okay I’ve decided I want to abduct someone and torture them in the basement so, who’s going to take one for the team

[whumpyourdamnpears]

woman whump enjoyers, come to the front

[whumpyourdamnpears]

better yet, if you produce whump of women, here’s your free pass to advertise it here:

[just-your-average-witcher]

Well since I get a free pass.........

I'm working on a female whump story at the moment, actually! I'm kind of scared to post it bc I've never shared any of my whump writing before. I don't know, it's just so personal to me in a way my other writing isn't.

But anyways yes I am a woman whump enjoyer

[rhymewithrachel]

watching twilight and I keep making myself laugh imagining if it was just alucard or any other vampire instead of Edward. POV nausferatu goes to ur school

[rhymewithrachel]

We’re crowdsourcing lore for this world. Jacob is a furry because god gave me the power to wield a pen and I will use that power how I please

[just-your-average-witcher]

The way I would read the hell out of this if it were turned into a series

[defire]

Ripping the arrow out of their own flesh, arrowhead and all, to string it onto their bow and fire it at the enemy as blood gushes down their arm.

[for-the-ouchies]

The way certain resigned characters with a blade to their throat tilt their head back and close their eyes gets me every time.

[thatsgonnaleaveamark]

anyway shoutout to "small" whump moments. minor bruises and scars, limping, everyday vulnerability and exhaustion, headaches, training fights with teammates that leave them a bit sore, punched/slapped outside of a torture/captivity context <3<3

[just-your-average-witcher]

Whump scenario

Imagine a vampire whumpee with a serious wound that needs cauterizing or whatever

And the only available treatment is silver nitrate

[missandryifyourenasty]

I often think about that post that was a fake dating profile for a cat that was all about chickens, like wanting someone with posable thumbs for opening chickens.

[notogdenjesse]

This is one my favourite things the internet has ever made.

[missandryifyourenasty]

!!!!!!

[bioluminescently-unfolding]

This remains one of the great art objects of modern times and nobody will convince me otherwise.

[nonelvis]

Not a week of my life goes by without me or my spouse asking the cats whether they want chickens from a can with a picture of a cat on it, or whether they’re sad because they don’t have poposable thumbs.

[just-your-average-witcher]

Why is this the first time I'm seeing this, this is like the cutest thing ever

[m1nts-w0rld]

"Damn, I'm out of space again? What keeps taking up all the room in my bag, anyway?" *pulls out a Novigrad longsword*

*pulls out a Novigrad longsword*

*pulls out a Novigrad longsword*

*pulls out a Novigrad longsword*

*pulls out a Velen longsword*

*pulls out a Novigrad longsword*

*pulls out a

[just-your-average-witcher]

yeah pretty much

[sycamorality]

"why is the character like that" >look inside character >it's the author's subconscious attempt to love themself

[sycamorality]

this is meant positively by the way. sometimes you love the character so much you end up putting a piece of yourself in it to learn how it is to love yourself without realising and thats ok.

[karkararam]

dancing

[just-your-average-witcher]

I love this so much 🥹

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

ppl are so annoying “you can’t paint ur bedroom pink you’re an adult” i did not spend my entire life waiting to grow up and control my life to paint my bedroom beige

[hojolove]

I had a sales woman in furniture store try and tell me not to buy a hot bubblegum pink loveseat because she wanted me to “think about the future”

Bitch, I am thinking about the future. I already got a hot bubblegum pink couch at home and now I need a loveseat to go with it.

[madgastronomer]

when I first bought my house, I announced my decision to paint my bedroom purple. I had wanted a purple bedroom for thirty damn years, you fucking bet I was gonna have one now. My friends decided, for some reason, that I meant what one of them referred to as “14 year old girl purple” (through what’s wrong with the colors a 14 year old girl chooses, I don’t know, even if they’re not what I want as an adult). They didn’t believe me until they saw the color on the actual wall, even thought they helped me pick out paints. My mother, meanwhile, decided to get worried that if I painted my bedroom a “dark purple”, it would be “depressing”. As if, with an entire house to live in, I would spend all my time in the bedroom, which I wanted to be dark because I would be sleeping in there. In the damn dark.

I had like one, maybe two friends who were all like FUCK YEAH YOU PAINT IT WHATEVER COLOR YOU WANT, PURPLE BEDROOMS ARE AWESOME.

But when they actualy saw the finished bedroom, every single one of them was like, “Oh yeah, that’s really pretty.” (Well, the ones who supported me from the beginning were more like WOOHOO.)

And the moral of the story is: Fuck ‘em, please yourself. Either they’ll come around, or you can safely ignore every question of taste they opine about for the rest of time.

[themintycupcake]

This applies to other adulting activities, too. When I was a kid, I decided that I wanted to have a wedding cake made of doughnuts. When I got older, I figured that I would be “mature” about it and get a traditional cake, which the older adults approved of. Now that I’m 25 and facing the possibility of actual marriage in the near future, I’m just like “marriage is a social construct but it comes with tax & insurance benefits, so just give me that goddamn doughnut cake.” If they don’t like it then they don’t have to come to my wedding.

[aridotdash]

https://xkcd.com/150/

[undanewneon]

I would like you all to view my office. I’m thirty and my rainbow room is awesome, people can fight me

[spuffybot]

I’m thirty and my first big furniture purchase was a custom coffin shaped coffee table that opens up and is lined with purple crushed velvet. I would have loved it at 13 and I love it now. Growing up doesn’t mean you have to abandon what makes you happy.

[idareu2bme]

GROWING UP DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE TO ABANDON WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.

[the-haiku-bot]

GROWING UP DOESN’T

MEAN YOU HAVE TO ABANDON

WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[shadesofmauve]

I have told this story before, and I will tell it again, because I am An Old now and repeating stories forever is our prerogative:

When I bought my house, the kitchen was multiple shades of dingy white. It was dismal, but it was now mine! So went to the hardware store for paint (well, several trips, painted swatches on panel, etc — I’m very picky. But this was the final, ‘real’ trip). It was a busy day in the paint section. There were at least five people behind me in line.

Now, remember, latex paint is slightly lighter and brighter when wet than it is when dry. And I’d decided to paint my kitchen candy-apple red. The hardware store employee took my gallon off the Paint Jiggler and cracked it open to put a dab on the top, revealing the most incredibly deep pink, and behind me I hear the entire line of people say,

“Oh my god.”

…in perfect chorus.

I did not realize up until that moment that shocking a crowd of strangers with my paint color choices was a life goal, but at that moment I felt an absolutely overwhelming sense of achievement.

[marlynnofmany]

This is the door to my garage. It used to be white. Live your best life.

Mischief the cat says “Who goes there?”

Every visiting friend says “This is so cool.”

If you’re looking for an excuse to do some decorating that will make your soul sing, this entire thread is your sign to do it and don’t look back!

[the-haiku-bot]

This is the door to

my garage. It used to be

white. Live your best life.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[chennnington]

I’m 35. I have been told my place looks like maybe a LP fan lives there.

Not sure what they mean.

[dykepuffs]

When I first moved into my place, I painted the spare room, that eventually became my office, lime green, the kind of lime green that glows down the corridor when I open the door - The colour was only available as an “accent colour” in the section of paints intended for children’s playrooms, and in the shop I got a lot of “Oh your son will love this!” And from people I knew I got a lot of “Oh well, you’re 21 now, you’re basically a teenager, this is a terrible idea, you’ll hate it and need to pull out all the furniture to repaint it.” And I have to report that I am now in my forties and my office still looks like this, and it makes me smile every time I see it.

[marzipanandminutiae]

this is such a modern idea, too

not decorating trends; those have always existed. but the idea that color and decoration is inherently childish

this is the dining room at the Eustis Estate in Milton, Massachusetts, from 1878 (where I used to work, briefly). the walls are TEXTURED MICA SHIMMER on a green background. Adult Space For Adults!

A jewelry shop in Paris c. 1901. kids can’t buy jewelry!

who can forget the classic 1950s colorful bathroom? I’m not a huge fan, but still! adult space! bright colors; decorative designs!

meanwhile “you’re immature if you like Art Nouveau” is a hot take I’ve really, seriously seen on this webbed site (only once, thank the gods). I don’t know who started this, but I’m going to kill them

[taraljc]

I think a lot of it stems from the ubiquitous Waterhouse prints that were sold on college campuses for 20 years. like why would I get a free pass if it were Monet instead Western culture is stupid. The entire point of being an adult is breakfast for dinner and cake for breakfast and dying with the most toys.

[catgirlralsei]

instantly decided to reblog when i got to GROWING UP DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE TO ABANDON WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.

[beatrice-otter]

The examples of decorated homes above are both either modern or upper class, which makes it easy to dismiss because “sure the rich people have beautiful homes” and “sure, modern middle-class people have lots of color in their homes.”

So here’s two examples of traditional Norwegian farmhouse interiors. You know. The kinds of places peasants live in.

This type of painting is called “rosemaling” and today you usually find it on, like, carved wooden bowls and such that are only used for decoration. But back two centuries ago, it was very common to find the interiors of homes covered in it, in projects that were painted little by little over the decades. Because it’s beautiful to look at, paint is the cheapest way of decorating your house, and what else are you going to do on the long winter nights when it’s too dark and cold to work outdoors?

But mostly, they did it because it made them happy, and it was beautiful.

Those old peasants were on to something, I think.

[lizardlicks]

My dream kitchen is butcher block counter tops, powder blue cabinets, yellow walls and terracotta hexagon tile floors. something bright, airy, cozy and looks like a place people live and cook meals in, not a piece in hardware store show floor.

[howtobangyourmonster]

The first thing I did when I bought my tiny crappy house to escape from my shitty ex-husband was ask my kids what colors they want their rooms painted, because their father refused to let us even hang things on the walls in fear of ruining the resale value of the house we finally bought together(which he conveniently kept in his name only, he’s a monster).

My twelve year old wanted a black room. I also wanted a black room as a kid and was told no because ‘it’s too hard to paint over’ and ‘it’ll make the room look too small’. Fuck that. We bought Sherwin-Williams paint in stricken Blacl and did the entire room, ceiling included, put in a four-poster gold bed and hung gothic mirrors on the walls. My ten-year old wanted the most vivid cyan I’ve ever seen and now going into their room feels like walking into the sky itself, it’s amazing. And I finally got the deep green living room of my dreams. Homes are meant to be lived in, not preserved in plastic wrap. Don’t haunt your home like a ghost, make it somewhere you want to be.

[nitefise-art]

just blood no wine

[just-your-average-witcher]

LOVE