Heated Rivalry Episode 1 Scene 10: 1410 (17.13 - 26.36) Analysis
Once again this is just my read on the show and any input is more than welcome. Hold on to your butts, this is gunna be a long one.
17.13 - 17.41 Knock Knock. Who's there?
Now just judging by this gif alone they both look a bit awkward but neither seem nervous. Shane has his hands in his jean pockets and his shoulders are low and relaxed.
What isn't in this gif is that there is an extremely audiable, and honestly uncomfortable, sound of Ilya swallowing (we know it's him because we can see his throat move at the correct moment). Now I bring this up because it is so loud and obvious there is no way the producers didn't keep this in there for a reason. It almost sounds unnaturally loud.
Now why keep this? Through this scene we see Shane being obviously anxious at times but I think this non-verbal cue is to show us that Ilya is nervous as well. Really it's so loud I wouldn't be surprised to know they boosted it in post-production. (Seriously go watch that section of the show again, it's really a strange choice if not to give us a hint Ilya isn't as confident as he seems.)
It also would be paired well with the nervousness we see him display in the elevator scene right before this.
I think a lot of this facade is both because Ilya feels like he needs to be calm and collected. That's what's expected of him, but also because he knows showing any nerves here will only cause Shane to start spiraling as well. He's probably thinking along the lines of, "You've done this before, this is nothing special or new. There is no reason to feel nervous."
The next thing we get is Ilya teasing Shane about "chickening out". And Shane's stuttering reply of "I'm not- I'm not a chicken." It's the matching nonphysical cue to Ilya's own nervous swallow.
I like that Ilya circles Shane here, the first thing that came to mind was the phrase, "to circle like a shark". And I think that's a perfect way to describe the physical actions going on here. It also reinforces the view the show wants you to have that it is always Ilya doing all the chasing in their relationship.
What proves that's not the case is that it's Shane who touches Ilya first, even when he is saying, "I think we should talk. Do you want to sit?"
Shane's physical actions and words are contradictory often when it comes to Ilya. And all it takes is even the slightest indication from Ilya for Shane to give into his body. But so far in my analysis and what I can remember of my rewatches it is almost always Shane who makes the first positive indication.
It's almost like Shane is constantly fighting his own desires and he needs Ilya to essentially say, "It's okay." before he acts on it. It reads of constantly feeling guilty for wanting Ilya. And I'm sure if this was with a woman he would still be awkward at times but this constant denial wouldn't be there.
I also want to point out that Shane is smiling here and that his words, "This is such a bad idea." Almost sounds giddy. Once again his actions and words are misaligned.
Here are gifs of the rest of the makeout scene. I'm not going to analyze the technique here other than to say that the intimacy coordinator deserves a medal.
The way Ilya and Shane touch each other, especially how Ilya touches Shane's face, make this feel real. There is none of the strange stiffness or clinical feeling you get from most intimacy scenes in media. It feels like we are looking in on two real people. It is part of why this show feels like something you shouldn't watch with anyone else. These moments, more so than most sex scenes, feel like we are intruding on something private.
The choice to not have the sounds of kissing/sex muted also is part of why these moments feel so real. A lot of the time such sounds are drowned out during shows/movies by big climactic music. Doing so makes it seem like those are the grand finale, where in HR sex isn't the end goal of the show or relationship. Most romance media (Show/Movie wise) depicts the big kiss/sex scene as a declaration of love.
Here sex is just sex. Yes, they have some form of feelings for each other (lust/admiration/ect) but it doesn't make love a requirement for the characters to share physical intimacy.
A lot of romance media makes it seem love and lust have to go hand in hand or else you are wrong (a slut/whore/ect).
And I think that is extremely detrimental to young people's views on relationships. Growing up I experienced more than one of my friends equating the two. Thinking that because they had sex that must mean they were in love. Because if it wasn't love then they were a slut. I believe (and I could be wrong) that this is actually something that contributes to a lot of abusive relationships.
So I appreciate that this show makes the distinction clear. (And this is why I will probably always enjoy the show more than the book since I've heard the book is love at first sight, or near enough. And I think it's important to have more healthy love stories where that isn't the case.)
Next I want to say I really love that when casting Ilya and Shane either deliberately or not the two actors chosen are mostly identical in build. Too much of gay media and media written for women about gay relationships depict the smaller partner as weaker and therefore the bottom. (Another reason I prefer the show.)
That kind of thinking is extremely heteronormative and destructive. Even in straight relationships people tend to think the woman needs to be shorter and if she isn't then the man is somehow less of a man. I think it's really gross so it's nice to see two men who are both extremely buff and 6 '0 being together and knowing that Shane wants to be the bottom because he genuinely enjoys it not because it's predetermined by his height.
17.41 - 19.16 Getting Down and Dirty
The first thing I want to point out in this section is that it is Shane dictating the pace here. It's Shane who moves to push Ilya's jacket from his shoulders, it's Shane who first goes for below the belt contact, it is Shane who willingly falls to his knees.
Not once does Ilya make any form of indication he wants things to progress. And even though Ilya is in the more physically aggressive position (pinning Shane against the wall) it is Shane making all the moves.
Ilya is allowing Shane to explore at his own pace without putting any pressure on Shane. Not touching Shane in return might feel selfish on the surface but I see it as the exact opposite. By not focusing on Shane, Shane doesn't have time to feel self conscious, he doesn't have to wonder what Ilya thinks of him. He doesn't have to worry about how he looks or sounds.
At this point Shane wouldn't be as physically in the moment he is later on and if given even the slightest moment he would probably start over thinking.
Ilya is allowing Shane to use him almost like an object to discover his desires with.
At the same time the touches Ilya does give are all very gentle but display an obvious building lust. There isn't a moment here (until Ilya pulls Shane off of him the first time which Shane automatically gets in his head about) that he would think Ilya isn't just as into this as Shane is. Shane doesn't have to worry about if he is doing something wrong or if Ilya likes what he is doing. Ilya is making it beyond obvious that he is enjoying every second.
I think most of this is subconscious on Ilya's part, and it speaks a lot of his character that he doesn't have to make a plan to be this accepting and emotionally gentle.
I will note though that it is Ilya who sets the tone of using last names for the rest of their situationship. At this point Ilya could have easily used Shane's first name and it wouldn't have been a problem at all. And in fact with the lack of a constant reminder of their emotional distance they probably would have got their shit together sooner.
Now this is where I'm going to copy (though make clearer) a lot of what I spoke about in my Too Much Too Good post, so if you want a ranter version check out this post. Also from here on out most of the gifs will be linked so this post doesn't get flagged. So once again thank you to @pinenora317 for their hard work.
Since Shane has been the one doing all the progressing of this encounter. It's understandable to presume that Ilya thinks this isn't Shane's first time with a man, and that is why that question doesn't come up until later.
Shane shows no hesitation when it comes to giving Ilya a blowjob. Something I think is safe to assume isn't true for most first timers but because of this Ilya doesn't realize this fact until Shane has already started.
The first indication we get that Ilya realizes this is during this gif.
At first you can see Ilya thrusting his hips ever so slightly. Nothing too extreme that would require a prior discussion but more than I think such a considerate lover, like Ilya, would risk during someone's first time.
But the moment he has his first inkling he goes still. We can see the realization start to happen as he hesitates in lifting his hand from the wall. This doesn't speak of someone who is losing control.
Now I am bringing all this up because this being Shane's first time, it is completely normal that he wouldn't have the best technique. At this point in Ilya's life he has likely been with a number of people, most of whom would be a similar age as him and also likely going through their first (or near first) sexual encounters. This means Ilya would likely know the difference between someone who hasn't done this before (or only a very few times) and someone who is comfortable in doing this already. So it only takes him a few seconds to clock this.
We also see Ilya start to run his fingers through Shane's hair and then the most gentle of guiding motions as if he is wondering if this is just Shane's first time or if it's been a while and he needs to get used to it again.
When Ilya fully realizes that this is in fact Shane's first time we get him looking up to the wall for a second as if wondering what to do. (I think this is all important to note because this all really changes the tone of this whole encounter to be much more tender than a blowjob scene has any right to be.)
Before Ilya does pull Shane off he isn't making any noise but the moment he does he is suddenly moaning, he is putting on a show here to not risk hurting Shane's ego.
Something we see would have happened by Shane's line of, "Was that bad?" which he voice wavers during.
Shane is used to being the best, and he was obviously enjoying himself, so the thought that Ilya wasn't also enjoying himself got him overthinking in nanoseconds.
Ilya, by moaning when he pulls Shane off, and then saying, "Ah, no, opposite. Too much, too good." to Shane's question along with the little grounding touch to Shane's cheek, reassure Shane that he hasn't done anything wrong.
In this moment we also get Ilya seeming to make his accent much thicker than it is in the next sentance. The words feel slower and more drawn out.
We know this works because we see Shane's pleased, but still nervous, smile right before Ilya kisses him.
This reassurance is also reinforced by Ilya not once breaking physical contact, continuing to gently stroke Shane's arms and chest through the next section.
Ilya comforting Shane here is extremely important, one wrong move here could have easily shattered Shane like glass. Ilya may like to pretend to be an asshole but it is in these small actions that we see he can be extremely considerate of others feelings.
19.17 - 20.30 Stop, Evaluate and Listen
Like I mentioned earlier Shane's actions were easy to misconstrue as someone who had sexual experience with a man so Ilya's question here makes sense. And the answer would obviously change the tone of this interaction.
Shane returning the question I think has a lot to do with wanting to know there is someone in this situation that knows what they are doing but at the same time expecting to be Ilya's first. That's why his, "Really?" sounds a bit giddy and he is smiling just a bit.
I think (and I could be way off base here) this happiness(?) is because Ilya has just concretely confirmed that Shane isn't the only one who feels this attraction towards men in their sport.
I don't really think he thought about it until this moment but being a gay hockey player, especially at this point in time, 2010, before it was more accepting, would have been extremely isolating. Whether he acknowledges this fact about himself or not there is no way he hasn't had moments of realization.
(Now feel free to kick me in the teeth over this section because I don't think I will be able to word it in a way that doesn't offend someone while still getting my thoughts out.)
Even if he didn't mean to and even if he wasn't attracted to any of his teammates I don't think there's a universe where he hasn't noticed them. (I absolutely do not mean he was perving on them.)
But I don't think there's a way that a teenage Shane Hollander who is gay, but doesn't "know" it yet, hasn't fantasized about men and gotten off on them (even if he was just thinking he was putting himself in the place of another man while watching straight porn). With his hormones raging and after game adrenaline pumping I can imagine him just going about his business and catching a glance (not necessarily of dick or ass) and being suddenly shocked to realize he even noticed and then felt bad about it.
Because he is attracted to the male form, just noticing (and even in a non-sexual way) while still wanting to deny this about himself would probably cause some self loathing.
Now I am 100% not saying he ever got hard in the locker room, in fact I don't think he possibly could, the constant worry of doing something "abnormal" would probably cause him to be constantly on edge. (I also think this is why he is so pissed about a few lines in episode two that I will analyze down the road.)
Because of this I think he probably outwardly repressed his sexuality more so than most closeted men. I don't think he would even be able to compliment a friend/teammate on muscle gains without feeling weird.
So Ilya confirming he has been with men already would be so cathartic. I imagine he would feel like he isn't so wrong to feel this way. That this isn't something intrinsically wrong with himself, he's not a freak.
I also think this is backed up by Shane asking, "Who? Another player?" There is also a shaky inhale on Shane's part at the end of this question.
Now while I said I don't think he was perving on any of his teammates there is also a non zero chance that he hasn't had even the slightest crush on a past teammate. Just because he probably spent so much time with teammates growing up that most of his free time was spent with them. And if he did have such a crush he probably tried all the harder to avoid that person in the locker room. Probably to the point it seemed like he hated them.
Between Shane asking who and Ilya replying there is a few seconds of space and what is important to note is that the air between them goes tense and the playful smile Shane had when asking slowly drops.
But the moment Ilya says "- Coach's son." Shane starts relaxing and the smile soon returns.
Shane didn't want to be alone in his attraction and feeling othered in locker rooms but he sure as hell did not want Ilya to have someone else. Specifically another hockey player. Shane wants to share this secret with Ilya alone and he wants Ilya to only have himself.
Once again none of this is conscious. It is more about feeling like they have formed a bond around this shared secret and not wanting anyone else joining the circle, than feeling truly jealous that Ilya might have another sexual relationship going on.
If it was about being jealous Ilya might have other sexual partners he wouldn't have relaxed until after "-back in Russia." Since he knows Ilya now (or is about to) live in America making a relationship with someone in Russia impractical.
"I like trouble." Ilya is acknowledging that this is the bad idea Shane said it was earlier but a lot of Ilya's character is Do Now, Think Later. He does a number of reckless things despite having more to lose. It's really self destructive. (The shower scene is a great example, yes by that point he was 99% sure Shane was also interested in men but jerking off like that was a risky move.)
Shane's next question is also really telling, "Weren't you scared of getting caught?" Right there we are told Shane's biggest fear. After finding out the Ilya had indeed been with someone else before, the first thing he asks is what he is most worried about.
Now what's interesting with this line is that it is probably both their biggest fears for much different reasons. Ilya has very real safety concerns about being caught. Where Shane's would be more around reputation and possible loss of hockey.
Side Note: And I think Ilya here might think Shane knows about the situation in Russia and is hinting at that which would be an interesting add on to every conversation from here on out Shane tries to start about Russia. Especially the Tampa scene since Shane by that point still doesn't understand and Ilya sounds extremely frustrated when he says "Because Russia!"
I know Ilya says "No." casually here but I honestly don't believe him. Not with how upset we see him in the Tampa Scene about being found out.
Ilya saying that his and Sasha's relationship was nothing serious and that they had the same secret is how both Shane and Ilya also end up treating their relationship.
And if you watch Shane's face when Ilya says that line his smile drops once again. His smile stayed on for the question which is about his biggest fear but it's Ilya's reply that changes that. Without directly saying it Shane has just realized what this will be. This isn't going to be the start of a relationship.
Now I think Shane's choice of the word "Curious?" is just that. In this context it brings to mind the word Bi-curious which is often (but not always) used when someone doesn't want to admit they aren't straight. I've seen it used (by friends) as a stepping stone to come out as gay. And I think that's how Shane is using it.
It's not something he has to seriously consider if it's just curiosity.
I also think Ilya is using it the same way. We know even until episode 5 he isn't sure what Shane identifies as (Tuna Melt talk). And being bisexual himself he probably knows the term bi-curious and thinks Shane might be bi too since that's what he used.
I love that Shane smiles when being asked if he likes sucking Ilya's cock it reinforces that doing so was entirely Shane's idea. Because I have heard too many men talk in terms of having to "convince" their partner to do it.
They share some quick teasing to break the tension of what was a serious conversation and was a good way to get back into the mood without trying to jump right to it.
20.30 - 24.10 Getting Curious on the Bed
We get this low moody (maybe even slightly ominous) music through a good portion but not the entire scene which ends in an interesting place I will mention later.
I also appreciate Shane being the openly physically aggressive one here especially after Ilya said he would "Let him-" do something. It is Shane nonverbally saying he doesn't need Ilya's permission to do something as he pushes Ilya to the bed.
Ilya isn't afraid to openly admit he wants to see more of Shane, he isn't ashamed of his desires the way Shame seems to be. He also doesn't hesitate to get undressed while Shane is watching him. It's made clear that he has done this before, been with people casually. I imagine it would take someone a bit to get used to being this comfortable sexually in front of strangers though this ease could, in part, be because of regularly being in locker rooms.
We get another hint at Shane's autism with the cloth folding. Not that it's something specific to autism but because it is such an unusual thing to do in this situation. It lets us and Ilya know that Shane isn't "normal" and Ilya is charmed by that. He doesn't mind Shane being a bit quirky and doesn't even tease him for it. He accepts it immediately.
The way Shane walks to the bed and then looks down at himself, though there is a pursing of his mouth when he does look down, reads as someone who is confident in how they look. He isn't ashamed of what he has to offer. I appreciate that about both Ilya and Shane because there is no faux "I don't look good." here.
I also want to point out that Shane isn’t flexing or sucking in his stomach. We see that a lot in the media when characters are trying to seem sexy so I really appreciate how casual and comfortable his posture is.
Anything less than this kind of confidence could have easily come off as weird and falsely self-depricating when we as viewers (and Ilya and Shane) know how attractive they are. It could have easily been cringy. (Think those teen movies where all you have to do is straighten your hair and take off your glasses and you're an insta-baddie when we all know one of the actor/actress biggest assets is being conventionally attractive.)
Also socks on king Shane Hollander.
We finally get shown the nerves you would have expected earlier in the scene. This could be because being on a bed can imply things (penetrative sex) that standing doesn't or Shane finally having time to start overthinking.
Once Shane admits that he doesn't know what he wants to do, Ilya takes the reins for the first time in this encounter.
Ilya goes in for a handjob because he now knows this is Shane's first time. It is still a sexual act but it is a lot less pressure than anything else, especially for two people with dicks. This is something Shane will know how to do (though the angle will be a bit off).
Ilya would have been perfectly happy with handjobs only but it is Shane who directs them back towards blowjobs.
At this point Ilya isn't about to stop him again. What's he going to say, "I stopped you before because I could tell it was your first time and didn't want to pressure you so handjobs are fine. What, how did I know it was your first time? Well... I mean..."
Instead he takes the role of teacher, we see him do a lot of head guiding, helping Shane set a rhythm
Another thing I appreciate about this scene (and all the sex scenes) is that the actors don't put on "pretty" faces. They aren't afraid to make "weird" faces or hold their head at unphotogenic angles. This is another factor in the scenes feeling so real along with the (at times uncomfortably) realistic sounds thanks to the foley team. Really they went for it.
When Ilya is finally about to come he once again pulls Shane off before finishing himself. Which was extremely considerate, passed the point of just saying something or tapping Shane's head.
Ilya isn't going to come down Shane's throat the first time Shane performs oral. Shane is too into it to make a rational decision about if that is something he wants.
Ilya is constantly checking in for consent both verbally and nonverbally and it's a great example of how sexy it is and how to do it.
Now I want to be clear about Shane's performance through this whole thing. Ilya is enjoying this. Not being perfect doesn't mean it wasn't good. He would have gotten off during the first time if he let it continue but he chose to stop and clarify.
The growth of their relationship, and so much of who they are as characters, is told through their sex scenes. And yes we can all recognize consent king Ilya in later scenes but this here is the first time we see it.
He knows this is a big deal and doesn't make it one. He lets Shane enjoy his first time without there being any pressure or judgement.
His telling Shane it was "Too much, too good" early is what gave Shane the confidence to do exactly as he wanted in this section.
Now I know a lot of my analysis makes it seem like Ilya is the perfect bean but he's not. He is an asshole at times, probably is more so with other people than to Shane but even with Shane he has his moments.
The problem isn't the line "Not bad for a first time." The tone there was clearly playful and Shane laughed about it too. The problem is what comes next.
We know, once we've seen the scene continues, that this was a joke but to Shane he honestly thought Ilya was about to leave and was clearly distressed. It doesn't matter that Ilya "fixed" it. It was a real dick move. But you have to remember he is 18(19?) here. It's expected for most people to still be a bit of a dick at this age.
That does not absolve him and neither does the blowjob. He really should have apologized, if not now than sometime in the future after he thought about this night and finally realized that wasn't okay. (To our knowledge he never does.)
And while I personally hate it, I also think it fits his character and works well in the story. Without these kinds of moments from both characters we wouldn't be able to see them grow and mature (since the actors are the same age throughout the series).
This being a fuck up make Ilya's later moments of tenderness all the more impactful. Even just the growth from this moment to the first time they have sex tells the story of growing up and becoming a more emotionally intelligent person.
But I have to imagine, especially if Ilya never apologized off screen, that this is a major factor in why Shane doesn't think Ilya has deeper feelings for him.
For all I praised him earlier this move would leave a lasting sour note on the memory of this encounter. An encounter where Shane was truly sexually satisfied for the first time. I could easily imagine Shane having an ever present niggling worry the first time with any new partner for a long time if not the rest of his life. Especially for someone as anxious as Shane.
Another thing to that adds a layer to how ill-thought out this joke was, is that fact they both have no doubt heard the term "Cocksucker" thrown around as an insult. So even the joking indication of leaving Shane without returning the favor is a pretty extreme blow. Shane has just become the thing that people maliciously throw around and the possibility of being alone in that would be devastating.
Shane is also prone to take people's words at face value (probably due to his autism) so while someone who could read a person like Ilya better might have seen through it Shane absolutely could not.
On Ilya's part I think this whole "joke" is a way to put emotional distance between them. We see him do this on multiple occasions after they have sex. (Another thing that probably contributed to the tuna meltdown.)
I also think Shane is so quick to forgive Ilya here both because he is a horny 18(19?) year old but also because being autistic he probably has "not got the joke" many times growing up. Especially the kind of jokes I can imagine teen boys make in locker rooms.
He would have had to laugh along and forgive slights he didn't understand to fit in and I think that's part of what's happening here.
Earlier in this post I mentioned the music that started when they first got on the bed and said it ended in an interesting place. Well this is that place. It fades out right before Ilya speaks the words, "What? You need something?"
I mention this because it's interesting that it's there for the entirety of Shane giving Ilya a blowjob but not the other way around. I think this a clever way to highlight Shane's first time receiving pleasure from a man. There is no background noise to mask the foley work. We are forced to experience Shane's pleasure in a way we weren't with Ilya. It makes it clear that this is the important section of the interaction.
It could also indicate that Ilya wasn't paying as much attention but that Shane is laser focused on the experience. Or could also be showing that all of Ilya's attention is focused on Shane at this moment, maybe a mix of both.
Whatever it is, it's a curious choice.
We get a soft confirmation that Shane didn't have the best technique with Ilya's line of, "Let me show you how to do this, kid."
Side Note: I saw a post and I can't remember who it was by, but if you know, comment please, that judging by the way Ilya moves, and where spatially the blowjob starts that Shane is packing. Which I agree with and makes the point I made about them physically being the same size all the more potent. There is also this idea/belief that people with large dicks don't bottom (which is just stupid). Because of this I will not speculate on whose bigger because it doesn't really matter or dictate their bedroom preferences.
Another thing I love about this show that first appears in this scene is the first instant of Ilya being a tit man. I mention this because most media (mainly straight) don't ever show men's chests as being part of the sexual experience. We get women's boobs shoved (literally) in our face as a sign of their sexuality and sex appeal but we don't get the same for men. This goes all the way to social media censoring women's chests but not men's. So it's nice to have a show that has a character so obviously sexualizing that part of a man.
We also get another example of the show allowing us to see real expressions and unphotogenic angles and I think it's hotter for that.
Shane tries to be considerate here and get Ilya to pull off, going as far as trying to push him off as he does come but Ilya refuses to be budged. It lets us know that not only is Ilya good at it but he enjoys sucking cock and all that comes with it.
When he finally does pull off, while he is still between Shane's knees we can hear, and with how his head is positioned, Ilya kiss Shane's thigh right before he gives a little condescending slap to Shane's belly.
Those are almost completely diametrically opposed actions and shows just how mixed the signals he is sending out are. There is no way Shane would be able to tell which one he really meant. Though I tend to go with the kiss since it came first and without the belly slap it would seem out of place but not the other way around.
I'm almost inclined to say the belly slap is to "balance the scales" of how sweet the kiss was in Ilya's mind.
24.10 - 26.36 Pillow Talk
Once again we see Ilya make a dick joke right after they finish as a way to put emotional distance between them. "What? That you would come so quick?"
(I'm petty and counted) Ilya lasted 34 seconds and Shane lasted 34 seconds.
WAIT! JACOB TIERNEY YOU MOTHER FUCKER?! HOW DARE?! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU?!?!?!? (Rule 34 joke?) Okay, back to your irregularly scheduled analysis.
Ilya's face in this gif set is so soft and happy. It could just be post-orgasm endorphins but the look on his face here is much too tender to JUST be that. It's fond and pleased.
"I don't mind." swallowing Shane's come here was a powerplay (actively fighting against Shane pulling him off) and something he seems sexually attracted to so his playing it off is unnecessary and a bit sad. I can easily see this being replaced with "It's hot, no?" and fitting Ilya better.
It maybe be that being fresh out of Russia he still has lingering hangups about liking this. Might be a lingering shame about his sexuality at this point.
It could also be him playing it off so Shane doesn't feel anything negative about not doing the same.
And finally we get Shane realizing the full weight of what just happened. He just had a sexual encounter with a man and liked it. For the first time in his life, sex with a partner was truly good.
Shane is suddenly confronted with what that could mean without the haze of lust clouding his thoughts. Not just a man, but this man.
Ilya tries to break whatever mood Shane has just fallen into by saying he wants a cigarette, which Shane automatically says is bad for you. But Shane is still in the same headspace.
Ilya is laying back watching, probably trying to figure out what went wrong when Shane asks if he is going to tell anyone.
Shane is genuinely worried about being outed but Ilya probably hears something along the lines of, "I regret this." But it's also an insult in a way. Ilya is the last person who would risk telling this secret so the fact Shane even asks, and then tries to explain why as if Ilya doesn't understand perfectly what's at risk, is probably frustrating. Hell, he understands better than Shane does.
For his part Ilya does realize how panicked Shane is and his voice softens as he reassures Shane but Shane is too in his head to accept it.
I'm not exactly sure why, and I could be imagining this, but there is something about Ilya's look here that reads to me like if Shane wasn't freaking out Ilya might have stayed longer. Not the night or anything but it seems like he would have let the afterglow fade more.
If that is true this is another thing that destroyed their chance of a more healthy relationship early on.
There is also something about this expression that reads of disappointment, maybe in himself or the situation. I don't think Shane really wanted Ilya to leave.
So much of their interaction before now has been Shane saying "Fuck off" but really meaning "Stay" and this is the first time Ilya doesn't push back at all.
At this point (and for a lot of the show) Shane doesn't know how to ask for what he wants without first trying to verbally deny his desires and Ilya always seems to read Shane's body well enough to bypass that in a respectful way.
For Ilya's part I think him leaving without pushing back is both to put up an emotional wall and being in his head about the whole thing that he doesn't notice what Shane is feeling. He is also a teen boy here and all his hookups before have probably ended like this so he doesn't think twice about it.
I also think Shane's disappointment here is that he thought this might end differently. Like he thought something more could come out of this.
Shane, despite what he says and acts like, seems to want a serious (or at least more concrete) relationship from the start. He doesn't have the same mentality Ilya does when it comes to sex and the ability for it to be just casual.
He has just had his first sexual encounter that really mattered and no matter who it was with it would affect his emotions. (The saying about being emotionally tied to your first partner is actually in some ways true.)
While Ilya is getting dressed Shane watches him the whole time and I can't imagine there isn't some awkwardness Ilya is feeling being focused on in this moment. It doesn't have the same lust blinding quality of being watched while undressing. It is a lot more vulnerable.
But at the same time Ilya gets dressed mostly facing Shane, as if trying to ensure Shane is unable to forget or deny him. This happened and he doesn't want to act like it didn't. He isn't ashamed it happened.
After Ilya gets dressed he is looking at Shane as he says goodnight, and the words even sound a little sing-songy(?) while Shane is completely closed off, arms across his chest, legs drawn up and face blank.
When Shane is alone we get another great display of facial acting from Hudson Williams. I almost feel like I don't need to analyze it but this is overanalyzingheatedrivalry so I must.
Here he is so clearly wondering what has just happened, he's looking up at the ceiling as if he's looking for answers.
Then there is this small giddy/hysteric moment when he says, "Holy shit."
And then he covers his face as if to hide from any positive emotions the event has brought him, collecting himself as he slides down back into blankness.
He doesn't want to feel anything about what happened. And if it was up to him he would probably wipe it from his memory.
But he can't, and there is a subtle feeling of melancholy to this look.
Lastly we get this little satisfied/pleased/proud huff of air that is quickly quashed back down.
Final Thoughts
I know I haven't had a section like this in any of my other posts but I think in this one there are some important things to talk about that both do and don't fit here.
I want to talk about how Shane doesn't "know" he's gay until years later. And I think the root of that is grown from this scene. Because as far as the show goes (and that is the only media I am basing my analysis off of) the only man we ever see Shane with is Ilya, I am basing my opinion on Ilya being the only person, let alone man, who he has sex with until Rose. Because of this Shane doesn't have to confront the fact he is gay until Ilya tries to make their relationship serious and his and Rose's relationship fails. Since all his sexual encounters are short and months apart he can keep the illusion that he isn't gay. He's just too busy, he travels a lot, hasn't found someone he likes ect.
It's the brief and sporadic nature of their relationship that fuels his self-denial. If Ilya was geographically closer or they saw each other more often or for longer periods of time (even if for only half a day at a time) Shane would have had to confront this fact sooner. But because it's not that way, he can continuously write Ilya off as a fluke or exception. And of course he will eventually meet a girl who he will fall in love with and marry. There is no greater implication to his hook-up he only sees a few times a year.
Master List
Previous Scene
Next Scene
Discussion: Autism
Discussion: Russia
Discussion: Disordered Eating
Discussion: Bottoming