the point is that I fell in love with a girl from another world, she was made of jewels and gold and rotten flesh. she let me put my fingers in the holes on her skin and I let her spread her disease inside my body and my soul so I could feel her in my lungs everytime I took a breath. she kissed me so sweetly it could drown out the smell of death in her breath and she touched me so softly I couldn't feel the hardness of the bones underneath her too thin skin. she tasted like chocolate and moss and I wanted to lap at her sweat everytime we made love as if it was the ambrosia of banished gods; and maybe she was one, with her yellow eyes and her long limbs and her terrible wonderful voice like a pained little bird or an howling creature in a dark forest but maybe she was no goddess at all in which case her common mortality must have been the price to pay for her uncommon beauty. I still see her in my nightmares she appears to me dressed in fallen leaves and shining diamonds and animal skin and rose petals. I have never been scared of her hollow eyes in wake but in sleep I stand made of stone by this unknown fear and maybe that's why she had to leave because she is only truly real in those dreams and in this waking world I live in she was but a mere projection of herself and maybe once my failing organs abandon me completely I will be able to merge with her again maybe that's why she opened wounds with her wooden nails across my chest and let her bacteria crawl inside me, a gift. I better get ready then there are dark spots in my vision and blood in my bed and I can hear her calling me with that nails-on-a-blackboard voice and I can feel the butterflies in my stomach. Literally. no longer caterpillars they strive for freedom and oh I can feel some up my throat. Here I come love, let me just get my things: the flower you gifted me once dried inside my favorite book, an handful of crumbs from the kitchen floor, the memory of my parents, the love of my friends, the death of my grandmother, a notebook, a pen, a snack for the journey to the other-world you call home. It's time. I'm here now at your door in this unknown place and the pain is still everywhere even though I don't need to breath anymore, another gift from my dearest. I love you too
