Noah Kahan
★
d e v o n
$LAYYYTER
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YOU ARE THE REASON
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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
Kiana Khansmith
Sweet Seals For You, Always
EXPECTATIONS
TMBGareOK. The Official They Might Be Giants tumblr
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Phantogram Three
art blog(derogatory)
Game Changer & Make Some Noise
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
tannertan36
Love Begins
seen from Vietnam
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@justdumbassthings
HE’S FINE YOU GUYS
(ask @spatialheather she told me so)
Good news, everyone!
I’m pretty sure those are ptarmigan tracks, not those of a rabbit who got scooped up by something! They’re birds that hop through the snow and then leave those snow-angel imprints when they take off.
I’d also honestly be kind of surprised if a predatory bird swooping down on a prey animal just left nice clean imprints like that and not a bigger disturbance in the snow.
in the bed straight up snorking it. and by 'it' let's just say. haha. mimimimimimimimimimimimi
I got to threaten my landlord with a lawyer today it felt so so so fucking good
Basically I lost my laundry room key. Needed a replacement. Should NOT be a big deal. It says in the lease there’s like a $15 replacement fee, whatever. But I keep calling the main office about it and first time I can’t get ahold of anyone. Leave a message and never get a call back. Second time the lady puts me on hold and then hangs up on me. Further calls get no answer and messages get no response. So today I marched my happy ass down to Mrs Karen’s office (yes that’s her real name) and said “so you’re not gonna give me a laundry key huh? I’ve been trying to get one for 4 weeks now. Do you realize that it’s considered denial of amenities outlined in the lease? The lease guarantees me access to the laundry room and for some reason you’re denying me that access. I know you know what that means.” And Mrs. Karen got all bug eyed and started talking real fast “oh we’ll have you a new key by tomorrow!!! 😳😳😳” yeah that’s exactly what I fuckin thought.
Know your rights and don’t be afraid to get petty kids
I think it'd be fun if one of these days when the evil overlord type is like "I Need A Queen. To Rule With" one of the little henchmen is just like "um 😳 if I may, sir, I would like to volunteer 👉👈" and overlord is just like. Okay sure you're cute aha
This is gay of course in case it wasn't clear. I do support henchwomen in their career choices but we're doing gay villains here
Or they could both be girls who knows. This trope is usually done with the Evil Man who proceeds to kidnap someone about it but we could have an overlady why not. Girlboss
Evil Overlady reading outdated Evil Overlord Instruction Manual from the Sexist Old Days: hmm, says here I need to acquire an Evil Queen to assist me in my Rule of Terror and General Administrative Duties. I must follow what the Manual says
Henchwoman who has been wearing increasingly risqué bustiers every passing day of her employment: umm. ma’am. 😳 I would like to apply for that position 👉👈
Evil Overlady: Excellent! This is why I hired you, because you are a Real Go-Getter
stepped on a plum (overripe plum) (barefoot) it was on the driveway got out of the car and accidentally (didn't know it was there) stepped on the plum (warm) (on the ground) (it had fallen from the tree) barefoot (no shoes) wearing long pants (too long) (need to hem them) plum viscera got on them (the pants) unexpected plum on the driveway (hot plum) (97 degrees out) already super hungover (throwing up all morning) (should not have been driving at all) and I stepped out of the car (black car) (97 degrees out) and onto the plum (unexpected) (didn't know the plum was there) and it burst (plum nightmare on my only good pair of sweatpants) still we find ways to keep ourselves going from day to day
happy one year anniversary to possibly the best plum poem since william carlos williams' "this is just to say"
Things are happening on reddit
How the fuck... just. Can't fucking get my mind around this series of events.
So crazy how you have the worst day of your life but then the next day the sun keeps shining and the air’s just a little cooler w the onset of fall and you realize that there’s nothing you can’t come back from because the only time it will ever be too late is when we’re dead and not ever before
I vividly remember talking to one of my favorite professors about how I’m scared things will fall apart after graduation and how I’m so unused to change and her just going “if things fall apart then they do and u just pick up the pieces and start over again and it’s fine. Things falling apart is not this mammoth fear u should be worried about” and I remember these words every time I want to pursue or seize something bc literally the worst thing that can happen is it doesn’t work out ….. and then I just pick up the pieces and start all over again
i bought a 25lb bag of rice right after i moved and every other day when i scoop out two cups of rice for my rice cooker i think "this was the best purchase of my fucking life i will never experience food insecurity again" and its true 25 pounds is a forever amount of rice. at the bottom of the bag should be a phone number i can call for end of life services
well its been real guys
shoutout to the woman from my high school martial arts class who liked to get me in joint locks and then joke about how I was easy to catch. you cannot comprehend how psychosexually formative that was for me
imagine, if you will, having an adolescent half-crush on someone way older than you, which is also confusingly blurred up with admiration of them as a role model. now imagine that you and that person are in a social environment where it is acceptable to (platonically, consensually) choke someone. I think I was very normal about it considering the circumstances
she would demonstrate takedowns on her husband (also in the class, and who was not a small man) before we got to try them and the first time I saw her twist him around and down onto the floor like it was easy my entire abdomen clenched
I cannot stress enough how eager this guy was to be manhandled (womanhandled?) and flipped around by his wife. he was her de facto guinea pig whenever she got to teach and I never saw him unenthusiastic about it. he'd set himself up for a joint lock fully smiling. the other adults in the class occasionally teased him about it (being so quick to let your wife put you in a submission hold tends to raise a few eyebrows), and I always kind of wanted to defend him but what would I have said? like, don't worry. I won't judge you. I also like being pinned down by your wife
That last sentance really hits ya like a psychosexually formative takedown
which superpower do u want
fly but only for 10 minute intervals
shapeshift but only into a bug
superspeed but only on the 30th of the month
laser eyes but only at night
mind-reading but only thoughts about you
x-ray vision but only when you're at sea
you always see the lyrics of whatever song someone is listening to above them
time travel but only once
teleport but you lose something you had with you every time
telekinesis but only to the weight you can lift normally
talk to animals but they all hate you
live forever but live forever
"Why are you filling your pockets with... are those little origami stars?"
"Yeah, I'm going to teleport to Europe for a bit, but I'm cursed to lose something that I had with me in transit every time. So I always carry like two hundred little paper stars with me."
"And that works?"
"Usually. I have an extra pairs of glasses too, and a burner phone. I thought about carrying a shirt and like... leggings or something I could roll up real small, but so far it's never taken my clothes and anyway I could always teleport right back to my room to grab more if I need to."
"Still, it means you can't carry anything expensive with you."
"What? No. Expensive is fine. I just avoid carrying sentimental stuff. Why would I care if it's expensive?"
"Because you don't want to lose expensive stuff?"
"Oh! Oh, no. No dude. Dude. I rob banks like... all the time. Also rich people."
"Wait. The thing with Elon Musk... did you... kill him?"
"Maybe? It's unclear. I teleported to him while naked and picked him up, then teleported again. I don't know where my shit goes when it disappears but uh... he's there, I guess."
And the universe said "I love you because you are love".
Are you okay babe? You’ve reblogged the I know love is real post 193893 times
Sometimes I'm reminded how dumb Americans are
Coworker and manager, both black men in late 20's, said they want to vote for Trump and when I asked why they said "trump gave us stimulus checks" and that's it
I asked if they knew about project 2025 and they said no and when I explained it they were like "that's illegal he can't do that" im like at my limit
LITERALLY
(via @prisonhannibal )
The discussion around Ariel TheLittleMermaid baffles me bc if my dad literally destroyed a bunch of stuff I collected in front of me in a terrifyingly violent display of anger and I had a witch offer me an out if I could score the boy I thought was hot, my name would be on that dotted line before you can say "poor unfortunate soul". What do you mean she's stupid, her dad ravaged her Special Interest Cave like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum, I would also run the fuck away
The smartest move would have been to become Ursula's co-conspirator (rather than property as stipulated by the contract) and overthrow him, then overthrow Ursula, but I understand why she did not do this because few 16 year olds have the stomach for murder
at first i thought gideon was being comical or that she had like an inflated sense of her own attractiveness but the more i read the more i realize that like she IS hot and everyone really DOES want to fuck her
People who have never taken public transit before seem to be under the impression that everyone on a bus is ready to stab you meanwhile I have never had that problem and I get to read while I’m stuck in traffic and they don’t.
Also I don’t get stuck in traffic much anyways because the drivers keep going on the freeway even though it gets clogged up with traffic and it’s literally faster to drive on the surface streets where the busses go but whatever I don’t need to pay for a gym membership because I walk to the bus and meanwhile what are you spending your money on? Oil changes so you can keep getting stuck in traffic?
Am I spreading anti-car propaganda? Yes I am and yes I will forever because I don’t need to think about parking. I don’t have to pay for parking. I can just show up at a place and then leave without having to think about any of that. You wish you had it that good. I haven’t set foot in a parking garage in months.
In 1944 a kitten named George (short for General Electric) was saved from drowning by a U.S. Navy crew member. George was then photographed and given a liberty card and detailed health record. Source.
