This is a little something I wrote for a very special friend of mine, love you babe ♥
“Aren’t you something, to admire? ‘Cause your shine is something like a mirror and I can’t help it but notice you reflect in this heart of mine. If you ever feel alone and the glare makes me hard to find. Just know that I’m always parallel on the other side.”
“Hi babe, nothing just cooking us dinner.”
“Oh really that’s amazing.” “When?”
You hear Niall in the kitchen, talking on his phone while he’s preparing dinner. The loud noise of the extractor hood makes it hard to hear the other person in the conversation. By the way he changed his tone, and way of talking you can guess who it is anyway. Aileen, one of his friends from back home. They went to school together until Niall went to London to study, a year ago she moved here too. It was like nothing changed when they met up again. But there had been a change, you. The fact that they shared a lot of memories together, and had a history made you nervous sometimes. You didn’t let it turn into jealousy because you knew Niall loved you after that amazing night in Paris, where he took you to dinner and told you he loved you for the very first time after a year.
“Yes, of course. She’d love to come too.”
“No! We will stay for dinner.”
“You know how much I love your cooking, remember…”
Softly you sigh. The show on the telly isn’t that interesting anymore, but you rather not listen to Niall talking about his ‘history’ with her. After a few minutes you hear the noise shut down, plates been put on the table and the wine bottle being popped open.
“Love, I have to go, dinner is ready.”
“Of course, I’ll give you a ring tomorrow. Yes. Bye babe.”
He plugs his phone into the dock, turns on our favourite dinner playlist and you can hear him take a deep breath. “Ava! Dinner is ready.” Somehow there is a nervousness in his voice. You wonder why, but decide not to think about it any longer. Standing up from the couch you fix your floor length dress and step into your new sandals. “Coming” you softly shout back. On your way to the kitchen you can’t stop yourself from looking into the mirror on the wall, checking your half asleep face, and fixing the makeup that left his mark underneath your eyes.
You turn around the corner, and see the light of candles lit up the perfectly set table. Your eyes meet his, and you see a sparkle in his eyes and a shy smile. “This looks amazing love” you say walking towards him. Your eyes never disconnect, and the air between you two gets tenser. A shy smile appears on his face as he pulls out your chair. “Thanks” you whisper. Now you really wonder what’s going on here. He cooks almost every night he’s home, you always walk into a perfect set kitchen, but he’s never ever this nervous. When he sits on the other side of the table, you can’t help but staring at him. The candle light is giving his eyes the most intense blue colour and his hair is hanging down his face. He notices, and before you know it his hand is in his hair, tucking his hair up.
“So what did you make” you open the conversation. The always talkative and spontaneous lad suddenly is a shy and nervous one. “Tonight…” he starts with his official talk, with a smirk on his face. “We have a Jamie Oliver inspired meal, grilled steak, ratatouille and saffron rice.” He tells me proud, pointing at every perfect element on the table. “Served with a beautiful Cabernet Sauvignon.” Your smile grows when he’s telling you about his home made dinner. Jamie Oliver would be proud. Looking at the table, you can’t stop thinking about how lucky you are to have this amazing lad. All yours. For a moment you forget the previous phone call you overheard. “It smells so good love, Instagram worthy looking too” you smile. “Isn’t it.” He smirks, taking his phone of the dock and within second he takes a picture. You’re not sure if you’re in it or not. He puts the phone back, and Ed Sheeran continuous singing. “When my hands don’t play the strings the same way….”
Silently you two eat dinner, listening to the songs playing in the background and looking at each other every now and then. His dinner is absolutely amazing. Everything is just as your liking, it would be perfect whatever in front of him. His perfect blonde locks flow with every bite he takes, his hands are holding the knife on a weird sensual way and the way he smiles when eating is the cutest. Taking the last zip of your wine, you finished your plate. You look up, knowing he’s been staring at you eating for the last few minutes. “It was soooo good” you whisper. His hand is laying on the table, in the middle. After putting down your glass, you put your hand just in front of his. It feels like our second date. It feels just as awkward, but excited at the same time. His hand moves up to yours, letting his fingers intertwine with yours. “Remember a year ago, Paris.”
He starts talking in his raspy voice. “I love you” he startles you. Even though he says it a lot, it gets to you every time. You blush, look down on your hands intertwined. “I just wanted to tell you how much I love you, how lucky I am to have you here with me. The last two years have been amazing. I couldn’t imagine a better person to spend my life with. I want to thank you, for putting up with my busy schedules, my crazy hobbies and my even crazier friends. So thanks, and I love you.” He smiles. Before you can say anything he stands up, letting go of your hand and walks towards the kitchen with the plates. Two minutes later he walks up, with two plates in his hands. On there are two beautiful chocolate lava cakes, with fresh strawberries. The smile that’s on your face from his ‘confession’ grows bigger seeing your favourite dessert in his hands. He puts it in front of you, and before he can go to his seat you take the collar of his perfect white button up and pulls him in. His lips fall on yours, you stay in that position for what feels like for hours before he pulls away, placing a small kiss on your forehead. “I love you” you whisper when he walks back to his seat.
“No I don’t care. Yes. Now”
“What why?” “Only you can help me out with this.”
“I just don’t know what to do next.”
“I can’t just tell her, she won’t accept.”
“No way! You gonna help me or nah?”
“OK.”
You shift on bed, waking up because of his loud voice in the living room. It’s been a hectic week of work. Niall had been in Ireland for almost all week, and you had your final exam week. Every time he had to leave the country or even city for his work you miss him like crazy. His strong arms around your waist, his hands on your hips, his eyes following your every move, even his socks lying around the house, you miss it all. Last night he came home, you made sure dinner was ready when he walked through the door. He was surprised you even cooked, with some help of Jamie it always turns out good was his response. His voice seems irritated on the phone, not knowing in what mood he is you step out of bed, put on your rope and walk towards the living room. “Morning love” he whispers when you walk in. His face is blank, his voice sounds off. “Morning” you say walking up to him and wrapping your arms around his waist. Your head falls on his chest, as his arms wrap around your body, holding you close. “I’ve missed you” are the only words you can think off. After a few minutes he abruptly lets go of you and walks to the couch. He picks up his grey sweater and pulls it over his head. “I gotta go, meeting Aileen for breakfast, I’ll be home around 5. Still need to finish up some work too.” Shocked and surprised you stand there, on the same spot he left you. He swift by, pressing a quick kiss on your cheek and walks to the front door. “Bye love” he shouts before slamming the door close.
Wow. Your legs don’t move for a few minutes, wondering what just happened. Saturday morning, we’re always having breakfast together as it’s our only day off we have together, but instead he goes to Aileen. With these thoughts the jealousy hits back. The past week was hard, he was in Ireland, close at his hometown where he spent a few days with his parents. Surprisingly someone else booked a week home too, she. The moment he called you to tell about his day and mentioned her your world collapsed. You knew these days in their hometown, together, would be a major thing for them. The will to fly there was huge, but you didn’t wanted to come over as the jealous girlfriend.
“When salted water tears won’t dry, I’ll wipe my shirtsleeves under your eyes. These hearts will be flooded tonight, I’ll wipe my shirtsleeves under your eyes.”
The sounds of Ed’s voice fills the room, the big room makes the sound even bigger. For almost the whole song you stand there, listening to the music and admiring the house you two bought. It’s been 10 months now, and it feels like more than home. It is home. The next Ed song starts, startling you. Slowly you walk to the dock, where your phone is standing in. You smile, he didn’t even used his own phone knowing he had to leave. This thought makes your smile disappear as fast as it came. Fast you switch the playlist, Uptown Funk starts to play. Without thinking you start to move around, still wearing your pj pants and a black top. The best thing about this house, is that it’s so far yet so close to the city. No one ever comes here, but when you need to be in the city it just takes 10 minutes. With the fame Niall has got during these years, it’s nice to have some privacy. Even though he’s just coaching a football team, he’s still one of the most important member of the team. Dancing around the living room you make your way to the kitchen, not stopping with dancing at all. With shaking hips you poor some of Nialls fresh made juice in a glass. “This will be a pj kind of day” you whisper after finishing your drink.
“Been around the world, don’t speak the language. But your booty don’t need explaining. All I really need to understand is….”
Your head lifts up from the couch, the TV is on, and your iPhone is still playing music. You must've fallen asleep, with a little hesitation you walk to your phone to check the time. 2pm already, wow. Guess the dancing has got to you a lot. Scrolling through your twitter feed you see some news about the football club of Niall, he made you follow them all. Silly lad. After twitter it’s up to Instagram, the worst mistake. The first picture on your feed is one of Aileen. One of Aileen and Niall. Together. In a restaurant. Having breakfast. Your heart beats faster and faster. “Fuck” you shout. Trying to act cool you scroll down, trying to forget her post. Again there are some posts of the team, some fashion blogs and from friends. When you want to close the app you see his name on the bottom. He seriously never uses his IG anymore, so curiously you scroll down. As soon as the picture comes up you drop your phone on the counter. The screen lights up, and there it is, the same selfie as Aileen posted. Only he took an effort to write down a caption; “Meeting up with my girl, long time we had so much fun (:”
Your heart stops for a second, the phone still lying on the counter you walk away. Away from your phone, away from the picture, away from the house. You walk into the backyard, passing the bbq, the new outdoor kitchen and your favourite flowers. You don’t stop walking until you reach the end, you fall down on the grass. You knew it, you fucking knew it. He never ever posted a picture of you two, never! Not even a repost of one of mine, and now… fucker. You notice the tears falling on your cheeks, not wanting to cry. You wipe them away, and walk back in. Your phone turned black, and is still playing music. Without taking it from the counter you walk to your bedroom, it’s a complete mess on his side of the room, typical. Being angry, sad and confused you start cleaning. Picking up his clothes, clothes he hasn’t even worn yet are lying all over the floor. In the corner of the room you see his suitcase, still locked and closed. You sigh. After throwing all the clothes into the laundry room you move to the suitcase. The lock combination isn’t that hard, it’s always or my, his or our anniversary/birthday. After the 3 tries you’re in. Throwing out all the filthy clothes, his toiletry and shoes. Everything is spread on the floor, in the suitcase is also his work laptop and phone. Which he always forgets, and somehow they’re in the same place you put them before he left. He probably didn’t needed them as he had a training week, with not much meetings. You take them both out of the suitcase and place them on bed, he’ll find them when he gets home. If he gets home. You shake your head. “Don’t let these thoughts in” you tell yourself. Finally you take out his notebook, the one filled with notes on the match, team and other silly football stuff. As you take it out, there falls something out of it. You place the notebook next to the laptop, and reach for the piece of paper on the floor. Holding it in your hand you see it’s a Polaroid picture.
Turning it around you see a selfie Niall obviously made, his eyes are slightly red and the lights in the background tell you he’s in a club. Next to him is a blurry girl, holding a drink and pulling a sexy face. You don’t need more information than her hair colour and the way she smiles to know who it is. You drop the Polaroid on the bed and storms out. “I need a drink” you say out loud. The clock on the wall says its 4pm, but you don’t care right now.
With a glass of wine you walk back to the bedroom. Clothes are still everywhere, pfft, men. Even when they’re not around they make a mess. Walking into the closest isn’t really helping this theory. When you asked for a walk in he complained about not needing it. But now he uses almost 2/3 of the whole closet, he has more sneakers then you have shoes. Without thinking you decide to pull out everything on the racks, just throwing it on the floor so it can be arranged again. Within minutes the whole closet is lying on the floor, except the shoes. Stepping over the clothes you reach for the top shelf, on there are some old boxes. A few are yours, containing some old photo albums of home, old jewellery or childhood things.
You know he has some boxes standing there too, you two looking through them one night a few months back. It was so cute seeing little Nialler in his hometown, or with his mum. They’re so close, wish you had that kind of relationship with your mum. Carefully you take the boxes of the shelfs, so you’ll be able to clean behind them, who knows what lives behind the boxes. The last box, number 9, is heavy. When you hold it in the air, above your head you lose balance and drop the box. With a loud bang it falls on top of the pile of clothes. The lid fell off, and you see the content lying all over the place. Some old yellowish pictures, a photo album and some letters. You take a second look, to make sure it’s not one of your boxes, and it’s not. Picking up all the pictures and letters you can’t help yourself taking a little peak. Almost all pics are of him and his family, with his brother, some with his dad, even a few with his old football team. These pictures make you smile. Putting them back in the box you reach for the photo album. It smells old, it looks discoloured and dated. Opening the cover you see a date stamp in the corner; 13-09-1995. 20 years ago, he was 2 back then. Turning the first page you see a baby photo, his mums arms wrapped around his little body and his clear blue eyes looking at the camera. His eyes, the first thing you noticed when you two met 2 1/2 years ago. The memories are so fresh, seeing him walking onto the pitch of your favourite stadium, wearing his football gear and having the sexiest warmup. The whole match your eyes were glued to him. The blond of his hair, and the blue of his eyes looked even brighter on the green grass. Not until he made a goal you knew his name, the commenter shouted his name loud through the stadium; HORAN 1-0.
Few months later you got lucky enough to meet him at the club party, and you knew he was the one. I guess he did too, coz following were a few amazing dates ending into amazing nights ending into being his girlfriend. Thinking back about that time makes you feel in love all over again. With a tear of happiness falling onto the photo album you close it and put it back into the box, enough reminiscing for now. On the clothes are lying a few letters, a few of them you recognize. In the first months of our ‘relationship’ he was in Ireland a lot, so you wrote him a letter every week. He kept all of them, he told you that it was the best day of the week, when they arrived. The thought of him saying that makes you smile. Your eyes falls on a letter that obviously isn’t your handwriting. You pick it up, on the front is our address, and on the back is an address in Mullingar, Nialls’ hometown. You don’t recognise the handwriting, and with all the weird happenings today you don’t take a risk, opening the envelope a smell of perfume fills your nose. “Definitely not mine” you whisper. You open the letter, a small piece of paper falls out but your eyes are on the letter.
“I have so much to say, but it’s hard to ever really talk to you anymore. Maybe I was just a stepping stone for you to get to that point in your life where you’d figured out what you wanted, or didn’t want. So to prove to you I loved you and all I wanted was for you to be happy, I walked away. And it was so hard. I wake up in the middle of the night missing you by my side. You were my best friend, and I don’t know if you know how it feels to lose your one true best friend, but I’ve had plenty of experience and it’s got to be the worst feeling in the world. I’m pretty sure there’s not a second that goes by that I don’t think about you or wonder where you are/what you’re doing. I have recurring dreams of our first date leading up to the night where we said we loved each other. I honestly can’t escape all of it. You have my heart, and it’s beyond my control. All I wanted you gave to me; it had taken so long to find something so real. It was gone so quickly. Even though I gave you back the note you wrote me, the whole “I’ve never felt this way before about a girl and I don’t want to fuck it up” line never leaves my head. It all kind of feels like a dream now, everything. I want to wake up so bad with you lying next to me. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to handle you being with anyone else. I always wonder if you feel/felt the same way I do. Does your heart beat about a million times faster than normal when you see me? Mine does. Do you think about me/us/everything we were? I do. Do you dream about me? I dream about us all the time. Is there a part of you that wants this to work out, to fix itself and go back to when we were so in love? I feel so strongly about all of these things. My heart is so broken I don’t know what to do. This is killing me, I feel like I’m drowning a little more each day. What do I do? Because I still love you, and you’re the only one who can save me. I can’t do this on my own, I want you back in my life. Promise me that’s all I want that you can give me. Just a promise that you will never forget me. Why haven’t you tried at all? Tried to talk to me, or anything? Knowing that my love was so strong it’s still all there for you, but that there is no way you feel the same? I miss you when something good happens, because you’re the only one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is bothering me, because you’re the only one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry, because I know that you’re the only one that makes my laughter grow and tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you the most when I lie awake at night, and think of all the good times that we spent with each other.
I didn’t know that when you love a person, you have given them the power to hurt you. For a while I thought I was getting over you, but now I realize I’m just getting used to the pain. A million worlds would not bring you back, I know because I’ve tried. A million tears would not bring you back, I know because I’ve cried. But maybe a million and one? I would have waited and fought for you forever. I guess all I really want to say is that I’m dying here inside, that I miss you more each day, there’s not a night I haven’t cried, and baby here’s the truth — I’m still so in love with you. That’s what I really meant to say. So come back to me…If your love for someone is true, then that person will always come back to you.
Tears fall down on the letter. The words are so real, they hit you hard, on the right spots. How could she feel like this, why did he kept this letter while he was with you. All these questions spin through your head while you keep staring at the last sentence; “If your love for someone is true, then that person will always come back to you.” What does this even mean, does she think he’ll come back, back to her? You scan the letter, on the top is a date stamp saying 05-11-14. November ’14 you look shocked, rereading the stamp again. She wrote this letter when we lived together, a month after we moved. Wtf. She loved him, she always did… she loved him when she moved to London, when they met up again, when they spend time together, a lot of time. What did she think, did she thought we might break up or something. She always was so nice to me, spending time with us, that all changed when we moved in together. She became distant and only spend time with him alone. The tears keep falling, the idea of another girl having these strong feelings for you man, the idea of her being around him as we speak. Fast you fold the letter and try to get it back into the envelope. You rub your eyes, they’re all swollen of the tears and blood shot red of the bottle of wine you just finished. You stare at the wall, at the empty closet, the empty racks. Your eyes move down, to the pile of clothes. You can see his suits, his t-shirts and his football gear. All intertwined with your dresses, shirts and jeans. Scanning the pile you see the piece of paper fell out of the envelope. Slowly you pick it up, folding it open and there you see a picture. A picture of Niall and Aileen, together, kissing. By the looks of his hair you know it’s from before you two, from before all this. Underneath the picture she wrote; “You make me cry, but I still ♥ you.”
It’s been hours since you left the closet, it took forever to clean it all. Around 6pm you were finally done, without thinking you went to the couch, dropped down there and didn’t move. Your phone was still playing music through the whole house, but you weren’t really listening anymore. Staring at the TV, staring at the shelfs with all his trophies, the pictures of his family and yours, the pictures of your trip to Paris … everything is on these shelfs, our whole lives. Seconds later you hear the door, you hear shoes got kicked off, a jacket falling on the ground and the door falling close again. Footsteps getting closer and closer, in a weird pace, like he’s accelerating. “Love?” he shouts. Hearing the kitchen door opening, you’re still staring. “Babe where are you?” he shouts again. You want to response, but there’s nothing coming out of your mouth. You can feel the heat of his body coming closer as he stands behind the sofa. “Love, why are you sitting here in your pjs? Damn why is it so cold in here?” he takes a blanket and puts it over your shoulders before he walks to the thermometer to adjust the temperature. "Oh god what have you done here” he says looking at the table. On there are lying 2 empty bottles of wine, and an empty box of chocolate. Softly he joins you on the sofa. “Why didn’t you pick up your phone? I called you a dozen times today. What happened?” His eyes are on yours, staring at the tears falling down. “Babe?” he wraps his arms around you, pulling you into his chest. You pull right back, sitting up again, staring at the wall. “Have you ate anything at all today? Or just the wine? Babe please talk to me…” he sounds desperate and worried. The sound of his voice breaks you down even more. “Where were you?” you whisper. “What?” he asks, taking your hand. “Where were you today?” you whisper again. He looks confused. “I was having breakfast with Aileen, and had some work to do in our office in the city. I told you right?” You decide to meet his eyes. Shocked you look into his almost tearing eyes. You must look awful sitting here in your pjs all cold and shivery. You let go of his hand, standing up and dropping the blanket on the couch. “Mark is picking me up any minute now, I’ll be sleeping at my parents.” You say avoiding his gaze. As you walk away a warm hand takes hold of your arm, you can hear his breathing and can see the worries in his eyes. “I’m sorry, I just need some time” you whisper looking down to the floor. He knows better than arguing with you about this all, so he lets go of you. To his horror there’s already a suitcase standing in the living. Like it’s planned the doorbell rings as soon as you take the suitcase. “I’m sorry” you whisper before walking to the door.
With tears in your eyes you see your true love walk out of those doors. Your heart drops, the house seems so empty without her. What even happened there? Not knowing what even happened your clean the empty bottles of wine. She never ever drank this much during the day, except for one day, the day her mum died. That was a dark day, but you were happy you could help her with all the pain. The terrible hunger you had when coming home totally disappeared so you decide to get into bed. Walking towards the bedroom you can smell the fresh aromas of the cleaning products. Of course, you think, she cleaned. What happened in that little mind of hers? Walking through the closet you see everything sorted neatly and clean. A smile grows on your face, she always had a fine way of cleaning, like you knew from your mother. You open a drawer and takes out your favourite, or more her favourite, boxers. You walk to the other door to enter the bedroom, this room also is cleaning fully. The floor is shining, the windows are bright clear and the bed is nicely made. On your way to the bed you change, leaving a trail of clothes on the floor, like you always do. Coming closer to the bed you notice your laptop, phone and notebook lying on the bed. You look to the right and see an empty suitcase lying there, open. “Fuck” you whisper. You start to know what might happened. Of course she saw my IG update, fuck. And hers, she saw hers too. No she wouldn’t be jealous, she never is. I hang around with a lot of girls, most of my friends are woman. She understand the way I be around them, she knows it. She really gets it. Right? You start to doubt it all. Fuck. Throwing the stuff on the desk you see the picture of you and Aileen lying underneath the laptop. The one you made in the club last week. You still don’t know how Aileen knew you were in Mullingar, or even knew where I was, but suddenly we bumped into each other. Almost on the same spot we had our first kiss. Damn. Wet tears fall down on your cheeks, thinking of how much this could’ve affect Ava. You would never hurt her, never ever. She’s the love of your life, the only one you want to spend your life with. With the new knowledge you take your phone out of your pocket and open your messages.
- “Love are you okay? I’m worried. Please let me know when you’re at your parents. Love you xoxo” -
Hoping she’ll really text you back, you place the phone on the nightstand on your side. You’re still wearing your white button up, the one Ava loves way too much. Or hates, the way she can rip it off isn’t human. This thought makes you smile. Oh boy, how you love this girl. You lift the comforter to get into bed, shocked you freeze when you see an envelope lying underneath on bed. Staring you know exactly what is in there, you can recall every single word, every single tear you shed when reading it. It lying here means she read it, she knows about it, she saw it, even the picture. Your world shatters. She wasn’t supposed to know, never, ever.
- “Found the letter, love I’m so so sorry. I should’ve told you. Please let me explain. Really it’s not what it looks like at all. I’m sorry xo” -
The tears wet your phone while typing this text. Not knowing if she’d even reply to it. Lying in bed you’re staring at the ceiling. Overthinking everything that just happened. From the moment you got home, the way she was sitting on the couch all shivering, the amount of wine she drank, the sudden leaving of her, the all cleaned closet and bedroom, the unpacked suitcase, the picture and lastly the letter. That damn cursed letter. You phone buzzers, taking you out of these thoughts.
- “I’m home, just need time to think.” –
Is all you read, it hurts seeing this text. Knowing how she’s lying in her childhood bedroom right now, having her dad holding her, asking what happened. No one’s there to hold her, I should be there to hold her. I fucked up, and I need to fix this. I’m going to fix this.
The next morning you wake up in an empty bed, the space around you seems so grand. You find yourself lying on her side of the bed, having your head buried in her pillow, loving the scent she left. Sitting up against the headboard, you feel your head pound. The events of last night still feel like a blur, but she really left last night without any explanation. Well, the findings in the bedroom explained enough. With a pounding head you walk to the kitchen. The house feels cold, and silent. In a slow pace you walk to the kitchen, put your phone in the dock and turn on the coffee machine. Caffeine, that’s all you need to wake up. Or her, she always knows how to wake you up. The thought of the things she would do when you were too tired to get out of bed make you smirk. She woke you up alright, but you two never left the bed after it. What a catch. Music is slowly filling the house, every speaker is playing the same tune. The coffee is ready, and with the cup of coffee you walk back to the bedroom. Sitting on the bed you wonder what happened here yesterday, how it all went down. Making up scenarios in your head, trying to figure out how, you walk up to the closet. You exactly know from which box the picture and letter come from.
Taking the box of the shelf, you know what you’ll find, mostly childhood pictures. It surprises you that Ava didn’t saw the other pictures of you and Aileen in the boxes, because there are more. Maybe its better she didn’t, you really don’t want to lose her. With the thought of losing her you don’t hesitate. You open all the boxes and throw the content on the floor, every picture, every letter, every childhood drawing. “Wow” is the only thing you think seeing everything shattered on the floor. “This must been the same way Ava stood here yesterday” you think. Scanning through the mess you see the pictures and letters you were looking for. Without reading or even looking at them you throw them in box number 9, your box. At the end it’s all filled up with letters of Aileen, old pictures of you two and letters you wrote her. It’s over, it’s been over for years now, but this can’t be the thing that’s standing in-between the relationship you have with Ava. Never.
With the box full of ‘crap’ you walk out of the front door, straight to the trash can. Opening the lid, you look at the box. “Well bye memories” you sigh throwing the box in the trash. You feel guilty, it’s been a part of your life, and she’s been a part of your life. But it’s not like she still is, not in the same way. Ava is that person now, and she’ll always be. No one else.
Thank god it’s Sunday, between seasons it’s the only moment you’re really having a day off. Usually you get a breakfast somewhere in town, having a fun day together. Catching a movie, watching a tennis match, and since a few weeks you even got Ava to go golfing. Now there’s nothing more to do then watching some Netflix and eat pizza. Let’s have a man-day.
Halfway through the 10th episode of Game of Thrones your phone rings. Not wanting to get off the couch you let it go, knowing it’s not Ava anyway. After one minute it rings again. “Ugh” you breathe getting off the couch and grabbing your phone. On the screen is Aileen’s name. “Oh damn”
“Well, I’m sorry. Someone’s in a bad mood?”
Sighing you put the phone on speaker.
“Pretty much yea. So why?”
“Grumpy much. Well, just wanted to ask if you were still up for our meeting tonight. I arranged to meet up with my dad, so we can finalise everything for Friday. Thought you’d like to do that asap.”
“Okay, tell me. What’s going on Horan? I know you longer than today, I know when somethings bothering you. Is it Ava?”
“It’s nothing okay. Just never mind. I’ll see you tonight then?”
“Wowow, not so fast mister. You better tell me of I’ll get my ass over there so you have to.”
Oh she’d so do that! Throwing your head in a pillow, you just don’t want to answer, but she’ll make you tell either way.
“She fucking found your letters and our pictures together, okay! Happy now?”
“Holy fuck. Really? Shit! Where is she now? Home?”
“Hellno, what do you think. She left the house just after I got home last night. Fuck how could this even happen. I told you we should’ve told her about it all …”
“Oh now it’s my fault? She’s your fucking girlfriend. Well, still up for the whole plan? Or changed your mind?”
“I’m not sure, what if she won’t like it, what if she walks away for good.”
You gasp. The idea of her leaving without returning is your worst nightmare.
“Mate, I know how much she loves you. She looks at you the same way as I did, I know she’d stay. She’s probably just confused and maybe thinking too much. Give her some time, work out your plans and explain. Who knows what she might think after that. If needed I’ll be there to explain my side. Deal?”
“Okay. I’ll be on my way then. See you in a bit.”
Without waiting for her reply you hang up. It scares the shit out of you thinking the whole plan could fail, ending in her leaving you. Let’s not think of it too much, you know she loves you, right. Before getting off the couch you decide to text her, again.
- “Love, I’ll be out for the night. If you need me just call me okay. Hope you’re safe and all. Let me know if I can do anything at all. Love you with all my heart x your man” -
Thursday morning. Days after she left for her parents you wake up in still an empty bed. The house is a complete mess, everywhere are clothes, dished in the sink, beer bottles all over the living room. Yesterday you got a call from Mark, Ava’s brother, telling you she’s doing good, needing some time but probably will be ready to talk soon. This phone call made feel a lot better. After a long cold shower you walk to the kitchen, searching for a clean cup and plate. “There must be one somewhere” you mumble.
After 5 minutes of searching in every cupboard you find a half clean plate and cup. Pouring yourself coffee when the phone rings. With a loud sigh you press on answering and put it on speaker.
“Hi.” you answer shortly.
“Hi…” a small voice answers. Shit it’s her. She’s calling me. She startles you and you drop your cup.
“Hi, omg how are you doing? Everything okay there?”
“I’m fine. Can we talk? I got a letter from Aileen yesterday.” WHAT! Shocked you’re standing in the kitchen. How could she do that, without telling me? What even did she wrote. Fuck.
“Niall? You there?” “Yes I’m sorry, a letter? What did she say?”
“She uuh, she explained about why she wrote that letter, what she felt when we moved in together and stuff. How much she changed since then… I’m not sure what to believe, but I want to believe.”
“She even told me that she knows I love you more than she did. And that you love me more than you loved her. I’m sorry for doubting you, sorry for looking through your stuff. You probably kept it for a reason.” The words she’s saying, all feel shattered but genuine. How can she apologise, you should.
“I throw them away.” you say abruptly. “I mean, after you left I gattered all her letters and pictures of “us” and throw them away. If this is something that’d get between us, I don’t want to have it. I don’t want anything to come in between us.” you hear a little sob on the other side. “My baby girl” you’re thinking.
“Thanks. I think I maybe understand. I miss you so much, thought it’d be easier, but it’s not. Can I come home?” she sobs. Of course she can.
“Of course my love, you can always come home, I never ever want you to leave! Please do. Should I pick you up or…?”
“It’s okay, I’ll ask Mark to bring me later today okay. After dinner? Mum made my favourite meal…” hearing her talk about the happy stuff again makes you smile. She definitely feels better, you can feel it. “Yes! Sure. I’ll see you then… Love you soo much babe” “Love you too” “Bye”
And gone she was. Hearing her voice after a few days felt good, just what you needed, just what she needed. You stare at your phone, with a smile on your face. She’s coming home. Home. Shocked you look around, the house is a complete mess, and you can’t let her come home to this. No! You never can clean this all by yourself, can you? Without thinking you start cleaning the kitchen, throwing all the diches in the dishwasher. Oh if Ava would see this she’d go mental. Haha. After 10 minutes it’s turned on, the kitchen already looks better. You take a cloth out of the cabinet and clean the counters, the stove, even the oven. Everything needs to be clean and shiny. After a while you kind of see the fun in it. Turning on the music, cleaning the house, all for your girl. 3 hours later everything’s cleaned. The bedroom, bathroom, living room, kitchen, even the garden is looking fresh and summer ready again.
“I need a beer” you sigh walking to the washing machine to dump all the used and now dirty cloths. With a beer in one hand, and the remote control in the other you’re sitting on the couch. Rest. Finally. You never cleaned this much in your life. Most of the time you stayed in hotels back in the days, moving around all the time, and when you were home mum was there to clean. And now, now you have Ava, she cleans daily. Probably because she can’t stand your mess. You just see her walking around the house cleaning, her hair tied in a messy bun, wearing he ‘cleaning’ outfit and neon pink socks. Having her cleaning playlist echoing through the house all day. Sometimes she even starts way too early, and one of her songs wake you up, not to mention her singing along. Good thing our neighbours live behind a big concrete wall. Haha. She’d do anything crazy. Looking at the time you only have 2 more hours until she comes home. Fast you change, take your jacket and spend 20 minutes to find your just put away car keys. You check your phone, an hour left to go to the store and get groceries. That will do. You check the house before leaving, everything looks perfect.
“Thanks Mark, I’m sorry for bothering this much.” You tell him when he put your suitcase in front of the door. “Don’t say that sis, I’d do anything for my little sister.” Without a warning he gives you the tightest hug you ever got from him. When you two were younger you always fought. He being 2 years older made you look up to him, but he always teased. Since you two both grew up a bit, the relationship got better and better. He’s your best friend, not wanting to change that for the world. “Love you Marky” you smirk. “Love you Av” he says back, poking my sides before walking back to the car and leaving.
As you turn around you take a deep breath. Walking back into this house feels weird after leaving for almost a week, it never happened before and god you don’t hope it’ll ever happen again. Looking for the keys on your bag you see the letter Aileen wrote you. Still not sure why she even did that. You read the letter over an over again. “I’m sorry for everything. I know he loves you, I know because he loves you more than he loved me. I know you love him, the look in your eyes is the same I had when I looked at him. I don’t love him like that anymore. He told me loud and clear, after ‘the’ letter that he’s with you, and that he’d never wanted to leave you again. He loves you Ava” The words keep going through your head. You know he does, why you even hesitated. Finally you found the keys of the front door. Slowly you unlock the door, walking into the house. The scent of freshly cleaned linen, coconut and vanilla candles and wine enters your nose. You take a deep breath, laying your jacket on the suitcase and you walk to the living room. The room is lit by all the candles, your favourite candles. On the table stands one glass and a wine bottle, your favourite wine. Taking one step into the living room you see him standing at the music player. Standing there, in his black jeans with his white button up. Holding a filled wine glass in his hand, controlling the music with his other. The sight of his back, the muscles flexing and coming through the thin fabric of his shirt. His legs embraced by his jeans, with his favourite white sneakers underneath. He looks stunning, he looks perfect, and he is yours. As he can feel you staring at him, he turns around. “Hi” he whispers. He looks at you, intense. You realise you’re standing there, bare without any make up on, in your favourite baggy jeans and a simple white shirt. “Hi” you whisper back. He moves towards the table, lifting up the one glass waiting there and brings it up to you. “Your favourite” he smiles. With a smile you take the glass from him. Somehow the tension between you two feels like one of the first nights we spend together, the excitement is the same, but also the insecurity. “I’m sorry” you whisper as he turn around to sit down. He sits down, without saying anything, he probably didn’t hear you. With the tension building you sit down next to him. For minutes you two are just sitting there, listening to the music, sipping your wine and casually looking at each other from time to time.
“Don’t be sorry” he says, breaking the silence. “I should be sorry. I should’ve told you, I wanted to tell you but I couldn’t. I knew it’d break your heart somehow so I and Aileen thought it was the best to keep it for ourselves.” “I know” you interrupt him. “I wish I didn’t kept it from you, and just told you. I never wanted to be anything more with her other than being friends. From the moment we broke up, my life changed. From the moment we met it changed even more, and I like this change. I love it. I hope somehow this all could be fixed. I don’t want to lose you” he breathes. You can see the hurt in his eyes. You weren’t the only one hurt, by leaving you hurt him too. He was as broken, he would be broken if I left. Shattered. “I know it all. She explained.” You say, giving him the letter Aileen wrote you.
“Dear Ava, this must be pretty weird for you to read. Trust me it’s as weird for me to write. I’m not even certain what I want to tell you here, I just need to try. First of all I’m really sorry. Sorry for you finding it out like this. Sorry for being such a bitch to you sometimes. Sorry for trying to take away you man. I’m sorry. So, you read my letter. Pretty desperate eh. I was at a low point of my life back then. I still loved Niall, I have to admit that. I loved him a little bit too much. Seeing him move in with you, after a year of dating made me realise it was real. I and Niall dated for 1,5 years, and we never moved in together. I think that made me a little bit jealous. He found a girl he wanted to take the next step with and it wasn’t me. I wish it was me. Every time I saw you two together I got mad. Mad at myself for letting him go. Mad at the world for making him leave. Mad at you for making him happy. This was probably the worst. Finally I and Niall got back together, as friends this time. And I liked it. More than I thought I would. He truly is a good friend. When I realised he was my best friend, and I didn’t felt the same way anymore I moved on. Even got some boyfriends along the way. Okay, no one is as good as Niall is, but eh he’s taken now isn’t he. I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for keeping it, sorry for making him keep it from you. I’m sorry for everything. I know he loves you, I know because he loves you more than he loved me. I know you love him, the look in your eyes is the same I had when I looked at him. I don’t love him like that anymore. He told me loud and clear, after ‘the’ letter that he’s with you, and that he’d never wanted to leave you again. He loves you Ava.
I hope you can forgive me. I hope we can, maybe, be friends one day. I’d love to have Niall in my life, but I’d understand if it’s hard for you to have me around. I hope this explains enough, if not, call me and I’ll explain it more.
“Wow.” He says out loud. He stares at the letter, staring at the words Aileen wrote, wrote to help him. “I know, I didn’t expected this, but I guess her writing this makes her really regret it.” His eyes are locked on the words, his hands are shaking holding the paper. Without thinking you take his hands in yours, feeling his worry disappear. His eyes are tearing up. Not sure if it’s because of the letter, because of Aileen, or because of you sitting here next to him. After a long silence he drops the letter on the table on holds your hands back. Tight he holds them, looking in your eyes. “Oh I love you so so much Ava. I don’t know what I’d do without you. The past couple of day were horrible. Waking up alone, not even with you singing in the kitchen. Having no one around when I got home from work, or if I’d needed some distraction. Oh girl, you are my world.” He breathes, staring at you. “I’m sorry for leaving. I shouldn’t have, I should’ve talked about it, let you know what was going on in my head. I just didn’t knew what happened. Or what was happening. I needed to think…” sobbing you tell him. Before you can continue apologising he cups your cheeks, letting his thumb glide over your lips. His touch is electric. His eyes locked in yours. “Ssst” he whispers before gently pressing his lips on yours. His lips don’t move, they just rest on yours. His hands still on your cheeks. Slowly you move your hands to his head, placing them in the back of his neck, intertwining with his hair. You give him a little smile into the kiss, letting him know it’s okay. Little insecure he moves, kissing your lips with his hands on your cheeks. As soon as you kiss him back his hands pulls you closer, deeper. You shift over to his lap, holding him close to you, as close as you can. His teeth bite softly on your bottom lip, opening your mouth so his tongue can move closer. The feeling of his lips on your, the feeling of his hands on your face, moving their way to your back, it feels like home. His hand cup your back, pulling you in his chest, making him able to kiss you deeper. His hands move all over your body, exploring as if it’s all new, maybe it is. Maybe this is a new phase, a new period you two are going into. You pull away, breaking the kiss, looking into his eyes. His eyes are teary and his face still looks insecure. You take the hem of your shirt and wipe away the one tear that is falling on his cheek. Exposing the skin underneath your shirt, his hands on your back move down, touching the now bare back. He shut his eyes as you wipe away the tear. “I love you” you whisper in his ear before kissing his cheek. “I love you so much” he says crashing his lips back on yours, kissing you passionately.
The next morning you wake up of the heat around you. Looking up you see his head lying on your stomach, and his arms around you. His hair all down on your stomach, one hand next to his face and the other underneath you. Softly you shift, trying to get away from his tight grip. He must have missed you. Oh he did. They wat he treated you last night, how fragile he thought you were. It was sweet. Even though you had to show him you weren’t that fragile at all, and missed him as much as he missed you. We had a long night with some good talks, some amazing kisses and some even better cuddles. With a massive smile on your face thinking about last night you carefully lift his one arm to get out of bed. He shift, mumbles something but immediately lets his head fall on the bed again. He looks so cute asleep. His hair all messy, mainly your fault, his mouth in a small smile and his expression looks so peaceful.
On your tiptoes you walk to the closet, take out one of his dress shirts and put it over your bra. When you walk into the kitchen you see it’s all cleaned up. Everything is shiny, thinking it might be a joke you look into every cabinet, but there’s no mess to be found. The smile on your face can’t get any bigger. You open the fridge to see if there’s any food left in there, surprised to see a full stuffed fridge. Not with just beer and pizza, no there’s fresh fruit, juices, milk everything. You take out some of the fruits, eggs and juices. After you turn on the music you’re making some eggs. There you stand, wearing his shirt, making his eggs after an absolutely amazing night. You move on the beat of the music, swinging with your hips. “Good morning” you startle of his raspy morning voice. You turn around to find him standing in the doorway, wearing only his pyjama pants. Oh damn he looks good. “Morning” you smile back at him. “Hungry?” you ask pointing at the set table with fruits, juices and his eggs. He walk up to you, wrapping his hands around your waist pulling you closer. “I am love, but not for these eggs” he smirks. His eyes look sleepy yet intense. You wrap your arms around his neck, bringing your lips to his ears. “Well mister, satisfy your hunger if you need” you whisper softly in his ears. Letting your lips brush his skin. He pulls you away, looking into your eyes. His eyes are wide open, surprised wide open. His tongue is wetting his lips. “Oh I will my love, later.” He presses a quick kiss on your lips. He stops as soon as you want to kiss him back. He lets go of you and walks to the table. “Thanks for breakfast love, but I need to go. I have a meeting. What about dinner tonight? I pick you up at 7.” He looks at you from the other side of the kitchen, holding a strawberry in his hand. “7pm, be sure you wear something pretty, or nothing” he smirks. “I already made reservations. Use my credit card to buy something pretty. It’s on the nightstand. Love you.” He blows you a kiss before seductively putting the strawberry in his mouth. What a tease. He walks out, you can hear him get his sports bag and the door closing. What just happened? He ignored my invite, teased me back and then dinner. Damnit Niall, who thought you these tricks.
“Aren’t you something, to admire? ‘Cause your shine is something like a mirror and I can’t help it but notice you reflect in this heart of mine. If you ever feel alone and the glare makes me hard to find. Just know that I’m always parallel on the other side.”
The song starts, our songs. The song played on the moment you said the 3 words for the first time. It sometimes feels like yesterday. He just left, but this won’t let you stop you from having an amazing morning. Dancing around the kitchen you eat your breakfast, cleaning it all before getting changed. So, dress shopping today it is. He gives you his credit card all the time, even though you have your own. It’s not like you can’t afford to get your own stuff, but you guess he likes to spoil you. Too be honest, you don’t mind. Putting on a simple outfit, black pants, a white – slightly see through – top and black blazer. Throwing on some black heels and some of your fancy jewellery. Ready to put on some make up you first decide to ask someone to tag along. But who? You don’t like to take your mum, she’d probably ask too many questions about every single dress you try on.
- “Hi, I need to get a new dress for dinner tonight, want to help me out? You know how I am with shopping. Ready to leave whenever xoxo” -
Before pressing on send you reread the text again. Should I send it? Oh why not. “Send” you say while pressing it. Not waiting on reply you throw your phone on the bed and walk up to the dresser. Applying a clean eyeliner and some classy pink lipstick, trying not to hard to look good. Never been fond of looking all dressed up anyway. Or at least not before you met Niall. When you met you got pulled in the world of galas, parties and events. All black tie or evening wear. You side of the closet is full of designer dressed Niall bought for you in the beginning of your relationship. Nowadays you don’t let him buy you anything anymore. Last touch of blush, before reaching to your phone. As you hold it your screen lights up. A text.
- “Hi, good to hear from you. Of course I want to help. I’m ready to go. Picking me up?” -
Thank god she texted me back, you were almost afraid it’d get awkward. With a feeling of achievement, suggesting to meet up with her you text her back. “Lipstick check, phone check, money check” you look through your purse to see if you have everything. Standing at the door you get your car keys and walk out. “Here we go” you take a deep breath.
You drive through town, according to your gps this is her building. You find a parking stop and wait. Your heart is pounding, the music is trying to relax you but it’s not working much. Seconds later your phone buzzes.
- “Black Audi right? X” -
As you’re texting back you hear a knock on the car, looking outside she’s standing in front of the door. You smile and she steps in. “Hi” you say smiling at her. “Hi, how are you?” she asks sincere. “I’m doing good thanks, you really helped figuring it all out.” “I’m glad I could help. Appreciate you asking me to come along. Don’t have much friends here in London. Never really do these casual shopping trips.” She sounds sad. You didn’t knew all this, if you knew you would’ve tried to at least be friends. Or hang out. “I’m sorry if I knew….” She interrupts before can finish. “It’s okay Ava, happy we do it now. So where we going?” you turn on the engine and drive onto the street. “Let’s hit Sloane Street first” you say and she nods. For a moment you thought it’d be awkward sitting next to her, the girl who started the troubles this week, but it’s not. She’s not that bad. Haha.
Strolling through the racks, seeing the most beautiful dresses hanging there. Looking at the price tags still shock you, also this Niall tried to get rid of, your constant nagging about the price. You haven’t found the perfect dress yet, by the looks of it Aileen did. She walks around with a personal rack filled with dress. “Need a dress too?” you smile as she walks by. “Girl, this is for you!” she nods to the rack. On there you see some gorgeous black dresses. Taking a look at the labels, all designers ones and from the summer collection. “How?” you look at her. She only smiled. “Connections my love” she says taking your hand and walking to the changing rooms. Connections, what kind of connections could she have. No time to think about that as she pushes you into the room to fit the first few dresses. The first dress you try on is a short black dress, with bead and sequin embellishments. It’s stunning, you stare at yourself in the mirror. “You done yet!” you hear a voice from the other side. You step outside the room, to the waiting area. Aileen is sitting there, sipping a glass of champagne. Her eyes widen as she see you walking up in that dress. “Wow Ava that looks stunning.” She hands you a glass too. “Really. Didn’t knew you were this gorgeous. Nialls lucky lad.” You blush. Most of the time you just wear jeans and simple shirts. No one except Niall and his work colleagues have seen me in dresses much. You look at yourself again. “I love it! But isn’t it a bit short?” You see her checking you out, following the small curves of your body. “Hmm maybe it is” she takes another sip. “Next!” she yells. Dress number two, a silk dress with sheer panels. The dress falls perfectly over your body. The sheer panels expose a little bit of your stomach, shoulders and back. “Omg Ava” she shouts when you walk out in the dress. The hem of the dress flows as you walk. “This looks so you, imagine wearing a leather jacket and some killer heels. Perfect!” she says exciting. Before you know it she ran back into the store. Minutes later she runs back in with a leather jackets and some heels. “Okay let’s go you found it.” She says not even giving you the shoes. “Uhhh” you mumble. “It’s okay, I’m not gonna make you look stupid.” She winks.
On the way back to her place you stopped by a jewellery store, she made you look at some new bracelets and earrings. Both you found, or well she did. She’s an impulsive shopper. She bought some herself too, and weird enough everywhere we came they knew her. “Can I ask you something” you say when turning into her street. “Sure always” she smiles. “How come people know you, like connections” you blush from asking. She smiles. “My dad’s a pretty big guy in the football and golf world. Born rich, so people always want to know us. Sometimes it’s annoying, but today I finally could use it for a good cause.” She says looking at all your bags in the backseat. “Okay, just wondering really.” You giggle. “I had fun, we need to do this more often.” She says when you pull up in front of her apartment. “We sure need to. Thanks for helping me. I hope Niall will love this outfit.” “Oh love, I don’t doubt he will! Have fun tonight, and if you need me just text me ok.” She gets out of your and waves before closing the door.
The ride back home takes just 10 minutes, too short to overthink what happened today. It was fun, that for sure. I emptied Nialls bank account, that’s sure too. Pulling up to the house you don’t see his car in the parking lot. Thank god. Not able to face him after the way you spend money today. You walk into the house with your bags, drops them in the bedroom and walks straight to the wine. It’s 5pm so the perfect time for a drink. Liquid encouragement. After drinking a whole glass of your favourite wine you walk to the bathroom to take a shower. The hot water is falling on your cold skin, creating a pleasant feeling. Washing your hair, and clearing your head. Showers are one of the best moments of the day. Taking a short one now because you have to get ready for dinner. With wet hair you step into the bedroom, wearing some short sweatpants and your bra. What’s the point in getting dressed when you need to put on that dress later? Drying your hair, you curl it into some natural waves. Keeping your make up simple, a clean eyeliner and a red lip. All this done it’s time to open the bags. Starting with the dress. You open the box, and pull out the £2500 dress. The fabric flows so beautiful. You pull it over your head, letting it naturally fall. You pull out another box, the leather jacket Aileen got for you. She insisted to buy the £700 jacket and the shoes. The shoes are stunning. The sheer panels on the foot, and the golden piping are a masterpiece, nothing I don’t expect for £700. Finally it’s time for the jewellery. You fall totally in love with the earrings of Anne Sisteron. The white pearls and the golden details are stunning. Not to mention the love for your new bracelet. Both together worth another £3500. Thinking of these prices you apologise to Niall in your head, over and over again. When you wear the total outfit you look in the mirror.
Last look in the mirror. “Ready for dinner” you tell your reflection. Looking on your phone you see it’s 6:55pm, perfection timing like usual. On your heels you walk through the house, collection all your stuff before waiting on Niall. He must be here any minute, he’s never late.
Stepping outside you see a black range rover pull up. It stop right in front of you and the driver steps out of the car. “Miss Jones?” he asks opening the door to the backseat. You nod, walking up to the car to get in. Expecting Niall to sit in the car, you are surprised there’s only a note on the other seat. As soon as the driver gets back in the car, and drives away you open the note.
“See you met James, he’ll be bringing you to our dinner. Underneath your seat you find a box, open it and use it. Don’t be stubborn. You’ll need them. See you later love x”
Oh boy what is he doing? These notes remind you of the first week you two lived together, and he wrote notes every night to stick around the house. When you woke up you found the one on your phone, he made a whole story through the house, ending at his side of the bed with a note saying “kiss me”. It was probably the cutest thing anyone did. Putting the note next to you, you reach for the box underneath your seat. It’s a black box with a white bow. Curiously you open the box, finding a pair of black converse with another note. Laughing you open the note.
“Knowing you’re wearing heels, I thought these might be more convenient.”
Of course. “5 more minute Miss” James says looking in the mirror. “Thanks James” you answer politely. With already a big smile on your face you open the clasps of your shoes and step into the converse. He picked the right size, they fit perfectly, and it suits your outfit surprisingly good. The car stops, James gets out and walk up to your door. He opens the door, and as you step outside you finally see where he’s been taking you.
The lit up stadium is shining bright in this clear night. The spots are moving, and the arc is coloured red. You smile as James tells you to get to the entrance. With a polite nod you take you purse and shoes and walk to the entrance of the massive stadium. There he stands, in front of the main entrance, wearing his perfect blue suit. His dark blue jacket falls perfectly over his white shirt, his eyes sparkle by the sunset as he stares at the ground. You stop for a moment, looking at his blonde hair perfectly done, his hands in his pockets and his feet nervously moving around. You stare at the small nervous smile on his face, at the way he moves his hand through his hair, his feet slowly move around. While staring he looks up, directly finding your staring gaze, you smile nervously as he removes his hands out of his pockets and slowly moves towards you. For a moment you freeze, then your feet move, slowly moving to him, keeping your eyes locked at his. You stop, he stops, inches from each other, his hands move to your arm, softly petting it. “Hi” he says. I can see relieve in his bright blue eyes. “Hi” you say as you move your head to his, giving him a little kiss on his cheek. He looks nervous, you’re too, but trying to let him know he doesn’t need to be. “You look stunning” he says looking at you. His eyes move from your eyes down. They stop when he sees your shoes. “Nice shoes. Matching” he smirks. You hold up your heels. “I’d rather worn these tho” you whisper. He looks at the heels you hold in your hand, a smile appears on his face. “I might reconsider these converse later.” he says when he grabs your wrist and pulls you towards the stadium. “What?” shocked you look at the open door, going inside the stadium. With his hand in yours you walk through the hallways of Wembley, seeing the photos of the players, as you walk by the main hall. “Wait here” he says, leaving you in front of a big door. He slowly moves behind you, letting your hand go as he’s fully behind you, moving both of his hands to your face, blinding you with his soft big hands. A little gasp escapes your lips by the touch of his warm hands on your face. “Don’t peek” he says with an obvious smirk on his face. You smile, when you hear the doors open, a loud bang echoes through the hall as they get unlocked. You feel his chest lightly pushing against your back, telling you to move forward. Fully trusting him you walk forward, taking small steps as you feel the solid ground changing into the soft grass. “A few more steps” he says, still with both hands on your face. His head next to yours, his chest against your back and his feet slowly pushing yours with each step you two walk these last few steps. You feel his head move, he nods, and with that a loud bang echoes through the stadium, the lights go off. “Don’t be scared” he says, feeling your hands move shocked to his. His hands slowly lose grip, letting go of your face. Your hands move down to your hips. As soon as he let go of your face you keep your eyes closed, you feel his hands on your hips, pulling you into him. You hear the smile on his face, you feel his hands on your hips and you feel his heartbeat on your back. Your eyes slowly open, looking straight into his beautiful blue eyes, they look even brighter against the dark night sky. “Don’t look at me” he says as he tightens his grip on your hips and turns you around. Your sight falls on a perfect setting, right on the middle centre spot of the field stands a small table, perfectly covered with the prettiest roses in the world. A few yards further stands a small but comfortable tent, in front of it are laying some pillows and blankets, making the most romantic setting. You turn around, swinging your hands around his neck, his hands follow and land on your hips. You look into his eyes, he’s waiting for a response, not finding any words you crash yours lips on his. Before he can kiss you back you pull your lips away, looking into his bright blue eyes seeing a sparkle. “I love it!” you say, giving him a small kiss on his lips. “Good, well lets go sit” he smiles and takes your hand, walking toward the table. Before you reach the table he swings you around, surprising you with a loveable kiss. Your hands trail from his back to his neck, as his slowly move down to your hips. You feel him smile into the kiss as you reach his hair, slowly moving your hands through his blonde locks.
He breaks the kiss, and pulls out your seat. “Thank you” you smile. As he sits down, a waiter walks up to the table, filling both your glasses with champagne and placing the first dish in front of you. “This is amazing” you look around the stadium. The spots are turned off, only on is focused on you and the arc is still red. The stars are shining bright tonight, making the view even more spectacular. “It is right, cheers” he holds his glass. You take yours and take a little sip. You look around on the pitch, besides the little romantic camping site there’s a mini golf course set up on the other side of the pitch. Two of his, or maybe three of his passions combined. This would be an amazing night. “Enjoying the view” he brings you back to reality. You smile, taking a bite of your food. The rest of dinner you two eat in almost silence. Just looking at each other, enjoying the moment of being together, really being together. When the waiter serves dessert Niall nods at him, telling him he can leave. Does this mean we’re all alone in this stadium? The many ideas and thoughts are going through your head. “What’ya thinking of” he smirks. “Nothing” you say putting some of your chocolate cake in your mouth. “Hmm” is his only response. He watches you finishing your plate or probably the best chocolate lava cake you’ve ever ate. He gets up after you finished and takes your hand. As soon as you two both stand the light of the one spot moves to the little golf course. There’s a teeing ground and one hole with a red flag. “Shall we” he asks holding your hand. You smile as you walk to the golf area. On a professional way he takes a golf club out of the bag and hands it you. On this moment you really love the converse you wearing. He takes his own club and walks to the ball which is already lying on the grass. “Best out of 3?” he smirks at me, knowing he’s much better at this game then you are. “Sure mister, watch it” you say confident, playing along. He bends over a little bit, his hands move over the golf club down as he shakes his bum a bit while he test hits the ball. The third time he hits it, making the ball fly to the other side, hitting it straight in the hole. “That’s how you do it” he walks up to you, gives you a ball and smiles. “Watch and learn” you walk to the teeing ground and places the ball on the ground. Slowly you spread your legs a little and bend over. Extra sensual you shake you bum, knowing he’s watching you closely. You look to the hole, back at the ball before you hit it, hard. The ball flies to the flag, and like a lucky shot it hits the hole. You flip your hair, turning around and seeing his face dropped. His eyes are shocked. “Like what you see” you tease. Pecking a little kiss on his cheek while handing him his second ball. “Uuuh” he mumbles, speechless. The next two balls he hits straight in the hole, nothing less you expected from him. It’s time for your last chance, its 3-2 for him now, so hitting this one it’s a tie. Instead of handing you the ball he places it on the ground for you. He walks up to you and looks intense in your eyes. His hand moves to your waist and he pulls you close to him. His head moves close to you, so close you can feel his breath on your face. “Take a good look, you’ll need it” he says, placing a kiss on your lips before letting you go. Confused you walk to the ball. You look to the whole, the flag is flowing in the wind and the spot is lightening up the whole area. Again you spread your legs, stand steady next to the ball and hold the club firmly. Hole, ball, hole, ball. You focus on the ball for the last time before hitting it, you see something. An extra look is needed to see what’s lying on the golf ball in front of you. Your mouth drops. You drop the clubs and bring your hands to your face. Fast you turn around, seeing him on his knees behind you. “Dear Ava, I know we’ve had a weird week, but I couldn’t cancel this all. Since day one, I saw you in the crowd at my football debut, I knew you were the one. Since the first kiss, outside of our training field, I knew I never wanted to kiss anyone else. Since our first trip together, Paris a year ago, I knew no one else could make me this happy as you do. You are my everything, you are my angel. Be mine, be mine for ever. Ava Jones, will you marry me?”
The tears in your eyes fall on your cheeks. Is this really happening right now? The man you love so much, the man you never want to leave asks you to marry him. With the tears in your eyes you walk up to him, you drop on your knees and kiss him. Hard. He hold your face, kissing you even deeper. Then he breaks the kiss, placing his forehead on yours, looking at you with love. “Yes, yes I want to” you whisper. As soon as you say the first yes his lips are back on yours. The kiss is full of relieve and happiness, love and patience. He stands up, taking you with him. His hands around your waist as he lifts you in the air and spins you around. Your feet hit the ground again and you burry your head in his chest. Holding him close to you, ready to never let go. His hand hold yours as he moves toward the ball on the ground, taking the ring and looks in your eyes. “Here you go future Ms. Horan” he says when he puts the beautiful ring on your finger. “Thanks future husband” you whisper in the kiss. His mouth is moving on yours, making you forget the whole world around you. The fact you two are standing in an empty stadium, just had dinner like its normal and he just proposed. He proposed. You kiss him deeper, letting your tongue glide over his, your hands tug into his hair making him moan into the kiss. His holds your waist and lifts you up, letting you wrap your legs around his waist. His feet slowly start to move toward the dinner table. Your lips not disconnecting until you heard the sound of fireworks. You look up to the sky, seeing the most beautiful colours fly into the air. He softly lays you on the pillows before the tent, together you lie there looking at the fireworks. You smile at him, he did all this. “Thanks” you whisper shyly. “For you I’d do everything” he whispers back kissing your neck. The fireworks stop and the light of the arc shuts down, seconds later the spot that still on the golf area shuts down too. “Now we’re really all alone” he whispers kissing your neck. You smile.
For a little while you lay in his arm, looking at the stars in the sky, admiring him. Just lying here with him is everything you ever want to do. His hands move over your shoulders. You notice he’s been looking at you for a few minutes already. You lift yourself up, leaning on your elbows, looking at him. “Hi” you whisper. Without any warning he kisses you, slowly he moves around, tracing his tongue over you lip. You don’t hesitate and open your mouth a little, just enough for his tongue to enter. His hands move through your hair as yours move slowly over his back, pulling up his shirt a bit. He smiles into the kiss as you move your hands over his bare back. He kisses you deeper, passionate. Moving your hands over his back you feel his back muscles as you dug your fingers into his back. A little gasp escapes his lips, making you smile into the kiss. You pull his shirt higher and higher until you reach his head, he leans back, breaking the kiss as he lets you pull his shirt off. A second after you took it over his head, his lips are on yours again. This time his hands move down your back, reaching for the zipper of your dress. He slowly pulls the zipper down, all the way to your lower back. His hands move back up, tracing over your bare back, reaching for your shoulders. He takes your dress and pulls it over your arms. You let go of his back, to make him undo your dress. You hand immediately move to his head, keeping him close to you and kissing you. He suddenly turns you on your back, making him hover over you. His fingers trace down the exposed skin, up and down from your hips as he takes the dress down. You’re lying there, underneath the most handsome guy in the world, which eyes are so bright you can drown in them, soon to be your husband. You look up, he’s sitting on your hips, slowly moving down his chest to his pants. You closely follow his hands, you see the clear lines of his abs, as he reaches the zipper of his pants. His pants slowly fall down his hips, showing his thighs, you bite on your lip by the look of them. He moves his hands down your chest to your face, cups your cheeks and looks into your eyes. “I love you so much Ava” he says as he moves his eyes up and down your body. You feel your cheeks turn red, his hands moves to your hands, taking them beside your head. He moves down and kisses you deep. His hands on your hands as you feel his bare chest against you, his legs slowly move against yours, making your moan in the kiss. His hands let yours go, moving to your waist, slowly pushing you down into the mattress. He breaks the kiss, leaving you in shock as he moves his lips down you neck, slowly sucking you sensitive spot. Your eyes shut as he moves down, leaving kisses down your chest, stomach to your hips.
He stops, his hands on your hips, you feel his warm breath on you when you open your eyes. Looking down you see a pair of bright blue eyes looking up, smiling when you meet his gaze. He breaths out before he pressing a kiss on your center. A light moan escapes from your lips when he presses his lips against you again, his fingers dug into your hips. Your hands reach around to find something to hold, soft moans escape your lips, not trying to be loud. You feel his warmth through your whole body, it slowly builds up. “Niall” escapes from your lips, feeling a smile on you, confirming he likes it. Your back lifts up from the mattress when his fingers slowly circle around you, before entering you. His lips places kissing on your hipbone as his finger slowly goes back and forth inside you, making you moan his name. The pit in your stomach is building up, he increased his pace as he feels you clenching around him, making you moan even harder. Meanwhile your hands let go of the sheets and took hold of his blonde locks. Tugging them roughly as he goes back inside you, his tongue tracing circles around you. “Oh god” you breath out, with that he takes his fingers out, moves his tongue away from you and looks up. “You taste so sweet” he smirks as he moves back up, crashing his lips on yours. The kiss is rough and deep, you can taste yourself in the kiss. Your hands move to his back, tracing down his muscles all the way down, reaching the hem of his boxers. As he lays on top of you, you already feel him hardening against you. You tug down his boxers, making him moan by the freedom he gets. Your fingers trace down his hips to the front, slowly teasing him around his length. Roughly he moves his hands to yours, taking your hands back next your head. He kisses you, deepening the kiss by moving down, letting his tip touch your center. His hands on yours, his lips on yours, him in you. He pushes in, roughly, you feel an electric shock through your body, making you shiver. He looks at you, his eyes are full of love and lust, a combination you never saw this strong before. “I love you” you whisper before you crash your lips on his, pulling him down, deepening the kiss and making him thrust inside you again. Holding him close you as he thrusts back and forth inside you, his thrusts getting deeper and faster. His breathing gets heavy, his warm breath falls down your shoulder as he kisses your neck, your hands move up and down his back, leaving multiple red lines. “Fuck Ava” he moans into your neck. His hands around your waist, pulling you close, yours around his back, pulling him closer. He thrusts faster, deeper and harder when you both are reaching your high. “Oh god” you moan, the pit in your stomach builds up, creating a familiar feeling through your whole body, your legs are shaking as he thrusts back in. You feel yourself clenching around him, he feels it too, making it harder to thrust back in. He rolls his hips one more time, making it his deepest and hardest thrust, letting you both reach your high. “Fuck!” he moans. He thrusts one more time, slowly, lovable as he runs out his high. He looks up, straight into your eyes, making you smile a little. He smiles as he looks down, taking in every inch of your body. “Damn you look so good” he breaths. He looks at your lips, but not kissing them, he looks back up to your eyes. He slowly leans in, too slow, you bring up your head to meet him halfway. You kiss him passionately, lovable, trying to thank him for this. “You too” you gasp in the kiss. He smiles, breaks the kiss, looks into your eyes, leans in to kiss your forehead. He falls back on the little mattress in the tent, and you let your head rest on his chest. You feel his heartbeat slow down, and his breathing. His warm hands are tracing up and down your bare back. Your hand is lying on his stomach as you stare at the ring. The ring. “I love it” you whisper in his chest. You feel his lips press a kiss in your hair. “I love you” he whispers before you feel his breathing get even. After a few minutes you feel him falling asleep. You press a little kiss on his chest before you allow yourself to fall asleep too.
When you wake up it is still dark outside. The tent is lit up by little lights, it looks so romantic. Last night you didn’t had a chance to really look at it, not regretting it tho. You look around, searching for a blanket. On the floor are your clothes, and in the corner lies a red blanket. You try to move out of Nialls grip to get the blanket. You wrap the blanket around you, and walk on to the pitch. The sky is slightly lit up by the upcoming sunset. You look at the dinner table, it is all cleaned up and instead of dinner there’s some breakfast. You walk up there, wrapped in the red blanket. You see fresh strawberries, chocolate, a new bottle of champagne and a note. You open the note. “Congratulations future Ms. & Mr. Horan enjoy breakfast” You smile, Ms Horan, you can get used to that. Ava Horan. Saying the name over and over again. You startle of a pair of cold hands holding you. His lips press a kiss in your exposed neck, moving to your shoulders. “Good morning beautiful” he whispers in the kiss, turning you around. “Morning” you say before pressing your lips on his. You hold on to the blanket, not wanting to be completely naked in the middle of Wembley Stadium. He smiles into the kiss. Breaking the kiss he hands you his white shirt. You look up to him seeing he’s wearing a plain black t shirt. “Forgot to tell me I needed spare clothes” you smile taking the shirt. He takes the blanket and lets me put on his dress shirt. “Nope, I wanted you to wear this” he smirks enjoying you wearing his shirt, which reaches just beneath your bum. You turn away, walking to the chair, shacking your bum a bit more than normal. “Tease” he snaps. You smile and sit down. “What more did you arranged?” you smile looking at breakfast. He looks surprised. “Well this wasn’t me. I didn’t plan any breakfast on the pitch here to be honest.” Now you’re confused too. He takes the note, reads it twice before having that one look on his face. He starts to laugh, oh his laugh. “What?” you snap. “Aileen, she did this.” This makes you even more confused. “What!” “No, uhh, she helped me plan all this” he blushes. He sat down, giving you a glass of champagne. “All the meetings we had, breakfast and stuff, it was all planning this. Her dad made sure the stadium was empty for 2 days. She helped me to get all the stuff here, even arrange the fireworks. I was surprised to even hear you asked her to help you too. So yea…” he sounds nervous telling you this. “That’s sweet, guess I have to thank her” you pinch his hands. “And not me?” he teases. You look at his, dipping a strawberry in the chocolate and putting it in your mouth. “Already thanked you last night didn’t I” you smirk. He smiles and kisses your hand, the ring. This is the perfect beginning for a perfect life. A life with Niall.
