Him: So do you know why you’re here?
Me: *Getting my composure and stuff together* I’m gonna assume, I had a seizure. I had some ecstasy. I’m good to go?
Him: No. Ms. Bain. Yes, I can see the mdma in your system but this is not why you can’t go yet. How much water did you drink last night?
Me: oh I don’t know a few 2L, I was pretty high, I was trying to get it out of my system.
Him: Yea well, you almost drown yourself. We need you to stay a little while longer just to be safe.
Me: *starts to cry* okay.
Four years ago I woke up in a hospital bed. This wasn’t new to me; I woke up often in hospital beds the seven years prior to that; sometimes because of seizures but mostly because of drug overdoses.. Even though I would lie to the ones I loved most and tell them it was my brain condition that had me frequently in emerge.. That’s what this was an overdose/amp; but it wasn’t the Ecstasy that almost killed me it was the mass amount of water I drank. I almost drown my organs internally trying to shock the high out of my system.. this was the first time I woke up and thought about everything I could lose my apartment my job I had worked so hard that the steps back weren’t worth the escape of the high.. if I didn’t have so much to lose in that moment I would probably be dead. I think about this often; because I used to swear You couldn’t be happy without MDMA. I have experienced so many more moments of happiness crushing goals I thought I would never accomplish in the four years I’ve been clean. And I’m just really excited I got to see and experience that and I am excited to see how many more goals that can crush over the next decades (hopefully of my life)