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Today, we’re exploring six big differences between the ENFJ and ESFJ. These personalities can easily mistype as each other but it’s easy to distinguish them when you know what sets them apart.
1. ENFJS LOOK TO THE FUTURE; ESFJS THRIVE ON THE CERTAINTY OF RIGHT NOW
As Intuitive types, ENFJs prefer to think about ideas, concepts and the future rather than what's happening around them right now. For example, an ENFJ teacher might look at a child who is behaving badly in the classroom and think about what the future might look like for that child if they don’t do the right thing for them. These forward-thinking types see potential everywhere and in everyone. They enjoy helping people grow into their best selves.
On the flip side, ESFJs focus on practical things, such as what’s happening in the external world. An ESFJ teacher will see a child being disrespectful or defacing school property and hone in on what this is doing to their classroom and the onlooking kids. Then, they’ll follow the school’s procedure for dealing with the incident. They won’t be cold about it – ESFJs are as warm and encouraging as they come. But their initial focus is dealing with the situation in the moment, not where the child will be in 10 years.
2. ESFJS LIKE STABILITY; ENFJS LOOK FOR CHANGE
ESFJs like to uphold traditions and stick to a set of ingrained values, so they often aren’t open to change. For instance, an ESFJ might have difficulty grasping more progressive changes at work or feel uncomfortable when their marriage roles are reversed. ESFJs do get behind positive changes eventually, but they’re very untrusting of anything outside the mainstream and have to be nudged outside of their comfort zones.
ENFJs are the opposite – they like new ideas and champion positive changes. Since their eyes are always open to people’s potential, it's a huge win when they see a difference in someone’s outcomes and behavior. In addition, these types aren’t afraid of embracing changes necessary to a better society for their friends, family, and fellow men — even if it’s nontraditional.
3. ENFJS ARE FASCINATED BY THE UNKNOWN; ESFJS PREFER CONCRETE FACTS
ENFJs like concepts and abstractions. They’re fascinated by the unknown, so new ideas and theories energize them. Instead of noticing the obvious, like proven facts and data, they look past those to find something deeper. ENFJs love pointing out unproven theories or faults, and they’re adept at spotting a red herring.
ESFJs find comfort in proven statistics, data and ideas. They don’t strive to find unproven things; they want practical information and hard logic that they can back up. The “unknown” makes these types feel unstable, so they will also look for the certain things in life like their own memories and past experiences.
4. ENFJS SPEAK IN METAPHOR AND ANALOGY; ESFJS SAY IT LIKE IT IS
Remember ENFJs have a thing for abstract ideas? Well, one of their favorite parts of speech is figurative language. Think of your favorite English teacher and how passionate they got about clever metaphors, similes and symbols required reading. That pretty much sums up how an ENFJ speaks.
While you might hear an ENFJ talking in riddles, the ESFJ is clear-cut in speech and prefers concise, to-the-point language. If you’re an ESFJ, you don’t beat around the bush or make something difficult to grasp; you use plain language and explain things sequentially with a clear beginning, middle and end.
5. ENFJS PUSH FOR SELF-IMPROVEMENT; ESFJS PUSH FOR WHAT’S SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE
In relationships, ENFJs don’t let up on encouraging their significant others, friends, families and even themselves to be a better person tomorrow than they are today. They want everyone to grow and aren’t afraid to tell people about areas they could improve in. They aren’t annoying or negative about it; rather, they show people their potential and give them positive words of affirmation, offering support and a shoulder to lean on along the way.
ESFJs approach relationships in a more traditional sense. They’re more determined to uphold tradition in their relationships, especially regarding their significant others. ESFJs expect their loved ones to keep the same values and belief systems, and get uncomfortable when someone challenges these beliefs. They want to be a “perfect” wife or husband based on their traditional ideals and squash conflict as quickly as possible. Although they aren’t against self-improvement, they look at growth through the lens of the mainstream and will do everything in their power to fit in.
6. ESFJS LOOK BEFORE THEY LEAP; ENFJS DIVE HEAD FIRST
ESFJs are the definition of cautious. Despite these types being Feelers, they try not to let emotions rule over their practical outlook on life. They don’t like to jump into something without planning it out. These aren’t the personality types who will throw it all to the wind to start a new business without a game plan — or even get a radical new haircut. That’s not to say they won’t take an occasional risk, but it’s always a considered one that comes after a days-long, agonizing internal debate.
The ENFJ, on the other hand, can be impulsive. If you’re the type who dives right into something you’re passionate about, you’re probably an ENFJ, not an ESFJ. ENFJs feel energized by learning new ideas and starting a new activity, and they don’t always consider the implications before doing so. ENFJs can be unrealistic at times, and definitely can spread themselves too thin, but their desire to serve a greater purpose can lead to incredible, life-changing experiences.
How to Spot Each Myers-Briggs® Personality Type in Conversation
How to Spot an ISTJ in Conversation
ISTJs think before they speak. You’ll notice that they quietly reflect before responding. Their conversation is very sequential and you can usually follow their thought process easily because they are concerned with making sure everything is as linear and factual as possible. They will use concrete details and a lot of comparative words in their speech, such as “looks like”, “is similar to”, or “remember when”. They can easily recall past data and experiences and will pull from that to add authority to what they’re saying.
When an ISTJ speaks, their main goal is to relay facts and experiences; they’re not likely to exaggerate or add a lot of physical movement. They’re not trying to be the center of attention. In fact, they can be quite mysterious. They don’t tend to use a lot of facial expressions or body language, because the emotion related to what they are saying is all experienced internally rather than externally. Most of their feelings and reactions are very private so they can appear somewhat stoic even if they feel very strongly about something.
ISTJs tend to feel ill at ease when they’re asked to discuss their feelings or emotions. They especially dislike being asked or expected to respond emotively to something they are unprepared for. They tend to keep their feelings private and being put on the spot like this is stressful for them.
How to Spot an ISFJ in Conversation
ISFJs, like ISTJs, think and reflect before they speak. They don’t want to be rushed to respond because they want time to go over the facts and their personal observations before making a judgment. They speak in sequential order, making sure everything follows a linear and chronological timeline. It is usually easy to follow what they are saying, and they will use plenty of concrete details and examples to make it easy for people to understand what they are experiencing in their minds. They use comparative words in their speech, such as “tastes like”, “reminds me of”, “is just like”, or “remember when”.
When an ISFJ speaks, their goal is to relay useful information to people. They often empathize with the individuals they are speaking with and will say things to show solidarity, like “I understand how you feel”, or “that makes perfect sense”. They are usually polite and responsive facially when someone is speaking to them. It is very important to them that the person they are speaking to feels heard.
ISFJs may feel ill at ease when dealing with a lot of criticism or theoretical, long-range forecasting. They like to work with facts they know and experiences they can trust, so predicting based on new, untested theories can tire them. They also tend to take criticism personally and can get very stressed in confrontational or debative environments.
How to Spot an ESTJ in Conversation
ESTJs think out loud and need to process their ideas externally. It tends to sound like they’re stating facts and judgments when really they are just throwing out ideas and thoughts in order to work out a conclusion for themselves. They like to hear other people’s responses to their ideas and thoughts because this helps to stimulate their own ideas and conclusions. They tend to talk to themselves if they’re alone. Extraverted Thinking, their dominant process, doesn’t function as well in an internalized state so you’ll find ESTJs speaking, making diagrams, graphs, or charts to try to “get out” their thoughts and solve problems.
ESTJs sound factual, realistic, and confident when they speak. They are good at remembering facts and details and tend to compare present to past to see if something is trustworthy, reliable, or inconsistent. They don’t change subjects a lot unless it’s through a logical connection. They can appear tactless, especially when they are young because they hate to sugarcoat things and believe so strongly in being as honest and straightforward as possible.
ESTJs tend to enjoy friendly debates because they enjoy competition, and debate allows them to think out loud and enjoy a mutual give-and-take in conversation.
ESTJs tend to feel ill at ease in conversations that require them to be patient or delicate with other people’s feelings. They may see it as a waste of time or confusing because they are usually very direct and open with their principles and intentions and can inadvertently hurt the feelings of people with different values or beliefs. They tend to come across as opinionated in their values and so others might see them as being bossy or judgmental when they are forthcoming.
How to Spot an ESFJ in Conversation
ESFJs use a lot of “we’s” and “us’s” in their speech. They want to get on the same page and find common ground with the person they are speaking to. Their priority is to maintain harmony between people, so they are very careful with their choice of words and when they say them. These types don’t want to offend anyone and they are usually good at being politically correct. They are good at taking care of the group, introducing people, and ensuring everyone is comfortable. They will even make fun of themselves if it will help someone to feel more comfortable. They want to relate to other people and make sure they don’t feel alone, so they’ll compare similar experiences and say things like “I completely understand!”, “I hear you!”, or “I can relate”.
ESFJs are good at picking up on the emotional temperature of the room they are in, and they will try to diffuse conflict as quickly as possible. This can irritate some types, who enjoy friendly debate or argument but are legitimately not in a conflict situation.
ESFJs tend to move group processes towards closure and there will usually be a timeline for their social interactions. They don’t want to impede on someone else’s time so they are conscientious about what the appropriate lengths of time are to stay during a social engagement. They arrive on time, leave on time, and notice when people seem tired, distracted, or busy.
ESFJs use concrete details and facts in their speech and they are usually concerned with the concrete needs of the people around them. For example, they will remember to ask if someone needs a glass of water or if they need someone to hang up their coat. They tend to actively serve others in group situations; giving practical, tangible solutions to people’s problems as much as possible. They usually appear empathetic, friendly, and in control.
ESFJs can feel ill at ease in conversations that revolve around debate or critical analysis. They tend to dislike conversations that have a risk of offending others or creating a rivalry. Detailed technical conversations can also bore them if there is no human component involved.
How to Spot an ISTP in Conversation
ISTPs will usually sound very concise, factual, and direct when they speak. They do all their analysis internally, so you won’t usually hear their thought process out loud. You will hear their conclusion or decisions once they have been fully formed. They aren’t likely to ramble on about half-baked ideas or theories because they do all that processing on their own and in private. They will often pause while they are speaking to search for just the right word; they are very particular and precise about their vocabulary and phrasing.
ISTPs can come across as opinionated because they are so aware of what’s real, what’s factual, and the precision of their own logic. They’ve taken their time to form a conclusion, they’ve checked the facts, and so they feel there is no more to discuss or debate. They are usually very skilled at seeing logical pros and cons, practical realities, and detailed sensory data. They appear reserved, private, yet extremely attentive to their surroundings.
ISTPs tend to feel ill at ease when they are asked to express their finer feelings or emotions. They may appear more stoic than they really are, or if they are extremely stressed they may appear uncharacteristically emotional.
How to Spot an ISFP in Conversation
ISFPs appear open-minded, empathetic, and easy-going. They have very strong values, but they tend to keep them under wraps unless they know someone very well and have established a great deal of trust. They don’t say a lot of “shoulds” or “should not’s” and don’t like to push their viewpoints on other people. They try to respect everyone’s individuality and are not fond of “preaching” at others or imposing their beliefs.
When an ISFP’s values are mocked or belittled in some way, they may just get up and leave or they may suddenly become more animated and passionate in their tone of voice as they defend their values and ideals. This tends to come as a surprise to others since they normally appear so reserved and soft-spoken.
ISFPs speak in the present tense and focus a lot on what’s happening now or what happened before. They have a quiet, gentle authenticity and believe in being honest and authentic as much as possible. They take regular pauses during a conversation to thoughtfully consider the emotional impact of what is being said and the authenticity level of the individual they are speaking with. They don’t like to draw a lot of attention to themselves and can become suddenly quiet if they find themselves unexpectedly the center of attention.
For all their gentle repose, ISFPs have an often surprising sense of adventure. They enjoy talking about tangible experiences (vacations, concerts, activities, projects). They can be quite impulsive and thrill-seeking, always trying to expand their memory-book of experiences. They will enjoy sharing these experiences with others.
ISFPs can feel ill at ease in conflict-ridden or debative environments. They also dislike it when other people make them the center of attention or put them on the spot. When they are younger, largely theoretical topics tend to bore them (although they develop more interests in mid-life).
How to Spot an ESTP in Conversation
ESTPs appear friendly and lively in conversation, accenting their words with physical gestures and engaging expressions. They have a quick-wit and an upbeat tone that is contagious. They usually have a strong sense of humor and are able to instantly make witty comebacks to just about any comment. They appear lively and charismatic.
In language, ESTPs are very literal and realistic. They are usually good at storytelling as a way to engage with the people around them and make them laugh or smile. They easily pick up on the body language and mannerisms of the people around them as well.
In decisions, ESTPs have an objective, analytical perspective. They don’t tend to “think out loud” as they make their decisions, instead, they will internally analyze things and speak once they’ve come to a conclusion and considered the facts.
More than anything, ESTPs enjoy sharing experiences with people. They are more concerned with action than talk, but when they do speak they enjoy swapping stories, practical life tips, life experiences, and tales of their adventures and escapades.
ESTPs tend to feel ill at ease when they are asked to express their emotions and feelings in detail. They are usually only comfortable doing this with someone they’ve known for a long time and trust a great deal.
How to Spot an ESFP in Conversation
ESFPs appear warm and enthusiastic in conversation, balancing energy and physical charisma with a soft and caring demeanor. They usually have a “buzz” of liveliness around them and tend to use a lot of physical gestures and mannerisms in their speech. Their tone tends to be upbeat and engaging. They usually focus on the present moment when they speak, seeing the future as ever-changing and unpredictable.
Like ESTPs, ESFPs are usually excellent storytellers. They know how to tailor their story to the desires and attention-span of the people they are speaking with. Their keen awareness of body language and mannerisms lets them know when someone is getting bored or distracted, so they know when to cut a story short or spice things up to make it more interesting. They are very “real” and authentic people and will refrain from anything that seems phony or insincere.
ESFPs speak in a very literal, sequential style. They like to share their experiences with other people and talk about future experiences they can enjoy. Life is full of possibilities and opportunities to the ESFP, and they love discussing all the things they can experience; foods they can taste, concerts they can hear, anything tangible that they can immerse themselves in.
Young ESFPs tend to feel bored during long, drawn-out theoretical discussions. They also can feel ill at ease around people who are very critical or pessimistic. They have the drive to create a cheerful, optimistic atmosphere and can feel drained when they are with someone who is complaining or being critical for a long time. They also dislike being rushed into making a decision about something.
How to Spot an INTJ in Conversation
INTJs speak using a lot of metaphors and symbols to describe things. Their preferred focus is the future, and they enjoy discussing meanings, implications, and visions of the future with others. They often veer from being slow to speak to very wordy and passionate as they try to convey their insights. Their thoughts are often difficult to express in words because their perceptions are so abstract and mysterious and less filled with the tangible, concrete data people are used to hearing. It can be especially frustrating for INTJs to be misunderstood by listeners, only to have a sensing type explain the exact same thing and be understood perfectly because they are using more concrete language. That said, INTJs can have extremely strong communication skills as they combine their intuition with their thinking process. They often astound people with their ability to strategize and come up with logical long-range solutions to problems faster than nearly any other type.
As intuitives, INTJs tend to jump way ahead of the current environment, focusing on such far-off future realities and predictions that they lose the listener in the process. It is often around other intuitives that INTJs are able to discuss their insights more freely. Around sensing types INTJs tend to rely more on expressing themselves through their auxiliary function, Extraverted Thinking. When in this mode, they appear very direct, analytical, and concerned with logical correctness. Sometimes they can appear tactless or abrupt as if they don’t care about anyone else’s opinion. They are usually very sure of themselves and their analysis.
INTJs can feel ill at ease when they are coerced into discussing their emotions and finer feelings. They are usually very private about their own feelings and values and only feel comfortable sharing them with people they have established a lot of trust with.
How to Spot an INFJ in Conversation
INFJs tend to speak using a lot of metaphors and symbols to convey their meaning. Their preferred topics of conversation revolve around future visions, insights, predictions, and possibilities. They are usually warm and empathetic and aim to establish rapport with the person they are conversing with. They will try to get on the same page with them, saying things to show solidarity like “I understand”, or “I hear you!”. They are usually tactful and well-mannered.
INFJs can veer back and forth between being socially smooth and friendly to mysterious and vague in their speech. When they are establishing rapport with others they are using their second-preferred process, Extraverted Feeling. However, their preferred process, Introverted Intuition, is much harder to tap into in a way that people will understand. INFJs may seem halting or rambling as they try to convey their deeper insights and visions of the future. They may be hesitant to speak because they are so often misunderstood and the language they have to use is so abstract and confusing to listeners. INFJs are quick to observe if their listener is disinterested or confused by what they are saying, and will often switch back to other topics. This can be a little depressing for them if they don’t have someone who is interested in sharing their more fascinating insights and can follow along with their more abstract train of thought.
INFJs can feel ill at ease in highly critical or negative conversations. They prefer harmonious interactions and can be so concerned with how everyone is affected by the criticism or debate that they get stuck playing mediator or peacemaker or else leave the conversation entirely.
How to Spot an ENTJ in Conversation
ENTJs appear confident, business-like, and visionary in their speech. They tend to think out loud, and this is because extraverted thinking, their dominant process, needs to externalize thoughts, write them, or diagram them in some way in order to process them effectively. They may sound as if they are stating hard and fast judgments, when in fact they are just stating ideas and thoughts in an effort to form conclusions. They enjoy sharing their thoughts, and especially enjoy analytical back-and-forth feedback and debate with others. They can enjoy debating or arguing to reach a conclusion or to test their own opinions and theories.
Many ENTJs talk to themselves as a way to process their thoughts. Others diagram, take notes or chart their thoughts on notepads, whiteboards, or anything available. At times, ENTJs can be confusing for other types to understand (particularly sensing types) because their thoughts veer into the metaphorical or abstract. They might jump around in time or talk about predictions that are so far ahead of the current timeline that it loses people. They can move from one subject to another at such a rapid pace that their thoughts may seem random and disconnected, when in fact there is a connection, and it usually is tied to a long-term vision or goal. They are usually very single-minded and sure of themselves in their vision for the future.
ENTJs can feel ill at ease when discussing their emotions and feelings. They are usually very private about their emotions or see them as entirely irrelevant. Over time and with age and maturity this tends to be less of a problem.
How to Spot an ENFJ in Conversation
ENFJs have a very warm, tactful, and engaging communication style. They use a lot of “we’s” and “us’s” in their speech because they are always trying to convey a feeling of unity and camaraderie with the person they are speaking to. They prefer in-depth discussions, especially if they have anything to do with theories, the future, or the feelings and needs of people. They are very attuned to the moods and emotions of the people they are with and will alter the conversation accordingly. In fact, they react so quickly to other people’s moods and body language that the listener may not even realize how quickly and adeptly they are tailoring the conversation to suit the needs of everyone involved. They don’t want anyone to feel left out, confused, or bored.
ENFJs are very passionate about their values and can be very persuasive in promoting a value they feel will benefit others. When they are sharing their beliefs and ideals they tend to be enthusiastic and inspiring.
ENFJs are known for having strong communication skills, but at times they can be confusing for more sensing types to understand. This is because as they express their thoughts they may veer into metaphor and abstract word usage, or they may jump so far into the future in their thoughts that they lose the attention of the listener. As they tap into their intuition, ENFJs can become more hesitant and reflective in their speech, taking frequent pauses to determine what metaphor or symbol would best describe the vision they have in their minds.
ENFJs can feel ill at ease in highly critical environments or environments where they have to use a lot of impersonal, technical analysis. They prefer to discuss topics that will positively impact people or topics that have to do with theories and future implications.
How to Spot an INTP in Conversation
INTPs need time to pause and consider before speaking. They don’t tend to “think out loud” because the majority of their thought process is internalized. When they do speak, they’ve probably been mulling the thought over internally for a while before deciding it’s accurate and worth saying. They try to be as precise with their words as possible, and they take frequent pauses to find just the right word to use to fit the context of what they are saying.
INTPs thoroughly enjoy logical analysis, and they rarely, if ever take a black and white approach to a subject. They are always categorizing data into finer and finer subjects and volumes and organizing those volumes in their mind. This results in them sometimes looking very withdrawn and maybe even bored, but they’re really just trying to figure out what category to place the new data they’re receiving from the conversation and how that data fits with the rest of the information they have stored away.
INTPs take a long time to come to closure on ideas or plans. They want to explore possibilities and options as much as possible and so they can come across as tentative or wary, especially if they are pressured to make up their mind about something. They may have difficulty making up their mind, because as they explore possibilities and options they keep finding more and more possibilities and options to think about.
INTPs feel ill at ease when they are asked to express their emotions and feelings by people they don’t know very well. They also hate feeling pressured to come to a decision quickly about anything.
How to Spot an INFP in Conversation
INFPs tend to have a reserved yet empathetic nature when they speak. They are highly imaginative and creative people and enjoy discussing theoretical possibilities and ideas for the future. They enjoy topics that veer around helping people or animals or improving the world in some way. They are true idealists, and they enjoy “dreaming out loud” with other people who share the same desires for improvement.
While INFPs are deeply moved by their values and beliefs, they are also very private about them. They are rarely “preachy” and they keep their feelings and emotions close to the chest, only sharing them with a very trusted few. They don’t like to tell other people how they “should” live their lives and they strongly believe in respecting each person’s individuality. That said, if one of their core values is mocked or violated they can become suddenly passionate or else completely silent, choosing to leave the conversation entirely.
Overall, INFPs have a gentle, modest nature. They don’t like to be put on the spot and rarely like being the center of attention. This doesn’t mean they are inherently shy, they just prefer private one-on-one conversations to speaking in front of large groups most of the time. As always, there are variations from person to person.
INFPs tend to feel ill at ease in conversations where one party is trying to impose their beliefs or rules on another. They also dislike having to delegate or give criticism in most situations.
How to Spot an ENTP in Conversation
ENTPs have a characteristically creative, energetic, and logical language in communication. They enjoy brainstorming and throwing out ideas that inspire people and lead to a discussion on further ideas and possibilities. They don’t generally like discussing the nitty-gritty details of their ideas, but would rather discuss the broad scope and big-picture implications of their ideas. They see connections and patterns instantaneously while they speak, and may jump from one idea to the next in a way that seems random and confusing to some listeners. They may so quickly touch on a subject and then jump to another one that they bewilder types who were needing more details or specifics.
ENTPs are very logical in their decisions and assessments. They like to analyze things, categorize them, and consider where they fit in the grand scheme of things. They like to find creative connections between ideas and data they see in the external world. In their mind, everything is connected and has relevance in the big picture. They may pause occasionally to consider the logic of the various connections they’re making.
ENTPs tend to enjoy a lively debate. They find the process of getting to the truth of a matter invigorating. They don’t stick to their guns regardless of the evidence, however. They are usually willing to change their opinion if they are given better, more accurate information. To them, a debate isn’t unfriendly or “mean”, it’s just a way of sorting out truth from falsehood with someone else.
ENTPs tend to feel bored in conversations that revolve around small talk or nitty-gritty details. They like to focus on big-picture future goals and find day-to-day concerns stifling.
How to Spot an ENFP in Conversation
ENFPs have a liveliness and inspirational nature in conversation that tends to be contagious. They enjoy brainstorming and discussing numerous possibilities for the future. They love topics that revolve around personal growth, improving the world, or questioning pre-established theories and rules. They tend to jump from one idea to the next, sometimes leaving other people confused as they try to keep up. They have a very imaginative train of thought and can form creative connections between random bits of data instantaneously. They may feel like these connections are obvious to other people and briefly mention them in the discussion, only to be met with confused glances.
As feeling types, ENFPs generally appear warm and empathetic. Even so, they are usually private about their own feelings and personal relationships unless they know someone very deeply and have established trust. They want to inspire people and help them see creative avenues for the future, but they don’t want to delve into their personal life right away and will feel irritated if they are pressured to do so.
ENFPs tend to feel bored in conversations that revolve around small talk or excessive concrete details. They are much more concerned with ideas than daily experiences and more focused on the future than the present moment.
I have a question about cognitive functions. How would they be determined for someone who isn't distinctly one type? For instance, I have a friend who scores INTJ or INFJ depending on the day.
Thanks for asking this, because it lets me talk about the type confusion online. I see quite a bit of it with people who can’t determine their type. Some of that is from a lack of decent, coherent and easy to understand information online about how functions work; the rest is an uncertainty about understanding oneself. The less you know yourself, the more inaccurate your test results are, because you’re answering the questions based on a false impression of yourself rather than the honest truth.
To assess your own type (don’t rely on online tests, they are not always accurate and have never once typed me correctly*) you have to be brutally honest about the way you are. You also have to consider external factors that impacted your personality. Trauma, a strict upbringing, etc., can all conform you to a pattern of behavior that isn’t true to how you would be without those influences. Not all influences are bad, but they do play a role in shaping how we see ourselves.
I assumed I was a J because my mom is and she taught me to meet all my deadlines, finish what I start, and turn in assignments on time. Left to my own devises, that’s not how I roll. I hate schedules. I hate lists. Having a list of things to do, or a place to be at a certain time, makes me feel trapped. I procrastinate and do my best work at the last minute. I can’t draw a chart or a mind map to save my life. If my entire day is planned, I get bored. I never read instructions. The first time I decided to sew a Halloween costume, I took the pattern out of its package, tossed the instructions aside, and put it all together using my Ti-Ne. I got it all right, too. My Te mother was horrified to learn this, since she always does it exactly like the instructions say to do it… which is probably why when she builds/creates things, there aren’t “bits left over.” Ha, ha.
If you’re stuck between types or getting mistyped a lot, some of your behaviors aren’t your natural behaviors. Until you figure out what they are, you won’t get an accurate picture of yourself, which means you can’t figure out your own true type. Figuring out your own type demands you be entirely honest with yourself about what you are really like. You can’t decide which type is cool and be that type. You can’t change your type. You either make logical or emotional decisions. You either gather ideas or sensory experiences from your environment.
When typing friends, think about how they act, as well as how you respond to them. Your assessment of them is largely influenced by your personality type; if you’re a TP or a TJ, you’re going to find feelers “irrational” and “overly emotional.” If you’re a FP or an FJ, you’ll find thinkers “cold” and “emotionally unavailable.” In a spat, what do they do? Apologize and compromise to keep everyone happy (Fe)? Or stubbornly stick to their guns because you violated an issue of importance to them (Fi)? How do they argue on logical topics? With provable facts (Te) or hypothetical ideas (Ti)? How sensitive are they? Very? High-up feelers then! Not at all? Likely, thinkers. These factors all contribute to type.
A helpful trick when dealing with figuring out your friends’ types is this: Fe-users subconsciously use “you,” “we,” “us,” etc., when discussing hypothetical generalities because of their impersonal nature; it’s all-inclusive, it makes everyone feel involved and important, and it draws everyone together in a collective “group” – which Fe likes. It wants to feel part of the group, because being in the group is to be accepted by others! Fe anywhere in the function stack still wants acceptance on some level.
Fi, on the other hand, doesn’t like being part of a group; it wants to be an individual, so when dealing with a Fi-user, it’s all personalized. Strong personal convictions, no desire to include you in something they feel. Higher-up Te users will use Fi-individuality at times, but tend to speak more in impersonal facts (any emotional bias on their part, Fi or not, is seen as bad, so they exclude it and just share the facts of a situation, problem, etc).
* Every single test I’ve ever taken calls me an INTJ rather than an INTP. My BFF tested ESFP and she’s the most ISFJ that ever lived. It kept telling my last boyfriend that he was an INTP or an INTJ, and he was an ISTP. My brother tested INTJ and he’s a total Mycroft… err… ISTJ. So… online tests? Often unreliable.
According to the MBTI, when it comes to our personality we have a slightly different definition of Thinkers and Feelers. Individuals who make decisions looking at the logical consequences of a choice or action and objectively examine the pros and cons of a situation are likely to be Thinkers. Feelers, on the other hand, are defined by considering what is important to them and others involved and mentally place themselves in the situations and make decisions based on their values and honoring others.
Thinkers and Feelers both want the same general outcome – the difference is what they focus on as they make their decision.
For Thinkers, key words are logic, objectivity and fairness. When working to solve a problem involving others they will look at from an overall objective manner and take in account what is fair. For instance, as a Thinker parent, when considering curfews for their children they will view the decision they make as one where all the children are treated equally – which likely means all children will have the same curfew at the same age. To a Thinker this is fair, objective and logical. They do not place an emphasis on the individual strengths or experience of each child.
For Feelers, the key words are empathetic, harmony and compassion – a curfew for their children might be different for each child based on the needs, strengths and experiences of each child. For them being fair means treating everyone and their needs individually. When working with a group to make a decision their focus will be on the impact to the individuals versus the impact to the task.
Thinkers generally show up in the following manner:
Analytical
Logical problem solvers
Objective
Reasonable
Tough minded
Standard of fairness based on treating everyone equally
When giving feedback lead out with a critique
Consistently apply principles
Want respect and fairness when dealing with others
Task focus
Rational
Focus on consequences and implications
Feelers generally show up in the following manner:
Empathetic
Focus on personal values
Consider impact of decisions on people
Harmony
Compassion
Tenderhearted
Standard of fairness based on treating everyone as an individual
Focus on people
Guided by values
Want positivity and support from others
Consensus oriented
Consistently apply values
Focus on reactions and feelings
Thinkers believe when giving feedback you lead out with what needs to be changed and move to praise while Feelers believe you lead out with praise and end with what needs to be changed. Thinkers believe when asked to provide feedback they are helping the other person become better by telling them what to correct/change while Feelers believe the best way to support the other person is to let them know what they are doing well so they can replicate it. As you can see if you are a parent or manager giving feedback as a Thinker to a child or direct report who is a Feeler your feedback may not resonate with the other person, thus causing stress, hard feelers and de-motivation.
When working with Thinkers, be prepared for them to question first, show up with a cool and impersonal demeanor and remain detached when making decisions. They will likely overlook people in favor of tasks and will want to take a logical approach to problem solving and decision-making. They will be controlled in their expression of feelings, seek justice in situations and will use cause and effect reasoning as they work through issues.
Feelers, on the other hand, are accepting and have a warm and personal demeanor and remain personally involved when making decisions. They will focus first on people and then on tasks and express their feelings with enthusiasm. They are empathetic, compassionate and appreciative of differences. They seek to engage others and are comfortable with give and take in conflict situations.
Thinkers
Look for ways to provide analytical data
Be prepared to look objectively at situations from a pro/con approach
Be fair and consistent in your approach
Be prepared to solve problems with logic
Understand Thinkers can work effectively without harmony
Will lead out with criticism when giving feedback
May hurt other’s feelings unknowingly
Feel rewarded with a job is done well
Feelers
Will make individual exceptions as needed
Will want to have harmony with both people and tasks
Appreciate and accept differences
Work to avoid telling people unpleasant things
When making decisions can be influenced by their own and other’s likes and dislikes
Te v. Ti: Both types value competency and creative problem solving. ENTJs tend to prefer more structure and efficiency, whereas ESTPs tend to want more time to analyze or experiment. Thus, ENTJs might see ESTPs as ineffectual or indecisive, and ESTPs might see ENTJs as pushy or rushing into judgment.
Ni: ENTJs tend to be focused and future-oriented, whereas ESTPs tend to be present-oriented and open to change. Thus, ENTJs might see ESTPs as unfocused or short-sighted, and ESTPs might see ENTJs as uptight or impractical.
Se: Both types can be prone to being confrontational or impulsive, so both might see the other as overly reckless or combative sometimes.
Fi v. Fe: Both types can have difficulty navigating relationships sensitively and processing emotional issues, which might make it difficult to resolve relationship issues effectively.
Both types tend to be active and outgoing and might not take enough time for reflective or introverted activities.
ESTJ leads with Te, which makes them a leader first. They are more likely to organize/critique the people around them, unsolicited. Of course they’re also extroverts so they’re more likely to seek thespotlight and be visible leaders in their field or communities.
ESTJs prefer to deal with large groups of people, or organizations.
ESTJ wants productivity first and will also be more likely to sacrifice relationships and values for productivity.
ESTJs worry they’re a bad person (Fi inferior) and they’re not smart/well informed (Ti nemesis). They believe making good first impressions are important (providing a positive Se experience and are critical when other people don’t (Se critic)). They tend to be unaware of what they want for themselves especially in the future (Ni trickster) and don’t care about anyone else’s feelings (Fe demon).
ISTJ leads with Si, which makes them an observer first.
ISTJs prefer to deal with smaller groups, or individuals.
ISTJ wants stability first and would be more loyal to their close relationships and values.
ISTJs worry about the future (Ne inferior – history repeats itself), and they worry about the environment gives a bad impression making them neat freaks (Se nemesis). They can be critical of themselves and others being ignorant (Ti nemesis) They are unaware of new social norms in unfamiliar situations (Fe trickster) and they get annoyed when others don’t heed their warnings about the future (Ni demon).
ENTJ stands for Extroverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging. People with this personality type are generally strong, expansive, domineering, decisive, clear-cut and logical. They are very pragmatic and extraordinary strategic thinkers who have both the vision and the ability to make their vision come true. ENTJs are natural leaders, goal-oriented, innovative, determined, powerful, they like to make things happen and don’t have much patience with incompetence, inefficiency, hurt feelings or any other things they believe might slow them down. They are good at directing teams and can make wonderful leaders, although at times they can be perceived by others as somewhat insensitive, argumentative and domineering.
INTP stands for Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving. This personality type is known for being intellectual, abstract, logical, reserved, detached, random and skeptical. Such people are usually unconventional and highly theoretical, they like playing with ideas and coming up with ingenious thought systems and explanations for the events they observe, although they aren’t too likely to share their discoveries, as they’re quite socially withdrawn and secretive. INTPs are also objective, spontaneous, adaptable and highly independent; they often question authority, openly disregard social conventions and irrational customs and prefer to think for themselves, which can lead to an original, avant-garde vision of things, but also to being perceived as arrogant, cold and eccentric.
ENFJ stands for Extroverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging. Individuals with this personality type are usually compassionate, understanding, insightful, open-minded, generous and altruistic, but also organized and driven, on a professional level. They are both kind and firm, are amazing public speakers and enjoy being among people, helping, understanding and guiding them through their troubles. ENFJs make exceptional friends, as they gregarious, generous, cultivated and usually have a penetrating perception of the emotional needs of others, which they consequently feel the urge to meet. Although empathetic and affectionate, they can at times become quite demanding, controlling and excessively image-conscious.
ENFP stands for Extroverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving. This personality type is known for being spontaneous, optimistic, creative, expansive, playful and very charismatic. They are curious people, with a great need for variety, change, adventure and emotional engagement. Two of their best qualities are their wide imagination and their versatility - this type is a quick, abstract learner, excels at brain-storming and loves having causes to believe in and work for. Naturally, ENFPs are sociable humanists who love helping and understand other people. They are warm, very friendly and generous with their time and energy, but they do have a tendency to spread themselves too thin and find it difficult to keep all their promises they make or complete all the projects they take on.
ISTJ stands for Introverted Sensing Thinking Judging. This personality type is stable, precautious, traditional, detail-oriented, practical and orderly. They are very conscientious people that can be relied upon to do a thorough job, as they take their duties very seriously and prefer things to be structured and logically ordered. Pillars of their society, ISTJs excel at working with detail (they do not mind routine as much as other types), they are precise, meticulous and very down-to-earth. They respect traditions, the longstanding values of their society, the precious lessons of history and also the hierarchical structure of people and things. Although honest and hard-working, they may be perceived by others as a bit old-fashioned, tedious and frugal.
ISTP stands for Introverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving. People with this personality type are typically independent, individualistic, practical, handy, audacious and very realistic. They are adaptable and casual, trust their own experience and are very skillful at coordinating their minds with their bodies, which makes them wonderful at handling different tools or working with equipment and machinery. Their freedom and autonomy is highly important to them so they prefer working independently and keeping demands on their person to a minimum. ISTPs are also very rational, straightforward people who usually keep to themselves and dislike social pressure, things that may actually cause them difficulties in their relationships, occasionally being perceived as inconsiderate, selfish and unreliable.
ISFJ stands for Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging. People who have this personality type are generally kind, empathetic, traditional, shy, caring, practical and very loyal. They love helping and assisting others around them and often assume a nurturing role in their family and society, as they make wonderful caregivers and mother-figures. Often self-effacing and unpretentious, they in fact have very strong moral convictions and a deep-seated sense of their social and human duty and purpose. ISFJs are very affectionate, committed and dedicated to their loved ones and they are often willing to sacrifice their own wishes and needs in order meet those of others, which may eventually end up causing them a fair amount of emotional suffering and frustration, in the long run.
ESFP stands for Extroverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving. This personality type is known for being active, outgoing, happy-go-lucky, talkative, fun-loving, trustful and friendly. They very much appreciate and enjoy the tangible reality around them - they like to be physically active, to interact with other people and to have a lot of fun (music, art, shopping, partying, sports, are only some of their many interests). ESFPs are also loyal, affectionate and spirited people, they know how to tune into other people’s emotional states and match their expectations and therefore they easily become very popular wherever they go. Born entertainers, they relish having an audience and being in the spotlight, but they can also become overly dramatic, demonstrative, frivolous and whimsical, especially when they are not getting the attention they desire.
INTJ stands for Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging. This personality type is withdrawn, intellectual, reflective, unconventional, abstract, insightful and methodical. These people are typically hard to read and tend to come across as dispassionate, unemotional, quirky, yet very self-controlled. Their most treasured pursuit is the one for knowledge, for the fundamental truth behind appearances and INTJs have a natural flair for seeking, discerning and understanding the very essence of things. While on the outside, they often appear to be logical, cautious, rational and skeptical individuals, their inner life of the mind is rich beyond belief with symbols, meaning and innovative visions of the future. Although often brilliant and ahead of their time, they are sometimes perceived by their peers as being rather strange, arrogant and distant.
ESFJ stands for Extroverted Sensing Feeling Judging. People with this personality type are kind, polite, helpful, altruistic, affectionate, traditional and friendly. They need to feel that they’re a useful and appreciated part of their community; therefore they will embrace and champion the social conventions and traditions that exist in their society. Orderly, neat and well-behaved, they are always careful to appropriately fulfill their social role, as dictated by the nature of the relationships involved. ESFJs are often pleasant, gracious, sympathetic people, who love to help others in practical and tangible ways, making sure everyone is fitting in and relationships are peaceful and harmonious within their family or group. Their acute need for praise and gratitude, however, may occasionally cause others to see them as clingy, manipulative and pushy.
ESTP stands for Extroverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving. This personality type is known for being outgoing, self-confident, entertaining, rational, pragmatic, and matter-of-fact. They like having an active lifestyle, countless friends and being up-to-date with everything that’s going on in their world, as they want to always keep up with the latest trends. Fun, adventurous and charismatic, they are also highly competitive and enterprising people with well-developed tactic skills, which they often employ to gain advantage in immediate situations. ESTPs prefer to live in the moment and rarely make long-term plans - they’re spontaneous, action-oriented and quite hedonistic, with a flair for spotting opportunities and making the most out of every situation. This approach, however, can make some people regard them as irresponsible, superficial and inconsiderate.
INFP stands for Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving. People who have this personality type are generally reserved, tolerant, idealistic, sympathetic, insightful, romantic, natural and unplanned. They are avidly searching for the inner beauty of nature and people, the harmonious balance of life and the true value of everything around them. Intensely imaginative, intuitive and open-minded, they easily perceive the human potential that’s hidden behind appearances and become inspired by it. INFPs are empathetic listeners, genuinely interested in what other people have to say, but at the same time their need for privacy and introspection can make them retreat from social contact in order to process their feelings undisturbed. This emotional sensitivity can sometimes make them appear as unsociable, moody and illogical.
ESTJ stands for Extroverted Sensing Thinking Judging. Individuals with this personality type are realistic, practical, organized, hard-working, conventional, responsible, outgoing and assertive. They are very rational people who trust and follow clear logical principles and tend to approach every situation in an objective and impartial manner. Highly realistic and driven, their energy is often invested in pursuits that have a practical application and a tangible result. Their stable, industrious personality is based on a deep-seated sense of duty towards the social system they are a part of and the established rules attached to it. Although earnest, loyal and respectful to their society, ESTJs are also strong, decisive people, who can lead and organize others confidently. As a result, they can sometimes be perceived as quite rigid, tactless and domineering by those around them.
INFJ stands for Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging. This personality type is generally very private, empathetic, wise, thoughtful, profound, romantic and complex. They have rich inner worlds, fostered by their wide imagination, which reflect their love for abstract symbols and spiritual meaning. Their insightful understanding of the human nature makes them talented at exploring and capturing the subtle emotional truths of the human experience (often through beautiful artistic creations). INFJs are sympathetic, humanitarian individuals, who strive for harmony, cooperation and unity among people, yet their reserved, introspective nature eventually urges them to seek privacy in order to sort out their feelings and ideas. Although wise and insightful, their emotional complexity can sometimes make them appear as overly sensitive, moody and strange.
ISFP stands for Introverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving. People with this personality type are known for being gentle, compassionate, uncomplicated, spontaneous, natural, peaceful and modest. They highly value their personal freedom and need plenty of private time and space, in which to follow their calling, very often represented by nature and artistic activities. Kind, generous and sensitive, ISFPs often have a developed emotional intelligence and are gifted at correctly reading the body language and unexpressed feelings of those around them. Their warm and empathetic nature, as well as their need for harmony and serenity, will drive them to help those in need or in suffering, usually in concrete and tangible ways. Despite their childlike joy and playfulness, they can be regarded by some as hesitant, soft and naive.
ENTP stands for Extroverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving. People with this personality type are usually optimistic, outgoing, inventive, logical, playful, spontaneous and humorous. They are quick-minded, rational and flexible and they find it easy to improvise and come up with a multitude of ideas and solutions, which can make them ingenious problem solvers and even pioneers in their fields of interest. Their adventurousness and openness to new experiences, combined with their sociable, fun-loving nature often make them widely popular and well-liked by many of their peers. But despite their cheerfulness and carefree attitude, ENTPs often harbor a sharp, strategic mind and they are perfectly capable of detaching from their feelings in order to pragmatically reach their objectives. This very aspect can make some people regard them as unpredictable, insensitive and egotistical.
Manipulative techniques / tricks of each MBTI type
ESFP: denial, selective inattention, humor, feigning confusion, feigning innocence, minimization, exaggeration. Their language will distort the truth when they try to persuade people; and when they commit a wrong, they may try to get out of it either by playing it down or claiming that they never meant any harm to begin with.
ESTP: lying, shaming, provocation, feigning innocence, humor, minimization, exaggeration. They may lie to cover their tracks. To establish dominance they will use shaming language; and to escape consequences for their actions, they will play down their abuse, or re-frame it as a joke. At worst, they will deliberately gaslight the victim.
ESTJ: intimidation, shaming, provocation, vilifying the victim. Their go-to tactic is intimidation, but they may shame victims; and they may even taunt their victims when they are in a position of powerlessness. Their tactics are not as versatile, but they come off strong.
ESFJ: flattery, splitting, smear campaigns, triangulation, poisoning the well, reinforcement, the silent treatment. They may dole out flattery to win some influence with the victim; but they also have a tendency to gush with genuine compliments to reward behavior they deem appropriate (positive reinforcement). They may launch smear campaigns to try to isolate the victim and harm their reputation; then follow up by communicating their demands through the victim’s friends (triangulation), or at worst pit their own friends against them (splitting).
ISFP: secrecy, playing the victim role, guilt-tripping, the silent treatment. They are usually not very manipulative, but they can be persuasive. Their manipulation usually centers around their own impression management, and concealing information; they’re the mostly likely to say “I don’t want to talk about it”. If they are artists, they may try to sublimate their messages into their art. They may be deliberately obscure in their communication to frustrate their opponent into leaving them alone.
ISTP: selective inattention, the silent treatment, feigning confusion, secrecy, denial, lying, minimization. Their manipulation is defined by their non-responsiveness to criticism. If their behavior causes problems and others point it out, they may simply ignore these remarks. They may pretend as if their behavioral problems do not exist.
ISTJ: avoidance, the silent treatment, shaming, guilt-tripping. They are probably the least manipulative of all types. They could learn any kind of manipulation tactic and use it ruthlessly, but they are not naturally drawn to any tactic in particular. They are prone to social policing every now and then, in which event they may use language to shame or guilt-trip those who do not conform to their ideals. In most situations in which they feel threatened, they are more likely to detach altogether than employ a manipulation tactic.
ISFJ: playing the servant role, guilt-tripping, shaming, self-victimization passive aggressiveness, reciprocity. They may act like they are there to help the victim so as to gain trust, then use their newfound influence to try to change the victim; or they may do something nice, then extort the victim’s sense of reciprocity to emotionally bribe them. They are also prone to guilt trips.
ENFP: humor, distraction, poisoning the well, self-victimization, flattery. They usually don’t manipulate, but they are capable of any emotional manipulation tactic. They tend to defuse criticism with humor. Their main tactic is distraction—because they are normally so unfocused, their attempts at changing the focus of attention often fly under the radar.
ENTP: provocation, humor, shaming, exaggeration, minimization, rationalization. Their tactics are geared toward trolling. They are experts at provoking the anger of their victims to disarm of them of their logical faculties; they then argue their opponent into circles, then use humor to win the favor of their audience. To further absolve themselves of responsibility, they may offer a twisted justification for their behavior—e.g. that they were doing the victim a favor by challenging the victim’s beliefs.
ENFJ: flattery, playing the servant role, triangulation, humor, vilifying the victim, poisoning the well, smear campaigns. Woe to anyone who makes a true enemy of this type. Most of the time, their manipulation is benign, and they justify it by claiming to help the victim. At the absolute worst, they can isolate the victim from friends, convincing them that the victim is the problem, then stage an “intervention” on the victim’s behalf.
ENTJ: intimidation, provocation, rationalization, vilifying the victim. They don’t rely on manipulation tactics as much as charisma; they use persuasive language and rhetoric, and they naturally project confidence. They take initiative to maneuver into a position of power, where they have less need for such tactics. They may employ tactics to maneuver into that position or to maintain it—such as intimidating their opponents, or provoking them such that they lose composure—however they tend to dispense with these once they are in power.
INFP: self-victimization, projecting the blame, guilt-tripping, shaming. They normally will not manipulate, but if they do it usually has a moral element. They are masters at playing the victim. For anything that may be wrong with them, they have the uncanny ability to displace the blame onto something else—usually society, or their opponent.
INTP: avoidance, selective inattention, rationalization, self-victimization. They are usually not motivated to manipulate. If they are threatened, they will usually withdraw or ignore their opponent. They can usually offer a justification for their behavior. Sometimes they will play the victim role to get others on their side, but sadly this position is justified more often than not.
INTJ: rationalization, distraction, secrecy, triangulation, lying, avoidance, intimidation. This type has an extraordinary potential for manipulation (which may or may not be actualized) because they possess Ni. They can rationalize anything, including their opponent’s behavior. They can usually tell where a conversation is going and can divert it long before it arrives there. It is possible for them to manipulate circumstances without their opponent even realizing they exist—they are the most likely to conspire against their opponents, while at the same time avoiding a direct confrontation with them. They also possess the death glare, which avails them of some intimidation.
INFJ: distraction, secrecy, avoidance, humor, flattery. This type is said to be among the most potent manipulators, because they possess Ni. They typically use covert tactics in a conversational setting. Their favorite is to steer the conversation using questions, keeping the focus of attention on their interlocutor while remaining secretive about themselves. Under the guise of curiosity, in a sort of “unstructured” interview, they lead their opponent to a predetermined conclusion. They may defuse conflict with humor, and instill a sense of trustworthiness by doling out compliments.
