These beautiful assholes

Tony Stark Steve Rogers Bucky Barnes - I love them all fight me

[dasloddl]

op disabled reblogs but I think the point still stands

[eepyenbyfox]

reminder that the books themselves also suck ass actually. there's an entire plotline endorsing slavery. the one character who advocates to end slavery is bullied and made fun of. the one slave who doesnt like being enslaved is bullied and treated as an outcast. the bankers are the picture of racist stereotypes of jewish people. the one asian character is named fckn Cho Chang. the worldbuilding SUCKS. fuck harry potter and fuck rowling. stop giving her your money.

[terracotta7]

Don't fucking go see this shit

[ziggy-solarecreator]

fuck this shit. fuck the terf cunt. it's an instant block if i see anything positive about hp on your blog.

[emziess]

Barely incorrect Buddie 9-1-1, S09E13

((inspo))

[bucksbabybelly]

Schrödinger’s buddie: not canon but also canon enough to get hate crimed in small towns

[mangofruitster]

obviously the funniest way to cross over shoresy and heated rivalry is that Shoresy winds up on the Sudbury Teens Sports Report and shreds Scott Hunter to pieces. It goes viral and there’s an attempt to cancel Shoresy for homophobia. Nat forces him to apologize which he can’t do, but he does qualify his comments by saying that Ilya and Shane for example are incredible players who are pretty fucking gay. Hunter’s just a boring piece of shit. Hollander and Rozanov are Canadian heroes and welcome to hang out with the Bulldogs anytime.

someone tags Ilya in this and he’s like should my husband and I go to Sudbury? let’s go ask him and hops on live so he can show off Shane doing yoga on the deck with Anya — idk it’s the gayest thing Ilya can think of — and is like hey baby you want to go to Sudbury to hang out with a guy who is allegedly the biggest pest in hockey?

Shane is like relaxed and happy and in the sun and the quiet and is like, no thanks, I do not wish to go to Sudbury, if you want us to get called slurs I’m pretty sure it’d be less work to hop on Grindr but that seems like like a kink we should discuss in more depth first. also makes his usual point about Ilya being unable to handle even the concept of a threesome. Ilya puts his phone down without turning off the live and they have a knock down drag out fight on Instagram live. Key and most important: Ilya can’t believe his husband would consider anyone else the biggest pest in hockey. he is the biggest pest in hockey period. Shane has actually been to Sudbury and is like I can’t fucking believe this shit I’m supposed to be on vacation.

end result is an apology tour to Sudbury plus other locations in northern Ontario. Shoresy and Ilya spend the entire time being the worlds biggest blondest yearners while Laura Mohr and Shane have a buncha weird extremely detailed trivia driven sports conversations they both love. Shane writes a forward to her first book.

[shoresys]

We need five fuckin' goals. Who wants 'em?

Shoresy 3x06

[mightymorpin]

Shoresy would be so annoyed if he was asked about hollanov.

"rozy's done great work turning the centaurs into a team that doesn't make you wanna die watching. adding a player like holly to that line up i might just skip real housewives this season and watch the playoffs for a change"

"captained four stanley cup wins between them and i'd rather have a russian than a fucking yank playing for canada"

"it's the fucking nhl you don't get there without being the best at hockey, who cares whose fucking or getting fucked off the ice"

"nothing sexy about a gross ass locker room nobody is fuckin ogling their teammates or jerking off in the showers you wait until your at home like everyone else it's called being a professional"

"i'd jerk it to anyone who played a great game but im not doing it in a room that smells like an elephants labia"

"this is what you dragged me here for? I had a date night at an ethiopian restaurant so good it'd blow a broads tits clean off and I had to reschedule for this!?"

"Scott Hunter is gay? HUH?!"

[mutinsfromthemoon]

ilya after the outing just liking all the videos of shane, the edits, the highlights, the compilations. every video of shane the TheRealIlyaRozanov can finally leave his likes there. at first the fans loses their minds “omg ilya liking all shane’s videos” but after a while is just so common that every caption in the post just have a shout out to ilya cus he’s probably seeing and liking it

[bees-reads]

Much like the rest of the fandom I am obsessed with the nickname Shanebug. Thank you to whoever created it, I love you!

I like to think that Shane was given the nickname by David. When he was a toddler Shane was obsessed with any and every type of bug. He’d make David and Yuna take him in the garden all the time to dig for worms or look at the flowers to see if there were any bees. But his absolute favourite were ladybugs leading David to coin the nickname Shanebug.

Obviously once hockey took over his life Shane kind of forgot about his bug obsession. But once he gets settled living in Ottawa with Ilya he starts to pick it back up.

When Shane and Ilya went round to his parents for dinner he offhandedly mentioned that he was planning on adding some plants to the garden so more insects and bugs would visit. And David goes suddenly silent and starts to get teary.

David: Oh Shanebug is back

Ilya: Shanebug, what is a Shanebug?

This leads to Yuna getting out all Shane’s toddler pictures showcasing him holding a ladybug in his hands, him covered in mud pointing at a worm with the biggest grin on his face and him cross eyed as a butterfly lands on his nose. Ilya’s favourite though is a photo of Shane dressed up as a ladybug for his third birthday, antennas and all, that he gushes over.

Ilya is so besotted by the idea of Shanebug that he orders a gazillion different types of flowers and plants to give his husband the bug haven of his dreams (just as long as there are no spiders).

[lipstickhamlet]

i can't fucking deal with toxic fans anymore. if you're still supporting h*nry b*lingbroke honestly just block me. he LITERALLY d*posed richard the second and refuses to ransom edmund mortimer which is,,,, literally so fucking problematic?? plus i heard somewhere he was going to make a voyage to the holy land to wash the blood off his guilty hand but so shaken as he is, so wan with care, he decided not to go which is uhhh,,, fuckin yikes.

[helsinore]

richbroke is suuuuch a cute ship tho they're literally made for each other 🥹🥹🥹🥹 i loooooove old man yaoi 😍 👴👴💑 go boly get your man 💸🔥🌧️👑💃😛

[lipstickhamlet]

if you ship r*chbroke literally get off my page. they LITERALLY have a problematic age difference (5 months) and not to mention richard is neurodivergent and queer which is SO fucked up if you think about it🤢🤢

[metaphysical-cheese]

umm op i agree with you about not liking r*chbroke but the fact that they’re LITERALLY FIRST COUSINS isn’t what keeps you from shipping them?? if ur okay with r*chbroke shippers wanting to see cousins kiss and only gaf about protecting uwu smol bean richard (literally on an irish war campaign mind you) then dni i can’t deal with you nasty people rn

[helsinore]

ugh CLEARLY you've never picked up a HISTORY book because royal cousins kiss all the time 🙄🙄💋it takes a seriously high IQ to understand just how hawt mcsexy two male cousins fighting for dominance with their tongues is 🤌 also op, bolingbroke is trans and bi? he queers the exiled / englishman binary, AND he's richard's service top. it's literally in the text smh erasure :/

[watermelontuesdays]

AU where Shane and Ilya don't hook up or have a decades-long secret. They don't really know each other at all, except to play each other.

Shane comes out of the closet sometime after Scott does, and in some random, lighthearted interview, they ask him what he's looking for in a man. And Shane's just, off-hand like, "Well, he'd have to have at least one Stanley Cup. Obviously." And when he gets a good reaction from that, he keeps going, like "Needs to be amazing at hockey. Definitely needs to be at least an All-Star, if not a captain. Hot too. If he can't bench-press me, I'm not interested."

And it's all in fun, except two days after the interview prints, Ilya Rozanov shows up at his door like "knock, knock. I am here to apply for boyfriend position. Do you need resume? I brought my Stanley Cup ring, just in case."

[luulapants]

in a reasonable canon, shane would simply have THEE most dependent and intimate relationship with the montreal team nutritionist. like, he has her on speed dial. they text multiple times per day. she spends 60% of her work hours adjusting meal plans for his texture issues and aversions. nobody else really sees how intense their connection is.

when he was crashing out about trading to ottawa, he said, "You know, it's just gonna be really hard to leave melissa," and hayden was sitting right there like. "melissa?? it's gonna be hard to leave MELISSA??"

but i think we can probably convince melissa to move to ottawa with him, don't worry.

[riddlemaster101]

#heated rivalry#cackling about shallergies verse#melissa getting a text that's just 'melissa they put fucking treenuts in my protein bar'#he does not need to specify which one#melissa sighs and puts on her glasses and gets to work#GOD melissa goes on vacation and hears the news that shane had an allergic reaction and is FURIOUS#WHO FUCKED WITH HER RECORD#NOT A SINGLE FUCKING TIME ON HER WATCH HAS SHANE HOLLANDER HAD A REACTION DURING THE SEASON#WHO WANTS TO DIE

via @penandinkprincess

[penandinkprincess]

melissa barging into ottawa's offices and just handing over a contract for her employment.

"um, excuse me, ma'am, who ar-"

"i have kept shane hollander alive and fed his for almost his entire nhl career, and i have invested too much time to stop now."

"but ma'am, we-"

"no more questions. sign."

obviously she's a dietician with a specialty in athletes which means the primary concerns of her patients are 1. need All The Fucking Calories and 2. need All The Fucking Protein, but in my heart, she is the flavor of dietician who focuses also on enjoyment and satiety (fun fact: you actually digest food better and get more nutrition out of food you like eating). like you're going to eventually get sick of how much you have to eat by the time you're 3/4 of the way through the season, but by GOD WILL SHE TRY TO MAKE THINGS ENJOYABLE AS LONG AS SHE CAN.

so she meets 20 year old shane who already comes into this meeting apologetic because he KNOWS this is all specific and it's a pain to have aversions when he already has allergies to work around, so he doesn't mind a lot of repetition when-

and melissa is just ✋ i did not put in the work to get this degree only to suck at this job. let's talk texture preferences.

(melissa does NOT know about mango time) (shane is kind of afraid of what she would do to him if she found out) (he cannot have melissa being mad at him it would actually send him into a nervous breakdown)

[penandinkprincess]

shane the day melissa finds out her dietetic magnum opus is out here RECREATIONALLY POISONING HIMSELF like she doesn't have a fucking DOSSIER on his ass crafted over YEARS of trial and error and research and innovation

SHE HAND-SELECTS MENUS BASED ON HOW STRESSED YOU ARE AT ANY GIVEN POINT IN THE SEASON AND BASED ON THE WIN/LOSS BALANCE OF THE TEAM BECAUSE ANXIETY MAKES YOU NAUSEOUS SO YOU NEED ADJUSTED FLAVOR PROFILES AND THE SECOND YOU'RE OUT OF HER DIRECT SUPERVISION, YOU FUCK AROUND????

SQUARE THE FUCK UP, HOLLANDER

[twiggy-boy]

"what is this BABY doing in space!???"

-Rocky, probably

[edgebug]

"grace. grace! grace give attention. rocky perform human ritual of escape closet now. statement."

"come again?"

"i learn more from thinking machine. human gender preference. attraction to same gender, means word 'gay.' all eridian same gender." rocky stands straight up. "rocky come out to grace now. all rocky plural gay, statement."

"...wow, that's... rock, i'm not sure it makes much sense to apply human ideas of sexual orientation to a monogendered species."

a long and judgmental pause. then:

"grace HOMOPHOBIC, question????"

[sharrrrknight]

Yknow the lil fanfic trope where a character, usually non-human, purrs like a cat. In this case it would obviously be Rocky but what if it was Grace instead hear me out-

[keydekyie]

"It would have been easier if you'd just said yes."

original

[autisticlittleguy]

"Grace Ryland is Rocky's dog" is such a funny fucking dynamic when you think about it

Eridians are further behind than humans technologically right? They dont have computers, relativity, quantum mechanics, etc. In fact, Eridians probably dont even know about the Big Bang because their atmosphere would filter out most of the cosmic microwave background radiation we use to detect it. On a human timeline, theyre anywhere between like early-mid 20th century. Rocky's basically a cosmonaut.

So the human civilization is pretty advanced from Rocky's perspective. Rationally he understands this. On a conceptual level he knows this to be true.

But at the same time... imagine youre one of the first ever cosmonauts to make it into space. Then you meet a 10 year old alien dog who cant do 2+2 without pulling out its calculator. It forgets everything constantly and has to keep notes everywhere, like it basically lives in Memento (2000). Also if it doesnt nap constantly it gets even stupider. And you somehow has to reconcile this with the fact that this dog has a better understanding of physics than your entire civilization does. Like the dog knows how the universe started.

[lemondoddle]

It was actually stratt who bought that shirt. Because. Well. you know, she. She put the