Every year I think of more memories of my Mom and realize how much of my life has been shaped by her life and how much of who I am today is because of how she lived her life and how I have consciously and subconsciously imitated her. I don’t think she knew the impact she was having on my life or the lives of those around her by the little things she did. As the last few years have gone by, there have been so many things that have sparked memories of my Mom that I realized were really defining moments for me or just have shaped who I am. No words or stories can do justice to describe her or to capture who she was, but I thought I’d share some of these memories of her.
My Mom and Dad would pray for each of us every night before we went to bed and one prayer specifically I remember Mom praying was from Numbers 6:24-26, “The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.” I will always remember laying in bed and Mom saying “May the Lord bless you and keep you and make His face shine upon you.”
I remember when I was a little girl maybe 8 or 9, being scared of something one night and she told me that any time I was scared to just say “Jesus” because there was power in just saying His name. Still to this day when I’m afraid or scared or anxious about anything sometimes I’ll just repeat His name over and over again.
My Mom would always spontaneously pray in the middle of conversations. We would be talking about something or maybe I would be asking her opinion about something or maybe even telling her I wasn’t feeling well and in the midst of the conversation there probably would be a pause, and then Mom would start ... “Lord, give Karis wisdom as she makes this decision.” “Lord, heal Karis and may she feel healthy and well.” She wasn’t afraid of awkward silences or even pausing in prayer to listen. She prayed like she was having a conversation and I am forever grateful for her modeling a life of praying without ceasing with God.
When I would wake up in the morning I always knew that I would find my Mom in her bed reading her Bible, or even at night when I would go to sleep, I would find her in her bed reading. She taught me by her life to love spending time with the Lord.
A picture is worth a thousand words and any picture you will find of my Mom more likely than not is a picture of her beautiful smile. My Mom lit up the room with her smile and instantly made people feel comfortable with her presence. My memories of her involve her smiling and laughing and the way she instantly made my friends feel loved. She used to always say that she didn’t feel like she could disciple anyone or didn’t feel like she had anything to offer people. Yet the depth of her relationship with Jesus just overflowed out of her and she had so much more to offer people of the riches of the glory of God than she thought.
I have memories of her as a sponsor my Freshman year of high school when we went to CIY. And everyone called her “Muscles” because we had to climb SO many hills to get anywhere and when everyone was complaining about how they couldn’t go on, she was the cheerleader saying “Come on guys! You can do it. Just a little more.” And we’d get to the top and she’d be the only one who wasn’t on the ground dying.
The day I left for Liberty, she stayed at home while my Dad drove me out to Virginia. But we had only gotten a few miles before I get a call from her telling us we had to come back because she hadn’t gotten to give me a kiss goodbye. She was in the car already driving when she called to come meet us on the road in the country. I’ll never forget that as we stopped the cars she ran towards me crying and kissing me all over my face telling me how much she loved me and how all she could think about as we had driven away was how she hadn’t kissed her baby girl goodbye. It was one of the few moments in my life I ever saw my Mom cry and it was beautiful.
Her relationship with the Lord was beautiful. Jesus was her best friend and as I consider how my relationship with God has grown and been formed over the years, I know that Jesus is my best friend because both her and my Dad taught me through the example they set that Jesus could be my best friend. I have never doubted the existence of God although I have questioned Him about other things and wrestled with Him over a lot of “why?” questions that I wanted answers to. It is foreign to me to question the existence of someone I have literally walked with my entire life. My Mom wrote this on her blog just weeks before she died, “Being in a situation like this, where death could happen at any time, I have no worries for myself if that happens. I’ve spent so much time with Jesus already that it’ll be like going home to see my friend.” Those weren’t just words that she wrote but a lifestyle that both my parents lived. Because of the way they modeled this for me, God to me is not a foreign idea or a vague abstract concept but a personal friend who loves her and loves me and loves you more than we can even possibly fathom.
Then there are the countless times she took us to homeschool events and on field trips. She made sure that we got to see and do everything and she was the best Mom/Teacher we could’ve ever had. Her and my Dad were both awesome at teaching us about everything and even if they didn’t know the answer, they would find out so that they could teach us.
And then there were the non-glamorous moments of being a Mom that she did without ever complaining. I don’t even know how many meals she cooked for us or how many loads of laundry she did. I remember a year or two ago I was watching my siblings and it seemed like as soon as I was done making breakfast and cleaning up, it was time for lunch. And as soon as lunch was done, I did all the laundry and then it was time for dinner. And then it was time for bed and then repeat the next day. And yet that was what she did for all of us. Every day. For my whole life. She was amazing.