The Maniac Speaks

This is a blog where I post my stream of consciousness stuff. I write about whatever pops into my head and I don't care if it makes sense or not. Its just stuff. Therefore stream of consciousness. I may post other things on occasion like doodles or pictures I take. Don't really know where this is going yet to be honest.

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Ugh.

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Today is a no pants day.

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We Talked about Dreams

Me: I'm afraid to go to sleep tonight.

Love: Why?

Me: I had a really terrifying dream last night that ended on a cliff hanger and I really don't want it to continue.

Love: Tell me about it.

Me: It's kind of hard to describe why it was scary. God came down from heaven and decided that it was time for the Apocalypse but no one believed him. So he started to tear the Earth apart little by little until it shattered and huge chunks of land were floating in the void of space. It was terrifying feeling that kind of destruction and looking out my window seeing nothing but the Sun and a pocket of ocean water with dead fish floating in it.

Me: It was such a weird dream.

Love: ...

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This is a half-finished robot I drew back in December but didn't post because Tumblr wouldn't let me for some reason. Drawn in Sketchbook Pro.

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Yeah It's Been Awhile

And I really shouldn't be writing this right now, but I just have this overwhelming need to get some shit off my chest. There are a million other things I should be doing besides posting things on Tumblr but I can't get the shit done unless I get the feels out. 

I started college and that is why i haven't been pursuing anything creative recently. I really need to learn how to type. I'm working on Labs, a paper, a philosophy response, studying for this huge as test. Trying to find a mother fucking job because I'm an idiot and just walked out on my last one. I hate being twenty. You're supposed to be an adult but fuck I don't know what I'm doing and I'm running out of money and time so fast.

I think I'm in love with someone but they don't feel the same. No one ever feels the same. They drop these silhouettes and hints that they want to be with you and all this buildup leads up to fuck-all and nothing. Nothing good ever comes of it. I need to do shit but I can't stop thinking about kissing them and how their lips would feel on mine and I want to say this to them, to express it somehow but I can't. They're too broken to feel anything for me and I feel selfish for wanting them to reciprocate. Why is it always so selfish and wrong for me to want someone to love me back. to not take it slow and just fall fast and hard? Holy shit my mind is a wreck.

I guess I better work on my essay again.

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I can't remember anything and I have a headache

So picture are out of the fucking question. Alright. I get it tumblr. Why do you have to be such a douche??? Really is anyone else having this problem? Will anyone hear me whilst I sceam into the void???

I woke up at 12, tried to get a new car battery, didn't do that. Then I cleaned stuff. Was boring. Then ate pancakes and watched Game Grumps. No social interaction except with Mr.'s K and J via texting device. Sabbatical. Whatever.

I was thinking about some deep shit just awhile ago while choking on million of dust particles but now I forgot even the tiniest gist of it and I jump of a cliff into a foggy abyss and fall for the rest of eternity. But then eternity ends and I hit the damn rocks and die. So all that falling was pointless.

Please don't lie to people, people. It's just not fucking worth it. Because when you lie you have to cover that shit up with another lie and another and it's just not worth it at all. Karma will make sure you get caught and when you do shit will be way worse than if you had just told the truth in the first place. 

I've been thinking of changing up my style this year. My resolution is to be more goth than ever. So much goth wardrobe. Very underground bullshit. I'm kidding I'm not goth. Fuck that. Way too expensive. But I do wear a freaking ton of black and gray. Maybe less goth perhaps?

I really need to set my alarm tonight because I can't keep sleeping for 10 hours. It gives me a massive headache that lasts all day. 8 hours is all I need. I have to fix this before college starts back on Monday because DAMN, I can't do this shit. 

This person on OKcupid sent me a message and it made me so happy. I don't get called attractive very often, even if it's coming from someone that requires hydration if you catch my drift. i sent them a message back but still no reply. Maybe I come on too strong?

Look if I ever remember the philosophical crap I was thinking about a few hours ago I'll make sure to post it. But it was a passing thing. You know like when your really engrossed in doing something menial and boring a something interesting and awesome crosses your mind, so you think about the thing for awhile but then it fades out never to be thought of again? Those are the things that are always the hardest to remember, so I'll probably never post the thing. Hell I don't have anything new or interesting to say about the world anyway. Who cares?

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Tumblr being a dick and The Black Keys

I tried to title this for thirty seconds until I realized its probably more pertinent to wait and see what I write before I do that because I dunno what's going to go in a post.

Well I got some drawing done today. Tried to post it but Tumblr isn't letting me post pictures for some reason so fan-flipping-tastic gracious gravy if that isn't a shocking turn of events right there.

 I'm really trying to force these post out. I need to write! To unload! to make my brain hurt less! I wonder what the first person who reads this crap is going to say. Probably going to argue with me about my taste in video and say I'm boring. I wouldn't argue with them back because there's nothing to argue about when you accept your flaws. When you do that you are flawless, and other completely empty motivational bullshit you see all over the damn internet. I know the people writing that stuff want to help but they don't really care I mean come on. Then again it's better than nothing right? I certainly don't go out of my way to compliment complete strangers, I'm just on the internet to complain about how shitty everything is and talk about video games. Mostly I think. That's what this blog has been about so far hasn't it. What I'm trying to get at here is that I'm a pessimist and that may offend some people. I'm just trying to real talk. 

I'm listening to the Black Keys right now and it makes my soul so happy. Maybe I should make a post just about them someday. I want to wait until I've finished their entire discography before that happens, just so I can give them a proper "review" "thing". I'm on The Rubber Factory right now. So far not as good as Magic Potion. I do believe Magic Potion is going to be my new favorite album of all time. It is my heart and everything I want to be and the only complaint I have about it is that weird 30 second instrumental that I think was an album filler. It was just weird and didn't fit with the feel of the thing. 

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Me not talking about Always Sometimes Monsters (no spoilers)

You know I've always wanted to get into a fandom but I'm just too damn lazy. An even bigger reason is that I like creating my own art and not working off stuff other people have already made, because in my opinion where is the fun in that? I mean I reblog fandom stuff on my other blog but I never really contribute. I did draw some Homestuck stuff back in my Deviantart days, but it was all terrible so who cares. I mean I'm still terrible at mostly anything, especially backgrounds which I can't freaking stand to draw. I've seen 5 year olds that can draw better stuff than me. Not only is a five year old more imaginative but what they draw is sometimes more ascetically pleasing. It sucks to be a really unimaginative artist that hates realism. Why is life such a fucking contradiction you know? Why do I want one thing but the thing never happens or I just suck at it so I just stop trying. I don't think that's life's fault, though. That's just me being lazy.

I really want to say something cool and insightful with this blog but I don't think that's going to happen because that would require scripting and effort. Maybe something good will come out of my ramblings one day and this may even give me some writing practice however unstructured it is. I've been in a very long, incredibly deep rut for years now and I think  doing this is probably what I need to get out of it. I feel my creative juices seeping from my bulbous scull cavity and it feels kind of rad.

Hey does anyone remember that show that used to be on Nicktoons...I think it was originally French? About this group of kids and this blue monster that hunted ghosts and other supernatural crap, and at the end of every episode they would be sitting in this college campus with a crappy acoustic guitar melody playing in the background? Brb I'm going to look this up I think. Its driving me nuts because I cant remember the name.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Mystery

It was Martin Mystery. So many memories came flooding back as I read that. It wasn't a blue guy, it was a caveman they thawed out. I'm pretty sure it was a good show but I'm not going to rewatch it because I don't feel like it. If that link doesn't work I'll go back and fix it. 

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Me talking about Always Sometimes Monsters again (huge spoilers)

So I slept on it and I thought about a few more things that piss me off about this awesome game that needs addressing. First of all, pretty much every portion of Salt City is broken as fuck. The first problem I didn't even realize until the end of the game when your lovers mom is reading the journal. She said that (I cant emphasize enough that she called this out INSTEAD of the fact that I killed a man.) I had went to the strip club instead of going to see Mark preach when at the time you arrive in Salt City HE DOESN'T INVITE YOU AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HES A PREACHER. So how was I supposed to know that was something that would effect my ending? I don't know if it was a glitch or what but that was cheap as hell. Has that happened to anyone else? And after you make the bet for the car with Jeff its a mess. You can talk to Matt about it at the church before you even make it, so while everything is going down hes basically in two places at once. Which is just weird. He must have an ethereal preacher doppelganger. 

One last thing that bothers me is you and your love interests relationship timeline. From what your neighbors in Dubstown say she lived with you while you were there but in all the flashbacks including the one where you break up, it all takes place at her mothers house. And as your character says in the beginning of the game San Verdano is all the way across the country, so why would your characters be going back and forth like that and why would you want to move to Dubstown anyway? And how does your character know the number of your ex's house in Salt City? When did they live there? Why did they live there? Was it before or after they broke up with you? How could you know the number if it was after? And why would they even live in a crap trailer if they have a well-paying job in San Verdano????? I just???? 

I want to talk to the developers so bad. :(

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I drew a person pinching their arm fat. Why? Why not. (I'm working on anatomy.) (Scan is shitty and pixelated for some reason.) (Not much experience scanning lineart I have.)

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Thoughts on Always Sometimes Monsters (will definitely contain spoilers)

Shit I wasn't going to do another post tonight, but here I am because I cant get this freaking awesome game out of my head! I'm also going to try to make sure I use proper punctuation and junk because the last post was kind of an unreadable mess. 

I was just thinking about all the crap that happened that makes no sense! First of all, I made sure to write in my journal every single day right? I understand that no matter what you do you'll have to face consequences but I watched Cry play it and I know that if you help save Viper after the black mail mission you lose the game and have to start over because you made a bad choice and I don't think there's a way around that. So I just tried not to associate with them at all and I still get crap for it at the end. I know letting someone die isn't exactly the greatest thing a person could do, but when you have to blackmail a doctor and shit (and shes just a bad person that will drag down Darkeff) why bother??I'm screwed if I save her and I get a bad ending if I let her die I guess. Unless there was some unseen third option. 

Another thing that pisses me off is the my love interests mom yelled at me for stealing the drug addict girls money and I'm like???? Why not steal money from bad people??? I stole the money from the creepy guy behind the door that probably wanted to eat the dog and she didn't say anything about that!

Oh and she had the nerve to call out the drug money thing and didn't even mention that I had killed a man? I know I wrote about rigging the race at Jeff's (or whatever his name is) and yeah! Doesn't even mention it! She also blames you if that guy decides to kill himself! How are you supposed to keep that from happening by the way? By disagreeing with everything he says? But really why is she blaming me for his suicide??? That just sucks!

Yeah that's all that I have to say about the game right now. I know I need to play it again to get all the ending and stuff but right now I think I'm going to bed if I don't think of anything else to write. I really need to learn how to type. Damn I am such a noob.

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Hey yall whats up?

First post for the win i guess. 

I actually had stuff i wanted to say but hell I dunno. My ex is really creeping on me and I have no idea how to deal with it??? Also I'm a liar and a terrible person and I dont know what I'm doing with my life. I really hurt someone close to me and I dont know how I should deal with it. Bo says that if I make my bed I should lay in it but I dont think thats good for either of us. I think maybe what we need is space and giving that other person space isnt running away from my problems or that other person but respecting their feelings and making it so they dont have to look at me? Also I quit my job and looking for a new one has really been fucking me up. I don't want to work at KMART dammit! What if theyre the first ones to call me back??? I'm not sure I'd be okay with that??? But at least its not fast food, but dang. I applied to everywhere in town but no one has called me back... :C Maybe kmart wouldnt be so bad? Damn I am bored right now. Ive been playing Always Sometimes Monsters all day long and my back is killing me (oh poor me im in pain from sitting on my ass all day. boohoo) but I seriously couldnt stop playing. Its a damn good game. I picked the cool looking Asian girl with the tattoo sleeve and the hot blonde girl as my waifu. I got the bad ending though so she married Sam and I died in a gutter I guess. What is wrong with me? Why cant I clean the house? Maybe I could use this blog for comic ideas, I mean its the same concept as all my other comic idea journal thingies. So lets see how that goes. Maybe I can strike subconscious gold? Man all my friends feel so far away and I'm so alone, but I dont think I would mind being alone if my back would stop hurting. Ugh. I need Advil i think. but we never have advil so i guess its just going to be that knock off ibuprofen brand. Whay have we never bought advil? that makes no sense. advil comes in a cool bottle. whats up with that?