kt

[katiesherlockk]

[ungarmax]

me, dumping a load of freshly washed but unfolded laundry on my bed: boy i’m sure gonna be pissed about this when i want to go to bed

[sneakyfeets]

Me, plunking Stinky Bastard Man’s carrier on the counter: hi he’s here for shots and a nail trim and he’ll need to be sedated

Nurse: Are you sure? We can try-

Me: he needs to be sedated

Nurse: Well, it’ll take longer-

Me: he needs to be sedated, he will try to rip your face off

Nurse: Well we’ll try without first and we’ll let you know if we need to sedate

Me, watching her carry him away: you will need to sedate him

Nurse, coming back 10 minutes later clutching her hand: so, we will need to sedate him

Me:

[sneakyfeets]

A man with 3 caution stickers on his med file

[sneakyfeets]

Since this post blew up and people have asked for this villain’s record, here are some of Stinky Bastard Man’s more heinous crimes:

Screamed so loudly with such unbridled fury the one time he wasn’t sedated at the vet that he caused a little girl in the waiting room to burst into tears

Ripped an escape hole in the patio screen door in a single night

Snuck into the garage overnight where he managed to pull down his massive food bag from the top shelves, ripped it open and ate so much he couldn’t/wouldn’t move when we found him in the morning  

Learned how to open the laundry cabinet to sleep on the clean towels

Learned how to open doors, thus allowing the dog to follow in after who then eats from the trash

Bats off anything on our windowsills that gets in the way of his sitting. Current succulent casualty count: 4

Thankfully cannot open the bedroom door due to rusty mechanisms, but managed to slip in one night when it wasn’t fully closed. Jumped down from my windowsill squarely onto my stomach, leaving me to bolt awake screaming from the blow and convinced I was under attack

Tricked me into loving him forever anyway

[i-was-today-years-old-when]

i learned that in the Spiderman comic ‘Spider-Man: Reign’, Mary Jane dies due to exposure to Spiderman’s radioactive sperm.

Mary Jane Watson-Parker died of cancer brought on by exposure to Peter’s radioactive semen during intercourse over the years.

[samwisegamgeeee]

sometimes i wish i was jared, 19

[christopher-bryant]

a nut allergy so to speak

[homotology]

That last comment had me seeing stars

[writterings]

we’re getting into BOOKS again, kids. we’re out here reading BOOKS. it doesn’t matter if it’s YA lit or elementary school readers or “”great classic”” novels or comic books or even creative non-fiction. we’re reading BOOKS and we’re having FUN with it. 

[soontodisappear-deactivated2020]

Is this a threat?

[writterings]

yeah

[pseudophan]

10 YEARS OF DAN AND PHIL

[dankmemeuniversity]

[danceintheskies]

[danceintheskies]

wait, one more

[lone-brother-deactivated2019070]

[wornobject-deactivated20201021]

u left out the best part?

[phairis]

oh god so it wasn’t a joke

[hammertimeinthegrill420]

[feastofsnakes]

Today I was getting my hair cut and I pulled up a picture to show the very nice lady cutting my hair and she looked at it and said "uh. Are you sure you're showing me the right picture" and I looked down at my phone and I was showing her this

[daveocean]

the prophecy has read true

[vondell-txt-deactivated20180105]

[everythingcanadian-archive]

[b-rainrot]

[marierosaurus]

This is me.

[archive95205-blog]

[shaniae]

Reblog in 10 seconds and $1700 will come your way

[trainhardrunfast]

I have nothing to lose and 1700$ to gain

[prsephonies-deactivated20200815]

im too much of a baby for tinder i wanna meet people the old fashioned way where we’re both on either side of a fish tank and notice each other thru the water… 

[giajoyce]

THIS

[m--ood-deactivated20181217]

dont say nothin just reblog if she looks like who you know we all think she looks like

[hornyspice]

It took 9 years and 720 million dollars to get a better photo of pluto

[designer-croutons]

Takes the same to get a decent pic of me

[pasteandgo]

[ruinedchildhood]

Costco doesnt fuck around