me when i get detained by security for committing literal crimes

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@kauket-the-lyft
me when i get detained by security for committing literal crimes
saw this bumper sticker on this random car and it seemed so funny to me so I’m leaving it here
“Don’t steal, the government hates competition” that’s the mf tea
Do you fear God?
S-smite me Daddy
Bbig daddy😜😜 I’ve been such a naughty girl👹👹 pls smite me with that big 😯😯… fat😽😽… unimaginable😫😫….. GODLIKE POWER
Death is coming for me any day now I pray
someday you will have to answer for your actions and god may not be so merciful
What makes you think god can catch me
sounds like you’ve got a hand down his pants already lmao
That must mean god answers to me,;: in conclusion,;:.,/ I am .,;:: God
s-smite me Daddy 😖😏👅💦💦💦
It is the time of reckoning and I, as god, will not be merciful towards your actions
😖😖😫😩😩O̳H̸̥̻̮͎ ̜̣Y̵E͖̗̻̩͝Ą͉͍͚͇̯̺͈H̙̼͕̘̥̖ ̷̟͚͔̼̫͓̘J͍̫̰̫U̜͘S̙͔̭̬ͅT҉̮̻̟̦ ̹L̴̦̤̟̱̣I̥̣̬̳̘̤ͅK̮̜̟̹͎̱̀E̬̲͍̖͔͍̖͡ ̠̞̼̩̭̠T̶̤̘̬H̥̤̥ͅA̧̗̳͎̫T̞̱̮̥ 😤😤😤😜😜😜😜👅💦💦💦💦💦
hey guys quick question what the actual fuck
E̜͈̰̙̠ͅX̼̰́C̠͖̭̩͡U̩̯S̬̝̝̣̮̤͓͡É͓͖̟̺͖ ̞͎̥̱̘̣ME̡ ͙̪̮̝̬̀I͈̘̱̳̪̣ͅ’M̨̹̞̺͙ ̨̫̯͉̘W̞͖̺͈O͏̬̠̦R̗̣͓͍S̻̳̼͡H͍̟̱̩̤͓I͎͈̮P̶P̨̣̪̩͖I̥̤̙̹̭Ṇ̣̠͘G̸̦̞ ̮̞͙͙̥͕H̴͖̣̩̳̰̖̤E͓͕̭̤̳̙̟R̰͖̠̖̬͎E̫
this—this is the timeline god abandoned
Abandon me, Daddy
@liftblurred considering I am god?,;;:;; I think I would know,?!!’.:-:: which timeline….-:;,,)(; she abandoned,.??!(:: AND ITS NOT THIS ONE YOU DIRTY SINNER
What,,, the actual fuck,,, is this 😂😂😂😂
On the back of the more expensive Claïre"s earrings, they have these “electronically protected sticker on them. It’s fake so you don’t have to peel it off before exiting the store. Claïre"s doesn’t even have towers so you don’t have to worry about it.
so you don’t have to worry about stuff beeping if there’s no towers? and can towers be hidden? xoxo i can’t wait to go raid claire’s akfhj <3
Towers can be hidden inside the walls but less stores have them unless it's a standalone/ not in a mall. Some stores have started switching to using mats on the floor that function the same way.
“black friday is a cake walk”
actually, no.
nothing is a fucking cake walk. you still have to watch what the fuck you’re doing.
i’m with family out of state and this was my first lift at the *other state’s* mall. my s/o warned me that this mall was sketchy.
but of course, on black friday, stores are either at the top of their game with lp or .. open for committed opportunity.
not a fucking cake walk.
you can’t just run in and run out with bags of merchandise in your hand without the art of concealing and let me tell you these 👏 people 👏
i saw not one BUT TWO groups of girls sloppily lift in just hot topic alone. i get it it’s fucking hot topic but jesus christ people.
the first group of *ahem* specimen literally beeped on the way out (check your tags. it’s literally a hot topic and all they have in this location easily removed tags with a golf detch on some clothing) and wheN THEY MOTHERFUCKIN BEEPED THEY RAN.
are. you. joking.
congrats on your $10 shirt and looking like an idiot running away like you robbed a damn bank. if you beep, walk normal. not slow. not fast. moderate.
the second group was just two girls pacing around the jewelry section. i wasn’t even looking for lifters guys. i was minding my own business ready to walk over and pick something up & conceal at the same time like i normally do.. BUT NO OFC NOT. because one of the girls takes a pack of earrings and makes a scene of her slamming it into her friends bag and rustling it like a damn snake. i get that everyone starts somewhere but after that ridiculous excuse of a “conceal” the girl LAUGHS and says super fucking loud “YEAH iM sO hAppY tO sHoP wiTh yOu unLiKe mY oThER fRiEnDs iTs fREe wITh yOu” …
i just cannot deal with this anymore. how can people be so reckless. they’re ignorant. be selfish all you want lifting but be sly, be creative, be INTELLIGENT ENOUGH TO NOT BRAG ABOUT YOUR $5 EARRING PACK YOU SHOVED IN YOUR FRIENDS BAG SEVEN STEPS AWAY FROM THE CHECK OUT COUNTER.
needless to say i will have a mini haul up with this post. it wont be a lot obviously because of all the bullshit that happened the 15 minutes of being inside of that store.
just please be smart with lifting guys. don’t be that person that causes the downfall of excessive tagging and in-your-ass customer servicing.
my current goal is to own more lifted makeup than bought/gifted makeup. gonna be hard since I’ve already got so much makeup lol
what are other people’s goals if you have any???
To have a fabulous closet, mostly.
save at least $500 by lifting this year
To own every Natural Hair Product I can get my hands on because this fro dont tame itself
I know this is meant for packing but I thought it would be handy for us lifters
PSA B-B-B-BLOCK this person if you already haven’t :)
Shopliftertears is another anti-lifting loser, do yourself a favor and block them :).
UnAUtHoRIZED ReMOvAL WiLl TRiGgER.... blah blah blah.
More from LP reddit y’all. Be careful out there, a blindspot may not necessarily be a blindspot.
today I lifted about $5,000 in store merchandise through customer transactions.
I work at ᔕᑭᗴᑎᑕᗴᖇ'ᔕ. one of the main things we’re selling right now are the back to school backpacks and lunchboxes, and i literally can’t stand seeing so many poor families buying their children our character backpacks. it literally breaks my heart. every time a mom came in with their kids to buy backpacks i only charged them for a lanyard. I gave so many shirts away and so many toys. fortnite stuff, pokémon stuff, pleasure toys to young couples, and it felt so fucking good! you best believe kids are getting free christmas presents this year because my employer underpays me and i have no positive feelings towards the shitty company that I work for. If you chose to do this too on the upcoming holiday, make sure you know the code for a cheap item so everything looks normal on camera. Happy lifting, and don’t get yourself in trouble, guys. xx
you’re my favorite type of person
Luxury Leather Lifting Masterpost
So I’ve recently lifted some really high end leather goods and I have some tips! Here goes:
General:
-You want Mike Körs, K8 Späde, and Töry Bürch? Go to a luxury department store that is too busy protecting their multiple thousand dollar Guccï and Pradä bags to worry about an $88 KS Wallet.
-Big Stores are your best bet. If you have one with multiple floors (4+ is best) then you’re basically golden.
Little Wallets/Card Holders:
-These are a luxury leather lifter’s bread and butter. They are generally untagged and easy to conceal.
-Grab one and start walking around like it’s yours. Find a blindspot (middle of the stairs is usually a good bet) and pocket it. Walk out. Done.
Big Wallets:
-These are significantly harder. They may be tagged and you must check thoroughly. Even if they aren’t your favorite style choose an untagged piece over a tagged one 100% of the time. Do not attempt on a whim and be prepared to dump at anytime.
-This is the level of item where if removed from a shelf an SA might approach you and talk about the leather or ask to put it behind the desk for you. Smile, look pretty and even pleased they customer serviced you. Thank them, but you’re ‘just browsing thank you’
-When the SA is distracted in some capacity select an untagged wallet and head calmly and confidently for the stairs/escalators. This wallet is yours and it would ridiculous if someone thought otherwise.
-Conceal on the stairs or in some blindspot on a different floor. You could also just walk out acting like it’s yours (this has worked for me in the past), but I prefer to conceal if possible. Either way, congrats on your new designer wallet
Handbags:
-The Holy Grail. Attempt at your own risk. I recommend you carry at least $300 cash on you to flash in case of emergency (if you don’t have that money start smaller and boost then try this). Best when you are dressed to kill and wearing something easier to lift that is identifiably designer (MK belt, KS sunglasses, etc.).
-Enter your store of choice without a handbag but with a designer wallet in your pocket.
-Go to an unattended table of handbags. Don’t even bother with the LV or Fendï counter they’re crawling with SAs. If you pick the right label and you’re in a fancy enough store they will not be tagged.
-The best way to remove a handbag from department stores’ awful minimalist purse displays is to find that one set of purses that looks like little Russian nesting dolls; in other words there is a small bag in the front and a large one in the back (photo attached)
-The small one is easier but you can take either one. Make sure the other bag is positioned in the middle of the shelf and looks pristine. Carry the bag you took in your hands like it is yours and walk to another floor/area of the store.
-Burn about 5 min looking at clothes or whatever and get comfortable with holding your new purse. At an opportune moment transfer your wallet to the bag. This is also usually enough time to tell if SAs or anyone is onto you. Dump if you feel anything wrong.
-Return to the first floor and walk out nonchalantly with your new bag.
These are what works for me, abandon this advice immediately if something feels sus. Designer handbags are not worth your freedom. Be safe beautifuls and go get that designer leather *blows kiss*
I’ve been looking for this post for awhile and I’m sOo glad I found it, ya girl can now finally have the knowledge for lifting a purse if she needs one.
holy mothafuckin GRAIL bitch
I want this sooooo bad
y'all, Myer is getting private detectives and hard core LP, please please be careful 💗💗💗💗💗
Any tips on Hobby Lobby?
i’ve never been i’m sorry 😭
Pretty much a free for all and easier than Michaels, most cameras around the entrance, fine arts, cash registers, jewelry, wedding, clothing, and micron (which for some reason is always on the opposite side of the store from Fine Arts).Bigger store means more selection and better blindspots, Copics are less likely to be locked up and Prismacolors and Faber-Castells aren't, blindspots in yarn, flowers, Christmas, and glassware.
the motto
What are y'all’s interests elsewhere on tumblr?
Obviously I’m not asking to know your personal blog or anything. I’m just curious to know the non-makeup and aesthetic side of this community. What fandoms are you guys in?
Myself, I’m really obsessed with musicians and celebrities. Currently I’m shamelessly obsessed with Ed Sheeran and black veil brides.
I also do celebrity roleplay on another side of tumblr.
genuinely curious abt this as well!
for me it’s metal gear, various other games, art, aesthetic shit, birds and bugs :>
aw, everyone should respond to this, this is cute!!
i love girl groups (esp twice and rv), star wars, marvel!!!, skincare+makeup, and i would consider myself the biggest parks and rec fan
voltron and dragon age lol
overwatch / overwatch esports
tbh i’m a twitter person so beides this blog & my ow one i’m not on here
i do a lot of illustrations and painting, and i write stories in my spare time! i also like listening to gothic rock like evanescence and i read mystery novels😊🍓🍓
@everydaylifted and I are really into metal. Slayer, Cannibal Corpse, Parkway Drive, Infant Annihilator, Chelsea Grin, etc.
UPDATE ON THIS im now a marvel stan and a brockhampton stan, but i still LOvE top/kendrick with all my heart, but i’ve replaced svu with ahs ngl, and i write!!!!
I run a Star Trek blog. Won’t disclose who I am, but just putting that out here. That’s basically my only interest. Oof.
Im in the Sims fandom and i stan brockhampton on Twitter
I’m an artist and stan Marianas Trench and the Reddit / Commentary Crew