Pulling entirely from my own experiences and things ive seen as a family lawyer, let me paint a picture of how this often plays out (in my province at least):
You want to leave. You have no access to the vast majority of your family assets - everything is in his name - and you have no income.
Spousal support is an option. Child support if you have kids. And technically that property *is* half yours. You should be fine, right?
Well, let's start with spousal. You want to get spousal support? Maybe youre entitled. Probably, even.
But, Can you afford a lawyer? Probably not. You could self represent, but thats certainly not easy. Especially when trauma impacts memory and cognition.
Half the money in his accounts is yours by law. You could probably get an interim distribution.... if you can self represent or afford a lawyer and it has to be used for legal expenses and where does that leave you when you need a roof over your head?
And the house is half yours, isnt it? But, its also half his. And if you want him to leave, you need to apply for exclusive occupancy and the bar is high. You would need to recount your experiences in detail so the court can understand that it isnt possible for you to share the home. But youre having trouble explaining - dates and times are hard. You know these things happened, but when you try to explain them they become muddled. Because, again, trauma impacts cognition.
(And god forbid you have brain injury, which is disturbingly common for women fleeing violence.)
And you cant afford a lawyer.
Maybe a protection order? It could work. But it relies on the same thing- you need to be able to recount that happened, parse the details, make the court understand. And courts are reluctant to grant them - quasi criminal, they say. Do they want to risk ruining this mans life on the word of a woman who may be vindictive? (Never mind that it there are no consequences... unless he breaches... and even then, the police are notorious for doing nothing to address breaches.)
And even if you did... how are you going to pay the mortgage with no income?
Again, spousal support is there, but it could take months get it in place even if you could apply and its unlikely to cover all your expenses.
Okay, you can get a job. Thats find, right? Except, you havent worked in years. No one wants to hire you. And maybe you dont have a vehicle to drive.
And you know what I havent taked about through any of this? Kids. Imagine each of these steps with kids to worry about.
You have no access to the money to pay for a deposit let alone rent on a place big enough for you and the kids. You cant leave because the kids arent safe with him. At least if you are there, you can bear the weight of his anger. You can keep them safe. Or, safer anyways. So you stay - you tell yourself, just until I have somewhere to go.
Your aunt has a basement suite, but shes in a different area of the province. If you go, he will apply to the court for thr kids to be returned. You will try to explain to the judge why you had to leave. Maybe the judge will listen. Often the judge will not.
And you can't afford a lawyer.
And all that? Not even thoughing on the tendency of courts to prioritize shared parenting even where if is not safe, the research that shows women who raise abuse in family court often have worse outcomes than women who dont, the housing crisis that is plauging most cities.
At what point in this do you think you start thinking maybe you should just stay? That you should never have left.
Our family court system is broken and needs to change... absolutely... but when I see women talk about how they should have the *choice* to be a housewife, this is what I am thinking about.
Don't. Do. It. It is a trap and any man that demands it if you intends to trap you.
If you absolutely want to be a stay at home parent, talk to a lawyer before you make that choice, ensure you have a bank account that you *do not touch* with enough money for multiple months rents and about 10k at least so you can retain a lawyer if you leave. And insist on a cohabitation agreement the provides for spousal support, child support and property division. If he objects, run.
Please recognize that this is not just a simple choice - it has the potential to be life destroying.
prguitarman
pixelskylines
turnnoffyourmind
gummygunk
yousharknotpass
