TW: suicidal thoughts, sa, drugs
I honestly don't even know why I'm writing this. Out of desperation, I guess.
I know that most of you "don't know me" apart from occasionally seeing some of my drawings, or my latest posts about my mental health. And I understand that you may not be very interested in this, so if you decide to continue reading this, I greatly appreciate it.
Since I was very little, I have had many mental health problems, such as depression, anxiety, hypervigilance... Explaining in detail everything that has happened to me would be too much, and possibly many people would not even believe me. But I think telling you a few things could help you understand my current state of mental health.
So, my father died when I was 9 years old, from an overdose. My older brother hit me, insulted me, and tried to sexually abuse me (he also stole my share of my father's inheritance, and my aunt did the same with my grandmother's). I couldn't continue studying because I had to start working when I was 16 years old. When I was 18 years old I began to have very bad back pain, I had surgery when I was 22 years old, which worsened my situation, and I did not get a disability certificate until I was 37 years old (although I am not entitled to any monetary aid) even though my "disease" is degenerative. We had to leave our house, after living for 7 years without power and without hot water, because I suffered a sexual assault and that person stole my keys and documentation, so he knew where I lived, and the police never caught him.
Well, when we finally managed to rent a house, my mother and I, alone, we were fine, but in April the new neighbors arrived. Very loud music, shouting, parties all day and all night... I talked to them, but they laughed in my face. We talked to our landlady, and long story short, she decided she wouldn't do anything about it.
Right now we are experiencing constant harassment (like, they wait for us to get home to turn on the music, or the television, always with the volume very high, they ring our doorbell at 3am, things like that), and it is getting worse. When we call the police, the neighbors turn down the music and the police can't do anything, that's what they say. No proof, nothing to do.
Last year I started going to a psychologist and a psychiatrist, I was better, but I have entered a spiral from which I no longer see how to get out. The situation with the neighbors is unbearable, and we cannot find any house for rent that we can pay for right now (in addition to the monthly payment, we have to pay several months in advance, at least, and at the moment I am unemployed), and moving to another city also involves expenses for moving and traveling to be able to visit rental agencies and houses.
We're not able to do anything, we're locked in the room furthest from the neighbors. I do not sleep, I have lost 12kg in the last 3 months, I only think that the best thing is for everything to end for me (the only thing that keeps me going is that I do not want to leave my mother alone, since we do not have a good relationship with our family and we cannot count on them, and she has also started to suffer from depression).
The only thing I can think of is to ask you for help to get out of here. I'll try to open comms, but at the moment I'm not able to draw (no matter how hard I try).
Thank you if you have read all of this, and I hope I have been able to explain this situation clearly.
If you can help, this is my ko-fi, and this my InPrnt (although there isn't much in there).
