Thank-you to all of my new Internet stranger friends for being so gracious about having my post shoved onto your dashboards. I loved reading all of your kind tags and comments! Both Martin and Bosco have been gone for several years now but for 24 hours, they felt very present in my life. I greatly appreciate this gift. ❤️
Thank you to everyone who commented in their tags or messaged me. Indeed, today is “Martin and Bosco Day”. I originally whimsically blazed this photo on 13 July 2022. I never expected Martin and Bosco to travel so far and make so many new friends. The experience has been such a gift for me.
"72 hours were it not for some regulatory hold ups" I hope this makes it crystal fucking clear to everyone. This is a metal box shitily put together with 0 regard to the people that will be forced inside it. It took them 8 days WITH regulations, and what you see is 1500 bunk beds put into a metal cage within a bigger metal cage. It's optimised to take away people's comfort and privacy.
And if they didn't have regulations it would have been worse.
Building this in 8 days isn't impressive. It's a disgusting testament to the lengths of cruelty people will go to just to lock up and torture and harm anyone who isn't white.
Make noise about this. Never stop making noise until everyone can live safely. This is disgusting.
And a lot of people are happy to hear I am not dead.
I have not stopped posting in over a decade, but I sort of retired from the viral comedy I used to make, so I guess it makes sense that people haven't seen me around as much.
My personal tumblr is @sirfrogsworth where I post more frequently. And I have a photography Instagram here. But I promise I am still alive.
ANYWAY...
This post has made me think deeply about porn lighting.
And I thought even deeply-er about how I would actually light a porn.
I think it would be an interesting challenge but the one time I took a topless photo I was uncomfortable the entire time. I suppose that is something I'd have to get used to with experience, but I'm generally more interested in other types of photography.
But light is light, and I am always happy to help people get better results. I've even thought about starting a consulting business where I help people pick out lighting and gear and advise them how best to use it for their circumstances. I think there are a lot of small creators who could seriously up their production value with a small investment and some knowledge. YouTubers, streamers, and OF models who want an edge.
I'll try to give some general advice in this post. But if anyone is interested in a more specific solution, feel free to message me.
This post is about lighting entire bodies.
Quick review...
Large light source = soft light.
Small light source = hard light.
You can make a light larger by moving it closer, adding a modifier (softbox/umbrella), or bouncing it off a surface.
You make the light smaller by moving it farther away, adding a reflector, a grid, or a snoot.
Most lighting is designed for faces and maybe torsos. But when you need to light entire people, you are going to need more than a ring light. Ideally, you are going to want a light source at least as big as what you want to light. You'll notice a ring light is a little bigger than a face. A beauty dish covers head and shoulders. An octobox is roughly the size of a torso. After that, modifiers can get large and unwieldy, so you may have to think about bouncing light off walls and ceilings.
I was going to show some examples, but then I realized Tumblr would give me the naughty tag for this post. So I'll try to be creative about keeping this safe for work.
First, let's quickly expand on why ring lights are not ideal for photos and videos of entire bodies that are... comingling.
Ring lights are not bad. They were just designed to do something very specific. In the beginning, they were actually used by dentists to help photograph teeth without any shadows obstructing the view.
The magic of a ring light is shining light from all directions from the camera's POV in order to get a shadowless effect. You also get circle catchlights in the eyes which some people enjoy.
In order for this to work, the camera needs to be in the hole, and the light needs to be close enough to be directional.
The inverse square law says that when you move a light farther away, all of the photons start to spread out. Imagine a donut expanding inward. Eventually the hole in the middle closes up. It becomes no different than any other light at that distance. And since it has that hole in the middle, there is less surface area casting light.
Depending on the size of the ring light, you're only going to get those special, shadowless lighting properties for a head and chest photo. You might be able to get the boobies within the effect if you have a larger ring light, but it is mostly meant for faces.
Just to compare...
Ring light on the face, close up, with camera in the hole...
Ring light far away, off to the side, camera not in the hole...
You can see her. She is lit. But that ring light "magic" is no longer happening.
It's less flattering.
"Flattering" in the photography world just means that detail and textures are going to be less prominent. Flattering light is not inherently good or bad. If you want to show off a cool pattern or texture, or even a grizzled old man's face, you might actually want a hard light look. Hard light can also be very dramatic and boost contrast, but you may need heavy makeup or flawless skin (or just retouch it afterwards).
Small, hard light causes dark, crisp shadows. Think about what a wrinkle is. A fold in your skin causing a shadow. Think about what a pore is. A pit in your skin causing a shadow. The darker these shadows, the more apparent they are in the photo.
You can even enhance this effect by using "raking" light. Which is just hard light at a steep angle.
If you imagine this was a face or acne scarring or cellulite or a throbbing, veiny bicep, this might look rather unflattering.
Raking light is still useful in a lot of applications. Art conservators use raking light to analyze brush strokes on paintings.
So all types of light can be used for something cool, but unflattering light usually isn't ideal for skin without expertise on how to leverage it.
The good news... if you use your ring light straight on, even from a distance, you can minimize the crisp, hard shadows in places you don't want them. The more raking or off-axis the light, the more flaws will be exaggerated.
You can also attach a cheap shoot-through umbrella to enlarge the light source and soften it.
The bad news... small far away lights increase specular reflections. If you have shiny skin, this may cause big spots of glare. It can also reflect harshly off moisture. And if you are hot and sweaty... for reasons... you might end up looking a little rough.
John Mulaney discovered this when he gave an outdoor speech in front of a distant spotlight.
People thought he was back on drugs.
Nope!
It was just a warm night and hard light reflects sweat and moisture very intensely.
The next day under soft studio lights, he either sobered up overnight...
Or people sometimes fail to realize just how much lighting can affect one's appearance. (This was during a rehearsal so he wasn't even wearing makeup yet.)
Soft light is flattering because it reduces and fills in shadows and evens out specular highlights.
Many people think diffused light is soft light. But any large light source will produce soft light. Diffusion is just a tool to help create a larger light source.
But if you put diffusion on a tiny light...
It ain't going to be soft.
People also assume that soft, flattering light is "better" and that isn't always the case. Sometimes soft light is kinda boring.
The hard light photo is much more interesting and dramatic, but you can already see how much shinier her forehead is. If her photo was taken with hard light directly after... sweaty activities... it would probably not be as appealing.
And that is why most pornography is blasted with soft light.
If you actually ignore the porn and pay attention to the quality of the lighting, it is usually pretty boring and flat. But it is very soft and very shadowless.
I call this "sitcom lighting."
Light is blasted everywhere from all directions. Sitcoms did this because they needed every place on the set to have adequate lighting for every camera position.
I suspect porn adopted sitcom lighting for two reasons.
1.) Porn directors want you to be able to see *everything* very clearly no matter what angle they point the camera. No body part is to be mired in shadow.
2.) If you blast light from every direction, you get a super ring light effect where all shadows are minimal. So wrinkles, pores, veins, sweat, moisture are all reduced. It's super flattering but a little dull.
This is accomplished in a few ways.
Have you ever noticed a lot of higher budget porn videos take place in nice rented houses with a ton of windows?
Ted Cruz knows what I'm talking about.
That's because all of that window lighting is essentially one big light source.
Imagine those windows as softboxes. You are just filling the room with soft sunlight. But if you actually go outside, the sun becomes a small light source with harsh shadows. You need the windows to "modify" the light and make it large and homogenous.
So if you have access to a space with a lot of windows and you don't mind being naked in front of them, you're all set to porn.
The next technique is to just use huge softboxes and umbrellas all around the room.
This is my 7 foot umbrella that I got for under a hundred bucks.
I mainly use it for outdoor lighting.
But, I mean... it'd be great for other stuff too.
And then there is bouncing light. This is how you get truly huge light sources. You can shoot lights into walls or up into the ceiling. This is especially good for videos in bed.
You can combine window lights, giant umbrellas, and bounce lights if you want.
I was watching a Gerald Undone video where he toured the Gamers Nexus studio. Steve clearly didn't know anything about lighting. And so he just put lights EVERYWHERE from every direction.
He accidentally porn lit his studio.
One difference you might notice between Steve and the young woman who is innocently talking on the phone and definitely not about to have sex with her stepbrother...
She seems a little more... smooth.
A little less... 4K.
Enter soft focus filters!
Soft focus is sometimes called the Vaseline effect or the Barbara Walters effect.
This is a filter you can put on your lens to knock the detail back a bit. It keeps everything in focus, but smooths out the edges a bit.
An optical Facetune, if you will.
It tends to look a little more organic and authentic than digital smoothing. But you have to pick the right strength or you will end up making everyone seem like they are glowing like Barbara.
If I am being honest, I don't really like standard porn lighting. But it is hard to suggest something better. Video is just difficult to light artistically without a budget and a lighting expert. When you look at how movies are lit behind the scenes, you can see how complicated it can get.
So I'm afraid I can't give specific advice on how to artistically light porn. It depends on the room and the vibe and what gear you have to work with.
The best I can do is to advise you to get a very large light source as your main light. If you don't have a large white wall or ceiling, you'll want a 7 foot umbrella or the biggest softbox you can afford. And then I would add backlighting. I think that is the element a lot of porn is missing. Shining light from behind and creating nice highlights can really elevate things. You can even make the lights part of the video.
Erotic still photography is a little easier to pull off without much experience.
There are two popular forms of boudoir photography.
There is dramatic side lighting as you can see with this pussy.
And there is more environmental erotica where you decorate a room like a theater set or find a fancy hotel.
So you can make the lighting cool or the environment cool. Or both.
But if you don't have good lighting and you don't have a cool environment, there is one more aspect that can improve your nudes.
Angles and posing.
I'm afraid this is a concept lost on a lot of straight men—as demonstrated by Reece in this dick pic parody.
Finding good angles and choosing good poses can often overcome bad lighting. The easiest thing to do is copy someone else. Find a pose you like and try to recreate it.
And learn how to take pictures without holding your phone. Get a tripod or a phone stand. There are very few sexy poses you can accomplish when you are tethered to your phone. And if you move the phone a little farther away, you can avoid distortion as well.
And now for my most important advice...
NO MACRO PHOTOS OF YOUR JUNK.
If a doctor could diagnose a medical condition, it's too close.
Most people enjoy seeing nude photos in the context of your entire... you. Your eyes, your smile, your belly, and your various private areas.
Unless the intended audience is specifically into detached, close up photos of your bits and holes, it is usually best to keep things zoomed out. Communicate and verify before shoving a camera between your legs.
I'm just saying, when I can see past someone's asterisk directly into their colon... my light gets soft.
None of this answers the question... how would I light porn?
I'd probably delve into experimental lighting. There is this lighting technique where you put a black background directly behind your subject and block the light so it can only peek around the sides. It creates this perfect outline of whatever you are photographing.
This is my pocket knife sitting on top of a light.
And then in post processing, you just expand the black to the edges of the frame.
I want to try and upscale this effect to work on humans.
Okay, that's a lie.
I mostly want to try it on fuzzy cats.
But naked humans might also look cool.
And I'm just imagining if I were to make a video of two people... wrestling... it would look like two human shaped outlines were merging and separating in all kinds of interesting ways.
So the people would just kinda look like this, but it would be an in-camera effect.
I dunno, I think that would be cool.
If you want to learn more about light...
This is a really cool post I wrote about the Inverse Square Law. I know it sounds mathmatical and complicated, but I promise it is not. And it will help you improvise lighting solutions with a lot less trial and error.
💬 1 🔁 63 ❤️ 134 · Understanding the Inverse Square Law · (Without Math)
When I was first getting deep into photography, I kept running in
In this post I explain more about hard and soft light. I also go more in depth about ring lights and what to do if you already bought one.
💬 9 🔁 299 ❤️ 484 · Epilogue: Why you shouldn't buy a ring light (and why it's okay if you already did). · There are two technological fads
And in this post I recommend pro lights as well as budget lights and even some DIY lighting solutions.
💬 2 🔁 98 ❤️ 212 · One important detail I forgot to mention.
The main light hitting your face is called the "key" light. The key light nee
In that post I link to a big round streamer light, but it is for the white version, which is not in stock yet. The black version is available right now.
I wish they could invent a medical device that temporarily transfers your symptoms and pain to the doctor treating you and it worked like a shock collar. “I think light exercise would-.” and then bam they’re rolling around the floor clutching their stomach in agony and dry heaving.
these cats are displaying remarkable theory of mind skills by not only registering that the humans can perceive them but actively trying to manipulate that perception! that requires one to be aware that other individuals have complicated interior thoughts of their own, to know that those thoughts are not always based on truth, and to quickly decide on the best possible “lie” for the situation. this is why I despise animal intelligence tasks based on obedience— some of the most clever moments stem from intelligent disobedience.
"If tampons should be free, then so should my diabetes meds."
Yes? Yes they should be? Your life-saving medication that you need in order to live for a condition you were born with should be given to you at no cost?
It's Aang! Sokka let me borrow Hawky. Please feed him before sending him back.
I'm writing to ask if it's okay for me to drop by. Except I'll probably be there by the time you get this, because Appa flies faster than Hawky. Still, it's polite to ask!
Write back (or don't.)
Hot regards
Your friend Aang
-
Revered Avatar Aang
Hawky arrived two hours after you left. Never send me "hot regards" again. Like I keep telling you, language has changed in the past 100 years. It doesn't mean what you think. Future historians will think we were having an affair.
It's always okay to drop by. Hawky has been fed.
May your inner fire warm you (write that down somewhere)
Fire Lord Zuko
2.
Hi
need 3 fire benders (zappy) + few construction workers + a lot of copper
Delivr to harbor
sokka
-
Honorable tribesman Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe, son of Chief Hakoda, Hero of the 100 Year War
No.
May your inner fire warm you
Fire Lord Zuko
-
Dear Jerk Lord of the Jerk Nation, Master Jerkbender and All-Around Jerk
quit being stingy and send me what i need. seriously. the fate of your nation is at stake. LOOK:
[drawing of two pickles, a stick figure and waves]
Hot regards
Sokka
-
Sokka
Your drawing makes no sense. I'm writing a law which bans you from owning a messenger hawk.
I found you three volunteer firebenders who can lightningbend. They'll be there in a week with four carts of copper. If you need construction workers, beg Toph, don't bother me.
Feed Hawky better. He's malnourished, he keeps begging me for more food.
And don't do that.
Fire Lord Zuko
3.
Dear Honorless Usurper
My, how the time flies. It seems as if it was only yesterday that I was supposed to be crowned Fire Lord, and here we are, celebrating the first full year of your doomed reign. I salute you.
Know this: you won't know peace for long. I have entered into an alliance with Admiral Noboru. He is a true patriot and has kindly offered me three ships and 2000 men to retake the throne. He has also generously offered to serve as my consort, "despite my mental deficiency."
I am writing as a courtesy, as it is obvious that the throne will soon be mine. I might even let you live.
May Agni's light shine on you*
Azula
Fire Lord-in-exile
[* common benediction for the dead during Fire Lord Zuko's reign]
-
Dear Sister
Thank you for writing. I spoke with Noboru. I told him that I was allowing an Agni Kai and that you were on your way.
Noboru has fled the country. He gifted you his whole estate, see the enclosed list. He said to tell you he's sorry and not to come after him.
Please come visit any time. I hope your healing is going well.
May your inner fire warm you
Your brother Zuko
[enclosed: A list of assets including a home in the 5th Province, a vacation home on Ember Island, 20 acres of farmland, a substantial amount of gold and silver and assorted property]
4.
Zuko
this is the worst copper i've ever seen??? i want a refund. you're the worst copper merchant ever.
sokka
-
Sokka
You didn't even pay for the copper. I'm not giving you a refund. And I'm not a copper merchant. I didn't even buy it, somebody else did. What's wrong with it?
I can send you more if you need?
Fire Lord Zuko
-
Sokka
I sent you two more carts of copper. This is the best copper we have, so if it's not good enough, you can get your own and stop mooching off of me.
Fire Lord Zuko
5.
[on a thin sheet of metal]
Sparky! Earth Rumble 8 is two weeks from now. I'm coming to pick you up in the morning two days before.
Check it out: I can write now. Katara helped me with the characters but I've got it now. Hawky isn't strong enough to carry these, but Katara's dad is letting me borrow Seabreeze.
It's TOPH.
-
Dear Lady Beifong
You can't just come pick me up! I'm the Fire Lord. Two weeks isn't enough time for me to arrange days off.
I'd like to come watch you knock some heads, but I can't. Sorry.
Feed Seabreeze. Seriously. What's wrong with you people? Every bird you send me is starving.
May your inner fire warm you
Fire Lord Zuko
-
[on a thin sheet of metal]
Sparky. Thanks for sending me a sheet of paper but my privy is stocked. I can guess what it says though: "I can't go I'm so busy and I'm too much of a wimp to clear my schedule"
I'm coming to pick you up. Tell your guards they can either get out of my way or get CRUSHED. It's gonna be fun.
It's TOPH.
-
A painting of Fire Lord Zuko, Lady Beifong, Master Katara, Avatar Aang, Suki of Kyoshi Island and Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe. Lady Beifong is sitting on the Fire Lord's shoulders, holding up a decorative belt and smiling widely.
blakekathryn
kianamaiart
theartofmadeline
