no YOUR mom

pls be my friend

[ampervadasz]

[peachmage]

[mbta-unofficial]

Common civil service W

[the-technicolor-whiscash]

Tumblr is the reason why I have something I call the cashier test which is, if i told this to a random cashier at the grocery store, would they think you're crazy at best or at worst would they be warranted in leaping over the counter and beating the shit out of you. Karl Marx mpreg is crazy, but not beating the shit out of you crazy. The cashier will probably talk about you to their coworkers and it might even make their day. Telling someone they're complicit in their own oppression by working a minimum wage job at a grocery store makes them warranted in leaping over the counter to beat the shit out of you.

[whumpster-fire]

Now in handy infographic form for Tumblr users:

[xalatath]

Everybody in the club Yield to my will

[loveridden1999]

we live a world where one man is a trillionaire while people are starving in gaza and sudan, 81 million people are below poverty line in india, kids are being forced to do manual labour in mines in congo to survive and his own countrymen are dying because they cannot afford healthcare and then people will wonder why we think capitalism is the root of all evil

[abyssaldyke]

It's spring now which means the kids in my city have started drawing hopscotches on the sidewalk and as a rule I do every hopscotch I see because 1. Use it or lose it (ability to scotch) and 2. If a child got down on the hardscrabble streets of Boston Massachusetts to draw a scotch the least I can do is use it, but in doing the hopscotches, I've learned that about 50% of them are the typical 8-10 step scotch and the other 50% are. Somewhat avant-garde. And of course I'm not vetting the entire scotch before I start it so sometimes it's like haha 8 steps woo! Childlike whimsy! And sometimes they're 20 steps or 30 or they've got a section with three squares instead of two where you have to do a little Charleston to step on all three, or, memorably, FORTY one foot squares. A full BLOCK of jumping on one foot but I'm no quitter so once I've started Jigsaw Junior's fuckin hopscotch gauntlet I'm there til the end just a daily pot smoker in her thirties jumping kasa-obake style through an affluent suburb while some little proto-kennedy watches from his bedroom window rubbing his sadistic little third grade hands together and cackling. It's amazing. I love spring.

[mondo-grosso]

[tiktoksthataregood-ish]

[bpwpbshika]

[ironduuude]

wtf is this place

[melonwah]

[sandersstudies]

When my students talk over me I do this bit where I quietly tell them I’m really shy and to please let me talk and somehow it works.

[sandersstudies]

Me, literally a performing arts teacher who teaches them how to be confident and loud: guys wait I’m really shy 🥺 guys be niceys to me 🥺 I’m just a little guy 🥺

My students???? Every time????: woah guys shutup she’s literally shy

[sandersstudies]

Why did we ever start yelling at kids when we could just let them be part of a bit, which is a kid’s favorite thing?

[no-sharks-on-the-sun]

[no-sharks-on-the-sun]

they killed him for this

[theprofessional-amateur]

[kaylmao]

work like a red onion

play like a white onion

fuck like a green onion

[kanopos]

I just think theyre neat

[dreadwedge]

As a transsexual woman 👩 who has had multiple experiences ‼️ I have found 🔎 that the biggest block of cheese 🧀 is usually the one ☝️ that has the largest size 📈

[dreadwedge]

mature content

[fuckyeah2000s]

this is actually legitness

[scrungly420]

Gotta add the spiritual successor (among us medallion) + live among us reaction

[phantomrose96]

I'm very very glad that my knee-jerk, gut-feeling, primal-instinct reaction to seeing a Default Influencer is embarrassment. I think this saves me from a lot of bullshit.

[phantomrose96]

Some lip-filler lady on enough Ozempic to euthanize a horse: "The sad truth is an elite lifestyle takes money and discipline. Buy these brands on credit if you have to. Skip meals."

Me: "Oh. Oh I'm physically experiencing the effects of secondhand embarrassment. You live like this? This is your life? Your interiority? If I was anything like this I'd kill myself I think."

[phantomrose96]

To be clear ☝️, absolutely not gender-exclusive. Some broccoli-haired shirtless 23-year-old man on enough trenbolone to euthanize a different horse starts talking about how to be a high-value male and I start thinking instantly about how I'd have 4,000 slugs use me as a jungle-gym before I'd want this man within cootie-contagion distance of me.

[phantomrose96]