MJ looked at you, eyes widening at your vulgarity. âFuck him? Or⊠fuck him?â
You glared at her. âYou know what I mean.â
She scoffed, lips turning into a frivolous smile. âTrust me, I donât. You could mean â fuck Peter Parker, heâs a douchebag â or â I would like to fuck Peter Parker.â
You rubbed your temples, closing your eyes. You were already having a headache from the absolutely blinding lights, and MJâs question made your head hurt even more. âMichelle, I hate him. I despise him.â
âDo you really hate him? Or do you just hate him because youâre afraid of how much you love him?â
With your jaw slacking the slightest, you scoffed in offense. âI donât love him! And if I did, it wouldnât be love, it would probably be infatuation.â
âSo you admit it! You like him!â
âI said âif I didâ,â
âSame thing.â
âNo- no it isnât!â
Sheâd caught you off guard. MJ smirked, placing the cup back between her lips.
You never liked Peter Parker. You didnât know what it was that just ticked you off â that struck your nerves. Maybe it was because he did nothing but strut down the hallways with that smug look on his face knowing he was the smartest, or that he dated the hottest girls or that everyone appreciated who he was.
You didnât know when you started hating him because you felt that way for years. But you knew why you hated him.
You hated him and that was it. Your new normal.
MJ disappeared, excused herself and got inside the bathroom beside her. You didnât know what to do next, so your legs mindlessly brought you to the crowded kitchen, grabbing another slice of pizza.
âIs it just me or something smells rotten?â
His voice, like a deceitful man, rang around your ears. You felt like you were about to explode, the blood inside you boiling as he appeared beside you like a Devil in disguise. Rolling your eyes, you sucked your cheeks in before giving him a forced smile.
âAh, so you are a dog. Smelling things from afar and whatnot.â
âDo you ever shower? Or is that just the grease from the kitchen I smell?â
âDid it ever occur to you that the grease youâre smelling is from your shirt?â
âWhat grease?â
Your fingers, previously holding your pizza, dragged itself on the side of his shirt. Peter yelped, eyes widening when you touched him. You smiled when you spotted the imprint of your fingers that he was now wiping with a towel. âThanks for the tissue.â
Still rubbing the spot, he sneered at you. âYouâre disgusting.â
âLearned from the best.â
âWho? The blonde senior you slept with? Or the guy with the mullet who sells beer at the store near campus?â
Your eyes widened, but not in offense (if you were being honest, you would be offended if it were MJ or any other friend, but it was kind of shocking when Peter said it). âHowâd you know about that mullet guy?â
âI have my ways,â he shrugged, taking a sip from the cup in his hand. âHonestly, donât you have to look for something interesting to do?â
âOh, like being Spider-Man is interesting?â You raised a brow, taking a bite from your pizza despite losing your appetite the second he came. âYouâre a new type of stupid.â
His head tilted sideways, placing his elbow on the kitchen counter to look at you. Peter smiled, with a hint of nervosity, and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. He contemplated on saying that no, being Spider-Man is fun. But he remembered that he was still denying the truth to you, and he wasnât about to prove you right. âFor the last time, sweetheart, Iâm not Spider-Man.â
You chewed on your pizza, looking at him. âYou wanna bet?â
Peter continued to stare into your eyes, like it didnât spend half of his life burning him alive. But he didnât care â he liked the burn. He liked anything your eyes gave him, threw at him, said to him. If it meant getting your attention, heâd endure that imaginative fire scalding his skin.
âSure,â he whispered, finger dragging along the skin of your neck, pushing the hair away. âIf you have me saying a secret of mine by midnight, Iâll tell you the truth and everything that comes with it.â
You raised your eyebrow. âAnd if I donât?â
He smiled. âI get to kiss you.â
Your mouth parted.
You wondered if the iceberg you created between the two of you had melted from the heat of the fire your eyes lit on his body; if it melted and created a puddle beneath you so youâd blunder in your thoughts.
Peter Parker wanted to kiss you.
No, he doesnât. Heâs a cocky bitch with an ego as big as his ears.
Peter Parker created a game in his masquerade; He was so foolishly cynical in himself that heâd end up unmasking in his own play. He knew that, and you might have known that too but at that moment you didnât, because all you could think about was the brevity of your breath the second you imagined his lips on yours during your demise.
You wanted to back down, maybe even tell him he can go fuck himself. But you werenât like that â you wanted to fight a war heâd most definitely lose in. So that heâd be the one looking up at you, calling you his queen, and you'd be lost in your own pious ataraxis.
It was a quintessentially monarchical thought, but why not.
âDeal.â
Literally just made a deal with the devil. Kind of fucking nervous.
You offered your hand for him to shake, but instead he placed his soft lips on the skin of your knuckles, remaining eye-contact. âCanât wait to kiss you, pretty girl.â
Peter smirked when your small smile disappeared. You fought the urge to place both your hands on his face and slam his head on the counter, breaking his nose. Instead, you gathered up the courage to smile again, tilting your head.
âAnd I canât wait to tell everyone that youâre Spider-Man,â maybe you were drunk, maybe you werenât, but you didnât mean that. You knew that if he were ever to tell you that he was Spider-Man, you wouldnât tell anyone. But you enjoyed seeing him get anxious and feel the sweat in his hands knowing you caught him off guard.
You pat his cheek before walking away.
-
âFlash, Iâm not your mom. Stop begging me for attention.â
Peter almost laughed when he heard you say that, but his eyes narrowed at your failed attempt to shove Flashâs arm off your shoulders. âThat was mean,â Flash said, pouting. âJust join us, (y/n)!â
The drink in his hand was stagnant now. Peter grimaced at the bland taste, throwing the substance into the sink. But he didnât know which grossed him more: his drink that he was sure had a hotdog thrown into before he took it, or that Flash was weirdly holding you in his arms, pulling you into the living room, and that you were letting him touch you like that.
âDude,â Ned hissed in his ear for the third time, narrowing his eyes. âThe longer you stare at them, the more youâre being obvious.â
Peter frowned, standing straighter. He wanted to be oblivious (âwhat do you mean obvious ?â) but he figured Ned would have just told him what he didnât want to hear at the moment. âS-sorry.â
âCâmon man, just talk to her.â Ned pushed his shoulder. âThereâs no harm in telling her the truth. Well, the Spider-Man one, maybe. But that you like her? Whatâs the worst that could come?â
âRejection?â
ââŠrightâŠâ
He shook his head. He didnât know why he made that bet in the first place. Peter was in the spur of the moment; he wasnât thinking straight, and he blamed it on the alcohol. But who was he kidding? He wasnât even at least half dunk.
He blamed it on you. Not because you probably knew that he was Spider-Man, but because you had the most exquisite and alluring eyes heâs ever seen that he felt like he had just gotten hypnotized into making the bet â a bet he knew heâd renounce his heart in.
Peter sometimes didnât enjoy what your eyes did to him. Whether it was roasting him alive, or making him helpless in the knees; your eyes always made him anxious, and quite often, had him making stupid decisions. But he liked it when you looked at him, regardless of what your eyes currently signified.
He liked it so much that he couldnât help but stare directly into your eyes that were glaring at him from across the room drunkenly. It tore his concentration away from Flash, who still stood beside you.
âHey,â Ned nudged him. âTheyâre playing Seven Minutes in Heaven in the living room. Come on.â
He dragged his arm before Peter could protest. He sat opposite from you, cautiously eyeing the bottle in the middle of the carpet as people gathered around him.
11:52
Peter could feel his skin sweat from the watch wrapped around his wrist. Flash sat beside you, hand on the bottle.
âThis game is for middle schoolers,â he heard you mutter underneath your breath. Flash frowned, fingers playing with the glass.
âDidnât you suggest this?â he said softly, looking at you.
âWhat? No, Cindy suggested it.â
âThen whyâd you agree with her?â
âBecause â just spin the fucking bottle and letâs get this over with.â
He shrugged, followed by a wry chuckle as his wrist twisted and the bottle spun. Peter didnât know why, but his senses heightened in anticipation, watching as the glass spun unevenly against the carpet.
When it slowed and landed on him, his eyes immediately darted to yours.
You werenât looking at him.
âParker!â Flash bellowed. âGet in the fucking closet!â
Peterâs eyes widened, moving backwards. âWhat? Why? I donât want to go in there.â
He stood up nonetheless. Peter didn't know why, but he felt himself blush when Flash had grabbed your arm and hauled you up for you to stand, pushing you towards the closet.
âHey, what the fuck?â you hissed, rubbing your shoulder as you glared at Flash. âI do not consent-â
âBlah blah,â he cut you off. âYou suggested the game, you go in first.â
âBut- Cindy suggested it!â
Cindy looked at Flash in faux-innocence, shrugging. âNo, I didnât. You did. Right, Flash?â
You gasped, tugging on your arm but no matter how much you tugged, Flash kept his grip on you. âStop gaslighting me!â
Peter was roughly forced into the closet. He didnât know why he let himself be pushed like that. He could have effortlessly opposed back, but maybe the idea of you being stuck with him in a small expanse made his body unexpectedly go limp and he decided not to fight back.
You fought back, however. Something about being stuck in a room with the person you loathed the most made you want to hurl, albeit it was a way for you to have an opportunity to win the bet. You knew you had him encased around your finger; youâve seen the way he looks at you and you knew what your stare does to him. It made you feel emphatic, no doubt, and you knew you could easily make him fold but you just couldnât stand being in a small room with him.
It had gotten to a point where Flash had to wrap his arms around you and carry you inside while Peter stood watching like a fucking idiot.
Flash closed the door, and neither of you heard the sound of the lock snapping.
You glared at Peter. It became a habit - glaring at him. And even though he enjoyed your murderous gaze, it almost always caught him off-guard. âI fucking hate you.â
âIâm honored,â he leaned closer, bending slightly so his eyes met yours directly, âto be fucking hated by you.â
11:53 was on Peterâs watch, signifying that youâve only been with him for a minute. It felt ironic, really, that he was with you six minutes before New Year inside a closet - it felt ironic because youâre supposed to spend it with your family but instead here he was, in a closet with you.
He felt his chest compress when he recognised how tight both of you were. The tips of your shoes abutted, and he could feel the faint touch of your chest against his. You were both so close but Peter felt as if you were far away from him - incapable for him to touch; to sense.
Peter frowned when you shifted uncomfortably and pushed yourself off the wall, not even caring that your forehead now touched the fabric of his shirt. Your eyes warily darted on each corner of the room, and he could sense how your heart beat rose each look you took.
âAre you alright?â he asked genuinely. âAre you claustrophobic?â
You looked at him, the glare in your eyes softened the slightest as you leaned backward. âNo. Iâm Peter phobic.â
His jaw tightened. âThatâs a made up word, dumbass.â
âAll words are made up, dumbass ,â you mocked. âGod, youâre such a fucking know-it-all.â
âAnd youâre so fucking infuriating!â he hissed, eyebrows furrowing in frustration. âWhy canât you just be fucking nice even for seven-fucking-minutes?! Being mean to me the entire fucking time isnât going to make time faster.â
Your eyes narrowed, jutting your chin upwards. âHow can I not be mean if youâre being pretentious?â
Peter scoffed, arms flinging. âWhat do you mean pretentious ?!â
Despite the thickness of his shirt, it pricked his skin when your nail dug on his chest. âYou act like youâre such an angel when in reality youâre a pretentious, purposely self-effacing person. Not to mention the fact that youâre annoyingly meretricious and I canât see why people praise you for being a smartass without even them knowing who you really are,â you took a step closer. âI may sound like Iâm jealous, or Iâm a bitch, but I donât care. Youâre a liar, Peter Parker.â
Your remarks didnât hurt, but the look on your face did - you looked like you were on the cusp of crying, seeming like you genuinely hated him for being himself. It appeared as if you hated him because he was selfless and he didnât know why. âWhy do you hate me for it, then?â
âBecause I envy how you can be so selfless and I canât,â you whispered. âWeâve gone through the same shit and somehow people praise you for being a better person than I am.â
11:55
He took a deep breath for your pause. â(y/n), did it ever occur to you that you donât actually know me?â
âAnd did it ever occur to you that I know youâre an asshole?â you snapped. âI hate you because you were mean to me and I was the only person to actually see you for who you were. And yet I was still seen as the bad guy-â
âJust,â he put a hand over your mouth to shut you up, and you let him, your arms going up to tightly grasp his forearm. âLet me explain, please?â
He didnât wait for you to nod your head nor shake it to respond to him. Peter slowly removed his hand over your mouth, settling them faintly against your waist. âI-I wasnât nice to you because I was afraid.â
If it was possible, Peter could feel you relax but tense at the same time. âAfraid of what?â you whispered, your eyes darting from his right eye to his left. âAfraid of me?â
âWhat- no! I- I was afraid of how much Iâd be attached to you.â he replied. âI was afraid because everyone that was important to me died and I didnât want you to be one of them.â
âWhat do you meanâŠ?â
âYouâre an angel,â he whispered, the sides of his fingers lightly brushing the hair out of your face, lingering there for a bit. âYouâre an angel and itâs hard not to fall for you. And I know that if I let you too much into my life, youâd end up hurt and Iâll regret that for the rest of my life.â
11:57
Somehow, you ended up with your hands on his chest, blinking rapidly. âHalf of my life, I spent it hating you.â
âThen hate me,â he grabbed your hand, kissing your palm. âHate me for the rest of your life, and Iâll love you for the rest of mine.â
You looked up. A moratorium on your heart, you repeated his words in your head like a mantra-like a poetry you ought to remember. You were an indecisive person, stuck between hating and loving Peter Parker.
But hating him was easier - it was your own special way of loving him.
11:59
It was now 30 seconds before the new year and you spent the past minute staring into his deceitful eyes that scanned your lips repeatedly.
You could feel his heart beating against the palm of your hand. Something about it felt calming, feeling it beat simultaneously as yours. The benign rhythm proposed at the exceptional moment. They relied on each other to create the most exquisitely dynamic scenery one ought to bestow upon; the sound was inevitably pleasant to the ears that it felt like a composition of operatic music.
His heart beat relied on yours, so he could keep loving you for as long as he lived.
âCan I kiss you?â he whispered, leaning closer. Nose bumping yours and lips touching at the faintest.
âBut I won,â you said with a small smile. Peterâs hand gripped the one on top of his heart, his other cupping your soft cheek. âYou told me a secret.â
âBut I want to kiss you,â Peter replied, tracing your jawline. âI want to kiss you for the rest of my life, and I want you to hate me for it.â
You nodded. âOh, Iâll totally hate you for it.â
When Peter heard the clamorous sound of the fireworks demolishing outside, he felt the fireworks inside him ignite too as he placed his lips against yours in a swift motion, lips moving at each explosion. He told himself that it didnât matter how much you hated him, or how much you wanted to physically hurt him. Heâd keep loving you despite what you do to him.
so why don't you think jazz feels the other cullen's thirst?? he's an empath right? can you make me anon?
With the usual caveat of everyone should read and write the fanfic they like and characters are up to personal interpretation. . . I don't buy the 'Jasper feels everyone's thirst' argument for the following reasons:
Jasper deals with emotions. Thirst is a biological drive, a physical sensation. I don't think there's anything about how Jasper's gift is described to work in canon that suggests he's feeling anyone else's physical pain, thirst or otherwise. Fear, happiness, self-doubt, anger, hate, love, yes yes yes. Emotional pain? Sure. Thirst, hunger, heat, cold? No.
In Midnight Sun, Edward experiences JASPER's thirst, not the other way around: "This was all quite normal, usually easy to ignore. It was harder just now, with the feelings stronger, doubled, as I monitored Jasperâs reaction. Twin thirsts, rather than just mine." And that makes sense to me? Because Edward's gift is literally getting into someone's head, experiencing the world as they are experiencing it in that moment. Jasper's not in your head. He feels what you feel but he doesn't know the why. He's not a mind reader. He knows you're feeling desperate and ashamed and maybe guesses, "someone smells good, huh?" but he doesn't know, IMO.
Here's my biggest hurdle, though: I can't understand how Jasper would have been an effective second in command to Maria if he were feeling all the newborns' thirsts all the time! I get that the Cullens have a self-denial thing going on and may be 'thirstier' than the average mature vampire, but surely being surrounded by dozens of ravenous newborns would be worse? How would he be able to concentrate, to train, to fight, to survive, during all that if he were experiencing newborn-levels of thirst times 10, 20, whatever all the time? Jasper says in Eclipse that HATE was his constant companion, not thirst. He also says in Eclipse that being with the Cullens is a climate he enjoys; if he were being tortured by six other thirsts, I tend to doubt he'd enjoy it.Â
I think it's just more INTERESTING if this isn't the problem! It's more interesting if he's just bad at it. Giving him the excuse of "well he can't help it he has to feel all the other thirsts" is boring to me. I LIKE him being bad at it! I like the idea that he's not totally sold on the whole Cullen thing, that he's doing this for Alice, that he has bad habits from Maria, that maybe he's intellectually fine with eating humans and but forced to grapple with it emotionally because he has to feel the emotions of those he's killing . . . THAT's more interesting to me than making excuses for him. Of course, your mileage may vary there! This one is totally subjective!
I will concede that he may feel emotions related to thirst. Shame, guilt, anger, desire, whatever, and that could be distracting and make self-control a bit more difficult. But I don't think it's literally the thirst (as in physical thirst/pain) and I don't think it's the root of the problem given that he was able to function as a leader during his time with Maria and wasn't driven to distraction by the ravenous thirsts of dozens of newborns.Â
You may now all return to proving me wrong on my own polls as I die fruitlessly upon my lonely hill. đȘŠ
AN:// this pushes all of the wolves and new moon plot to summer.
summary: based on this post of how the shift Paul and the others experience would give them physical attributes akin to a wolf, which is being colourblind. Which Paul finds himself in, until of course, he sees you for the first time in months on the first day of summer.
warnings- mature language and themes. one suggestive scene. 18+ word count 10k.
âLa Push baby! Its LaPush!â
âDo you have to say that every time we go to LaPush?â I asked, staring at the back of Mike and Ericâs heads in the van. They were singing and screaming into the warm air as we drove down to First Beach.
âHe said that to me when I first came to LaPush,â Bella added, meekly. I laughed, lightly pushing against her. She was wearing a white blouse and tan shorts, opposing my dark shorts and tight blue shirt, Angela had gotten me it when she went to the Grand Canyon with her family. It read âvisit the Grand Canyon today!â on the back, so ugly I loved it.
âHeâs been saying it since we were five and our parents would carpool us in the summer.â I whispered to Bella; we were both laughing at the terrifying attempt from Mike to sing âWanna Beâ by Spice Girls. Butchering the lines didnât matter to Mike, it was summer. First day of it. Bella was finally out of the pit she had found herself in.
Iâd spent almost every Friday and Saturday night of the past seven months sleeping over at the Swan house, waiting for Bella to come through. At first it was scary, the screaming and the vacancy of her mind, but sheâs better now. At least I hope she is, Charlie thinks so, but Iâm worried sheâs becoming dependent on our friend Jacob. Coming to First Beach did mean a far chance we could run into Jacob, but it also means sheâs surrounded by other people, and as annoying as Mikes singing is, I can tell sheâs enjoying it.
âAre you okay?â I heard Bella say, weâd parked, and the boys were getting their surfing gear on. I hadnât even noticed; Bella was wide eyed like a little deer and grasping onto my shoulder. âIs it to do with Paul?â
âNo,â I laughed uncomfortably shaking her off as I got out of the seat into the back, taking of my clothes to reveal my favourite bikini underneath. âNot even thinking about him.â Which was true, to an extent. I had been thinking about Paul Lahote all morning and all last night and the day before, and every day since three weeks ago but that wasnât in this moment. So technically⊠not a lie!
She watched me in clear disbelief but didnât push it. She knew some rumours about Paul from Jacob, not kind ones but as the days go on, Iâm starting to believe them myself. Hall monitors on steroids. âWhat book are you bringing?â Bella asked, changing the subject.
âThe Metamorphosis by Kafka, are you rereading Austen again?â I said, searching through my bag for suncream. The only way id gotten Bella to agree to coming today was to promise Iâd stay by her side all day and we can just read on the beach. Which worked out well for me, I always hated getting changed after leaving the ocean, everything stuck to you; clothes, sand, everything. She nodded and sheepishly pulled Persuasion out of her bag. Bella grabbed the towels we were going to lay on as I surveyed the beach for the best spot, there were a lot more people than usual but itâs what I expected. The remote spot in the south corner seemed perfect. Setting down camp, I heard laughter and colliding footsteps coming towards us, Mike, Eric and now Tyler ran to our spot, and all jumped over one another to lay on the sand. Not a single cloud in the sky, not that the boys noticed, too busy apologising to Bella for covering her towel with sand. Laughing it off quietly she shook the towel and threw all the sand on the boys. She stopped laughing as she looked over my shoulder. Standing up I saw, Sam Uley talking with Jared, Paul and Embry? But Embry was huge and at least half a foot taller than when I last saw him. They began kicking a ball around until Paul suddenly turned in my direction. Swivelling quickly, I stared into the sea. Sitting down on my towel that I was apparently sharing with Jess, I looked over at Bella. Giving me a comforting smile, she nodded towards our books that sat in the bag at the foot of her towel.
A few hours had passed when Jacob and Quil had made their way over to us, Jess, Angela, and the boys had all decided to go on an impromptu adventure leaving Bella and I in peace, that is until Quil collapsed on my towel and Jacob calmly sat next to Bella.
âSee how normal Jake is?â I asked kicking Quil with my foot, âBe more like Jake.â They all laughed as the fiend on my towel rolled over.
âFigured you needed protecting.â He said, puffing his chest put lightly with a boyish smile.
âFrom what?â Bella laughed.
âLahoteâs been staring at you for a while,â Jacob said staring at me. Turning around I saw Paul from a distance, I could barely make out his face but saw that he definitely wasnât happy.
âWell thank you gentlemen, but we can handle ourselves.â I said, laughing when Quil got hit with a rouge baseball.
We spoke for a while, making jokes at each otherâs expense and avoiding the subject of Embry completely. Bella and I had come to an unspoken agreement that if they wanted to talk about it, they would. I looked around the beach and saw a stall on the pavement beyond the pavilion, an old lady selling handmade jewellery. I told Bella, Jake, and Quil that I was going to see what she was selling and grabbed my purse from my bag. Making my way over across the hot sand I regretted not grabbing a shirt from Quil or Jake or even making a detour to the van, so many people were looking at me, even if they were wearing the same thing, I felt so exposed.
âHello dear, having a good day?â The lady asked as I finally reached her stand. We spoke about the weather and then about her creations, one with a beautiful orange crystal in the middle had caught my eye. âCitrine, they bring positivity and happinessâ she winked once she caught where I was looking. I grabbed my purse but before I could hand over the $5 someone else passed it to her. Following the tan hand, I saw Paul; he was looking at the lady and explained heâd buy it for me. She smiled and accepted the money, handing him the necklace over. Paul looked at the necklace in his hand and squinted, looking oddly heartbroken.
âI can buy it myself.â I said as he walked a few steps out of earshot of the old lady. He still hadnât actually looked me in the eye yet. It was infuriating. âYou know its super fucking rude of you to ignore me for weeks, replace me with new friends, act like I donât exist and then pretend like nothings happened.â He tensed at this; I kept going. âAnd now you wonât even look me in the eye!â I laughed, his large shoulders straightened, God when did he get so big.
As he turned around something shifted, Iâm not sure what but it was definitely something. He stared at me wide eyed, speechless and I saw tension fall from him. But I had no patience for him.
âAre you going to give me the necklace or should I just go and buy one for myself.â This seemed to snap him out of it, he passed me the necklace and kept looking at me. Not staring anymore, more of a gaze. Not voyeuristic as the other gazes from men on the beach but an intimate one, one I wanted to avoid. His eyes are a stunning brown, I think to my painting at home, Iâd made him sit for hours, waiting for the result when Iâd spent twenty minutes alone painting half an eye, he waited.
Tearing myself away from him I look down at the necklace, it was beautiful. I had to not owe him this. I took the $5 out of my purse and pressed it to his chest. He finally caught on and gently pushed my hand away.
âTake it.â I demanded.
âItâs a gift.â He whispered, the way he used to.
âPlease take it.â I begged lightly; I couldnât owe him for this.
âWhat is going on?â A harsh voice interrupted us. Quil had stood in front of my right shoulder, not hiding me completely but being a clear attempt to shield me. He didnât know any of the details of what happened between Paul and I, but honestly, I didnât either. He just knew how broken I was, crying to him when Bella, Jake, and Embry werenât around. Knowing I couldnât handle their silent looks.
âNone of your fucking business, Ateara.â Paul snapped, his body tightening. Quil pushed him, suddenly Jared was holding Paul back and Sam had appeared in front of us. He had whispered something to Paul that I couldnât catch but it looked more like a demand. One I wasnât entirely sure was in Quil and Iâs favour or not.
Jacob had arrived by this point, staring at Embry in disbelief who had told Quil to âback offâ, Embry was normally so sweet and quiet. The way he was acting as he was influenced by the others was a clear sign to the mentality that I didnât want anything to do with. Paul had caught my eye from over Samâs shoulder, a pleading sense to him. I looked away, staring at Quilâs back. I couldnât do this, get caught up in whatever teenage boy bullshit was going on. I was 18, Paul 19, Quil 17. I had no fucking interest. Ignoring the yells of my name I walked back to Bella who had watched the whole affair in bewilderment. I walked back to Bella in more confidence then when I had left, I couldnât explain it, but I knew the people looking know, werenât looking at me and if they were it, was a good thing. Sitting on the towel I thanked Bella for staying with the stuff and picked up my book. Not before placing the Citrine necklace in my bag. She watched me as I lied back down but I couldnât care, knowing Iâd have to tell her every detail later anyway. Jess practically ran to us, monopolising my towel once again and demanding to know what she had seen from across the beach.
âI mean not only was he completely eye-fucking you but who were all his friends?!â She practically screamed, I hit her shoulder lightly with my book for âeye-fuckingâ as Bella blushed, but explained who the boys were.
âOh, theyâre coming over!â Jess said, elated with the drama unfolding right in front of her. My legs slid over Jess so she wouldnât leave and who ever was coming wouldnât stay, which thankfully she understood as she grabbed my legs lightly with a comforting rub.
âCan you believe the nerve of Embry?â I heard Jake yell as he was approaching us, Bellaâs cheeks were as pink as Jessâ bikini. Jessâ jaw dropped as she ate up Quil and Jakeâs physique, I watched her over my book, smirking as she stared at the long haired boys.
Quil called my name, and I looked up, with my head laid down I saw him as a giant, which made me laugh.
âWhat the fuck was he saying to you.â Quil demanded, staring at me.
âItâs over, donât worry about it.â I said calmly.
âDonât worry? Heâs a fucked-up dude! Literally almost exploded on me, again!â he gave Jess context, that Paul had almost âattackedâ Quil in a convenience store a few weeks ago. She looked down at me in surprise. I still read my book.
âAs hot as he is,â Jess said with Quil and Jake protesting as she ignored them, âno boy is worth it if he has anger like that.â She said with the older sister tone she normally used on her younger siblings. Quil and Jake agreed with her, but Bella stayed silent, I looked at her from the corner of my eye and saw her staring at the pavilion.
âHonestly, if you go back to him, I canât be your fucking friend.â I caught Quil saying. I stood up so quick I dropped my book on the towel, loosing the page. Where did this come from? Bella, Jake and even Jess went quiet. Quil had snapped, he never snapped at me.
âFirst of all, that would be my decision, second, I wasnât âwithâ him in the first place and thirdly you donât get to be so fucking rude to me.â I snapped, pointing a finger at his chest.
âHeâs a bad fucking person and you know it.â His eyes stared into mine, harsh and true.
âYou donât know him how I know him.â I defended Paul, for some unknown reason. I didnât even fully believe myself I was just so hurt with how Quil was acting everything was blurring out of anger.
âAfter everything he did, youâre defending him!â Quil yelled, desperation in his eyes, he was looking at me as if I was crazy, which I was beginning to feel.
âYou donât fucking care about me.â I yelled back. Storming away, grabbing only my bag and purse, leaving my book and towel. All but Quil yelled after me.
Opening the van, Mike was sat in the back struggling to get the sand of his feet. âPass me my clothes.â I said, I couldnât hear myself due to the anger raising and blurring everything, but I could tell I was being rude, Mikeâs smile dropped into a worried expression as he gave me my clothes. I dressed in silence as he asked me if someone did something, like the protective older brother he always acted like. I shook my head, unable to fathom words that werenât a string of swears. Did Quil really think that lowly of me? Did he think he could just give me an ultimatum like that, and Iâd accept it? Fuck this and fuck him.
I told Mike I was going home and as he asked if I wanted a lift, I slammed the door of the van shut too hard and made my way to the back streets of first beach. I knew if I got to the centre of LaPush that I could find the bus stops I used to use when Iâd hang out with Paul. Led hit me over the head when I thought about him. I suddenly had an urge to sit by his side unlike the recent weeks where id sworn him off and cried and cried.
A truck pulled up beside me, old and worn I recognised it as Sam Uleyâs. I looked over to see him sat in the driverâs seat looking at me.
âIâll give you a ride.â He said, in a way I felt oddly comforted by as I got in. Normally, I wouldâve told him to fuck off, but I felt way too emotional to walk the twenty minute walk to the centre of town. We sat in silence for ten minuets after Iâd told him my address. I wanted to ask him about Paul, even about Emily and Leah but it didnât feel right. This would be the fifth time Iâd been near him let alone speak to him, so it just felt wrong. But he mustâve been thinking the same thing.
âItâs not Paulâs fault.â
âWhat?â I asked, looking at him. He was staring intensely into the road, it was weird, it felt like Sam was effortlessly the comforting older brother figure Mike had tried to be. Yet he seemed guilty like heâd made a mistake, not know but before. Â
âI told him to stay away from you, it was my fault. He had no choice.â I decided to listen, to make sense of what he was saying. âThereâs somethings you need to know, do you remember Emily?â I nodded, unable to speak in fear heâd stop speaking. âIâll write her address down for you, visit any time and sheâll help you.â How cryptic could one person be.
âWhy did Paul listen to you?â I questioned, staring at him. His dark brown hair was swooped back so he could see the road.
âHe had no choice, youâll understand.â
âI donât understand anything.â He laughed.
âYou will.â He pulled over and stopped driving, weâd reached my house. He pulled a notebook from the glove compartment. âHereâs her address and my number if you need a ride.â
âI can get Bella to drive me.â
âNo, Bella canât know about this, it doesnât involve her. Iâm sorry but you must trust me.â
âI tell Bella everything.â I said, taking the sheet of paper from him.
âBut does she tell you everything?â he asked, his tone wasnât accusatory like Quilâs had been, no Sam asked me like he was genuinely worried about me. He was right, I knew Bella wasnât telling me something. I couldnât ask, hoping sheâd finally tell me.
âI guess this means donât tell Jake or⊠Quil.â He nodded, I got out of the truck, thanking him for the ride.
âYou hike a lot, right?â It was my turn to nod. âTake a break for a while, with all those attacks it really isnât safe.â I agreed, sadly, and went inside, after thanking him again for the ride. âEver need a lift, just let me know, Iâll sort one out for you.â
I was glad it was summer break. All my free time had been spent on art, painting, sketching, and avoiding literally everything else. Iâd been missing all of Bellaâs calls and thankfully when she came over to my house I was working. Sam had been giving me lifts to work since I normally did a small hike there. I worked on the other side of Forks at a plant shop and nowhere near Bella. Whatever she was hiding from me had been eating away at me for a while. Summer break had also given me an escape from running into Jess, I loved her, but I had literally no answers for her. And the theories I had were so bat-shit crazy I had feeling no one would believe them.
Quil had called seventeen times. I couldnât call him back, still angry at the way he spoke to me. Maybe he was right about Paul, but a small voice in the back of my head Iâd nicknamed âstupid consciousnessâ told me I should give Paul a fair chance and listen to Sam. Maybe it was some crazy mastermind ploy to pull down my defences, but id started to befriend Sam, and Emily as sheâd joined him a few times to take me to work. I couldnât figure out why theyâd decided to help me out suddenly, but I decided to just go with it, I felt safer, loved and they never brought up Paul.
8:30am on a Tuesday morning I sat in the garden waiting for Sam. My headphones blasting Noah Kahanâs new album. It was chiller then it would be for this time of year, so a loose fleece hung around my body. We had another month of beautiful sun until the constant hood of clouds and rain returned to Forks. I had started worrying this morning that Sam driving me to and from work was an inconvenience, I hadnât been insecure about this before, but it was daunting on me now. What if I was just pushing him out of his way and annoying him? Annoying Emily? I felt suddenly sick. But the truck in front of me pulled me out of the haze. Samâs brotherly grin made me smile, my older brother was away at college, and I missed him. He opened my door form his side and I got in, the fear of inconvenience looming over me. Taking off my headphones I heard the soft folk music playing form the old truck. It was a twenty-minute drive to my work; we made nice conversation till Sam said something that struck me.
âCome to Ems tonight, Iâll finally explain it to you.â Weeks had passed since Sam initially asked me, it was clear I didnât want to ask, so heâd decided to tell me. I nodded, silently looking out the window. Five minutes till we got there.
âWill he be there?â
âYes.â He was short, sweet, and blunt. I knew I couldnât hide from this, so I decided to ask what had been looming over me all morning.
âWhy do you drive me? You work on the res; this is completely out of your way.â I still held my gaze out of the window. But I heard him grin as he told me.
âWell, I like your company, I always wanted a baby sister,â I scoffed at âbabyâ which he caught and laughed, âplus it really is not safe if you walk to work, you walk through the bush, it isnât safe.â His tone was serious at the end. I knew he was telling the truth. When we arrived, he looked over at me, smiling he passed me a brown bag. Holding back a laugh he told me âEmâs worried you arenât eating enoughâ.
âShe does know Iâm an adult right?â I laughed, taking the bag.
âWell do you have any lunch today?â the silence from me made him laugh as I clearly did not, infact, have lunch. I threw a piece of card from the car door at him as I mumbled in protest.
âPick me up at four?â I asked, putting the brown bag in my own. He nodded, as he drove away, I realised how long today was going to be.
I was right. So annoyingly, right. The day dragged, it felt that five hours had passed when in fact it was only two and I couldnât even go for my lunch yet. If one more old lady asked me to point her in the direction of the roses, I was going to lose my mind. Not only was it weird that roses were extremely popular among old ladies but that they couldnât see that the roses were at the front of the store, they were the first things you saw as you walked in.
At 1:25pm I heard a familiar gruff voice echo in the small shop. Charlie Swan. I was praying he was talking to a friend, or that there had been a horrible crime and the shop was under investigation. But as I heard a small, feminine voice I knew I wouldnât have such luck. Of course, when I was working Chief Swan would decide to finally re-do his front garden. My lunch break was in five minutes if I could just hide here then my 60-year-old co-worker Henry would serve them. Henry was a true one, heâd help me in my hour of need. I hid behind the seeds, staring at Iris in its many forms as I heard Bella ask Henry if I was working too, I wasnât sure if Henry and I had some super cool intuition or if he had genuinely forgotten I was working as he told her I wasnât today. As I snuck away for my lunch break, I internally praised Henry for being the best co-worker that has ever lived.
Checking my phone, I noticed a missed call from Sam and a text.
âCanât pick you up, Em is going to, sheâll be using her truck- its blue same make as Bellaâs. Will be there when you arrive. Sorry.â
As weird as that was, I was just thankful I had a ride, I didnât trust Henry behind the wheel.
The afternoon had passed quicker than the morning, the lunch Emily had made me was embarrassingly good and oddly comforting. As I finished my shift I gave Henry a fist bump, he laughed the way old people do, as a reflex showing that theyâve been laughing all their life. Emilyâs blue truck pulled up; it was in a better paint job then Samâs but I had a feeling Sam worked on her truck more than his own.
âHow was your day?â Em gleamed as I got into the car.
âDull but the lunch was amazing, thank you.â I laughed as she grinned like a fool.
âI knew youâd like it! Paul told me you were vegetarian, and Iâve been dying to pull out those veggie cookbooks! The boys always avoid vegetables, itâs ridiculous!â she laughed as I wound the window down, warm air sifting through. My fleece cocooned in my bag form this morning, abandoned in the heat. I smiled, feeling warm at the casual mentioning of Paul. Iâd assumed Samâs business was something to do with work and that it wasnât my business but at Emâs odd avoidance of it, something felt different.
Iâd told her about Henry and Bella, talking more about Henry then Bella, Em laughed so hard she coughed. Pulling up to her house, I was shocked. It was beautiful. When we got out, I stared at the cabin, two stories and covered in flowers and plants. Wooden furniture, big windows, and open doors. It was beautiful. Em pulled me in, it was even more perfect inside. Bright colours and paintings everywhere. Sitting at a round, wooden table Em beckoned me to join her.
âYour home is⊠wow just amazing,â I was still looking at everything, the open kitchen and dining room was so homely and comforting. She smiled and grabbed my hand.
Emily was one of the most beautiful people I had ever seen. The scar on her face to her arm didnât change that. She was even more beautiful; she wore it proudly. When she smiled part of the scar creased at her eye. Her long black hair hung over her shoulders, bangs perfectly trimmed. My hair was almost as long as hers, but she had a few inches on me.
âHow are you feeling?â her caring tone standing through.
âNervous, I have no idea what is about to happen.â
She nodded, squeezing my hand. âIâll be here the whole time, if you donât want to be here at any moment just say and weâll go, no questions asked.â She mustâve noticed the apprehension in my face. âNothings going to hurt you, Sam and Paul have made sure of that.â I trusted her, more than I trusted the people I grew up with. I knew for certain there was something going on, that involved Paul and Sam, probably Jared and Embry too. Whatever it was I hoped it didnât involve Quil and Jake too.
Voices came through the door behind us that led out to Emilyâs extensive garden. Sam and Paul came in. Both shirtless and only wearing shorts. Which was weird but I guess they felt the heat more than Emily and I, Emily was wearing a stunning white sundress and I white pants and black shirt, my apron from work stuffed in my bag along side the fleece.
Paul looked at me, he looked horrible, dark bags under his eyes, and it looked as if he had to hold himself back from me. Not in a threatening way, not the relief in his eyes told me this was good, that I was safe. Sam rubbed my shoulder as he passed me to Emily. As they hugged and kissed, I saw Paul still watching me, turning back to him I saw the weight in his eyes.
âAre you joining us?â I asked him, an olive branch being thrown in his direction.
He took a moment to process what I asked then silently nodded and sat a chair away from me, which did hurt. But I ignored it and looked to Sam and Emily who had both sat back down. Emilyâs hand was once again in mine, Paul looked with an odd⊠jealousy? Till his eyes trailed up my arm to my neck, where the necklace laid. Iâd worn it every day since the beach that I didnât even think about it anymore.
âSo,â Sam started, âthere are some things we have to tell you, but I think itâll be easier if we show you then explain.â Emilyâs head snapped to him as Pauls hung in shame. He smiled at her reassuringly and guided us all to the garden where Jared and Embry were talking. They both greeted me with a relaxed voice I was deeply confused as to what was going to happen.
Sam and Paul stood slightly in front of me, Emilyâs grip tightened as she held onto my arm. Without warning Jared had⊠disappeared? And there was a wolf in his place. I looked in frozen shock to Embry who was grinning ear to ear and then his body contorted itself into another oversized wolf. Both started chasing each other and I couldnât find it in myself to be scared. Instead, I found it hilarious, two boys had just turned into great big wolves, and I was worried about my friend not liking me anymore! All my problems felt so small as I watched them both. Emily pinched me, whipping my head to her in pain I asked her whatâs wrong.
âWhat is wrong? What is wrong! They just shifted into wolves and youâre acting like itâs the most normal thing in the world!â She yelled, trying to grasp anything from me.
âLetâs go inside.â Sam said, leaving Embry and Jared to playfight in the garden. Emily dragged me in, I couldnât stop watching them. Enamoured by how small it made my problems feel. Everything had been feeling so all-consuming as I experienced every little emotion, it was awesome to feel so insignificant.
âHow familiar are you with the tribeâs history?â Sam asked, trying to read me as we sat back in Emilyâs kitchen. I finally turned away from the wolves in the garden to face him.
It all hit me, everything Paul had told me growing up and Quil had been telling me before the beach. About the vampires, about the three bloodlines that became protectors. Quil was in that bloodline. So was Jake. Fuck.
âI know a fair bit.â I said. The next ten minutes were spent by Sam monologuing everything they knew so far but I could tell he was leaving something out. Something I knew that I knew. Paul or Quil must have mentioned it. After he had finished, I sat processing, knowing there was something else. The leaches. Was it just the one Sam had mentioned. Oh god. I dropped the glass of water I was holding, Paul caught it.
âThe Cullenâs.â I breathed, looking at Sam and Paul in horror.
âYou caught that quicker than I thought you would,â Sam laughed, âthe treaty doesnât allow us to tell people what they are.â
âI sat next to them in classes⊠Bella dated one!â silence. âShe knew?â I was bewildered. She knew that Edward Cullen was an ancient old man murderer and dated him? What is wrong with her. I canât judge her completely, as gross and weirdly necrophiliac as that is, I didnât know her story. Iâm glad Sam warned me that she wasnât telling me everything.
âDoes she know about you guys?â Sam shook his head.
âOnly the people in this room, Jared and Embry and the tribeâs elders know. Its safer that way.â I nodded. Embry was 17. He mustâve been so scared.
Suddenly it hit me how cruel Iâve been to Paul; Sam had explained the gag order heâd put on Paul. Thinking about him, I knew there was something else, but I couldnât help but just feel horrible for how I acted. The way I spoke about him to Quil, not meaning a single word but loving how good it made me feel. Without looking at him I let go of Emilyâs hand and held his. He squeezed in and I could practically feel the smile radiating of him. I knew I shouldnât feel too bad for how I acted; I didnât know. But I wish I did. Sam explained lightly how his transformation was, how painful and terrified he was. I didnât want to imagine a similar story leaving Paulâs mouth.
âIâm thankful you told me but why exactly are you telling me?â I asked, Paul stiffened, my thumb absent and idly ran circles around the back of hand as I stared at Sam. He shifted uneasily under my gaze. Which felt wrong, Sam was never uncomfortable. What was he avoiding? What am I forgetting?
A ring ran through the silent kitchen, and I dropped Paulâs hand to look at my phone. Jakes name read across the screen, which was weird. Jake never called me. He texted me when he was picking me up to come hang out and that was it. Itâd been radio silence on both ends since I had that argument with Quil.
âErm, Iâm gonna get this.â I went outside to Emilyâs front porch rather than the open garden.
âJake?â I asked to the empty phone line.
âHello?â He panted; his breaths disjointed.
âJake whatâs wrong?â
âI donât know, something-â he was cut of by a pained groan. âSomethings wrong.â He sounded like a child, one who couldnât understand the pain of a broken arm or where a relative had gone and why they wouldnât come back.
âJake? Is Quil there?â
âNo, I just got back from the movies with Bella.â He screamed again. Then began pleading with me. I didnât know what to do. Suddenly two wolves ran past me into the Woodline, I turned back to see Sam telling Paul and Emily something as he shifted into the clearly biggest wolf.
âListen to me okay. Deep breaths Jake, help is coming. You just gotta keep calm. Please, okay?â I asked, figuring out what was going on. Jake was shifting. I was panicking and felt like crying at his screams of pain.
âHow are you feeling?â a pained yell was all I got in reply, Emily came to the porch behind me and put a hand to my back, âkeep goingâ she mouthed.
âFocus on- Bella! Think of her okay. Bella sheâs going to be an anchor for you. Think about her okay. What shirt was she wearing today?â I asked keeping my voice as calm and steady as I could.
âShe was wearing-â another scream through gritted teeth.
âFocus.â
âa green jacket, and a white blouse.â I heard crashing through the call, Samâs voice, more screaming. I hung up the phone. This was too much. Too soon. Emilyâs hand ran up and down my back, I was breathing heavily. I only found out about this an hour ago, how was this happening to Jake? Bella had once called him âearthbound sunâ and now all I was hearing was his screams of pain playing on repeat.
âEverything will be okay.â She whispered, taking me upstairs into a bedroom. The walls were wooden, and the large bed was plush, and it smelt of lavender when I sat on it. Emily leant in front of me, both my hands in hers as we breathed together, she mustâve gone threw this a few times now. I couldnât even pinpoint why I was so worried. The idea of Jake or any of them making a mistake and Paul getting hurt was eating me up. As my eyes fell into Emilyâs and my breathing matched hers, I remembered the last bit of the story Paul told me years ago.
We were 15, sat cross legged on his lawn. I was making daisy chains as he told the legends to me. He blushed as he mentioned imprinting. The two souls who were destined to meet brought together by fate. How the shifter devotes themselves to their imprint even at the cost of themselves. At the time we both couldnât comprehend the power of it, we thought it was ludicrous. And it was, a complete lack of agency. But in a selfish way, it was fantastical. My breathing was normal, and Emily sat next to me.
âDid Paul⊠did he imprint on me?â I asked quietly, scared if I said it any louder id be ridiculed. Emily didnât say anything, she just squeezed my hands gently.
âWhy donât you stay here tonight? I have some spare pyjamas; I can wash your uniform for tomorrow.â She asked, eyes searching my own. Nodding I waited as she left the room. She told me to start getting changed as she left, stripping down to my underwear I became oddly aware of how insane this was, but I trusted Emily. And I knew now, I was safe. She came in holding a brown tank top and white shorts, they were so soft as I put them on. I was still dazed as the panic left my system; every movement was a cloud in my mind.
âWould you like to join me?â she asked, as I lifted my head up in confusion she continued âIâm going to watch a film, we can watch it together, if youâd like.â
âIâd like that.â I replied, Emily put my clothes in the wash with some of her own and we got comfy on the sofa, Iâd learnt the room with the lavender smelling bed was a guest room, and I was welcome to stay over whenever. Emilyâs room was just down the hall. Her Gran had left her this house and she spent two years renovating it. She always made sure anyone was welcome here. I texted my parents to let them know I wouldnât be home tonight, they told me to stay safe and call them if something is wrong. I was an adult, and I knew they liked knowing I was okay.
âPaul stays over most nights,â she said, braiding my hair, âbut he sleeps on the couch. I canât get him to take a room.â I was laying half on her chest half on her the sofa. I felt like a child. It was the most comforting experience of my life. We watched 2005 Pride and Prejudice. Laughing and swooning the whole time. We cried at the love in the film, the hand moments making us kick our feet, giggling. It was relaxing, to be with a friend. One that wasnât hiding anything. I guess I would be the friend that was hiding something now to all my friends, to Jess, Bella, and Angela. But I couldnât dwell on that. I told Emily about how I was feeling with Bella, and she told me about Leah, my stomach dropped when she told me Sam gave her that scar.
âI couldnât be angry at him, what happened to him, to all the boys, it takes away their agency in emotional moments. I forgive him.â She told me, watching the film. Like this was second nature. Merely an afterthought. I knew I was safe here but was that just hysterics? Was I in danger and too naive to notice? No. Sam and Paul care for me. But Sam loves Emily? No. I reassure myself as I fall into a drowsy slumber as Emily ran her fingers through my hair. Sam can control it, so can Paul and Jared and Embry and Jake will be able to.
Warm arms lifted me, I felt the soft plush of the bed beneath me. I wanted to grab onto to the body holding me, my eyes wouldnât open but I tried. A light chuckle sifted through the air as I finally let go.
A pink sunrise fell over me. I was drenched in the colours. Walking through the house I saw Paul, asleep on the sofa. The pink and purple began to fall onto him, he shifted awake as I made my way to the kitchen.
âDid I wake you?â I froze, looking at him through sleep festered eyes. He shook his head, smiling. We made coffee and cereal in silence, I the coffee and Paul the cereal. As we ate, I asked about Jake.
âHeâs better now, the first shift is always the worst. What you did on the phone really helped.â
âAll I did was keep him talking till you guys got there,â I said, finishing my cereal.
âHe mentioned you called Bella an anchor, that helps more than you know.â He was looking at me intently. Suddenly I remembered my conversation with Emily last night.
âPaulâŠâ Emily and Sam walked in, laughing with each other. I didnât want to ask Paul with others around. He seemed brighter though, maybe heâd finally had a full night of sleep. Sleep, id fallen asleep with Emily on the couch and woken up in bed. Looking back at Paul, he was already watching me, waiting. âDid you take me to bed last night? You couldâve just woken me.â I laughed, trying to play off my feelings.
Sam laughed, sitting down with a coffee, âYou were both sound asleep when we got back, no use waking you.â Emily looked at me, asking if id said anything, lightly shaking my head I pulled myself away from the conversation as they updated Emily on Jacob. From the window I saw the orange sun dance across the green summer leaves, sway through the crisp morning grass. The sun had risen by now, but the early morning was still prevalent in its colourful glory.
Sam called my name, pulling me out of my thoughts. âWhen do you start work?â
â9am,â I lied. Well, it wasnât an actual lie, but I had decided. I wasnât going to go to work today, Henry had been telling me I need to take advantage of the paid sick days we get, so today I will. I need to process what the hell just happened. Alone. As much as I want to be here, I donât know how much more I can handle. Sam had told us he hadnât expected Jake to shift so soon and Quilâs grandfather has noticed he has a fever. Itâs happening too fast and is still donât really know why I am involved. Expect I do, which makes it so much worse. I would get dropped of at work, and then catch a bus to First Beach, which yes was counter intuitive, but it felt wrong to tell the people who immediately accepted me I didnât want to be around them right now. Iâd tell them id get a ride home from Henry and just walk back home. No, I shouldnât walk. I promised Sam I wouldnât walk. Iâll get the bus home or ask Bella as awkward as it might be.
Paul eyed me, brow furrowing. Sam and Emily didnât notice but I couldnât help feeling like Paul could read my mind. It feels weird being known so well. I sat with them for an hour or so before going to get a shower and then get dressed, Emily had layed my clothes on my bed while I was in the shower, and I suddenly felt insanely sick at the thought of lying to her.
Wandering back into the kitchen I saw Paul wearing worker pants that were just wow. I looked away before he caught my gaze. My heart beating in my throat.
âWhere are you working?â I asked, he was looking for a job before all of this.
âSamâs construction, he let Jared and I join after we shifted, he runs the business you know?â he said looking at my clothes. Wide legged white pants and black shirt, I was holding my apron, the ugly thing.
âActually, Samâs gone in early, so can I drive you to work?â
I nod, grabbing my bag and kissing Emilyâs cheek goodbye as she started working on a wooden chair. Emily sold wooden furniture, I made sure to make note of that since my parents were looking at getting a new kitchen done. As we left, I noticed Sam had taken Emilyâs truck and left his own for Paul. Fuckers had planned this.
âyouâre a horrible liar, you know.â Paul said as we drove away from Emilyâs. Is he psychic? âSam told me you normally finish early on Wednesdayâs, right?â
âYeah.â
âMe too. I finish at 12, ill pick you up and explain everything.â I decided to play dumb.
âI thought you explained everything?â his laugh echoed in the car.
âWe both know youâre too smart to think that.â The conversation ended, but it wasnât uncomfortable. Not the same feeling as when Sam drove me, this was new.
âYou can meet Henry when you pick me up.â I added, laughing at the thought.
âWho?â Paul said, the familiar jealousy peaking in his voice.
âOh, heâs a real catch, total ladiesâ man. I have a conspiracy that weâre psychically linked.â I said nonchalantly, absolutely doing it on purpose.
âThatâs cool.â He said, sharply. These three hours were gonna go smoothly.
And they did. I was so excited for Paul to come pick me up I was practically jumping the whole three-hour shift. Henry had been side eyeing me all day, possibly worried I was on drugs or something.
âSo, Paulâs going to pick me up and Iâd like for you to meet him.â I told Henry as we stocked the shelves, or as I stocked them, and he micromanaged me.
âEh okay.â He grumbled, I smiled, excited.
As 12 came I was practically glued to the window. Seeing Samâs truck pull up my chest had a weight lifted off that I didnât know was there. Pauls stocky figure walked up to the front door, and I beckoned him over to where I stood.
âWhereâs this Henry then?â he asked, trying to seem calm.
âThis way!â he mustâve been taken back by my excitement as he gasped slightly as I dragged him to the back of the store. âHenry! This is Paul.â
I watched as Pauls deflated face turned quickly into annoyance and relief as he saw Henry, who looked him up and down, grumbled and asked him if he could pick up some boxes for him. Paul agreed, but it didnât feel like he had much choice in the matter. After ten minutes of Paul moving boxes around for Henry, I finally got him away, saying goodbye we left the store.
âYou minx.â He laughed, opening my door for me.
Laughing I asked him what he was talking about.
âAll morning. All morning! I spent worrying some hot bachelor called Henry had stolen your heart! Jared was getting annoyed at how pissy I was acting!â he whined, driving to LaPush.
We made it to first beach without Paul ripping my head off from annoyance. I tried not to dwell too hard on his blatant admission to his jealousy. But it made my head spin.
But he went silent as we walked to the rocks on the southside of the beach. Whatever he was about to tell me was very serious, and I was ready to hear. As we sat down, he looked at the necklace I was wearing, the citrine he bought me.
âYou know when I bought you that necklace, I had no idea how beautiful it was.â He said, slowly looking up into my eyes.
âWhat do you mean? The lady handed it to you, I saw you look down at it.â I asked, searching his eyes for whatever he was trying to tell me.
âWhat do you remember about imprinting?â he asked, his hand lightly holding onto mine, the other splayed against the rocks. He took me off guard which must be visible on my face as he laughed at my expression.
âI remember you telling me about the imprint who saved the tribe from the vampires by sacrificing herself.â It was a harrowing tale, one that even as children Paul and I treaded on lightly.
âUh huh, anything else?â he probed.
âI know how the elders described the imprint to feel.â At his silence I continued âthat the universe centres around them,â I was whispering to him now, âthat it is a love of the souls, bonded and combined.â He nodded.
âAnything else?â
âPaul why are you asking me this?â dread filled me, what if he had imprinted on someone else, I would respect it and understand but telling me like this had to be some form of torture. Deep down I knew that wasnât the case.
âI imprinted on you.â My head whirled. Everything else became singular as I looked at Paul Lahote who became a multitude. âI was scared Iâd imprint on someone else, and itâd be me loosing my agency in life you know,â I did, it was what I was worried about. âBut I imprinted on you, at the beach. And Iâve always been in love with you. When we were kids and you would always climb the highest tree, never scared if you fell. When weâd braid each otherâs hair. Itâs always been you, even the fates agree.â The wind was knocked out of his lungs as I practically jumped onto him. My arms around his neck, his around my waist.
I pulled away. Remembering how this conversation started. âWhat did you mean, when you said you didnât know how beautiful the necklace was?â
âThatâs the other thing, turns out when we shift for the first time, we go colourblind.â
âWhat?â
âWolves, they are naturally colourblind, Sam thinks thatâs why we lose it, Jared and I used to think it was just another way the fates could steal life from us.â I listened intently. âThat was until Sam imprinted on Emily. He said it was the most overwhelming experience of his life, not only because of the horrible family drama but because it was the first time in months, he had seen colour. We realised then that the only way we could see truly again was when we imprinted. You have to understand how terrifying it was after weâd first shifted, I thought I was dyingâ He took a deep, steadying breath. âAfter I first shifted you sent me a picture, do you remember?â
âNot really.â I admitted.
âIt was of that cloud with the colours on it.â I nodded, remembering. It was a pileus cloud Iâd seen in my back garden; he pulled out his phone. Scrolling sheepishly past the texts from him asking to talk to me and then texts from me, begging for an answer. He landed on a picture I sent, on the pileus cloud, they have colours sitting on them, rainbows laying on the soft clouds of the sky. Had I been taking my sight for granted? Spending my whole life gazing while he had it stolen from him?
âI cried for hours when you sent me this, I couldnât see it, Sam had told me to cut off all contact with you and all I needed was you to- I donât know- explain the colours to me since I couldnât see them.â He breathed heavily; I could see the anger weighing on his shoulders once more. I didnât interrupt him, just placed a hand on his thigh as an attempt to soothe. He smiled gently at this, still looking at the cloud. âIt was two days after Iâd shifted for the first time, and I was always so overwhelmed. I kept snapping and shifting in a fit of rage.â
As he waited for a response from me, I finally formed a semi-coherent sentence.
âI wouldâve done the same. I canât imagine how it- losing that- Iâm so sorry.â
âDonât be. If itâs anyoneâs fault itâs those bloodsuckers.â He laughed. Smiling at me. We spoke for what felt like hours, it probably was but I didnât mind. âIâm sorry to unload all of this onto you. I didnât want to drag you into it, but you have to realise you call the shots, all you.â
âIs this why Sam didnât pick me up yesterday?â I asked, remembering the hasty text Sam had sent me yesterday afternoon.
âYeah,â he blushed, âI got angry at him, and he spent the whole day trying to convince me.â
âCouldnât he just demand it?â the authority Sam had over the boys couldnât be questioned, but it was a natural thing to him I felt it too.
âYeah, but I know that he wanted me to make the choice, youâre my imprint after all.â He smiled, putting a hair behind my ear.
The sun had begun to set when Paul and I stopped talking, weâd spoke for hours. Catching up on each otherâs lives, I told him about my fight with Quil and how I was feeling about Bella, and he listened. He told me about his dad, whoâd decided to go work down south for a few months, leaving Paul the house to himself. That even though he gets the entire one-story building to himself he prefers to stay at Emilyâs, heâd always hated being alone. He watched the sun set and I watched him. How it reflected on his clear skin, how his short hair was growing back. Heâd explained that theyâd all cut their hair after their first shift as to now only be practical but because they were grieving, grieving themselves. Paul was growing his hair again, determined to have a piece of himself back again, the hair length only mattered on the first few shifts. No one was sure why.
Going back to Samâs truck I hold onto Paulâs hand, pulling him to a stop halfway across the beach. Getting closer to him I felt the warmth radiate from him, he couldnât help but become the sun. The confused look on his face amused me, as I pulled him in and kissed him. His hand let go of mine as he wove his arms around my waist. My hands going to his back and his hair. He didnât drive back to Emilyâs. We spent the night in his house, the blue walls of his bedroom were known better than my own. Making out on his bed I sat on his lap, pulling his shirt of and then my own he grinned up at me.
âYouâre so beautiful.â I didnât say anything as I unhooked my bra, his jaw dropped slightly, and I blushed. He pulled his own jeans off and then switched our positions, so I was on my back as he took my white trousers of, discarding them somewhere in the room. I felt his lips on mine again which stopped me from staring at his well-defined chest, my hands felt him completely. I reached into his boxers as he whined slightly into my mouth at my slow and teasing actions.
âDonât play with me.â He whispered into my ears as he ripped his boxers off, slowly taking my underwear off. As I felt him align himself, I looked into his eyes, seeing nothing but love.
Three weeks had passed since I found out about Paulâs imprint. Summer had begun to spread itself thinly and form into fall. Iâd spoken to Quil, but he could tell I was hiding something. Especially since Jake had abandoned him without word and so did I. I knew he wanted to be apart of whatever was going on, but we all hoped he would never have to know, never feel the pain they all went through.
I spent most nights at Emilyâs and some at Pauls but few and few at home. I wasnât sure why my parents trusted my choices so much, but I figured they trusted Paul and Iâd been a well-behaved teen. They did, however, begin to question why Bella Swan was constantly coming over asking for me. I couldnât tell her. I still wasnât over her not telling me anything. But Jake had ghosted her, just after I did. After the Cullen did. She had other friends, but it felt like a really shitty thing to do, I knew if I saw her, Iâd just tell her everything. Even if she wouldnât do the same for me.
I was at Emilyâs when Embry, Jared, and Bella Swan herself came into the kitchen. She looked at me in shock and I gestured to the seat beside me, she shook her head. As Emily and I were informed on how Bella found herself in this predicament I laughed at the thought of Jake and Paul fighting, it didnât surprise me. But I was shocked at Bella slapping him, she defended herself explaining she was angry and didnât know weâd made up at this point. She didnât know much. Jared told her that the pack was faster and better than the leaches, Bella seemed to feel more comfortable.
Sam, Jake, and Paul came into the house, Bella seemed to stow herself away in the corner. Her face went bright red after Paul apologised to her and kissed me, Sam complimented how well she took seeing two men turn into wolves in front of her and she laughed it off.
âHow are you feeling?â Paul asked as I climbed into bed beside him.
âTired, Bella gave me a hard time about me ignoring her, sheâs right I guess.â Facing him in bed I tried to savour how the moon bounced off him. How he seemed to glow in the blue moonlight. He disagreed, but I knew Paul was biased heâd never really trusted Bella.
âWhat about Quil have you made up your mind on what youâre going to do?â He asked, kissing my nose as he pulled me to his chest.
âIâm going to go to his house tomorrow. I canât tell him anything, but I need him to know Iâm still his friend and I still love him. Heâs one of my closest friends, his love is tough but its true you know?â
âI know.â
âHow are you feeling?â
âeverythingâs getting calmer, but the red leech is still circling, these hikers need to learn to stay on the trail for their own sake.â He laughed; it wasnât a happy laugh but an exhausted one. âPlus, Quil really might shift soon, Iâm not sure how I feel about you going to see him in person.â
âIâll be okay.â
âDoesnât make me worry any less.â He was holding me so close, our legs intertwined.
âHe knows me better than anyone, which is scary but I wonât talk to him about the fight it doesnât matter to me anymore. I canât not have him in my life, it feels so good to be known so well. And not in the way you know me,â I clarified, âhe knows me in a way that is tried and true, its not as intimate as how you know me, Quil challenges me, I challenge him. I canât stand ignoring him.â
Paul nodded, he understood. He just hoped he didnât shift in front of me.
âI love you.â He whispered into my hair.
âI love you more.â I whispered back, falling into a perfect sleep.
âAre you happy being with Paul?â Quil asked, grey hoodie swamping his tall figure.
âYes.â I replied, arms crossed over my chest.
âIâm not surprised.â He sighed. Then, crossing the front room he looked out of his front window. âYou really hurt me, you know.â
âI know.â
âAnd you canât even tell me why!â
âIâm sorry.â
âYou, Embry and Jake canât tell me a single thing!â he yelled, still not looking at me. I had prepared for this, for him to hate me. I just didnât expect it to feel so horrible.
âIâm sorry, Quil, I really am.â He looked at me, eyes desperate.
âIâve missed you.â He whispered. Tears in my eyes I ran to him, colliding with his chest we both cried on each other. âRemember weâre not keeping score, no arguments-â
âNo winners.â I finished; we didnât keep score.
As he pulled away, we both wiped at the tears streaming down our faces.
âLahote? Really?â he laughed; I punched him in the arm. âOw! Okay, okay.â
For now, everything was okay. I could handle okay.
pauls pinterest board
an:// i hoped you all loved reading this as much as i loved writing it! you can see why its taken me so long to actually write this :') Tumblr always gets rid of my paragraph spacing it kills me:( the word doc for this fic is 19 pages long! this is the longest fic i've written, im very proud of it!! requests are open, take care of yourself. i love you- em x
@ribbons-in-your-hair @notperfect-justme @thebestrouge [you guys asked me to tag you if i wrote anything about this headcannon! i hope you enjoy it!]