[dragon-in-a-fez]

10:00pm has no business being only half an hour after 9:30pm

[ineffag-swag]

I guess I must have amazing taste because somehow everything that I like are things that I enjoy

[liittlecreatures1985]

out and about and my phone is at 15% battery: better not use it so it doesn’t die on me

5 minutes later: googling average gas mileage in 1950

[egberts]

"i ate too many cookies" is truly an ageless problem. an unlearnable lesson.

[brucebocchi]

i can be trusted around the box of ice cream sandwiches in your freezer

[coast-modern]

isn't it kind of crazy that for any moving vehicle you need to wear a seatbelt but then on buses they're just like fuck it stand up whatever

[ravioliet]

a long distance friend is kind of a dead wife in a way

[northirish]

I'm following blogs that haven't posted in like eight years but I don't care I shall never unfollow them because I am a true and loyal knight #loyalknight

[phantomrose96]

“Cook at home to save money” sounds all well and good until you get a little too into it and suddenly you’re bookmarking recipes that call for The Preserved Grace of God and that shit is $13 at the specialty store

[spitelesss]

if you sneeze without covering your mouth on public transit then you deserve *pauses to consider my convictions regarding punitive justice* *nods head resolutely* the death penalty

[fakesleepwalking]

phone in bed can range from comforting to mundane but phone in parked car will have you feeling like you've never done anything right in your entire life

[gayteensupreme]

arts degrees r so funny because you go in class and theyre like What Is A Poem? we dont know for sure... and then moral of the story is we don't know what a poem is. and then the worst part of it is that theyre right

[coldswarkids]

when I’m checking out at the register and the cashier is clearly having a horrible day, I feel like I am under so much pressure to speak soooo gently and pleasantly. like I am handling a skittish and traumatized horse. here I am offering my credit card so efficiently. here is an apple from my palm

[greelin]

“why do you rb and add to your own posts” i’m talking to myself

[dragon-in-a-fez]

does the body ALWAYS have to keep the score? maybe we could just have a friendly game this time. maybe we can just have fun without putting numbers on it

[str-ngeloop]

everything you see on tumblr is biased towards the perspectives of the types of people who post a lot on tumblr. this is essential to remember

[parakeet]

got the bus back home today and it was my fav bus driver, he let me on for free. went to tap my card but he just said 'beep!' and was like on you go. lol. then he nearly ran a red light and slammed on the breaks, almost sending the gaggle of older ladies at the front careening to the ground. he had to slam on the breaks and jolt the whole bus a second time later in the route because of a rogue lollypop man who'd come out because of roadworks. one of the old ladies said 'am glad ave nae got any eggs! ha ha!' and everyone on the bus laughed jovially. kind of a sitcomesque bus journey