The fact of the matter is that I do not want to do it
"do what?" you might wonder. well. [gestures broadly]
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@kitkatsnow
The fact of the matter is that I do not want to do it
"do what?" you might wonder. well. [gestures broadly]
did you know?
- the menu at a restaurant is not an ingredient list you can use to create new dishes we could hypothetically make for you instead of the choices on the menu
- we do not have omelets on the menu because we do not make or serve omelets
- yes, i know we have eggs on the menu, but we still do not have omelets.
- yes, i realize omelets are eggs, but not all eggs are omelets, and the eggs we serve are not omelets.
- you cannot out-logic me so that i cave in and ring in an omelet for you. i am better at arguing than you are.
- there are no omelets here. there have not been, and will not be, omelets here. if you want an omelet you will need to go somewhere else.
- i can also promise that you do not want an omelet cooked by line cooks who have not been trained how to make omelets. because we don't sell omelets.
- no, i am not going to single-handedly put service on pause for the next twenty minutes while three cooks google how to make an omelet and then proceed to fuck up multiple omelets that our kitchen is not set up to prepare, so you can have an omelet.
-and we both know you'd bitch if it takes longer than six minutes to come out anyway.
- no, you may not just go back into the kitchen and make yourself an omelet. the line cooks do not take kindly to trespassing. also, what the hell.
- i hear that you want an omelet. that does not change the fact that we do not offer omelets. if you want to eat an omelet, you will need to go to another restaurant that does have omelets on the menu. this is not negotiable.
- i am the manager.
- yeah, alright, go fuck yourself too, bob.
literally today a woman came in to the restaurant i work at, looked at the menu, looked around at all the tables eating, watched us take orders, watched us run food out to table. and then she approached me and asked "is this a restaurant?"
i thought for sure i misheard her, but no. she was asking "is this a restaurant?", almost as if maybe she had heard of the concept of restaurants but had never experienced one for herself, and she needed to get confirmation from somebody else.
i could not control my face. i had to walk away and another coworker had to step in to kindly explain that yes, the restaurant is a restaurant.
i would never lie to you.
[ID: a screenshot of a comment reading, "Did this ... happen?" /end ID]
I think people get mixed up a lot about what is fun and what is rewarding. These are two very different kinds of pleasure. You need to be able to tell them apart because if you don't have a balanced diet of both then it will fuck you up, and I mean that in a "known cause of persistent clinical depression" kind of way.
When people say they enjoy things, they usually mean one of two things. The first is that these things are fun; that is, they satisfy immediate emotional needs or desires for pleasure. Candy Crush is fun, for people who are into that sort of thing; waterslides are fun, watching TV is fun. Fun, in the way I'm defining it for this post, is the party food of pleasure; immediately and usually temporarily satisfying, and after that, mostly satisfying only as a happy memory (although some of these activities, like watching a TV show, can generate further opportunities for pleasure down the line like daydreaming, discussion, and making fanart). Like party food, this kind of fun is a good thing to have, and someone who doesn't get enough of it is at high risk of stress-related health concerns. Also burnout. A lack of fun is a major contributor to burnout.
The second kind of pleasure that most people talk about is rewarding activity. The lack of rewarding activity in one's life is a major contributor to depression. It creates a sense of purposelessness and worthlessness and generates a low attention span, sapping the ability to feel long-term motivation or pleasure. People usually try to pick themselves up with the first kind of fun, which is a band-aid but not a very sticky one; the lack of rewarding activity grows and festers over time. Rewarding pleasure involves working on something long-term that feels worthwhile. There are usually also spots of fun (or you wouldn't have gotten into the activity enough for it to become rewarding), but there also tends to be long slogs that aren't that fun. Nevertheless, when people report on doing said activity, they will speak about it with great enjoyment and remember it being enjoyable and claim they like it. (I like being a writer. Writing can sometimes be boring as shit.) (Look into CsĂkszentmihĂĄlyi's work on experience sampling and flow states for more info on this, it is FASCINATING.)
In Reality is Broken, Jane McGonigal sums up what she thinks are the most important contributing factors to rewarding activity. These are not the only factors, but I agree that they're a good baseline of the critical ones. I'm going to paraphrase them using different language. The four big contributors are:
Satisfying work. This is the vaguest one because different people find different things satisfying. Basically, the task itself should feel productive, and you should not feel bad about doing it to the point where it causes you distress. Satisfying work involves clear goals with actionable steps and a clear product, preferably something that you can see, touch or use. A clean house, a new high score, a freshly built table, a happy child.
Mastery. Rewarding pleasure is often something that you can get better at. There are things to learn, practice, improve. Improving your ability to solve tricky code problems, getting better at painting landscapes, figuring out fun new strategies in Magic: The Gathering, being able to build computers better or faster or cheaper. Mastery does not require becoming the best at something (although some people enjoy that specifically also), merely seeing progress in yourself and being able to take pride int he fact that you are better than you were.
Social connection. Rewarding pleasure often involves social or community connection. A long-term social group that discusses fan theories of their favourite show. Your weekly tabletop rpg. Teaching a room full of kids who to make leather belts. Working at a small bookshop and making small talk with all the tourists. Some people find social activity to be fun in the 'immediate pleasure' kind of way, some don't, but it is a critical factor in mental health and in the long-term... rewardingness (?)... of a hobby. Animals can also partially fill this niche, but be warned, they are far, far less effective than people. Your cat might be able to stop you from committing suicide today. You cat alone will not make your life satisfying.
Contribution. Humans are community animals and have a need to be something larger than ourselves or, more specifically to be of service to something larger than ourselves. Looking after kids, cooking big meals for others, creating art or physical products for others. Teaching the next generation how to read. Serving your God. Saving a species of small fish from extinction. Volunteering at your local charity shop or soup kitchen. Being a member of a crowd to reach the Guinness World Record for "most people fit into a storage crate". Making useful tutorial videos, being an entertainer, joining your local queer support group or political organisation. Humans fucking love to be part of something bigger than their own brain and they fucking love to help people.
The world is full of rewarding activities, and not all of them rate high in all four categories. The woman working in the charity shop warehouse and chatting with her coworkers isn't necessarily all that interested in mastery of her job (although I've worked in these places and some people do take pride in learning to be as efficient as possible), the musical hermit training to become the best violinist in the world might not be all that interested in social connection or how the audience actually feels about him. You might have noticed that I've listed hobbies, jobs, and non-employed but important life work (volunteering and childrearing) as possible rewarding activities; you can find rewarding activities everywhere. (In fact the lack of rewarding pleasure in our work lives is a very serious problem that companies keep trying to condescendingly band-aid over. The late David Graeber had a lot to say about this and I highly recommend his work, particularly Bullshit Jobs, which is a book specifically discussing the lack of above points 1 and 4 (satisfying work and sense of contribution) in so many modern workplaces and its distressing psychological ramifications). Rewarding activities are not 'fun' all the time; in fact, CsĂkszentmihĂĄlyi's work found that many of them are quite unfun most of the time. They do, however, create long term pleasure, and are emotionally and psychologically critical.
One final point: research shows that computer stuff counts less. This isn't a 'hurr durr edison was a witch get off your damn computers and get a real job' point; plenty of people do most of their rewarding activity on computers, because the supply cost is so low (most of us already own some kind of computer) and it's so much easier to find an existing community. But it does, psychologically speaking, count less; your brain isn't very good at seeing computers stuff as as 'real', on a primitive sensory level, as things you can touch with your hands or people that are right in front of you. Your massive community of fellow fans on the internet are less effective at filling your social needs than the crochet club at your local library, even if you like the people on the internet much more. It doesn't have to be everything, but ideally you should have at least one physical meatspace social club and at least one physical meatspace hobby, craft, or volunteer job. (They can be the same thing. You can volunteer at a soup kitchen for both.) They don't have to be the most important thing -- I care way more about my writing (electronic) than my crochet (meatspace) and I do the writing a lot more -- but the meatspace thing should exist, if you can manage it.
#wow this did not go where i expected it to go#i thought this was going to be about like. when games make you feel like you've accomplished something so you keep playing#without realising you're not actually having any fun
You're talking about extrinsic vs intrinsic reward systems, which are a different but equally interesting thing! Games (and jobs and schools and other things) will sometimes try to instil motivation by over-relying on extrinsic reward mechanisms without bothering to make the activity itself fun, rewarding or meaningful. This does work in the short term but it does not help your mental health like properly rewarding activities do, and people who don't become "addicted" tend to bounce off them unless there's something else to hold onto them (such as a sunk cost, or a social circle of other gamers they really like, or a lack of alternate activities, or something).
cracking myself up thinking about the movement towards simplified forms in cave paintings
grug: grug must paint every hair on buffalo in realistic detail
thog: grug can chill out, audience know what buffalo look like. just do one line like thog
thog: cave painting world no longer look for photorealism. expression of form and movement is new frontier
grug: but then how will grug demonstrate high level of skill? grug have art degree
thog: any caveman represent buffalo as it is. grug must represent what it means to grug
grug: hm. this will challenge grug. but grug enjoy rising to occasion
i literally cannot convey how long i fucking laughed after i realized that boobytrap backwards is partyboob
i really hope that this does not end up being the text post that defines my entire tumblr career
being forced to take a second to try and remember if 'reblog' or 'reblog now' is the one where you can add tags and then still picking incorrectly
My favorite genre of muppet puppet images is just... muppets doing photoshoots
Like yes Gonzo I will be seeing you on magazines everywhere tomorrow
i do birdwatching but in a I Dont Fucking Know What That Bird Is kind of way
like do i looke like the kind of person who knows the difference between a robin and a nightingale? no i look at tiny bird i go AWWW and thatâs enough
excuse me its a CUTE bird
Official ornithology post
if you ever interact with someone who is mentally ill/mad/pathologised or disabled in some way, assume they are trying hard enough. act as if they are trying hard enough. dont even consider it an option that they arent trying hard enough. if they are failing to meet some goal or expectation, it is despite trying hard enough.
version for when that person is you: you are trying hard enough. if it's not working, its because of some other barrier unrelated to how hard you are trying.
how to explain to these âeveryone knows soda has no nutritional valueâ people that soda has literally kept me alive as a chronically ill cancer patient in recovery from anorexia nervosa. soda is accessible, digestible, helps w my nausea, helps me get solid food down, boosts my blood sugar when i need it, and is alsoâget a load of thisâa significant source of pleasure in a body whose most salient experiences are discomfort and suffering.
if soda were all i could access? at an overpriced corner store? thatâs a serious issue, and a gross injustice. i have been food insecure. i study food insecurity. i feel the weight of this.
but stop pretending that your arbitrary food morality (where itâs food itself that is intrinsically âgoodâ or âbad,â âhealthyâ or âjunk,â according to⊠you) is a step toward food justice. itâs not; youâre not increasing the autonomy or access of people who are cut off from a healthy variety of foods that align with their needs and values. youâre not improving systems of food production or distribution or the fundamental injustice of arranging these things for profit rather than according to need. youâre only stigmatizing people who do eat those foods to meet their needs, under varying and complex configurations of constraint and choice.
do any of you remember that gumball episode where darwin becomes mega paranoid after watching a health and safety video so to quell his anxiety he goes out of his way to make everything kid friendly and inoffensive by propositioning it as being for the children and then he becomes a fascist at the end
spoiler alert: he ended up developing a false sense of security.
Wacom recently asked me to talk about why I make queer comics, and given there are multiple bills right now floating around in congress that are effectively "we will kill your livelihood if we get a sniff of queer" I had some pretty strong, simply feelings to relay.
You can read the interview here, you can buy my graphic novel featuring a gay vampire here, and you can call your congressmen about rejecting HR 2616, HR 8705, HR 7661 using 5calls.org (they don't have these specific bills listed as things to call about, but luckily you can talk about whatever you want on the phone)
Hey. Minors following me. Internet safety is key!! NEVER include these in your bio/byf:
Medical diagnoses - this is nobody's business but yours. You don't owe anyone an explanation for why you are the way that you are
Trauma - same reason as above
Triggers - people can use these against you! Don't give people tools to hurt you. No one has to know what tags you block. Just block tags to stay safe!
Age - age is okay for adults to include but is iffy when you're a teen. Predators want this information, don't give people more than they need. Just state that you're a minor, that's all that anyone needs to know.
In general: stay safe. If you're not comfortable with every stranger out there having access to this information, you shouldn't post it on the internet.
Play devil's advocate and ask yourself about what would happen if someone searched for your information with intent to hurt you. You do NOT owe anyone an explanation!
adding on to this post, i agree w all of OPs points, but i also highly advise against super young teens posting their face on the internet, its so easy to take peoples selfies + name and find stuff out like your school and then figure out the rough area in which you live. same with your phone number. be super careful about what you put out there. once you post it, it really is here forever.
OP already said this so Iâm just reiterating to emphasize:
The golden rule of information sharing on the internet is: What would happen if someone saw this who wanted to hurt me?
If the answer is that it would make it easier to harass you, identify you, contact you, or god forbid find you, donât put it online. You canât fully control who does and does not see that information--not even with privacy settings.
All of that, yes.
And also: Why tell people you are a minor? It will not keep you safer. It makes you a target for predators - you've now told them that you do NOT have experience identifying them, and you probably don't have friends who know how to spot the red flags in a "friendly" DM.
Years ago, chatrooms were full of creeps whose first question in private chat was always "A/S/L" - age/sex/location.
Now you guys post that stuff in your twitter profiles so they don't have to ask before deciding if you're a good target.
It's not merely that people falsely accuse the Jewish state of "genocide", but that the accusers enjoy doing it. It is a phenomenon known as "schadenfreude", a feeling of sadistic gratification that overrides rational thought.
Only with Israel do people enjoy schadenfreude when talking about alleged war crimes
"Six days after October 7th, a genocide studies professor declared Israel's response "textbook genocide" â before a single independent casualty count existed and week before an IDF soldier entered Gaza. A year later Amnesty admitted, on page 101 of its own report, that it was rejecting the ICJ's actual legal standard because that standard "would effectively preclude a finding of genocide." Internal staff at Amnesty revealed the report was called "the genocide report" before the research even began. None of this happened to Myanmar, Syria, or Sudan â all more brutal, all with clearer evidence of intent, all treated with years of caution before anyone reached for the word. Only Israel gets convicted first and investigated after.
The article "The Delicious Accusation of Genocide," argues the missing variable is Schadenfreude â Richard Landes decade-old term for a Western appetite, rooted in real guilt over real complicity in the Holocaust, for pretending to discover that the survivors turned out to be no better than the people who nearly finished them off. It's not just that the accusation is false. It's that it's enjoyable â which is why it fills city squares and op-ed pages, and why no amount of counter-evidence ever gets it retracted."
Not just Schadenfreude (an ordinary German word we all know), but "moral Schadenfreude" -- that's the term Richard Landes uses for the glee with which the accusation of genocide is turned by the close descendants of its perpetrators on the close descendants of its victims.
That last bit is important.
I think one of the moments it was clearest to me is when I saw someone I used to go to school with post a paragraphs-long screed about how the Jews- I mean Israel- is doing a genocide and how EVIL it is how amazingly uniquely EVIL this is...
And all I could remember was how, in grade school. This guy told me that as a "good German" he would put me "in an oven with the rest of the Jewish pigs" because "it is what my grandfather would have wanted".
And I think that just about sums up how I view everyone gleefully declaring that now the Jews are the genociders.
I used to think it was that these people were using Jews as an outlet for their white guilt.
Now I think that they are as gleeful in the face of our death as their close ancestors were in murdering us.