A built-in remedy for Kruschev and Kennedy

Female | 31 | Misery Spoilers, some NSFW, and I'm pretty lazy about tags.

[kolo5430]

WHO IS NAMING THESE?

[tehtariks]

noted feminist loid forger chugging “respect women’s choices” juice | SPY X FAMILY

[honourablejester]

I just started an anime called Spy x Family, and I’ve just finished Episode 2, and I am immediately on board for Loid/Yor. They’re perfect for each other. They’re incredibly deadly, extremely physically competent absolute morons who have no idea how normal people function and therefore have completely failed to register that the other person in this fake relationship is absolutely 100% not a normal person. Yes Yor, psychiatrists normally have running car chases and gun battles with entire gangs of their patients, that’s a normal thing that happens. Yes Loid, civil servants taught self defense by their brothers can absolutely kick a grown man the full length of an alleyway in one hit. Completely fine and normal. In no way is your fake partner actually a spy/assassin pretending very clumsily to be normal. Proposing in an alleyway with a ring freshly pulled off a grenade while the explosion goes off in the background is how most people arrange fake marriages to reassure their brother/get their child into very specific prestigious school. Totally.

It’s like they both gently glided past each other’s trained/situational paranoia by virtue of a fantastic combination of ‘I need a fake husband/wife right now’ and ‘how much physical lethality do normal people have again?’ and ‘oh they’re really soft and cute and look out for their family, they must be a nice safe person’ and ‘also they’re casually and instinctively nice to me, and they absolutely wouldn’t be if they knew what I really am, but it’s sort of nice while they’re oblivious?’

Like, he shows up to her party covered in blood, and she kneejerk instinctively catches a flung tray with her foot, and they just … draw no inferences whatsoever from any of it. At all.

They’re incredibly competent and incredibly broken morons and they’ve accidentally perfect-stormed each other, and it’s beautiful.

Meanwhile, Loid has also acquired an incredibly broken absolute moron of a telepathic orphan who is desperately pretending to be normal, not telepathic, and also about two years older than she actually is in order to be adopted by the spy-trying-desperately-to-be-sociopathic-about-this while simultaneously trying not to realise that he would die for her literally five minutes after meeting her. And the telepathic five year old is the only one who knows what’s going on. At least to the limits of how much a five year old, telepathic or otherwise, understands anything that’s going on.

I’m two episodes in and this show is already the absolute perfect storm of ‘found family made up of absolutely broken, competent and adorable idiots who all think they’re worthless but would die for any of the others immediately and without so much as blinking’, while also simultaneously being a perfect storm of ‘spies, assassins, child experimentation, identity porn, explosively lurking secrets and lies’ AND ‘slice of life fake dating romance with adorable idiot child shenanigans’.

This show is like someone distilled out everything good about fanfic and made it a canon, and it’s perfect.

[studentlifeproblems]

[sailor-arashi]

Fate/Grand Order is a wonderful story where Florence Nightingale gets into an epic DBZ fistfight with the 72 demons possessing the corpse of King Solomon.

[nicostiel]

#that’s the show

[wtffanfiction]

[mintykiwi]

[world-heritage-posts]

happy birthday to every trans person all at once

[crunchbuttsteak]

I got a tumblr, it really was quite great

I blog about a lot of things, but mostly what I ate.

I thought it was a sweet gig, it really was quite cushy.

Then they went and banned me, ‘cause all I ate was pussy.

[crunchbuttsteak]

I signed up on tumblr, I didn’t know what to expect.

I thought I could just post and not worry about being fact checked

But once my posts went viral, no one saw my genius

Now all they do is reblog and say “kung pow penis.”

[butiki]

I’m a YA book author, I have a tumblr too

I post a lot of info, for my tumblypoos

But then one day my time was up, I read it on the clock

And now my most famous post is about how I love cock

[himborc]

i made a tumblr, and it didnt go great

whenever i make a post, all i get is hate

arguing with strangers, it really is a slog

i know all about politics, i run a hentai blog

[drtanner]

One day I made a Tumblr, now I've been here ten years,

I've stayed through every update that left the userbase in tears,

And I don't regret a second, for here's the truth, you see:

I'm not locked in here with you, friend; you're locked in here with me.

[joan-deactivated20230204]

nobody on this site is ever ever EVER going to top running a blog dedicated entirely to posting cute pics of sweet old dogs in a shelter for a year and gradually becoming one of the most recognized blogs on the website, then without warning dropping “i just want to get dicked down again =/” with 0 explanation and abandoning the blog. not deleting it, not explaining anything, just leaving the whole thing as a monument. fucking flawless posting. literally the best of all time.

[justahumblememefarmer]

Don’t forget the absolute cherry on top that was reaching out to the actual dog shelter to tell them their tumblr account got hacked, only for them to say, “We’ve never had a tumblr account”

[leviathan-supersystem]

people on tumblr are starting to develop a 4chan-esque internet tough guy complex about posting here, which is very funny given that this is the smol bean superwholock feels website

[carnival-phantasm]

Calliope "Come Back With a Warrant" Mori

[gmbencompetence]

We need to have a nomination for “Stupidest thing Tumblr.com has ever believed” and just move into an official Top 10 List.

For my nominations, I’m putting up:

If you eat a chocolate bar a very specific way, you will break physics and get infinite chocolate.

or

It is impossible that you spelled “Berenstain Bears” wrong and is, instead, more likely that the universe fractured into separate, overlapping realities in the last 20 years.

I can’t decide which is more beautiful. It’s why we need a vote.

[jupiterjunebug]

this is a picture of the human brain at the moment of death. tragic and beautiful

[gmbencompetence]

Fuck. That is a damn good nomination.

[thisisdefinitelyacreativename]

if you close your eyes when the train hits your brain will assume you are dead. Some find this comforting.

[gmbencompetence]

We’re getting into the good ones now. This is some classic Tumblr.

[turtle-powered]

Two old favourites:

“Bitch, That’s the Tubby Custard Machine” (http://imgur.com/gallery/IObQF)

and the horse dildo that was passed off as someone’s arm. (http://abakkus.tumblr.com/post/48958415162)

[gmbencompetence]

This is rapidly becoming a master post of ignorances and I could not possibly be happier.

[analienorsutin]

Rare blue watermelon

[sickofimmortality]

That disease where you get purple eyes, no period, and no body hair

[akiraita]

How have we gone this far without anyone mentioning the bird in the chocolate fountain

[unicornfan]

soap makes water molecules smaller

[elphabaoftheopera]

I nominate the “we are killing the earth” picture of the earth in comparison from 1978 to 2012

[brucebocchi]

the dog with the slice of ham on its face that everyone thought was a gigantic burn scar

[adataraxia]

“Tequila is the only alcohol thats not a depressant so you can drink as much of it as you like”

[softurl]

[sasukehateblog]

that post with the picture of the joker without makeup and people thinking it was a real person and defending him

[painisthecleanser]

that photo of voldemort being passed off as an aborted fetus

[stankyleg-deactivated2918973]

The two way mirror

[rinlockhart]

“listen here, cumslut.”

[tenaflyviper]

I can’t believe you guys forgot someone trying to pass off a picture of the inside of a fig as a microscopic view of the inside of a vagina.

[nyokoko]

I can’t believe I was on Tumblr for every single one of these posts.

[passion-of-l0vers]

all the links on this post are broken and some arent given so heres a compilation of links for the stupidest things tumblr has believed (i tried to find the og post for most of these but some of them are posts/articles about said posts)

infinite chocolate hack

berensta/ein bears (mandela effect)

mri scan walking dead gif

train gif brain thinks you died

tubby custard machine

horse dildo

moonmelon (and variations)

alexandria’s genisis

bird chocolate fountain og post

soap shrinks water molecules

we are killing the earth

ham on dog

tequila isnt a depressant

earth is lumpy

joker without makeup

voldemort fetus

two way mirror og post

fig vagina

[heritage-post]

date of origin: November 14th, 2015

[divinesilverdingo]

So, I heard the Sesshou-Seki broke in half

[level2esper]

Tamamo real

[saeraas]