the fakest fiction that ever failed to exist

wands | professional creature

[pyrrhiccomedy]

i think it's cute when americans talk about being from the 'great state of connecticut' or like 'the great state of wisconsin.' not when it's texas or new york or california obviously because then there's the fear that they're being serious. but when americans adopt that really earnest tone and are like 'god bless the great state of delaware' in response to a picture of a seagull swallowing an entire ziplock bag full of cheese-its. I think that's very endearing

[blackvelvetofnight]

people who enter my home will be shown an assortment of objects

[protestantcrona]

The gas statioj has a drinks store because it helps the car/owner bond if you eat fluids together

[machine-unlearning]

I have successfully snuck into the rationalist secret base. The guard heard me slip when I was scaling the fence, but muttered that one piece of evidence doesn't overturn the low probability of intruders and didn't look for me. Then I slipped again when climbing down the other side of the fence, but he chuckled about the frequency illusion and didn't even turn around.

[redstonedust]

always blows my mind as a european when people talk about states like “yeah theres nothing in ohio/montana/wyoming/etc” because i look at a map like but. but theyre so big. every state could qualify as its own country what do you mean theres nothing there. and then i ask people from those states and theyre like “yeah theres nothing here” what do you mean theres nothing there!!!

[yokelfelonking]

What’s in the steppes of Russia, or the northern forests of Scandinavia? What’s in the Sahara desert?

[redstonedust]

id like us to sit here and identify some key differences between the sahara desert and ohio for a moment

[yokelfelonking]

as a former Ohio resident I think that the key difference is that the sahara probably has more jobs unrelated to meth

[redstonedust]

untapped meth market in the depths of the sahara desert

[katelyn-danger]

[vacuiterror]

alchemy gothic

[cognitohazardous]

at the mariners bar: sorry mates i cant go out today.. My boat's transmasc now. He's more comfortable with he/him. He just went through top surgery to get his sails removed and he's recovering. Bluebeard-and-Pronouns the woke pirate: arrg so he's gotten a mastectomy. well i'm glad that he's discovered himself.

[kokedera]

Sorry about the replies on my post, I thought turning reblogs off when I posted it would ward off any assholes but here we are 😔 I'd recommend just leaving it alone, they're not gonna change their minds (and also it's taking up all of my notifications :P)

hahaha hi, my condolences

i’m just entertaining myself between work breaks, but if the notifications bother you, then i’ll leave them be.

[act4unlisted]

merry christmas ryukie

[cali]

if i was lugia and was offered shelter in the form of a shed, sleeping on straw, under the moon

[cinnamnt]

“why so yurious”

-the fujoker

[glyphsmash]

my stupid fucking aunt loraine bought us an air friar for our wedding present 🤦‍♀️ the apartments barely big enough for the two of us now weve got this dumb asshole flying around preaching at us ... every time i get a migraine he tries to give me herbs and poultices 🙄

[wormliness]

please, untitled document was my father, call me untitled document (1)

[weepingwidar]

Markus Matthias Krüger (German, 1981) - Großer Wald Unter Schnee (Large Forest in the Snow) (2009)

[spitblaze]

do *you* think with your dick?

I think with my packer

[spitblaze]

[toskarin]

someone tells me they're an empath and I grab both sides of their head before frying their brain with my dark empathy electromagnetic waves

[deadbirdlife]

Today my Advanced Clinical Pathology professor trailed off in the middle of class and said, “If I seem distracted, it’s because last night I was talking with a friend and she asked ‘Who’s that chick in Titanic?’ but all I heard was ‘Chicken Titanic,’ and ever since then I’ve been thinking about a chicken on the bow of the Titanic like Kate Winslet, wings held high. It’s all I can think about.”

[deadbirdlife]

My hand moved on its own