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@koreaboosarenotallowed
the mexican football team has a 17 yrs old player and one of the funniest outcomes of this is that he cannot appear in any ad for gambling or drinking so he only appears in candy and milk advertisements. his first world cup and he's not even legally allowed to drive. his nickname is "morita" (little berry). he's three apples tall.
they couldn't put him in the beer campaign so he was represented by a bunch of berries
why not have the reader re-read a sentence now and then? it won't hurt him....
body positivity thats just like “dont worry men will still have sex with you” ... like girl who is that helping
Love that in a lot of classic literature people just “randomly” fall ill but bro their homes were stacked to the roof with arsenic and asbestos and lead and radium of course they were sick all the time.
And then they’re like “we took my ill wife to the seaside and her condition improved remarkably” and it’s like Edward your house has seven time bombs in it please just leave your wife at the seaside and she’ll do very well not getting mesothelioma.
Edward your wife may be entitled to financial compensation
Checkmate
Anakin: [rushing into the box seats, wearing a nice space tuxedo] Chancellor! I’m sorry I’m late. I was on my way out the door when someone ran into me, and I told them where I was going, and they insisted that I go back to my quarters and get dressed “appropriately” for the opera. [catches his breath] My apologies. Palpatine: Oh, don’t worry about it, my dear boy, I’m just happy you – [looking behind Anakin, lowering his voice] You brought a guest? Anakin: Huh? Oh! Heh, yeah, I brought Obi-Wan with me. He loves the opera and he pointed out that there’s nothing you can say to me that you can’t say to him, and what with us both having rescued you the other day I figured you wouldn’t mind treating him to a night out, too. Obi-Wan: [also formally attired, smiling at Palpatine] Hello Chancellor. It’s so kind of you to host us. Palpatine: [locking eyes with him] Yes. I am beside myself to see you. Obi-Wan: I thought you might be. Anakin: [sitting down in between them with a huge popcorn and 17 boxes of candy] Palpatine: [uneasily] You brought…refreshments? Anakin: [mouth full of food, spilling popcorn all over the seats] Yeah, Obi-Wan said that they don’t have a concession stand here so I brought all this from home. You can totally have some if you want, sir! [holds out a giant container of Raisinets] Palpatine: [trying to smile] Er, no thank you, son. Obi-Wan: Are you sure, sir? Anakin surely brought enough to last the whole show. Anakin: [loudly drinking a soda] Palpatine: No thank you. I ate before the show began. Obi-Wan: Oh. What a shame. Anakin: [still chewing] So what did you wanna talk to me about, Chancellor? Palpatine: [distracted] Hmmm? Anakin: That’s why you sent for me, right? You said you had some big thing about the war you wanted to talk about. Obi-Wan was super curious, too. Obi-Wan: Yes, Chancellor. My interest was quite piqued about what sort of information you were planning to share with Anakin. Palpatine: [waving a hand] No matter. We can discuss this another time. Let’s just…[grimacing as Anakin wolfs down more popcorn] enjoy the show. Anakin: OK yeah, that sounds – Obi-Wan: When? Palpatine: Excuse me? Obi-Wan: When would you like to discuss it? Because Anakin is going to be very busy. For a long time. Possibly forever. Anakin: [clueless] I am? Obi-Wan: [pointedly] Yes, Anakin. Palpatine: [increasingly annoyed] With what? Obi-Wan: Oh, Jedi things. You know. We might have to go on a meditation retreat to an undisclosed system for several years. Palpatine: [leaning over Anakin to get to Obi-Wan] In the middle of the war?! Obi-Wan: [firmly, staring him down] If that’s what it takes. Anakin: [to Obi-Wan, confused] Master, I don’t know if I wanna leave when – Obi-Wan: [insistently] Anakin, I heard that Senator Amidala is going to accompany us. And that we’ll all have to share a room. Anakin: [settling back into his seat, clearly trying to hide his delight] Oh! Well. Palpatine: [narrowing his eyes at Obi-Wan, whispering harshly] This isn’t over, Kenobi.
Also, Padme isn’t just going to get checked out by a medical droid, she will go to an actual doctor and she’s perfectly fine and healthy, nothing will go wrong. And, while Obi-Wan is always around, huh, somehow Anakin stops having those weird dreams he vaguely references having. Sure, Anakin would like to go to the bathroom without Obi-Wan being two steps behind him, but his life’s not so bad right now, so he can’t complain. GET ANAKIN SKYWALKER ONE OF THOSE KID LEASHES AND SAVE THE GALAXY 2K17
I feel like Obi-Wan’s top priority at first (is he a time-traveler in this AU? I didn’t really decide yet, but it seems plausible here) is just going to be getting Anakin the hell out of Coruscant and away from Palpatine. Frankly, it’s probably better if he gets him away from Padme for now, too, so that she can go through the rest of her pregnancy in relative peace before Anakin “I Had a Bad Dream, Let’s Blow Up The Universe” Skywalker is back in her face.
The whole council is just like “…you wanna WHAT now?” when Obi-Wan shows up in sunglasses and floral swim trunks, informing them that he and Anakin are going to go “look for General Grievous” in a system mainly known as a honeymoon destination. Cody backs him up – clone intelligence totally places Grievous somewhere around there, honest! – as Obi-Wan slips him 5 grand, and also informs the Council that the 501st and 212th will be on patrol at Six Flags Over Corellia for the next couple of months. There were rumors the Seppies are going to strike there any minute, yeah that’s it.
Anakin is more confused than usual, and at first also kind of jealous because why do the Clones get to go to Six Flags? He wants to go to Six Flags! He likes rollercoasters! Obi-Wan assures him he will enjoy himself on their mission, too. Anakin’s not entirely convinced, but he does like Obi-Wan in swim trunks. The gang leaves the Council room.
“What the hell was that all about?” Mace asks after the door closes. Before he can continue, Obi-Wan sticks his head back in the door.
“Councilors, while I am gone,” he says quietly, checking to be sure Anakin isn’t behind him, sliding his sunglasses down his nose, “The Sith Lord we’ve been looking for is Palpatine, I’ll keep Anakin busy, you’re welcome, good luck!”
The door slides shut again. “Well,” Yoda says, nodding, “a time-saver, this is.”
So the boys go to a space all-inclusive, and come back tan and refreshed in time for Luke and Leia’s birth, which Sheev spends either in prison or dead and the rest of the Jedi Order spends having a huge drunken rager with the GAR. THE END
Obi-Wan sticks his head back in one more time (actually, it’s like three more times) to remind them to take a live-streaming holo droid to record it for evidence that, yes, Palpatine is undeniably the Sith Lord they’ve been trying to root out. Their vacation is really nice. Obi-Wan sometimes gets twitchy because he doesn’t like being idle even more than Anakin does, but all he has to do is look over at Anakin, remember everything that happened, and he can keep them there. It’s nice here on Romantic Planet IV. There’s a bright sun out, the rain storm is scheduled for next week, just a nice pattering of it while you sit under the eaves of the porch and sip something warm and it’s super romantic, but right now there’s a lake to go swimming in and Obi-Wan promises he’ll help Anakin ge the sand out of wherever it gets into. WHEREVER IT GETS INTO. Anakin takes a nap on the beach (it’s not so bad when you’re lying on three towels spread out so nothing can get to you) and earlier he and Obi-Wan rubbed suntan lotion onto each others’ backs and that was really nice, especially when Obi-Wan’s touch stayed a nice, long time and Anakin got all sleepy from the massage and he was finally warm and it was the best sleep he’s gotten in, uh, awhile. Then Padme called on the holo and Obi-Wan left the room for long enough so he could be shmoopy at her (weird how he came back at just the right time for Anakin to finish up, clearly Anakin’s really good at this stealth thing!) and then they went for a walk on the beach and held hands (it was unstable ground, okay!) and Obi-Wan’s hair and eyes looked REALLY NICE in the sunset, but not as nice as Anakin’s, Obi-Wan even said so!
YOU TWO ARE ABSURD ALSO I LOVE THIS.
@gffa AND I ARE AN INTERNET TREASURE.
In rereading this, I’m dying all over again because LOL THAT ANAKIN GOES ON THIS ROMANTIC BEACH GETAWAY AND HE STILL DOESN’T APPEAR TO UNDERSTAND ANYTHING THAT’S GOING ON. He still thinks he and Padme are the universe’s most discreet couple, and he’s probably like “Well gee, it sure has been nice to have this hot vacation with Obi-Wan! Weird, though, considering I thought we were going to look for Grievous! I wonder what this is all about, but I’m not about to ask questions and ruin whatever’s happening here! Also I hope the Chancellor is safe!”
He’s going to be SO confused when they get back to Coruscant and the war’s over and Sheev’s in jail or dead and Padme’s waiting on the platform holding their healthy infant twins.
…aaaand now I’m cracking up at the idea of the Republic giving Obi-Wan some sort of medal to thank him for seducing Anakin and saving the galaxy as a result. Or, like, a statue of him dip-kissing Anakin placed in front of the Galactic Senate building to commemorate the important event that marked the beginning of the end of the Clone Wars. 😂
Padme had the statue commissioned and she tried to get it installed on the main walkway of the Senate building, but Obi-Wan flat out refused and said he would turn around and leave her with the twins and Anakin right this second if she did. So instead she kept it (and maybe commissioned a couple more, one with her and Anakin, then one with her and Obi-Wan, then one with all three of them and the twins) for their Eventual Fancy Ass Naboo Wedding she was bound and determined to have. Anakin still doesn’t quite get how all this happened but he is 100% willing to roll with it, like, HELL YEAH LET’S GET MARRIED TO OBI-WAN NO WONDER I LOVE YOU YOU’RE THE SMARTEST PERSON EVER.
*dies* Yes, Anakin understands 0% of anything that’s happening here, but if it means he gets all this, he’s not rocking the boat. Padme’s so smart, really. And beautiful. And Obi-Wan’s hair looks amazing with his wedding ensemble. Anakin’s so glad he and Padme can finally show him the power of love! 😄
Also I’m picturing Anakin, like 5 years later, furrowing his brows one evening as he lounges between Padme and Obi-Wan one night after the Skytwins have gone to bed.
“So…wait: the Chancellor was the Sith Lord?!” “Yes, Anakin, we’ve been over this.” “But not like…the whole time, though. Like, just once Obi-Wan and I left to look for Grievous. Right?” “No, Ani, he was a Sith Lord the entire time you knew him.” “…even on Geonosis?” “Yes, Anakin.” “…Naboo?!” “Yes, Ani,” Padme says, locking eyes with Obi-Wan in exhaustion.
(If Sheev’s still alive in this AU, he better hope the prison he’s in has good security, because once Anakin puts it all together and realizes that Palpatine was the one behind many of the attempts on Obi-Wan and Padme’s lives over the years, he is going to be pissed.)
At this point, Anakin storming in to the prison where Palpatine is being held to confront his erstwhile mentor–FIVE YEARS LATE ON THE UPTAKE because he was too busy honeymooning with OBI-WAN KENOBI of all people to bother paying attention to Darth Sidious and all his dastardly diabolical plots to turn him to the Dark Side–is just one final indignity for the Sith Lord.
Sidious was ROBBED, not only of Jedi Order glorious downfall, but even of suitably dramatic defeat.
genuine question: where do people get pears??? i literally have never seen one in person. as a kid i thought they were made up for animal crossing, like persimmons
i dont know how to tell you this but persimmons are also real
petition to make Americans google “euro” before writing fic
If you can roll up a coin you deserve to snort coke imo
tag credit to @teashoesandhair
Wincc
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thinking about lucas very discreetly and quietly asking taeyong who donghyuck is and taeyong responding “it’s haechan” at full volume
the stuff people are quoting this with has me losing my miiinnddd
All k9 dogs are abused hands down if you post any pro k9 stuff on my dash you’re unfollowed I don’t care if we’ve been mutuals for years, you can claim to be anti-cop or a leftist or whatever but if you post k9 dogs with like “a good doggo! A good boy!” fuck off, if I lose followers over this then good riddance
It’s ALSO worth saying that police dogs serve a significant role in worsening police brutality. A dog trained to attack a human will maim them. A cop looses a police dog on someone, and that person is expected to peacefully cooperate while a dog is trying to tear their limbs off. It is very easy for those massive wounds to get infected. It is an absurd amount of violence. And beyond the initial attack, the fact that a “poor sweet innocent doggo” did this is used to excuse that brutality in court. Especially if the victim, panicking in the moment, lashed out at the dog. As this website has demonstrated many times, majority-white juries have more sympathies for injured dogs than the people of color who are most often victims of police brutality. So they’re not just systemic animal abuse, they’re also a tool for increased police brutality and to excuse
Not to mention, training dogs for policing dates back to slavery and the KKK. If there’s any more proof that police are just a branch of white supremacy heritage, it’s the use of police dogs. ACAB.
Okay so, I understand where this post is coming from and I think it’s important to talk about the problems with using dogs in police work, but I think it detracts from the conversation to say all police dogs are abused.
I went to a collage that had dog training courses and the three people who taught those courses were either retired canine officers or had worked to train police dogs since the 70′s. They talked about how to train those dogs extensively and there was even a dog aggression course that focused more on that aspect that I took.
There are dogs who are abused in the process of working or training to become attack dogs, but it’s not a process that has to be abusive. I went to one of the facilities that train these dogs and took three different bites from three different dogs. These dogs were never hit, in fact they were heavily praised, even the one that wasn’t as enthusiastic as it’s peers.
The reason I think it’s important to move the conversation away from “police dogs are all abused” is that if stricter laws were put in place so only the positive, non-abusive methods were used most people would drop the issue, because all they care about is the animal’s safety and wellbeing, not the moral question of whether or not we should be using animals to maul people.
You don’t have to feel bad for a lot of these dogs. They want to hurt you. They enjoy it. Dogs were bred from wolves and it’s not hard to breed high energy dogs that find attacking people rewarding. These dogs view the people they are sent to attack as fun chew toys. All three dogs that bit the training sleeve I wore were more then happy to do so. In fact even the retired cop mentioned that these dogs enjoy doing this so much that they have been known to go after the trainers who wear the bite suites even when they aren’t wearing them and that we should be careful because these trained dogs can recognize by a persons body language that they have been one of these bite work targets.
The movement to remove bite trained canines from police departments shouldn’t focus on the animal cruelty aspect because it’s an easy thing for the departments to fix, or show the public that it can be achieved without animal abuse. It should focus on the human cruelty that these dogs and their handlers inflict on others, particularly POC.
Less “police dogs=animal cruelty” and more “police dogs=cruelty to human beings”.
Isn’t Harry Styles latino?
No?
power of garlic sure as hell conpels me. compels me to eat these stuffed shells
look at this AI background building site!!! you doodle a very basic arrangement of landscape items, click a color reference, and then presto-change-o, it makes a nice photographic bg!!
this could help so much when i need a reference for a bg but can't find the right image :OOO
oh god it's that time of the year again, so here are some quick reminders:
The content allowed on AO3 is legal according to American law. This is a sensible place to draw the line when your explicitly stated aim is to have a fanfiction site where the content is not subjected to random purges for obscure reasons
AO3 is run by a non-profit organisation. Nobody is making any money out of this, and when the donation drive goal is exceeded, excess money will go to running the site in the future and fighting potential legal battles for the right to create fanworks
It's possible to donate to AO3 and various charities etc, stop acting as though every cent donated to AO3 is a cent taken from "people who need it more"
"Fiction affects reality" yes but the fiction that actually has a societal impact is the latest heteronormative, subtly racist, mass marketed drivel from Disney, not that one properly tagged incest PWP fic with 150 hits and 40 kudos on AO3
aight this made twitter people angry so i’ll say it here too
Yahoo answers shutting down on a month’s notice is a good reason to remember why donation-run sites like AO3 are so invaluable to fandom.
Companies will delete decades of work with zero warning the minute it stops making them money. protect non-profits and donate when u can.
