An Old Fashioned Word
Summary: you and Bob are alone In the tower due to the rest being out on a mission, despite that you rarely see Bob due to work which leaves Bob alone with this thoughts
so what happens when you find the shadows taking him over~
Contains: Bob reynolds X reader, established relationship, ANGST (most angst I’ve ever written but I don’t really write angst) but still fluffy, love confessions, mention of the void, Bob and reader struggle with overthinking
Warning: Swearing, angst, lots of self doubt/self hatred
Note: I was really proud of this and wanted to share it early (also I have been unable to write all week and finish this so here the first half) this is the most angst I’ve ever written so don’t judge pretty please (unless you have advice) anyway I hope you enjoy!! -Iris/Mars ♥️
Words: 3.1k
You weren’t blind, obviously you knew something was off with Bob. You just hadn’t realized how bad it had gotten until you went to go find him.
You walked into the hallway where the bedrooms are, only to find shadows trailing under the door, snaking around the hallway. Carefully you avoid stepping into the shadow though you can feel it following and trying to curl around you. You open the door to see the half silhouette of your boyfriend, the shadows swallowing him from the top down as more of the shadows spread and twist around the room surrounding him.
“Bob…Honey?” You call trying to see if it’s still him or if it’s already the Void. Bob turns to face you looking completely broken and exhausted. Hair wild as if he’s been pulling and running his fingers through it, his hair also greasy from lack of a wash as he just been unable to get the will to even care about it, eyes drooping and puffy from crying, prominent eyebags indicating the lack of sleep –He never sleeps without you there with him– along with that his eyes looking completely black with just enough blue left for you to tell he’s still there, he's still your Bob barely holding on. He turns and faces you whispering something you can’t fully catch but you take it as some form of apology.
“Bob…I’m going to come find you okay honey? We are going to get you out of this together.” You explain softly but determined as a promise. You take a deep breath already knowing what you are going to see, as this isn’t your first time you have to go rescue him from the brink. You know the shame and suffering you will see once you step into the shadows but that has never and will never stop you. You will always go and save him, even if he thinks he doesn’t deserve it. You will always be there.
“I’ll get you my darling I promise” You say walking into the shadows.
~~~
You open your eyes, watching the familiar scene you see every night in your dreams –well the nights you sleep alone– You try not to dwell on the memory unfolding around you and try to search for a reflective surface in the ‘room’ looking for Bob. You look around until you see a reflection in a window and sure enough as you look into it you see Bob sitting on the floor in his parent’s attic with a rubix cube just like how he always is. You press your fingers up to the glass and push, your fingers phase through and you take a breath and walk forward leaving your memories behind you and walking into his.
You stumble into the room but quickly right yourself. You walk farther into the attic and silently sit on the bean bag chair beside him as he fidgets with the rubix cube. You’re not fully sure how long you sit there with him, allowing him to know he isn’t alone. Doesn’t matter though how long you are there, all you care about is being there and him knowing you are there.
Eventually Bob lets out a soft “hi…” his voice barely a whisper but easily heard in the mostly silent room.
“Hi, Bob…” You turn a bit to face him, to see how he’s avoiding making eye contact with you trying to securely focus on the toy in his hands. “I’m sorry…” he apologizes, looking like he wants to say more but is unable to.
“It’s ok,” You say simply, allowing him to take his time.
After another few minutes pass by before Bob speaks again. “He got to me…I tried hard not to let him but- but I just wasn’t strong enough. It’s hard when well it’s me. With everyone gone on this long mission and you…you constantly away for Valentina. It’s hard to not feel- lonely and well as you know that’s what he feeds on-” He stammers trying to explain, only briefly looking up at you, desperately trying not to cry.
You nod along and move the slightest bit closer to him. Opening up your posture a bit, resting your hand closest to him on your leg palm side up. A gesture you two have as a silent offer to allow the other to hold their hand whenever they need but don’t feel brave enough to just take it.
Bob just stares at the hand hesitating as he continues on. “His taunting just continued pounding, restless day after day non stop. All this nagging and spreading of lies- but as well… as I've said before what he says just makes enough sense it seems believable…” He let out a breath inching his hand closer to yours. “He kept going on about how alone we are. How the team all got picked for this long mission to get away from us. How they went without us because we were incompetent, weak, useless…” he swallowed the loop in his throat blinking back tears. “He…He also brought up you…alot…” he let out a soft bitter laugh. “He went on and on talking about how I’m not good enough for you, how you are pitying me, how this- this is all a cruel joke and you- you are going to wake up and realize i’m not worth it…not worth the trouble…” This time he took you hand holding close afraid you are going to suddenly vanish. “It’s so stupid…I know…I think I know you would never do that, you aren’t like that- you lo- you care for me. I know you do!… but with the constant, repetitive, aggravating nagging it’s… hard to not think like that…hard to think of why I should still be here…” Bob couldn’t help but cry as he confessed all this to you trying to face away from you, trying not to show you how weak he was.
“Oh honey…” Was all you could say at first. You bring one hand slowly up to cup his face. As you make contact he flinches but hesitantly presses into your palm. You gently direct his face to look up and at you. And that’s when he breaks. He desperately clutches at your arm, holding on so tight afraid to let go. His head falls into your palm, you being the only thing holding him up as the tears stream down his face, gasping for breath.
You gently guide him into your lap allowing him to grab on to you tightly and cry into your shoulder, his whole body shaking from the sobs. You in return just gently rub his back and hold him tight whispering sweet words of ‘I got you’ ‘you aren’t alone’ ‘I’m always here for you’ You sit there trying to fight back the three words you have been dying to say, thinking how this would only stress Bob out more.
Eventually the sobs quiet down and fade into soft hiccups. And he sits up a bit mumbling a quiet ‘thanks’. You pull back slightly to see him clearly, reach out and hold his face in your hands gently whipping away the stray tears running down his face.
“Bob…You aren’t alone… You will never be truly alone, especially here in the tower. We all care about you so so much…even if we all have our different ways of showing care, it’s true and will always be true. And you aren’t weak and you certainly aren’t useless! Just because you weren’t chosen on this mission with the rest of them doesn’t make you useless. Yes, they have more experience which is why they went on the mission. But it’s not expected for you to be on the level of Bucky or Yelena, they have been doing this a majority of their life –sad but true– and you only got this other side of you a year ish ago. You are still in training, still trying to control everything. You aren’t useless, you are far from useless, you are just at a completely different level and skill set than the others which isn’t a bad thing! We need a variety of skills and experiences to function as a team.” You explain, hopefully in an encouraging tone, soft enough to be gentle so you don’t sound like you are chastising him but stern enough to know you mean it. As if you were trying to engrave this in his brain.
He looked at you like he was trying to believe you, but still struggling to, trying to believe he was good enough, he was important like you claimed. “I don’t- know… without the other guy I’m-nothing, I’m-“ “Don’t you dare say useless-“ you interrupt and he just shut his mouth looking slightly lost
“Bob, you don’t need to have god-like powers to be important. You don’t need them to be needed and wanted. Especially when it comes to you as a team, especially when it comes to me. You are an important member of the team, you are in charge of keeping everything here running smoothly.” You explain in a softer tone from before. “And…I need you, I need you Bob I don’t need the Sentry and all his god esque powers, I need and most importantly want Bob. I want my boyfriend, my kind boyfriend who cuddles up with me and tells me all about his books. Who I can sit in silence with and not having it feel heavy, finding comfort in the silence. The one I can ramble for hours about anything with no fear of judgment whether it be about an interest of mine or some of my many many emotional baggage!” You joke, earning a small laugh from him.
“I want you, Robert! I need you and nothing else.” You whisper as you move to press a featherlight kiss to his temple, you pull back checking for any signs of discomfort but when you find none, only a faint blush at the tips of his ears you continue on. “More than anything in the world,” Another kiss to one of his cheeks as he lets out a soft gasp at the contact. “You mean everything to me,” Another kiss to his other cheek. “I never want to leave you” This time a kiss to the tip of his nose. “I’ll be here as long as you’ll have me” You press a kiss softly to his lips as if sealing the promise. You had expected him to stay still or deny everything you had said but you definitely weren’t expecting him to mumble a quiet: ‘forever.’
“Hmm? What was that?” You ask pulling away to face him clearly. “Forever…you said you’ll be here as long as I’ll have you and so…forever” He whispered the confession “I want to be with you forever-“ he gave a soft shy smile, the thoughts in his head quieting down, feeling easier to push away now you were here with him and he was no longer alone.
You sat there stunned, you knew he cared for you, more than anything else he had said but just like him you always had those doubts in your mind —though your depression didn’t get personified into a living being—but it was always a nice reminder that the feelings you have were mirrored. That you loved him and he probably loved you just as much.
You took a slow breath in and moved to face him. “Bob…” He looked up at you smiling again “Yeah hun?” He asked softly. “I- I love you, so much darling…more than words can describe, and and I feel I've been falling for ages but i’ve never fully let myself except the fact that I have this opportunity, to be here, to care for you. And I know you struggle with this sort of thing so you don’t have to say anything just…know I love you” You stammer struggling to get all the words out, but you make direct eye contact the entire time to let him know you are serious.
Bob stays there frozen for so long you start to feel as if you screwed everything up. But he still stays there mentally going through everything you said, scanning your face for any signs of lies, cupping your face to try to make sure you're real, he's real, this is real and you had really just told him that. “You…Love me?” He asked just barely a whisper just barely heard over your racing heart. All you can do is nod trying to paste on a smile trying to not cry. He nods one, then twice “ok…ok wow…ummm” He says unaware of your panic going through your body. “I…umm I don’t uhhh can’t think of what to say- God you love me?” He asked again, needing the confirmation, trying to hide –and failing– the hopefulness in his voice.
As you nod again he pulls you tight to him burying his face in your hair. “God you…god I- I ummm” He tries to start. “I think…I feel, no sorry I know I feel the same…I think, sorry this doesn’t make sense I know I feel the same but I can’t…” He tries to explain how much he cares for you but still has that fear of loving and being loved he’s had his whole life. “Sorry I’m not phrasing this right! I’m… I know i’m there or getting there, It just may take some time” He finally says pulling away again to look at you, searching for a reaction.
You smile, finally losing the fear that you messed everything up. This is only further shown in how he smiled at you, a smile that conveyed the words he felt but couldn’t say and you couldn’t help but pull him in for a kiss. A kiss for all the unspoken words from both, words of how deeply the care and love goes for the other, far enough that neither of them knew how deeply they were. But they still knew they were there even through all the doubt and hardships, even if they weren’t said they knew. You loved Bob. Bob loved you. It was as simple as that. You both knew it and that's the only thing that mattered in that moment.
You both pull away panting, not fully sure how long you two were tangled up in the thoughts of the other but at some point you moved to be sitting in Bob’s lap, fingers in his hair, his hands gripping your waist, pressing you against him. Despite everything you guys have already done together in the past Bob still blushed bright red pressing his face against your neck letting out a low groan. You softly laugh and press another kiss against the side of his head “Well, good to know the feeling is mutual.” Bob presses a long lingering kiss to your neck as a response before you drag his face up and look at him.
“Should we leave…?” You ask softly to change to be more serious. Bob pulls away, though one hand still presses to your waist as the other comes up to rub his neck. “Yeah…Yeah we probably should…I don’t uhh I don’t want to but I don’t think we can stay here…” He relents but makes no effort to try and move. You on the other hand go to stand up but stop when he tries to keep you down “Honey…I’ll still be here when we go back, I’m not leaving and I’ll be there for whatever you need me for.“ You explain slowly standing and helping him up. Bob just sighs but stands up “I… I’m going to need some time to… to feel normal after this… to feel whole, I’ll try not to shut you out again but I can’t promise I’ll be fully…there” He explained waving his hand around in gestures. You grab his hand to hold and squeeze it tight. “Take all the time you need, it’s perfectly normal to take a break from everything but I will be there to make sure it’s not self isolation okay?” Bob nodded “Deal.”
~~~
Once the two of you made it back Bob was exhausted. He nearly collapsed on you as all the shadows retreated from his room back into him and fading again going back from where they came. His eyes returned to his normal shade of blue –the brownest blue eyes you had ever seen and loved looking into– and lost all hints of the blackness in them earlier. He slumped into you as the two of you tried to maneuver on to his bed. After some talking you had realized that he remembered everything the two of you had talked about and that happened. He had remembered the shift in your relationship, the realization of how deeply you two felt about each other.
After some adjusting the two of you walked to the bathroom that was adjacent to the bedroom and you sat on the counter top beside the sink keeping him company while he showered. Once out of the shower you guys made it to the empty living room where you left Bob on the couch to pick out a movie to watch –he had settled on Wall-E wanting it to be a good but simple movie to watch– as you went to make some dinner for the two of you. With the dinner being finished Bob decided to lay his head on your shoulder the exhaustion becoming too much to handle and promptly passed out finally feeling enough at ease to sleep. You slowly adjusted him to lie more comfortably on your lap as you traced small soft patterns on his back. “I love you Darling, I’ll always be here…” you whispered into the quiet room as you too fell asleep on the couch.
PART TWO:
