it's a pun

28 | 💖💛💙 | TERFs do not interact | "Nevertheless, I am trying to participate."

[thememedaddy]

[slugbus]

autumn/winter affirmations:

7 p.m. is not late

your day is not over at 7 p.m.

you are allowed to leave your house after it gets dark

7 p.m. is so early

[silly-little-pal]

[gatheringbones]

[“A basic premise of straight culture is the idea that gendered bodies, especially women’s bodies, require purification and modification to be desirable—shaving, perfuming, toning, refining, shrinking, enlarging, and antiaging. But in queer spaces, it is often precisely the hairy, sweaty, dirty, smelly, or unkempt gendered body that is most beloved. I recall the first time I entered a gay men’s sex shop, in the 1990s in the Castro district of San Francisco, and encountered a barrel full of lightly stained and dingy-looking “used jock straps” for sale. It was my introduction to the fact that there were people in the world who desired men’s bodies so much that they wanted deep, intimate, and seemingly unconditional contact with them—even and especially the parts of men’s bodies that straight women seemed to want to avoid.

Most straight women I knew, no doubt due to their socialization as girls and women, appreciated men’s bodies for their sexual functionality but not as a site of objectification that they were excited to dive into and explore—to smell, taste, or penetrate. Similarly, I have been to dozens of dyke strip shows, burlesque shows, drag-king shows, and sex shows in which women’s armpit hair and leg hair and facial hair or their body fat or their genderqueer bodies have been precisely the objects of the audience’s collective lust. Fat bodies and hairy bodies are also staples of queer dyke porn, not relegated to a fetish category. In other words, queer desire is marked by a lustful appreciation for even those parts of men’s and women’s bodies that have been degraded by straight culture. Like a food adventurer who delights in those parts of the animal or plant deemed undesirable by the narrowing of mainstream tastes, queer people’s desire for the full animal has been less constrained. Recognizing this suggests that gay men may have a deeper or more comprehensive appreciation for men’s bodies than do straight women, just as lesbians’ lust for women is arguably more expansive and forgiving than straight men’s. But most importantly, because queer circuits of desire do not rely on the erotic encounter of “opposites” embedded in a broader culture of gendered acrimony and alienation, queer lust need not reconcile a conflict between wanting to fuck and generally disliking one’s fuckable population.”]

Jane Ward, The Tragedy of Heterosexuality

[ittybittybumblebee]

Whatever its called to have these kinds of colourful squares in your home i want it

Look

[awesomacious]

A wholesome restriction

[astrodael]

the idea that your friends won't like you if you're too weird is wrong for example one time I told a friend whenever I was losing my mind I laid down on the floor under my desk and stared at it until I was better and next time she visited me she taped a bag of salami snacks to the underside of my desk with a message saying "going insane all by yourself, handsome?" which I only saw months later when I had a breakdown. that's friendship.

[catchymemes]

[abba-enthusiast]

i’m curious which river is “the river” for you guys? for me it’s the rhine

[inkskinned]

she says he won't let her get a dog, which is fine, because they're in an apartment, and that's the kind of thing people say about their partners. he won't let me get a dog. and you're at a dinner party and you tilt your head a little to the side just like that dog he won't let her get, because is this the thing that's going to upset you? you don't know every corner of their relationship, she could be joking, they could have had so many healthy conversations about the dog, right, and maybe she's not letting herself get the dog because of money and time and whatever. but, like, she did say let

and she wants to move away from his hometown and he wants to stay and then he tells you with a wink and a conspiratorial stage whisper don't worry i'll convince her and she laughs about it - so clearly this is something they laugh about. but you do just stand there and stare at him like what the fuck, man. you can't say what you want to say which is why do you get the final say on everything because they're both obviously aware of the other person's stance on this and have obviously had private conversations about it and what are you going to do about it except make a scene and then he'll be mad at you and call you one of those bitches behind your back and she'll cut you off, which is a loss that doesn't feel worth it just because he makes you a little skeeved out every 3rd comment

and they both agree he just isn't the type to get flowers which is fine because everyone shows love differently, and are you really gonna judge someone based on their sense of individual relationship responsibility? maybe he's constantly cleaning her car and writing her poems and making her furniture or something. maybe she doesn't even like flowers and this is perfect, actually. and no you couldn't date him, obviously, ew; but like, she tells you she's happy. you almost send her a tiktok that says don't be 25 and the cool girl that doesn't need anything, you'll hate not getting flowers at 30, but that's like, starting drama & you shouldn't start drama needlessly.

and you're a little older than her but not so much older you can pull the whole trust me on this one babe thing and besides that wouldn't have worked anyway (when does it ever) and besides you have trauma so you and your therapist both agree that you're always looking for a problem even when there isn't one. and you tell yourself that just because you see them for 15 minutes every month does not mean you can identify every single red flag based on a single shitty half-joking(?) comment

and besides, what are you going to do? she says i actually wanted another stand mixer but thankfully he stops me when i'm about to spend too much money and you're standing there like are you okay? is this normal? is this just something people say? and again - what are you going to do?

to your therapist you try to language it - it's not, like, any of my business. but sometimes, doesn't it feel like - you should do something. there's got to be something, right? you've tried dropping little hints but they sail right through and you've tried having a single serious conversation and she got upset because why does it matter to you, yes it's different but we're happy, it doesn't need to make sense to you and you're like. really unwilling to push a boundary about it anymore; because the truth is that you know logically it shouldn't matter to you, as long as both parties are happy.

and besides, you've been wrong before. it's just... like, every time you see them both, something else happens, some kind of shiver down your spine like do you even hear each other when you talk. it's their strange, bickering orbit. just the way he's on his phone through dinner or watching sports instead of helping in the kitchen or, fuck, another one of these little throwaway comments he makes about we'll see about that, babe. she laughs when he calls her passions stupid shit and meanwhile she gets him tickets to see the knicks and he tells you well at least she's smart about something and still! it's none of your business.

you say get the dog anyway and she laughs. like, this is is you being funny. and not you saying - no really. get the dog. get the dog and get out of here. pack up and start running.

[chaumas-deactivated20240115]

“Balls to the wall” is a great phrase because it sounds vulgar but it’s not so you can say it at work and not get in trouble.

[chaumas-deactivated20240115]

It’s an (antique) aviation term equivalent to “pedal to the metal” for when the engine controls are pushed all the way forward and the ball-shaped grips are up against the wall.

BUT it conjures up vivid imagery of a crass scene in which drop-trou contortionists are bent over and backed up against the wall, perhaps in preparation for some bizarre sexual relay race. Or an execution?

Truly an excellent term that I hope never falls out of common parlance.

[eilooxara]

I heard it was from centrifugal governors on steam engines!

When the balls go to their maximum diameter (to the wall) the steam engine is running at its fastest speed

[gunsandfireandshit]

Oh, guess I always figured it was an aviation term for like, pulling so many Gs that your balls are getting tugged in an unnatural direction, this makes more sense

[talestobetold]

i thought it was about gloryholes.

[tiktokstowatch]

[tim-ee-sis]

Working in retail be like

[shift-shaping]

THIS IS IT THIS IS THE VIDEO I WAS LOOKING FOR

[radiofreederry]

[classicwtfplotline]

this is so funny to me

[willowcrowned]

this was so funny

[animentality]

[esroniets]

[image ID: a tweet from sudarshan krishnamurthy (@/sudkrish)

“contrary to popular belief, my name is actually not pronounced ‘i’m not even going to try with that one’!” /end ID]

[skunkes]

[95wonder]

No. I know this is probably just a casual commiseration but I think it's a real and important question to ask and answer. If doing the stuff you're expected to do everyday is super hard, then something is probably wrong.

Anyone who relates to this too hard, I'd recommend looking up spoon theory and starting to make a record of how you feel and your experiences that you can bring up with some kind of health professional. Chances are if doing laundry feels like climbing everest, it's because you're disabled in some way. Whether that disability is some invisible chronic illness or depression or ADHD or burnout, *something* is wrong.

Almost all disabilities have some form of treatment or accommodation that can make your life easier. If you can get a diagnosis, you might also be eligible for official accommodations and benefits. Social security sucks ass and is almost impossible to access but like, it's not the only thing out there set up to help disabled folks and usually local organizations are gonna be better anyway.

Plenty of people reblogging this probably already know they're disabled in some way but if even 1 person sees this and can learn something important about themselves then it's worth saying.

TLDR: people who aren't disabled don't find acts of daily living extremely hard. Maybe look into that and see if you can get help making your life less hard.

Sincerely, a multiply disabled person.

[kiricat]

This is super important okay. Like, I used to try to ask my conservative family/church/etc. for help, and they’d just be all, “suck it up; life is hard for everyone; quit being such a baby”... and then I went to, like, actual experts, and they were basically like, “um, wow, you’re clearly super depressed and suicidal; you should actually be proud of yourself for still being alive!” And I’m still trying to unlearn the former and accept the latter, even after all this time. And I’m so mad that I’ve wasted so much time just trying to “push through it” instead of getting help I clearly need(ed), and that’s still a thing I struggle with.

Please, please seek real help if you need it. Like, I understand that there are shitty doctors and shitty therapists and whatnot, but it’s so worth expending what effort you can to find good ones who can help. If you have mentally ill friends -- which, if you’re reading this in the first place, you almost certainly do -- they might be able to point you in the right direction.

[ledeadface]

[ID: a screenshot from the Too Afraid to Ask reddit that reads: "How do people just so stuff? Is life not incredibly hard for everyone?" /end ID]

[eatember]

I have a friend with insane ADD and we have this same conversation sometimes

She can't actually even define laziness (which is weird) but she thought she was just lazy, life was that hard for everyone, and that everyone else was just being more responsible at managing it. I told her laziness feels good once and she blue screened.

Like if you can't define laziness, you've probably been convinced it's something that it's not. Probably something nebulous and hard to describe. Like, idk, an unknown disorder.

In case you're one such person, laziness feels great. It's not stressful. It's like the opposite of stressful. If you're being stressed and lazy at the same time you've managed to do it wrong somehow. The only struggle in being lazy is wanting the tv remote and being to darn comfortable to want to move. (But you get it anyways, because it's not an inability to get the remote. You were just cozy.)

Think of it like a cat sitting near a warm heater or a hamster so relaxed it "melts". If there were danger, or if the animal were hungry, it would get up. It probably doesn't want to get up because it's comfortable but it will. If the hamster is actually genuinely hungry but it can't get up and it's just laying there stressed and starving, you would take your animal to the vet because it has a problem.

[dollsonmain]

That’s how it was for me growing up, too. I seriously thought everyone was constantly exhausted, confused, and in pain like I was and I was just really, really bad at dealing with it, didn’t want to try hard enough, and was just lazy.

[bostonbakeddeans]

Additional gentle reminder that the regular amount of unidentifiable/unexpected pain is none. The normal amount of unidentifiable/unexpected pain is none.

Sore the next day after a workout? Makes sense.

Sore for the next week after a workout? Not normal.

Barked your shin on a low coffee table and have an ache/bruise? Expected.

Gently brushed past the doorframe and your arm feels like it's on fire? Not normal.

Joint pain in your teens/20's is not normal. Heart problems in your teens/20's are not normal. Continual (AKA chronic!) fatigue despite diet/sleep schedule is not normal.

If you cannot point to an event or series of events that caused the discomfort/pain you are experiencing ("I fell off my bike", "I walked 3 miles", "I slept poorly", "I haven't been getting all the nutrients I need"), it's probably not normal! And it is okay to want that discomfort/pain to stop, even if it's mild! Most people are not going through their daily lives consistently uncomfortable or in pain.

Most people are not going through their daily lives uncomfortable or in pain.

You deserve to be comfortable and to have things be easy. Whether that looks like readjusting your life and expectations or getting professional help (medical/mental/other), you deserve it. I promise.

[kazaera]

Addendum to the laziness discussion:

I (autistic + currently in assessment for ADHD) too did the thing where I called myself lazy for so very long, and the way I was using the word laziness made the concept lose all meaning. For instance:

Laziness is a choice. If you are sitting somewhere feeling that you would like to do something but just can’t, if you are unhappy about the fact that something isn’t done, that’s... not laziness.

(side note: I despise the “don’t say you can’t do something say you won’t” narrative, because for me the opposite was what was truly freeing, groundbreaking, and seriously improved my life - the realisation that often when I wasn’t doing shit it was a can’t in play, that I needed to figure out how to deal with that. Attempting to convince myself that I could totally do the thing if I wanted only ever did harm.)

If you are being “lazy” about something you actually really want to do, that’s almost certainly not laziness. (Shout out to past me, too “lazy” to go to a meet-up they’d been looking forward to for ages to the point where they broke down in full-on sobs in their room over not going. Lazy. Uh-huh. Sure.)

If you are being too “lazy” to sort out fundamental life needs like eating, drinking, sleeping or going to the bathroom, that is not laziness. That is a real, serious problem.

The conclusion I came to was that I was barely ever actually lazy in the actual sense of the world.