LanceKetchum

Enthusiast of all animals -- extant, extinct, fictional. Professional autist, unprofessional artist. Pronouns: he/him. Cis/demi/pan. Enjoys creative writing on occasion. Especially likes axolotls and emus.

[lanceketchum]

This just in, the God of the universe appears to have spoken in the Sianai desert. In an exclusive interview with an illiterate herdsman who hadn't eaten in 39.5 days, the self-declared creator of all entities biological and non-biological has shared that all humanity's questions regarding gender, sexuality, and sexual behavior, have an easy and straightforward answer: "No."

Our correspondent Zeke In The Field brings us the full story...

[lanceketchum]

Language requires abstracting information into an encoded state. The human brain became so good at encoding things, that we ended up endlessly making codes where they weren't needed. If our ancestors had taken half the time that they spent on making up folk tales, and actually spent that time clearly explaining what they'd learned to their children each generation, I'm pretty convinced we'd be a starfaring civilization by now.

[lanceketchum]

People really be using "I'm tired of political correctness" when they really mean "I'm tired of NOT being an asshole" these days.

[lanceketchum]

Navi is that neurotypical friend who keeps wanting to chat with you about stuff, when all you want to do is dodge-roll around making varied "Kya" sounds on your way back from Death Mountain to Kakariko Village.

[lanceketchum]

Is it bad for a captain to use the expression "swimmmingly" in answer to the question, "How is it going?" 🤨

[lanceketchum]

Imagine Shalespeare trying to parse the sentence: "If you haven't liked the stream, please do so." Which is a totally valid sentence in current English speech. I bet he'd have fun with it, though.

[lanceketchum]

Has anyone read about the Iran-Contra Affair recently, even just the Wikipedia article? Current politics came as a shock to a lot of us. But for those of us raised in right wing indoctrination, it's as important as it is surprising to learn that figures we saw lionized in our youth, especially Regan and Bush, were a lot like Trump. They seemed to have more convincing excuses, and it was easier for them to hide their abuses because the worst abuses were done overseas and not directly to Americans ourselves. But the pattern was there: abuse executive power, hide it from Congress, deny and obfuscate, illegally withhold documents, illegally destroy documents, get your co-conspirator President to pardon the guilty. Those of us who were duped by all this have to start learning our history, and learning from history. Because this is not new. Progress means learning to escape this ongoing cycle, learning to demand integrity and humanity from our leadership. We live in *unfortunately* precedented times.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iran%E2%80%93Contra_affair

[lanceketchum]

It has come to my attention that Jason Pargin AKA David Wong is releasing the next book in his John Dies at the End series THIS YEAR (expected Oct/Nov 2026). If you haven't read "John Dies at the End," "This Book is Full of Spiders," "What the Hell Did I Just Read," and "If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe," please do yourself a favor and read them NOW!

The audiobook varieties are fantastic; if you can source them without giving money to Audible/Amazon that would be best, but they're on there in any case.

These kooky books show an uncanny understanding of Middle America. They are relentlessly humorous and psych horror and body horror and somehow quietly optimistic at the same time. Spiders in particular was prescient of some of the factors that have come out years later during the COVID pandemic. The latter 2 books in the series show an understanding of the forces that led to MAGA and the rise of AI bros, years before those things came into the spotlight. They gave me some preparation that my then-indoctrinated conservative Christian brain could barely process years ago, long before I deconstructed, for the USA tha I live in now.

That's my elevator pitch, but there's so much more! Others can give you s completely different angle, because there's a lot going on with these stories!

[aninals]

skateboard will be so fictionalized that people forget we all have one inside of us. like the war of course but like they arent just fantasy creatures.... its just In There

[aninals]

hey. So skeletons may have autocorrected to skateboard,

[lanceketchum]

Inside you there are two... Oh, wait a minute, inside YOU, there seems to be one skeleton, and one skateboard.

[lanceketchum]

"My brain craves many kinds of illusions."

Same, sister. Same!

[lanceketchum]

Of course you can't be woke, you silly goose. "Woke" is past tense. You're going to need to have been waking for a while before you can say that you woke up.

[pukicho]

I hate podcasters because most of them are unremarkable people who happen to be celebrities, and that's fine, but they think they aren't unremarkable, and I hate that more than I hate anything else.

[pukicho]

The inverse for podcasters is also true btw. If you fight your own ego and make a podcast where you just hang out and act like a normal fella, it's almost always good.

If you're a well-renowned celebrity and your podcast makes you come off as a normal, maybe even slightly average person, and you're fine with that, then that podcast will ALSO be good.

[lanceketchum]

This. I tried a podcast called Armchair Expert by some obscure celebrity one time. That was the most insufferable half hour of content I've ever consumed, as the guy constantly interrupted his guest (nullifying the armchair part of his title) and was absolutely ignorant about everything he discussed (nullifying the expert part of his title as well as all enjoyment of the topic). Meanwhile, a podcast called What the Folklore by three average friends who just chat and enjoy the material that they present, has been the comfiest comfort content I've had the pleasure to follow, for years on end at this point.

[trickstarbrave]

[lanceketchum]

Acme getaway cars incorporated

[lanceketchum]

I like you. May you live in precedented times.

[lanceketchum]

Always be yourself.

Unless you can be a sparkledog.

Then, always be a sparkledog.

[lanceketchum]

Blueberry and whipped cream pancakes are my spirit animal.

[pusheen]