@lanzvult - Tumblr Blog

I got this knife stabbed in my heart

It hurts but im alive

Not sure if I should pull it out

Maybe I'll die, maybe I'll come back to life

Too afraid to make a decision

So I just let it be.

Hurting -- but at least alive

#loveless

I you kill yourself, they'll win

Sometimes I feel like dying... No...

Often times I feel like dying

There's never a day where I wish I could no longer wake up anymore.

I've forgotten how many times I've felt like living in hell.

I no longer try to seek love.

Because I'm dead...

Well, part of me is.

Funny how a 6 year-old boy learned the way how life truly is.

How ugly reality can be.

If anyone ask you of your memories when you were a kid you'd feel nostalgic on how you miss those feeling

Well for me, they were all hell.

I was bullied as early as Grade 1... Up until now

I looked back and asked, how did this happen?

The answer I find would always be the same.

It was because of my father

Imagine how your very own parent never believed in you.

When you though you could trust them and be protected by them.

How he ate those words he once said to me.

"If school ever felt like hell, you can rest and have a day off"

How those words I trusted betrayed me

How it all began.

No one was ever my ally in the first place

How naive of me to think that my parents would protect me.

When even God himself abandoned all hope of me... Of mankind

Strange how despite all of that, I'm still alive... Faking it at least

When I could think of a million reasons to kill myself

But...

But everytime I'm at that point in life

My mind begins to say

"If you kill yourself, they win."

#piece #you #reality #depression #i need help

lanzvult

The truth

Whenever I’m depressed

When I’m in a verge to wanting to kill myself

I always play a certain song

To remind myself of the reason why I chose to live up until now

To remind myself of the purpose I need to fulfill before dying

So I can’t die now

Not yet

For the world still owes a debt to me.

lanzvult

Funny how I've come back here depressed only to find out why I need to live.

No matter what you’ll do -- they’ll still come after you. -L.

#bullying #bully

I wonder if I'm truly dead -- would anyone care?

-L.

I sleep more than I need -- hoping to die today and wake up tomorrow

-L.

#quote #quotes #life #depression #thoughts #sleep

thelovejournals

To whoever loves me next, I’m sorry if I’m afraid of you or if days of flirting turn to radio silence, without warning. I’m sorry if I make you say the words over and over and over until I believe them. (I’m sorry if I don’t believe them.) I will probably spend more time worrying about losing you than I spend trying to keep you. Trouble is, every single time I’ve ever thought something was too good to be true– I’ve been right. Understand, I will know how to be vulnerable with you, but I won’t know how not to regret it. And I have no idea how deep we’ll be into this relationship before I admit I’ve never done this before. Not really. Not in any way that counts. Before I admit that I know how to put my body inside someone else’s but not how to make it beautiful. I probably won’t be easy to love. Too many people loved me badly, I’m not sure I know how to do it right.

Ashe Vernon (via thelovejournals)

Meaningless Effort

"Hey, its been awhile"

Words I never knew could break my heart

Always at the mercy of your replies

I can see in between those lines

That you wouldn't want to be with a guy full of lies

Because you see, you see what my motive complies

That I'm just not the guy your heart desires

And I know.. I know..

I know its hard but I kept on trying

In this meaningless conversation that I'm always starting