I got this knife stabbed in my heart
It hurts but im alive
Not sure if I should pull it out
Maybe I'll die, maybe I'll come back to life
Too afraid to make a decision
So I just let it be.
Hurting -- but at least alive
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@lanzvult
I got this knife stabbed in my heart
It hurts but im alive
Not sure if I should pull it out
Maybe I'll die, maybe I'll come back to life
Too afraid to make a decision
So I just let it be.
Hurting -- but at least alive
I you kill yourself, they'll win
Sometimes I feel like dying... No...
Often times I feel like dying
There's never a day where I wish I could no longer wake up anymore.
I've forgotten how many times I've felt like living in hell.
I no longer try to seek love.
Because I'm dead...
Well, part of me is.
Funny how a 6 year-old boy learned the way how life truly is.
How ugly reality can be.
If anyone ask you of your memories when you were a kid you'd feel nostalgic on how you miss those feeling
Well for me, they were all hell.
I was bullied as early as Grade 1... Up until now
I looked back and asked, how did this happen?
The answer I find would always be the same.
It was because of my father
Imagine how your very own parent never believed in you.
When you though you could trust them and be protected by them.
How he ate those words he once said to me.
"If school ever felt like hell, you can rest and have a day off"
How those words I trusted betrayed me
How it all began.
No one was ever my ally in the first place
How naive of me to think that my parents would protect me.
When even God himself abandoned all hope of me... Of mankind
Strange how despite all of that, I'm still alive... Faking it at least
When I could think of a million reasons to kill myself
But...
But everytime I'm at that point in life
My mind begins to say
"If you kill yourself, they win."
The truth
Whenever Iām depressed
When Iām in a verge to wanting to kill myself
I always play a certain song
To remind myself of the reason why I chose to live up until now
To remind myself of the purpose I need to fulfill before dying
So I canāt die now
Not yet
For the world still owes a debt to me.
Funny how I've come back here depressed only to find out why I need to live.
No matter what youāll do -- theyāll still come after you. -L.
I wonder if I'm truly dead -- would anyone care?
-L.
I sleep more than I need -- hoping to die today and wake up tomorrow
-L.
To whoever loves me next, Iām sorry if Iām afraid of you or if days of flirting turn to radio silence, without warning. Iām sorry if I make you say the words over and over and over until I believe them. (Iām sorry if I donāt believe them.) I will probably spend more time worrying about losing you than I spend trying to keep you. Trouble is, every single time Iāve ever thought something was too good to be trueā Iāve been right. Understand, I will know how to be vulnerable with you, but I wonāt know how not to regret it. And I have no idea how deep weāll be into this relationship before I admit Iāve never done this before. Not really. Not in any way that counts. Before I admit that I know how to put my body inside someone elseās but not how to make it beautiful. I probably wonāt be easy to love. Too many people loved me badly, Iām not sure I know how to do it right.
Ashe Vernon (via thelovejournals)
Meaningless Effort
"Hey, its been awhile"
Words I never knew could break my heart
Always at the mercy of your replies
I can see in between those lines
That you wouldn't want to be with a guy full of lies
Because you see, you see what my motive complies
That I'm just not the guy your heart desires
And I know.. I know..
I know its hard but I kept on trying
In this meaningless conversation that I'm always starting
The truth
Whenever I'm depressed
When I'm in a verge of wanting to kill myself
I always play a certain song
To remind myself of the reason why I chose to live up until now
To remind myself of the purpose I need to fulfill before dying
So I can't die now
Not yet
For the world still owes a debt to me.
I'm drowning
As each night pass...
It's so hard to keep on breathing
As im drowning...
In my thoughts and feelings
Yet here we are again, feeling lonely and no one to talk to.
If you can feel despair in this world, then there must also be hope in this world too.
L.
What's the point in trying when the only thing you can see in this world is sadness.
-L.
Happy endings are only perceived on one side of the story.
-L.
"A part of me wants to give up -- what's left is my heart trying to move forward"
_L.
Depression
Today I fought against depression
Tomorrow I will live life again
Today I fought against depression
Tomorrow I hope I can open my eyes once more
Today I fought against depression
Tomorrow my friends will think Iām just overreacting
Today I fought against depression
Tomorrow Iāll once again carry the weighs of this heavy burden
Today I fought against depression
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Tomorrow Iām the headlines for news reporting