laya j @layalayapantsonfaya - Tumblr Blog

nighttime walk.

today after school i took the long way home,

i walked winding paths and curving roads,

took about as many detours as i could,

because i woke up this morning,

with a weight on my chest,

that i just couldn’t shake off.

and sometimes i’d prefer my feet to hurt,

my back to ache from my heavy school bag,

my sweat to drip into my eyes,

than be trapped in my room another night,

feeling either assaulted by emotion,

or hollow and empty by the lack of it.

and as i started to make my way home,

i looked up and saw the bright, full moon,

and as i walked i watched it,

move and nestle itself,

into a bed of cable wires,

and into the arms of a lamppost,

everything is poetic, if you look close,

and tonight the sight of the moon,

cradled by the clouds and the cityscape,

made me realize the beauty in escaping,

the comfort and safety in running away,

just so long as i come home before too late.

#fyp #poetry #free verse #free verse poem

boy what do u mean sorry. all the shit i’ve said you refuse to address but u say sorry. not even for what. girl, whatever.

HAAAAATE when we have a flight and my dad acts as if i have never been on an airplane before in my life

and if there’s one thing i’d like to say to you but can’t, for whatever reason, it’s this:

i told you i miss you but i don’t specify how. last month you were always by my side and now when i glance left, expecting to see you, i am met by an empty chair. i miss your voice, your quick massages, how you would stroke and fix my hair while i napped in boring classes. you are my best-est friend and i love you so much. i refuse to let whatever happened between us get in the way of our friendship. no, i don’t want to delete our videos. no, i don’t think i’ll ever forget the feeling of your lips and your hands and your everything. but at the end of the day, you’re my best friend and i’d rather face a pistol right down the barrel than lose you. and obviously you’re not the only one, but your absence now compared to your constant, warm presence before stings like a scrap that never quite heals. i miss you, j.

#best friends #friends with secrets #late night thoughts

and i know you probably are in love with her but i can’t help it. it’s the way you look at me when we’re alone. how your eyes don’t fully close when we kiss.

the worst part of me is the part that craves it even though i don’t want it.

#God when i told you i wanted smth to happen in my love life i did not mean it like this #please help

layalayapantsonfaya

if i had a nickel for every musical i’ve listened to about a dead brother who haunts the narrative, a mother who couldn’t cope with his death, a father repressing his emotions, and a resentful younger sister whose mother has been overlooking in favor of her brother i would have two nickels. it’s not a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice, right?

layalayapantsonfaya

yk what. that makes sense in that zoe is like gabe’s sister if he grew up and actually did jazz band like di said he does “before school” and natalie is like connor’s sister if he influenced her into doing drugs (i actually dunno if that made sense but i’ve been sitting on this thought for reeeaaaally long)

#imagine larry murphy teaching henry how to break in a glove #dear evan hansen #next to normal

if i had a nickel for every musical i’ve listened to about a dead brother who haunts the narrative, a mother who couldn’t cope with his death, a father repressing his emotions, and a resentful younger sister whose mother has been overlooking in favor of her brother i would have two nickels. it’s not a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice, right?