Flying Sex Snakes

Fun Fact: They aren't even real.

[luigim227]

Me af all day, tbh

[genuinehumanboy]

today is video games’s birthday.

[wheel-skellington]

Happy birthday videogames

[ifitaintbaroque]

I work at a coffee shop and have gotten all my co-workers to start calling lattes “hot milkybois”

[ifitaintbaroque]

I also got everyone to refer to the salted caramel blended drink as “the big salty” and I consider it one of my greatest accomplishments

[ifitaintbaroque]

Oh yeah and any time someone orders a hazelnut latte with almond milk (which specifically is a weirdly popular drink) I say “one HOT NUT latte coming right up!”

My coworkers have not latched on to this one like they did with the others for some reason.

[ifitaintbaroque]

I forgot to mention I also pronounce “hot chocolate” like “hot cocklate”… because I’m awful.

[goatbran-deactivated20190407]

please give us updates

[ifitaintbaroque]

Our largest drink size is affectionately referred to as “Texas Size” so sometimes when I hand it out in the drive-thru I like to say, “Here’s that TEXAS SIZE [drink] for ya, YEEEEHAW!”

And some people look at me as though I have just made their entire day while others look like they they could not possibly get away from me soon enough. Both reactions are equally satisfying. 

[ifitaintbaroque]

I made this into a game except when I hand out the Texas-size drinks I say “Can I get a YEEHAW?” And the guests always look mortified but occasionally one of them will let out a terrified “yeehaw” and all my coworkers cheer and then we keep a running tally of how many yeehaws we each get on the back of a pastry bag.

[antique-scarecrow]

op will not die of natural causes

[novelconcepts]

I don’t want to live any longer in this world of “the customer is always right.” This is a world that shows the aggressive, the bull-headed, the cruel that they have full license to behave like beasts to get what they want. Half the time, they’re even rewarded for it; “here, ma'am, so sorry for the trouble, please accept this gift card–no charge.”

I want to live in a world that punishes these childish adults as you punish a toddler throwing a tantrum. No candy for you, Jimmy; you’re going home to bed if you can’t mind yourself in public.

Throw a hissy fit because your cashier isn’t moving as fast as you’d like? Find yourself gently escorted from the store until you can show some basic compassion and patience.

Hurl a pen across the table at your signing agent? You’ve just forfeited your right to refinance your mortgage this week. Try again when your temper is managed.

Scream obscenities at the Taco Bell rep because you know it’ll earn you a free soft shell? Here’s your money back; please feel free to play again when you’ve realized fast food is not worth more than the price of human dignity.

I am so sick of accepting–and, in truth, rewarding–these callous behavior patterns in customer service industries. The fact is, the customer is not always right. The customer is often just testing to see what he can get away with. Stop pandering to spoiled children, and show your employees they have more value than their red polo, or how much abuse they can withstand in a 40-hour week.

We are here to provide a service and to make a living.

We are not your punching bags.

[iopele]

seems like the right time of year to bring this back around

[felinenthusiast]

[candlemass-snapback]

[afeveredblur]

I love how Ray Holt is portrayed simultaneously as a serious, emotionless captain as well as the most dramatic and petty person on the whole team. I live for his deadpan dramatic-ness and I’ve honestly never seen a character like him before on TV

[adventures-in-a-world-of-fiction]

The first time we see Kevin, he describes Holt as hilarious and the other characters are bewildered by this, but Holt has been a prankster since the beginning of the show. In the very first episode, when he was making Jake carry on with the robot impression, he was pranking him. The hula hoop incident.The fact he got so into the Halloween heists. Winding Jake up is one of his greatest sources of amusement and he loves playing jokes on people.

It’s just that no one recognises them as jokes because his face stays utterly serious throughout.

[bob-belcher]

[wildlyunlikelybabe]

We keep dumbing shit down for these people

[humantested-turingapproved]

In case anyone is curious, you can put 27 toddler socks on a lazy cat and she won’t move.

[mostlycatsmostly]

23 ski caps and didn’t budge. 😺

[no-lives-matter-that-much-deact]

Four remotes a box of floss and a battery.

[the-addiction-of-you]

Another cat

[sadrien-depreste]

many oranges

[stereocyon]

first apartment checklist

i know lots of you might be worrying about what you need to move into your first apartment. that’s why i put this little checklist together! 

fog machine

[twocubes]

FIGHT

[anosci]

[writing-prompt-s]

You’re teleported to 44 BCE Rome in your everyday street clothes. You’re brought before Caesar and he believes you might be from the future, hoping to bring him fortune. One day he questions you, asking “How Do I Die?”

[calamitouserebus]

“Surrounded by friends”

[gardenoffish]

Ceasers as he’s getting stabbed and remembers:

[dankmemesreasonforliving]

[rory]

good thing about the hurricane though is its making all of those fun facebook hurricane event groups

[rory]

this is facebooks only contribution to society. the ability to make events to stop the weather

[bundyspooks]

A picture of Freddie Oversteegen, a Dutch girl who was the unsuspecting killer of dozens of Nazis. Along with her friend Hannie and her sister Truus, the girls worked with a team from the Dutch Resistance to lure men into the woods for a promised kiss. Once they reached a remote location, the men got a bullet to the head instead.

[a5xc]

Freddie passed away today on the 5th of September 2018, one day before her 93rd birthday.

[the90swerentreal]

[damianmcgintleman]

[darkampharos]

Wait weren’t they her shitty parents in Matilda?

[ficklesunfries]

Yep! It was right after filming it, actually.

What’s even better is that Maras mother LOVED the book Matilda. She loved it so much that she got her daughter the part, however she died before she got to see it. Or so Mara thought. Apparently just a few weeks before she died Danny Devito went in to the hospital with a rough first edit of the movie and got to let her watch it before she passed.

[cosmic-noir]

[cooloptimisticprincess-deactiva]

Awwwww