Faerie Reader

Books and fandom! She/her

[andhumanslovedstories]

Technology really is magic. I know that’s said a lot but like I’m sitting here looking at one of those chargers that you put your phone on top to wirelessly charge. And today is the first time I’ve really looked at it and gone “truly how the fuck does this work”

Maybe we stress about fantasy worldbuilding too much. We’re like “oh we gotta know the rules of the magic system,” no you don’t. I don’t know the rules of our magic system. If Aragorn, son of Arathorn got hit by a truck that orcs and goblins were driving flintstone style, and he transmigrated into my living room, I would not be able to explain any of the technology around me. I have no idea how I’m making this post. Imagine the first caveman who was like “oh shit the wheel” and I’m nodding along with that cave man. I understand how the wheel can roll. This next sentence was supposed to be about how I can sort of grasp how landline telephones work, but then I thought about it and no I don’t. I am surrounded everyday by mystical forces.

Anyway I have to use this particular charger because this miracle machine’s charging port is fuckin broken again

[andhumanslovedstories]

Don’t even get me started on pharmaceuticals. They are potions and concoctions. I googled “how does Tylenol work” and it turns out the answer is “hmmmm we don’t actually know, but it works” and then I go “cool!” and take two of them

[prismatic-bell]

Ballpoint pens.

No, for real. For most of human history we did shit like pressing a stylus into clay, and then we got papyrus (or paper itself, in China) and ink, but you had to write with a sharpened reed or feather or brush that ran out of ink so regularly that ALL OF CHINESE CALLIGRAPHY is designed around how to write your characters so you don’t run out of ink in an ugly spot, and even when we got fountain pens the ink was relatively thin and took so long to dry you literally had to purchase separate paper called “blotting paper,” the entire purpose of which was to remove excess ink so you didn’t have to wait eight million years for your ink to dry. And in addition, inkwell pens and fountain pens can be MESSY AS FUCK. A tipped-over inkwell is goodbye to everything on your desk, whatever you were working on, and possibly your clothes. Yes, all these forms of writing have their place, but holy hell are they a production and a half.

…and then like 130 years ago this dude figured out how to make a pen with ink sticky enough to not leak regularly but fluid enough to flow out of the pen, write on stuff that wasn’t paper, not require an inkwell or blotting paper, AND YOU CAN CARRY THIS MARVEL IN YOUR POCKET.

Ballpoint motherfucking magic pens.

[lydiogames]

[lydiogames]

this reply made me laugh harder than any reply I think I've ever gotten

[aleshakills]

How did they find the worst audio ever made

[teaboot]

"surely an exaggeration" i thought, before hearing the worst audio ever made

[thydungeongal]

Also shout-out to the Swedes for just borrowing the French "adieu" into their vocabulary and just spelling it "adjö"

[legov7]

German has borrowed the italian "Ciau", spelling it "Tschau" and only using it as a goodby instead of also a greeting.

[thydungeongal]

I had completely forgotten about this, this is fantastic.

[erlann]

If you enjoyed "ciao" becoming "tschau", you'll definitely want to hear where "tschüss" (German, also meaning "goodbye") comes from!

[thydungeongal]

Borrowed from German Low German tschüß from earlier adjüs, from Dutch adjuus, back-formation from adjuusjes, from French adieu.

We can't let the French keep getting away with this

[ospreyonthemoon]

I mean the french very much aren't getting away with it. Everyone else is taking their language and running off with it cackling with glee. We're all getting away with fucking up french words on purpose

[saxifraga-x-urbium]

#English loves french so much it steals the same fucking word a few centuries apart so it gets two words that have the same meaning#But different spellings -#Like guarantee/warranty#(aside: There was a w/g shift so you can see if the word showed up with the normans or got nicked later#Which is why for e.g. the english call it wales and the french call it pays de galls)#Catch/chase#Gender/genre

[official-linguistics-post]

official linguistics post

[irlwakko]

this is by far my favorite safety/warning sign btw. they really went off with this one

[ri-rawr-isnt-ok]

No cuz I fucking love this sign. It’s not an actual barrier so it’s not like some sort of challenge it simply says “fuck around and you will find out”

[irlwakko]

Ohohoho I LOVE “fuck around and find out” signs, especially the really dramatic and ominous (but true) ones

(Context for the last one: it’s a WWII era sign posted around the soldiers’ washroom mirror, warning them to never discuss military plans in places where civilians could hear them and report back to the enemy, e.g. in restaurants and pubs in the country. “Loose lips sink ships”.)

I also love these two, which I would place in the category of “You already fucked around, now you’re about to find out.”

[professionalchaoticdumbass]

Aerated water is fucking scary. It's water that has a fuckton of gas in it, which reduces the buoyancy to the point where you will immediately start to sink if you fall in.

[aqueerkettleofish]

[rigjuice]

ive been collecting these recently and wanted to add some of my favorites

[ominous-signs]

Official ominous signs

[ladjarica]

It's incredible how people have been protesting pants and skirts not having pockets but not a single peep is heard over the fact that skirts no longer have underskirts by default. Underskirts (or lining) was a thing when I was a child, no skirt would be made without lining, you didn't have to think and check if your whole ass is visible in a skirt because lining was a thing!!!! Now most skirts don't and it's simply because it's cheaper, fuck the fact that a customer doesn't want their panties shown in broad daylight, it saves a couple of cents on material.

[ladjarica]

okay so this has definitely breached containment and I want to point something out:

Yes slips are a thing but that's beyond the point. It's not just about skirts, it's the fact that garments have lost any quality they used to have and it's only getting worse.

Also, telling people to just buy a slip??? We don't tell women to buy a purse if she don't have pockets on her jeans?? Slips are an additional cost we should not be shouldering. They are often expensive, not size inclusive and unlike a lining that's made SPECIFICALLY for the skirt it's sewn onto, a slip might be too long or too short or just not look right.

as someone pointed out in the tags even coats and other garments have started to be sewn without lining and the purpose of lining is more than to hide your underwear.

The purpose of a lining is to add to the comfort of the wearer; preserve the shape of a garment or add body to it; and conceal construction details and raw edges of fabric, thus giving a finished appearance to the inside of the garment. A neatly applied lining usually adds to a garment quality.

I own a wool coat from an Austrian company that no longer exists (thanks thrifting), and it is in impeccable state. It has no tears, not one pulled thread and the shape still holds despite it being probably around 80 years old. Meanwhile another coat I had bought recently at a store already has a gaping hole where the stitches started unraveling. this ISN'T NORMAL!

Our clothes should last us, we should stop being ok with the absolute fuckery that is fast fashion and demand garments that will not break apart after two months.

[raisinchallah]

attention this is your captain speaking chag sameach pesach to all celebrating and a reminder do not open the airlock to greet elijah the vulcan rabbinic council ruled that opening the door to the room where the seder is occurring is sufficient elijah can get on a starship just fine himself he just likes to be personally invited in to your seder we dont need another incident like last year thank you

[foldingfittedsheets]

I’m starting a new job at a jewelry store and we were roleplaying appropriate ways to greet people. A lady was pretending to be a biker guy and I greeted her by asking if he had been riding that day. Then “he” asked if we had silicone rings. And no joke but I thought this lady was pretending to be a biker asking for cock rings and had no idea how to respond.

[foldingfittedsheets]

I KNOW RIGHT?! But when I was like, “Is she asking me for a cock ring?” And all my coworkers are busting up laughing, she goes, “What’s a cock ring?”

[foldingfittedsheets]

The intersection of people who went from selling sex toys to fine jewelry is small but fraught with misunderstandings.

[foldingfittedsheets]

All the little pride dragons are up in the shop! I have them individually and as a repeating pattern! They make great gifts and are super cute especially on shirts and stickers.

You can check them out on my Threadless, Redbubble, and Teepublic. (Redbubble is the only one that has the repeating pattern)

Sales support and delight a queer art student!

[foldingfittedsheets]

The Lies of Lisbet

In a small province there lived a prosperous family of trappers. They were a handsome family of tawny hair, white smiles, and an easy grace. Like a jewel among them was their youngest daughter, Lisbet. She was the best at striking a bargain, owing to her dimples and her keen mind, and so it was she who most often minded their booth. One day at market a handsome noble appeared looking for ermine fur. She admired his well-brushed black hair, his velvet coat, and his broad shoulders.

They offered each other knowing smiles and he took instead a white fox fur at her suggestion. He came back each week for many months. Her siblings all offered to work the booth instead, wringing their hands. She declined. Lisbet’s parents fretted despite the steady stream of coin he spent. She greeted him with her dimpled smile each week and was not surprised when he asked for her hand, despite the difference in their stations.

Her parents begged her not to accept. “Lisbet,” her mother said in despair, “you’ll go mad there. There will always be eyes on you, every moment. And thick stone walls around you. It’s too dangerous for you, and for us.” Her father just looked at her with pleading eyes. She would not hear them, wedding him in the spring. They rode off together to live in his keep. Lisbet’s horse sweated and balked the whole way, hating to bear her.

Keep reading

[foldingfittedsheets]

Oh my god. I need to share another story of my new friend making today. So my friends husband says, very casually, as we’re about to leave for the ren faire, “Yeah, it’s like my story about fucking a chicken.”

And of the four people present I was the only one who was shocked. The others all nodded as if to say, yes yes, we know, the chicken fucking.

So he explained, when a progressive person is analyzing a behavior they will typically use the metric, Harm/No Harm. They may not like things in the No Harm category but they wouldn’t object.

Conversely, a more conservative mindset used something like eight metrics. Authority/No Authority Moral/Not Moral, things like that.

So, he posited if you want to sound out someone’s mindset (and you’re willing to live with the repercussions) you can ask: if a man buys a dead chicken from the store, cleans it thoroughly, then fucks it, and then eats it himself…?

I listened in dawning horror, both rapt and disgusted. But into the growing pause I whispered, “No harm…” because it really has no effect on me or anyone else if a man fucks a dead chicken. I don’t like it, I think he’s a weird dude, but like. That’s his dick. But a more conservative person will hear that and object on moral grounds despite not being harmed.

It’s been haunting me all day, so please enjoy.

[tartrazeen]

This is also a handy probability scale for who's gonna be wearing your skin in a week.

[foldingfittedsheets]

I know you’re joking but this joke is absolutely the point. You’ve assigned a moral judgement to the act, rather than acknowledging it as not harmful.

In the current climate sex has so many moral judgements applied, and I can tell you that perfectly bland every day people do some Crazy Sex Stuff. When I worked at a sex shop they’d tell me all about it. It didn’t preclude them to murder or being serial killers. If someone wants to fuck a warm cantaloupe or a dead chicken it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t harm me or anyone else.

Your morals should not be applied to anyone else’s sex life unless there’s actual harm, and a time where public indecency laws are rearing their heads again creeping toward the immoral queers, it’s something to actively push against.

[jurph]

To read more about the serious research underlying this, look up Moral Foundations (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moral_foundations_theory). The original hypothesis has five or six axes, along which different people make different value judgments:

Care/Harm

Fairness/Cheating

Loyalty/Betrayal

Authority/Subversion

Sanctity/Degradation

Liberty/Oppression

One of the features of conservative populism is that it leans heavily on Sanctity/Degradation for its emotional hook. You can see this in their revulsion at queer sex acts, for example, but it's also a feature of propaganda that casts some races/ethnicities as "dirty" or "filthy" or "animals". Mis-casting these feelings of revulsion as something they should have the Liberty to put into law - rather than something which writing laws about would constitute Oppression of others - is a key feature of modern conservative/traditional movements.

Dr. Jer Clifton has done similar work on a 26-dimensional measurement of attitudes that he calls "Primal World Beliefs" (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Primal_world_beliefs). In one sense these theories are both really reductive... but in another they're incredibly useful for understanding what makes an argument so compelling to others when it sounds preposterous to you.

One more reason you should care: the people who build the structure of political campaigns absolutely have read these theories, and use them to structure their broad arguments.

[cryoverkiltmilk]

This post got way more scholarly than I expected for starting with hypothetical chicken-fucking.

[foldingfittedsheets]

So one thing I’ve noticed is that people’s DnD characters may vary but there is usually an underlying thread that they all have in common. This thread is typically related to what that person struggles with the most.

For instance, my betrotheds DnD characters: a bitchy warlock we had to bust out of two different pacts, a sassy barbarian, a reformed drow cultist, and a sunshine fighter cleric.

All these characters were wildly different but at their very core struggle was them grappling with their self worth. My betrothed struggles with their worth a great deal and even with different facets showing their characters all have that too.

Mine all tend to contend with different themes of loneliness and acceptance. Surprise, surprise, the little autistic gremlin yearns to have been met with more love and lasting friendships.

So we’re at breakfast. I am meeting a new friend of my betrotheds for the first time. It’s been twenty minutes since I’ve met this man. I say my theory. He laughs. He starts to describe a few of his characters but specifies that he often has healing aspects. He gives a very broad overview of their character arcs.

I ponder for a moment then said, “Would you like to have my assessment?”

He laughed, “Sure!”

“We’ve just met. It’s gonna get real.”

“Bring it on.”

“I think your struggle is that you feel you must offer something of value or service to people to be worthy of their love.”

His jaw dropped. His fork froze midway to his mouth. A potato fell. He stared into space as this sank in. Quietly he said, “Oh.”

[foldingfittedsheets]

My friend pioneered a game on accident called Let Hit after an embarrassing episode with a paper ball. It was the opposite of catch.

When someone threw something at you you had to willfully let it hit you. It wasn’t Let Hit if someone threw something at an unsuspecting victim. You had to see whatever it was coming and force yourself to take no action.

We got really good at Let Hit.

At group gatherings we’d play it like it was common knowledge, someone would chuck something at someone in the know and they’d just let it hit them and we’d explode with praise. “You’re so good at Let Hit!” “Look at this guy, he’s a champion!” “Not even a blink, he’s so talented!”

And it was so stupid but everyone not in on the game would be like ??? What are the rules??? And we’d just tell them what it was and you could tell we were selling them on the idea that it was fun but it was just getting stuff thrown at you.

So they’d start playing too and we’d just be like, “Oh yeah, you’re okay, I guess.” “Need to work on your form a bit” “Not everyone is good right away, y'know?”

Everyone Really wanted to be good at Let Hit. And it was literally just us throwing garbage at each other. My teen years were wild.

[foldingfittedsheets]

Before my beloved and I moved in together they were living with roommates in a place that didn't have a bathtub. Now, a reasonable person might conclude from this that baths would be out of the equation in a home with only one standing shower and no tub.

But these people weren't quitters. Naturopathic doctors and acupuncturists they were dedicated to treating their bodies well and one of the ways they liked to do that was hydrotherapy. Most people are familiar with this through things like polar bear plunges. You sit in a hot tub then jump in freezing water.

It's supposedly good for you and they were way into it. But again, no tub. They'd do hydro showers but it just wasn't the same. These people were not quitters, though. (One of them is the boob soap person, so it really isn't a surprise that she goes hard on everything). So they got what looked like two big metal old timey tubs but which were actually good troughs and set them up in the garage. They set up a water heater and god knows how they emptied the tub after, I think there was hoses involved? A pump maybe? I honestly can't remember. Anyway! Voila, hydrotherapy on demand.

I was not aware of this. So when I came over after a long day and my beloved said we should take a bath I was extremely puzzled. I only knew about the one shower. They showed me the garage tubs. I did want a bath and I wasn't really sure about the setup, but honestly I'll try anything once if only for the story, so I agreed.

Fun fact about me though. I haaaate being cold. I've been 0% body fat most of my life with skin barely keeping my bones enclosed. I'm always cold. My favorite activity at the time was sitting directly in front of space heaters. My shower temperatures turn me lobster red and make my beloved cringe. Willingly dunking myself into cold water is the antipathy of my entire deal.

On the night in question I happily submerged into the warm tank, pleasantly surprised by the big silly improvised tub. Which again was meant for livestock. My knees bumped companionably against my beloved as we soaked in the hot water. After a while they rose to go into the cold water. "You don't have to," they told me.

But I was haunted. I wouldn't be doing hydro if I just stayed in the warm tub. Maybe hydro was amazing. It has all these health benefits. I desperately didn't want to but I stood up with them. We were having this nice intimate evening in the garage, just us, I felt safe. I was gonna do it.

They stepped easily into the cold tub, dunking matter of factly into the frigid water. I went to step. I did. I really really tried. My foot went in and I started shrieking, my progress arrested by the total state of shock I entered when my warm toasty foot hit that smug arctic water tension. My beloved started laughing as my pitch ascended the deeper my foot went into the cold water.

I started loudly narrating my discomfort as my foot touched the bottom and I willed my other foot up to join it. "THIS IS VERY COLD," I yelled, "IT'S SO COLD I THINK I MIGHT DIE HOW ARE YOU JUST CASUALLY SITTING IN THIS FREEZING COLD WATER?! I'M DYING- I THINK I'M DYING! I'M DYING BUT WE'RE HERE, TOGETHER! I CAN DO THIS! I CAN DO THESE EVEN THOUGH IT'S SO COLD ALL MY MOLECULES HAVE COMPRESSED INTO A SOLID STATE!"

I ended up with both feet planted in the cold tub, water up to my shins, bellowing and panting while my beloved laughed so hard they couldn't breathe. I hunkered over the cold water, squatting like a frozen gargoyle.

My beloved was trying to psyche me up while I willed my body to obey me. In a sudden jerky drop like a puppet whose strings have been cut I plummeted my body into the cold and let out a shriek that I’m sure could have shattered glass and then leapt up out of the water at a speed relative to a rocket achieving space flight. I didn’t like it.

When we got back inside my beloved's roommates were collapsed on the ground with tears in the their eyes from how hard they'd been laughing. They and probably every neighbor down the block had heard my pterodactyl screeching and narration because the garage was not remotely soundproof.

[cassierobinsons]

genuinely evil that we didn’t get to see this play out onscreen

[meatmensch]

@cassierobinsons important part of the post that should not be lost

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

These things are made of garbage and glue and they want to charge this much for them??? Seriously considering just buying some real wood and making it myself. We tolerate this chipboard crap BECAUSE IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE INCREDIBLY AFFORDABLE.

[silveve]

My cousins recently bought an extending table from a hardwood place, only to find out that the extension bit in the middle was not hardwood but actually some cheap material blend (I can’t remember what unfortunately).

When they complained they were told that it had to be this other material because you just can’t make that kind of table out of hardwood.

In my house right now there is a table from the late 19th century that folds out the same way as my cousins table and it is made from hardwood we have the technology for goodness sake’s.

the quality decline of the everything needs to die, I need to kill it with my fists.

[a10wea]

While I also mourn the decline in quality and specifically sturdiness of objects over time (damn plastic), it's not always true that because something existed in the past, it means we know how to make it now. Techniques get lost if no one writes them down/craftspeople don't pass them on. Two very old examples are Roman concrete (which i still don't think we have totally solved) and a blue ink used in manuscripts called folium (only very recently rediscovered how to make it), but I'm sure there are more recent ones as well.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I'm dead certain that we have not lost the art of cutting hardwood planks

[heytatertot]

@nathanwpyle

I literally love this.

I couldn't stop laughing for 20 minutes.

No joke.

[meg-moira]

This has the same energy as a writer desperately trying to make their insanely cool but devastatingly off the wall plot point work with the rest of the story

[eremiss]

@xkcds

[gracefuldisasters]