Obsessed with that one fictional man @lieutenantselnia - Tumblr Blog

So, I figured I could maybe do one of these intro posts as well ...

About me :)

#intro #intro post #introduction #introductory post #introducing myself #that's me #lieutenantselnia

You know to 99% I hope that I'll find a new job by September because not having any income sucks and once I finish studying I actually want to be less dependent on my parents and be able to shape my life in the way I want. But to 1% I also hope that I won't because then I'd have at least a good reason to sign up for studying history after all (because in Austria you can stay co-insured with a parent for free if you don't have a job, as long as you're enrolled in university or another type of education and are still under 27 years old).

I've always loved history, but right after I finished school I didn't really feel like studying it, I wasn't sure exactly what job I could do with it afterwards and if I would enjoy it in the long run. Going into software engineering felt like a safer choice at the time, with better payment prospects and more flexibility (remote working etc), and I genuinely enjoy it as well, it's super fun to be able to just build my own websites or apps or games (although right now it really sucks that many companies are leaning into AI). Right after school I was more worried though that I wouldn't be able to handle the self-organisation that would be required at a regular university, where you yourself are responsible for deciding which courses you want to take when, and signing up for exams on time and all that. I did my previous and current degree at a university of applied sciences, which is organised a bit more like school with set courses every semester that you have to attend (you can voluntarily take additional ones if there are any that interest you though), it's less flexible, but you have to do not as much time-management and if you pass all your classes you're guaranteed to complete your degree exactly within the minimum required study time of 3 or 2 years (depending if it's a bachelor's or master's degree).

I don't know if I'd ever actually do anything with it professionally (unless maybe I win the lottery and won't have to worry anymore about ever being able to buy a house or affording my family a good life), but I think I would regret it later in life if I didn't even attempt to pursue it. And even if I just end up doing private historical research in my free time, I believe learning new things is never bad.

#if I haven't got at least an invitation for an interview by the end of July I might actually do it #one of my best friends is actually currently studying history (alongside English and German) to become a teacher #and she said history is actually by far the chillest out of the 3 so I think I'd even give it a try to do it beside a job #if I were to find a job in time I'd probably rather take a break from studying for a year or so bc I do feel lowkey burnt out from it #but if not I'd probably start slow and only do 1 or 2 courses in the first semester #sometimes I think my life would be easier if I didn't have the wish to be a parent one day :/#I'd definitely have to worry less about how much money I'll earn long-term as long as it's enough to support myself #and although I'd still like to live in a house with a garden I'd probably be fine with a smaller one or even a flat as long as it's quiet #selnia talks

I cleaned out and reorganised my wardrobe yesterday because over the years I've accumulated a good amount of clothes that don't fit me anymore by now (though I have some items that I've had since I was 13 and mysteriously have fit me since then and still do, while I somehow grew out of others that I only got around 16-17, despite my body shape not changing drastically during all those years) or that I just barely ever wear. I got rid of a decent amount (not throwing them away, the ones still in good condition I'll probably donate and/or resell second-hand), but unfortunately I tend to be attached to things I own and struggle to let go of them. Also it may sound stupid, but I feel weirdly sad about clothes that I think are cute, but I also know I'll probably never go out wearing them because I don't feel comfortable wearing them. This applies especially to girly clothes, I have a bunch of dresses from my high school years that I think are really pretty, but I simply don't enjoy presenting as what is considered more typically feminine in everyday life. It's less of an issue with clothes for more special occasions or particularly costumes, like about 2 years ago or so I even started working on an 18th century women's historical costume (I'm still only at the undergarments unfortunately due to lack of time), and I still think I want to continue working on it and eventually be able to wear the finished outfit. But that kind of feels like a different thing to me, because it's not an everyday outfit*, but something for a specific occasion like a cosplay convention or historical event where I deliberately choose to dress up as a feminine "character".

During most of my school time I didn't have any interest in fashion at all and would usually just wear whatever clothes my mum got me. I don't consider it being pressured because I honestly really didn't care to concern myself with it, I think this simply was something that happened at a slower pace for me than it might for some other people. Only after I finished school and mostly in the past 2-3 years I started picking out my own clothes more deliberately. Nowadays I make an effort to dress in a way that's probably considered more typically masculine (and maybe a bit nerdy), I mostly either wear unisex bandshirts or merch of films, video games etc, and plain long or short pants depending on the temperature. I don't know if it will stay like this forever, and it doesn't have to, but right now it is what I feel happy with. During the past couple years I've come to the conclusion that my primary goal for my appearance is probably to look like someone who's attractive to me. Like, if I look into the mirror I want to see someone that I think looks good/is hot (I'm not quite sure what's the best choice of words to put it), at the same time it's also important to me that it should feel authentic though, and not like I'm constantly playing dress-up (because I think there are also some outfits or styles that I think can look very attractive on other people, but just won't work for me personally). I think I already made some great steps in the past 1-2 years, but it is definitely a process of getting to know myself better.

*Of course I know that there's people who dress exclusively in historical outfits in their everyday life and I think that's extremely cool (and I lowkey would like to give it a try as well at some point in my life, even though it would be a complete break from how I usually dress at the moment).

#idk where all that text came from I was just rambling #but I guess the thoughts just wanted to be voiced somehow #selnia talks

I started playing Red Dead Redemption 2 again after a long while and I think I shouldn't have because I really need to work on my thesis ... but ouugh horsies🥺

#I started the story new (despite haven't finished it the first time) because I didn't remember much of it as it's been so long #but I'm kinda spending a lot of time just riding around the beautiful landscape and watching animals #mostly progressing in quests just so I can unlock fishing😂#but I'm also just not very good at fights #I think KCD got me too used to swordfighting and having proper armour so my aim with firearms is just really bad now #if there's more than 3 enemies coming at me and I don't even have any chance at hiding I guarantee you I'll die every time #I'm making it harder for myself in some ways because I always try to avoid shooting at their horses but still #it also makes me want to take up horse riding again irl #I actually used to take regular lessons until 2022 or so but had to stop due to so much stress with uni things #actually contacted my instructor from back then last year since I wanted to take it up again but around that time my health kinda tanked #but until after I finish my degree I won't have the time (or money) for it anyway #rdr2 #selnia talks

Started sending out job applications since May and although I've sadly got no positive response so far, a lot of them are at least actually getting back to me even if it's just a rejection email. It's low-key sad that it has become so normalised for companies to just ghost applicants that it's already a positive surprise when they don't for once😐 To be fair those were all initiative applications so I knew that the chances were low to begin with as they might just not have a need for a new employee right now, but I've picked companies that all looked to have pretty good pay and working conditions so it still would've been nice if it had worked out.

I'm looking for active job listings as well now, but unfortunately there are a lot more for senior positions and few for juniors (I'm searching for something in the area of software development, specifically web dev as that's what I already did for the past ~2 years and I hope that having relevant work experience will help me at least a little). There are also some jobs that I've filtered out myself though as they don't pay according to IT wage agreement, and this is an issue I've already fallen into at my previous job and want to avoid in the future. Where I live the minimum monthly wage is dependent on the work sector the company operates in (and while nearly all jobs are covered through those wage agreements anyway, I still think it wouldn't be bad to also have a general minimum wage), but this can mean that you end up under an agreement that your specific work field doesn't actually fit in. For example if you work in a small marketing agency, all employees may be paid according to the marketing wage agreement even if some people might do web development, system administration or something else that doesn't have anything to do with marketing in their day to day work whatsoever.

At least no one can pull the "the youngsters don't even want to work anymore" card with me, I'm putting effort into my applications and I'm not generally opposed to having a job, but☝️ I want to be compensated appropriately for what I do.

#I don't remember all of the companies I've applied to back when I was looking for my internship but I think I've been ghosted much more #I remember one company replied like 3 or 4 months after I applied to them when I literally already started my internship at the other place #like wow thanks for nothing #but I just want to get over with the whole application process asap and sign a decent contract and not worry about that stuff for a while #selnia talks

I wanted to give one of those ship templates a try👉👈

To be honest, filling in the sliders and levels made me overthink quite a bit, because I was always like "okay, but what is the baseline for this?". Like, for example the jealousy level, in what relation is that supposed to be measured? Because I don't think either of them are particularly jealous, while both of them are only interested in a monogamous relationship, they also trust each other and know that neither of them would be interested in someone else anyway. They might both get a little jealous of another person showed interest in their partner, but they also know that they don't have to be worried about anything happening, so in the end it doesn't matter much. For some of the sliders it's also that they just kind of do it interchangably, for instance I think Fenyor likes being the big spoon, it's just that he tends to be the little spoon slightly more often due to being the smaller one of the two.

I also ended up leaving Fenyor's romantic orientation unlabelled mainly because I couldn't decide on one that fit him. Like, they are genderfluid (I don't even know if I would consider myself as such specifically, but for them it just felt right), and they definitely lean more towards men in their attraction. I wasn't sure if they could be attracted to women as well (and therefore might be bi), maybe if they met the right one, but given they fall in love with a man anyways at least in this timeline, it might not be something they put much thought into. But I wasn't sure if calling him gay was the right decision either. I was also looking if there's an "opposite" of the term sapphic for masculine-aligned people and found the term achillean, which might be more appropriate, but I've rarely seen it in use. I was also contemplating whether they might be demiromantic as well as demisexual, but I think for now I will just leave them unlabelled after all.

Lastly I was also thinking about their age difference; Lyste doesn't have a canonical age to my knowledge, at least I couldn't find one, but I've always imagined him to be in his early to mid twenties in season 1 of Rebels. I was also considering making him the younger one at 22 years instead, but I thought that if that was the case, he must be still a pretty fresh graduate. There is (as far as I'm aware) not all that much useful canon info on how long exactly the education at the Imperial Academies takes and at what age students usually join, so I was really just guessing a 3-4 year curriculum (I don't know what it's like in different real-world armies, I did only look up the Austrian military and to become an officer there it's apparently 1 year of training and then a 3 year bachelor's degree, so it seems I wasn't far off with my guess). I didn't want to make them the exact same age because I liked the thought that they weren't really close during their academy time yet,if they studied at the same facility they might have seen each other in passing, but they only really got to know each other better afterwards when they started working together. Since it's just my headcanon anyway I could of course still change it later on anyway :)

#I love them💕#also I was going to include Fenyor's hat in the drawing originally but then I had already started doing lineart for the hair #and was like 'actually that's too much work if it just ends being covered up anyway'#and his hair is very pretty after all! I like the thought that when off duty he usually likes to take the hat off right away if he can #self ship #self ship memes #get to know my ship #self insert x canon #oc x canon #star wars #star wars imperials #imperial officer #imperial officer oc #lieutenant lyste #yogar lyste #selniasposts

I could finally update my instagram profile picture (really just lined and rendered one of the recent sketches) after having an outdated drawing of me with long hair for the last one and a half years, inner peace at last😮‍💨

#probably gonna keep the one I have here because I still think it's really cute <3 #but on insta I had just a drawing of my insert/me by themselves so it was kind of bothering me #not sure how I feel about posting on there nowadays due to all the enshittification and ai stuff #I do still feel attached to it though as it was my first fandom/creative online account on any platform #and I've met some of my oldest art and cosplay friends there (and not all of them have accounts on tumblr or other platforms)#so I wouldn't want to abandon it entirely #selnia talks

I remembered how to draw and finally made an attempt to design the oc/insert that's been on my mind for months😌 Meet Fenyor Vranek! Their backstory is still in development, but 5BY they are stationed on Lothal as one of the officers in charge of organising inventory and supplies, where he also works together with Yogar Lyste (and eventually develop a relationship beyond just being coworkers👀).

This is not a proper ref sheet yet, rather some exploratory sketches (that I cleaned up and coloured, too lazy for shading though) to figure out their facial features. I tried designing their face slightly after my own, without forcing myself to make it exactly the same. I'm still struggling with consistency between different view angles, but I think the top left drawing resembles best what I was going for. The hair is slightly different than mine irl, while I do have short hair now (I legit don't remember if I ever mentioned it, but I had my long hair cut off in February last year, still really happy with it), I still made it a little bit shorter and also gave the hair parting a sharper, more military-esque style that I felt would be fitting for an imperial officer. I actually found drawing the hair a bit intimidating at first as I haven't drawn a lot of characters with similar hairstyles or short hair in general, and I wasn't sure yet how to do it in my style, but somehow it just turned out super good?? I'm genuinely very happy with it and I honestly think it's kind of a shame that it will have to be hidden underneath the hat during most of Fenyor's everyday life😅 I still want to refine his body proportions and also figure out how the cut of the uniform influences his silhouette. I am kind of glad though that I don't need to come up with an outfit for him by myself right now so I don't have to do everything at once, though he might still get an off-duty look later on :3

As for Fenyor's name, it took some time to come up with it and was kind of a journey. At the beginning I wanted to give them a first name starting with A like my own name, but nothing really stuck. Around the same time I had also thought about what more masculine names I would maybe enjoy using, and for whatever reason the name Friedrich snuck into my mind. Yes I know, it sounds like I was born a hundred years ago, I actually feel like it was more that the name chose me than the other way around, but somehow I genuinely like it and I actually think Fritz is a really cute nickname as well (and I hate how much it has been tainted in recent times due to Friedrich Merz and all of his bullshit). I still wanted a name that feels more Star Wars-y though (although who knows, the galaxy far far away is big after all, and who says there can't be people called names like Friedrich or Hans-Wilhelm or Annemarie somewhere in it?). So I started looking at other names starting with F, and specifically the name Fedor felt like it was already going in the right direction. I tried a few made-up variations of it and Fenyor was the one that really stuck. For the last name, I genuinely had no idea what to come up with, so I chose a rather straightforward solution and simply picked out a name from my own family tree😂 It's from an ancestor like 7 or 8 generations back and hasn't been present in my family for a long time, so I don't worry that someone could identify me through it, plus I still also changed the spelling.

I hope to share more of Fenyor's story soon, there's other things I want to draw as well, but I genuinely love them so much and I already have a bunch of ideas for their background, their relationship with Lyste and also beyond💖💖

I'm finally, finally drawing again and actually working on the design for my Star Wars oc/self-insert that I've had on my mind for literal months now. I'm mostly just doing sketches from a few different view angles to figure out their hairstyle and facial features, and although I don't think they turned out exactly how I pictured them in my mind (admittedly, I am not very good at visualising things in front of my "inner eye" though), I'm surprisingly happy with what I've got so far?🥹 I'm still struggling with consistency (I feel like my sketches look like 3 different people), but I'm also trying not to be too hard on myself, after all it's literally my first time drawing them and I can still work on the design later on, plus it's been a while since I've done any art in general and I'm just getting back into it.

Also while I haven't really shared any self ship stuff in the past months as I've kind of just been to exhausted and not in the right mind space, I have actually started thinking about it quite a lot again in the past 2 or 3 months. Especially about my ship with Lieutenant Lyste, I have no idea how or why, I didn't even watch Rebels any time recently or anything, but he somehow just snuck up to me and it's been very comforting even though I've kept it all in my mind until now as I struggled to express it through drawing or writing. This is also why my oc's (back-)story is currently mostly aligned to the ship with him. I'm not sure yet if I'll use the same character to ship with some of my other Star Wars f/os and just alter their backstory a little bit (I already would have a possible idea for that) to create sort of an alternate timeline, or only keep their appearance and name but change their background entirely, or just make a new character altogether. Always those problems when you love multiple characters from the same source😅

#will go to sleep now as it's late and I should try to not mess up my sleep schedule too much again #but maybe new character reveal tomorrow?🤞🥹#self ship #self insert x canon #selnia talks

I don't remember my dreams very often, but last night I somehow had even two separate ones that I can both remember relatively well?

In the first one I went on vacation with my family, but for some reason I thought it was just going to be a day trip, so I left a bunch of important things at home, and only when we got there I realised that we were actually supposed to stay like two and a half weeks or so. I also started getting my period then, but obviously hadn't packed any period underwear or even some pads, and got super upset about everything. I was considering driving back home to get my stuff, we were staying in Austria for the holiday and it was only like a 2 hour 8 minute (I have no idea why I remember that number so exactly) drive away from our home, but for some reason I was prevented from doing that. We were also staying at some larger hotel/holiday resort (which would be pretty unrealistic for my parents to book tbh, my family usually prefers to stay somewhere quieter and smaller like renting a small apartment or cabin), and I was very suspicious of some of the other residents, but have no idea for what reason.

The other dream kind of followed immediately after, I didn't even wake up and I can't remember if there was some kind of transition or connection between the stories. I suddenly was aboard U 96, and it appeared to be at night as most of the crew were sleeping. I think the U-boat was currently diving, kind of like in the show when there was a really bad storm and it was actually calmer beneath the surface, so they stayed down for a while to get some sleep. I think I was some kind of assistant radio operator, although I didn't do any work in the dream, I just knew that that was supposed to be my role. I was standing in the room where the officers were sleeping, and basically the whole dream just consisted of me staring at 2WO's hair and wanting to touch it so badly because of how soft and fluffy it looked, but I was worried that either someone else would suddenly barge in and accuse me of being gay, or that he'd wake up and I'd make him uncomfortable by just touching him without his consent. So I just kept sitting next to his bed and looking until I eventually woke up😅

#I use 'I' kind of loosely in those situations though because honestly for my dreams it often varies #sometimes it's kind of actually me #often it's also just kind of being a semi-invisible viewer in the sense that I'm kind of there #and affected by what's happening but also can't really actively do anything myself #and sometimes it's also more like I'm taking control of a character that is already there but it's not really me #more like as if I was playing a 1st person video game but with an established character (like Henry from KCD just to give an example)#and sometimes I can't really tell them apart like the second dream could be either option 1 as well as 3 #but I'm honestly just happy I got to remember a dream again #and even though it was a bit weird it was honestly much less unsettling than some others I've had #dream diary #selnia talks #das boot #das boot 1981 #<- I guess after all that was the setting

were--ralph

are you interested in getting married and /or having children

no marriage, no children

yes marriage, no children

yes marriage, yes children

no marriage, yes children

Voting ended onMay 30

#I'd definitely want to have children one day if my life circumstances allow it #as in being financially stable having a good place to live having the right partner and of course also feeling emotionally ready myself #so it's not going to happen any time soon but I hope to be there in around 10-ish years #also maybe it's weird to say but in a way I'm really looking forward to being pregnant one day #at the same time it's of course intimidating as it has a permanent impact on the body and if something goes wrong it can even be dangerous #(afaik none of the women in my close family had any major troubles with their pregnancies tho so I'm putting trust in my genetics🙏)#but idk for me it's the type of thing that is a bit scary but that I also really want to experience for myself #as for marriage I honestly don't know but I think I'd be open to it #my parents have been together for over 40 years and are not married because they just didn't want to #so I honestly never considered marriage something hugely important/something you have to do #I'd have to look deeper into the legal side of it if it has any (dis-)advantages but I don't think it has ever been an issue for them #regarding things like buying a house together or opening an extra bank account besides their own for household stuff that they can both use #also I'm not religious so ig it'd be weird for me to have a church marriage (although I like organ music and some of the ceremonial stuff)#I think however the idea of just making our own celebration with family and close friends actually sounds pretty lovely🥹

leonbutchkennedy

A bit of rambling just because - I've been feeling more motivated again now that my university classes are nearly done (only one more presentation next week, it's for some stupid business course that nobody really likes, but we'll survive), and I've been working on completely rebuilding my portfolio website. I made the old one when I was still in my bachelor programme and it's quite obvious that it was my first real web project outside of university assignments and I didn't really know what I was doing yet. By now I have nearly two years of experience in web development and it just doesn't meet my standards anymore, I know I could do much better. Over the past week I worked on the new design and I'm already so much happier with it! I'm looking forward to getting to the coding part now since that is actually even more fun for me. Once it's finished and I've also updated my CV I hope to start sending out at least a few job applications before the end of May, it's not easy for anyone at the moment, but hopefully it will be enough time that I can secure a new employment until September😮‍💨

This and next week are also the written final exams at all high schools in Austria, and since the exam assignments and solutions are always uploaded on the official website the afternoon after the exam, I've been thinking about trying to do them just for fun, to see if I still remember enough to pass in theory, several years after graduating😂

#still debating if I should include a text section saying that I don't use AI for creative work bc unfortunately many IT companies love AI #even though I specified that I just don't use it for my *own personal* creative projects (writing; illustrations; 3D art etc)#because I enjoy the process of doing it by hand and it would be stupid to delegate precisely the fun work to AI after all #(after all they always advertise AI to 'help doing boring tasks so you have more time for the interesting work' so I'll lean into that)#I don't like using it for coding either and won't do so in personal projects (and neither at work if I can avoid it)#but I didn't mention anything about that #I just don't like putting on some bullshit corporate mask #but like although I'm aiming for a dev position as it's honestly more realistic #I think if I somehow ended up with a chance to apply for a more art heavy position in a game studio or something like that #it might actually be beneficial to state that I did in fact make my 3D models and such by myself #random ramblings #selnia talks

Listening to Thrawn's music theme for the first time in a long while and ough I forgot how much I love it💙 maybe I should rewatch Rebels ...

#if I had a nickel for every time one of my favourite characters was a complex antagonist with a pipe organ in his theme I'd have two nickels #which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice right?#thrawn #grand admiral thrawn #selnia talks

I don't post about my pets very often, but by now I have so many photos of Tommy sleeping in weird positions to make an entire collage, and I couldn't resist not showing them. He just likes being a little dramatic😂

Bonus: Oskar, who prefers sleeping either as an orb or completely stretched out most of the time, but I was able to catch him like this once. Plus a size comparison 🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛

#cats #my cats #pets #my pets #selniaspost

disgustinggf

#I have too many of those #and it's not that I don't want to watch them #but I need to be in the right mind space and also not distracted by something else #and sometimes it takes a while for that to happen

yaoiblackmold

Whenever people ask me "why don't you know xyz, it's so popular" well see it's because

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