[contemptible-scoundrel]

if we don't even do anything, they won't have any evidence to lead back to us...! it's the perfect crime...!

[blasesaint]

[nongunktional]

i really hate the way the "boobs vs butt" thing got broken down into this implicit idea that butt is the nobler stance. it's really stupid. personally im a woman guy. [realizes how that sounds] [purses my lips in thought] [nods confidently] im a woman guy

[vaporevon]

When i was 13 i used to pretend with my other stupid gay friends that wore 20 silly bandz at once that this one specifically was a guy with a huge ass and long skinny penis and it hit every time

[ekrixart]

thanks for walking me home

[jzq]

[drops-of-universe]

please dont vape your blueberry ice flavor around my kid. we are raising him on marlboro reds exclusively.

[strawbebbynya]

[nintooner]

for a better tomorrow

[kaylmao]

shh don’t worry catholics aren’t real

thank god. i mean thank something else

[valend]

Yahhh I have to build Rome. Yup it’s due tomorrow.. noo I haven’t started yet haha is that bad?

[xylophonetangerine]

Guy who says “I’m contributing to traffic” instead of “I’m stuck in traffic”.

[paperandpencilsandskips]

Dead wife but it's a flashback to an amazing sandwich you had 3 years ago

[krasnoarmeyets-deactivated191907]

i bet it feels good as fuck to intend to do something and then actually do it

[amazoogle]

[wizardshark]

Adopted a second evil advisor and I'm letting them sniff each other under the throne room doors before I introduce them

[avalonjoan]

Love that you’re making it clear exactly what physical demands this job has, but could you possibly, potentially, phrase it differently?

[sternfleck]

My resume