Lily Sister Rambling

I honestly don't know what I'm doing but at least I'm trying

[lilysisterrambling]

Not gonna lie, feeling like trash today. Not sure why, but I'm just really mentally low. Probably didn't help that I couldn't sleep until 2am last night and got woken up at 7. I think I need a nap and no responsibility but I'm a stay-at-home dog mum now and the puppy is just getting on my nerves. She's definitely not the dog I wanted but I can't deny my partner what he wants. Anyway, time to binge watch YouTube and do shit all

[thedogist]

Charlie, Golden Retriever (3 m/o), S Hill & 4th St., Los Angeles, CA • “She only walks if she’s carrying her leash in her mouth. There’s going to be a beer named after her – we’re calling it ‘Charliework IPA’ with her face on the label.”

[lilysisterrambling]

Chapter 1 - Rush

I’m going to post what I’ve got now anyway, so here... TAKE IT... I’m just throwing here because why not.... It’s the intro and not much bts yet but it will... it will

 x Lily Sister

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You hurriedly walked towards your appointment, panting among the bustle of people in the street. Your feet made their way rhythmically towards the entrance and followed a few people inside. You could have stood outside, took a deep breath in and contemplated your next move like they always do in the movies, but no, you were full of adrenaline and too anxious for romantics. Your feet planted themselves in front of the set of elevators where other people were waiting. Some holding coffees and folders, others just with the blank expression of work-mode on their face. Your eyes darted up to the numbers above each elevator door deducing that the middle elevator will arrive first. The time flew quickly as nothing in particular raced through your mind and soon enough you were crammed into the elevator. You blinked, realising you forgot which floor you need to go to. Staring at the buttons already lit up by the other passengers you spotted that ‘8’ had already been illuminated. You breathed out shakily and took a small breath in through your nose, closing your eyes briefly. You began to run over your introduction, your questions, and your answers in Korean. The second language dripped over your consciousness like thick molasses sticking you to the same train of thought.

Ding

The first passenger left. You shook your head gently and breathed in a short breath again. You were suddenly very aware of the people in the elevator with you. The man with a clean shaven face, his jet black hair heavily gelled into his formal hairstyle. The two women, both wearing grey pencil skirts and white tops, one carrying four coffees and the other carrying a large green folder filled with files.

Ding

The folder woman and the man exited, leaving you alone with the coffee woman. Her hair was pinned up into a tight bun with a very glittery and expensive-looking hair pin. She gave you a side glance before tightening her lips into a curt smile and hopping out of the elevator at floor ‘8’. You followed her cautiously, taking in as much of the reception room as you could. The woman quickly stepped behind the desk and gave the receptionist a coffee before rushing off down the hall and turning into a cubicle. You shifted yourself into taller figure and approached the desk, sucking your tongue and running through your request. You smiled courteously to the wide-faced receptionist and opened your mouth. “I-I’m here for a meeting” You spat out. Her voice was high and sweet, “With who do you have your appointment?” Your voice got caught in your throat. “Ah, um, Manager Sejin and Manager Hyunsoo?” The young woman nods and gestures you to take a seat on one of the grey chairs lining the wall.

You stared at the floor and bit the insides of your lips and mouth. Your fingers played with the hems of your clothing and you shifted in your seat, pretty eager to run back to the elevator and leave. You kept asking yourself why you were here and what you were doing. How on earth will this even go through? You thought to yourself. There’s no way they will accept. Absolutely no way.

“Miss Y/N?” A voice called from across the room. You shot your head up and smiled at the stranger. “Come this way.” The man beckoned with his hand and waited for you to catch up.

[lilysisterrambling]

BTS Fanfiction

I’m wondering if I should start up writing some fanfiction for BTS?? I love writing (I’m not sure if people like it or not but there’s only one way to find that out) and I’m curious if people will actually like it?? Or want it?? Haha Dunno, give me some feedback?? And I’ll start writing right now :D

[lilysisterrambling]

Song Inspiration Writing #1

Freedom at its finest. The world spins and I stumble, my feet tripping over each other. The straight way to the exit is now a roller coaster tempting my stomach to lurch, to spill its contents in front of me. My hair stuck to my forehead in a hot-cold sweat. My eyes double their focus and the kaleidoscope spins mercilessly. My body hits a soft wall and I lean my weight into it. The only comfort it brings is warmth until it begins to wrap around me. The noise too much to comprehend, the wall begins to drag me away. My heart pounding harder and harder as my brain tries to make sense of the situation. I try to vomit an expression of distress perhaps for someone to help me. The warm wall takes me away to where it becomes colder and colder. My fingers find their way into the wall’s paper and curl their way into a grasp. My feet practically dragging themselves along the harsh pavement as the white wall takes me to a cold machine. A car. My arms move on their own volition, thrashing about trying to grab onto something more solid than the wall. My eyes look up and is greeted by a polygonal expression incomprehensible to my consciousness, or lack thereof. The music dimmed, the wall’s voice begins to rumble, though I can’t make out what it’s saying. All I can hear is an earthquake reverberating from the wall. It pushes me into the machine- the car- speaking softer, as if to calm me. My legs response was to kick and my arms reached out grabbing onto anything. My voice getting caught in my throat as hot liquid bubbles up into my mouth. I throw my head forward instinctively. The wall produces a wind, brushing past my hot-cold forehead. My eyes begin to blacken their vision and my head lulls, rest on the sticky-feeling seat. The person lifts my legs into the foot well and gives me look of- blackness.

[lilysisterrambling]

Ramble #5 - Bacon Pancakes

I know I posted not long ago, but I felt that I had to share that I’m going to make bacon pancakes for dinner. However, I’m hungry right now haha But I’ve been thinking of doing streaming/Youtube for ages, but never get around to it. I kinda need more of an audience to do that. But I won’t get anyone interested if I don’t see. Do you catch my drift? haha Anyway, have a good time!

[lilysisterrambling]

Ramble #4 - Hotdiggity Dog!

OK! SO UPDATES AND STUFF!

I have been accepted into the music school and after 3 years I will have my Musical Arts degree! It’s so exciting! And I’ve already made a couple of new friends! It’s going to be so great and I’m honestly just so... amazed by the whole situation! My life has so drastically changed in the last month. It’s been a whole month since I moved into the city, then I’ve entered a school to study the one thing I love; music, and I have a boyfriend, whom I’m living with! I never would have imagined any of this to happen to me. I was so stuck in the horrible mentality of “I’m not good enough” that I just did nothing! I sat around and felt terrible! I just can’t believe it. It really does prove that no matter how hard everything seems, things can change dramatically, and in a good way, so quickly you don’t even realise that things have changed! You get so pulled in with the excitement. I know that it never feels like things change. Believe me. I’ve been there for so long, almost 4 years. But in that time, I’ve learnt so much about not only myself, but the world around me as well.

[lilysisterrambling]

Ramble #3 - Update

So it’s been a while since I last rambled on here and A LOT has happened. Basically, I went to my counselling session and the counsellor basically encouraged me to go to the polytechnic just down the road from where I moved to, in the city, and enquire about their music courses and see when the next start date is and get general information but they, the polytechnic, ended up telling me that the start date was in a weeks time from now (Monday). It’s now Thursday night and i have an audition and theory test tomorrow and I have my application papers ready for them to send off to get a student loan and allowance! They were so damn nice! One of the women there even gave me a tour around the whole building and gave me a ton of advice to help me get the loan and allowance and how to deal with the benefit I have/had. It’s still a hassle (governments don’t like to make things easy, it seems), but I can deal with it. I’m a little stressed because it’s all so sudden. But music is something I’m truly passionate about and this was an opportunity that slammed against the door, like, how could I not open it? Basically, let’s see where this takes me!

[lilysisterrambling]

Ramble #2 - F***, I’m lonely

I have had a solid group of friends for a long time. All throughout school, the same friends have stuck together. Then they graduated and went off to various universities/studies/apprenticeships, and the underclassmen in the group (me and a couple others) stayed for the last year at high school (or as we call it here, college). Then my underclassmen pals graduated along side me and went off to university as well while I... didn’t. I wasn’t really sure what I was going to do. I told everyone, and myself, I was “taking a gap year”. What a joke that was. I’m fairly sure everyone saw through that, including myself. I was just scared and too doubtful of the world that I froze up and decided to stay in my safe little cocoon, where I could eat well, play, and listening to music as loud as I wanted. Even though my family is a whirlwind of emotion and unfortunate happenings, it was more comfortable that what was ‘out there’. I was familiar with the constant arguments with my dad, the constant mediation between him and my sister, the constant procrastination that sustained my life just enough to keep living in the same hole. That lasted about 3 years. 3 miserable years that got worse as they went on. I developed severe anxiety and depression. I had suicidal thoughts. I wanted this feeling of “I’m not good enough” to end. I never made a plan to kill myself. I only ever got the image in my head of me hanging. Then, it became from my own view, through my own eyes with the rope around my neck. That scared the crap out of me. After that, I got help, from my GP (doctor) with encouragement from my Life Coach, who was trying her best to keep me going in a positive direction, and my dad, and I’ve been seeing a counselor occasionally to make me see what’s going on in my head and what I can do with it. It’s been a constant battle with myself to just keep going, to keep finding myself and what I want. It’s always felt like what other people want is so much more important, I was clouded to my own desires for my own life. So, I want to move forward, I really do, but shit keeps happening. Pushing me down and just making it hard. My Life Coach said “things happen for a reason” and I have no idea what to make of that. In my opinion, things happen regardless of what’s could happen next. What happens next depends on what you do with the situation you’ve been given. So, with this loneliness, the anxiety and depression, the financial crisis, I will make the most of what I can. I feel so useless and weak, that what I do doesn’t matter no matter what I do, but I will die someday, and I don’t want to feel like I did nothing I wanted to do, didn’t achieve what I wanted to just because I felt like i wasn’t good enough for other people or myself. I want to just do what I want to and can do. Not in a childish way, but in a “I have a dream” kind of way. i dunno. I guess there’s only one way to find out if that’ll happen and that’s with perseverance 

[lilysisterrambling]

Ramble #1 - bitch, u-rite

“I be like bitch u-rite”. This song is stuck in my head. It’s got a such a good bop to it. i was introduced to it by #RMusic (RapMonster from BTS’s recommendations on twitter). He is my total idol right now. I want to be like him. He is so switched on and real. I just admire him. So I’m pursuing what I want to do which is to become a singer/songwriter. I’ve been doing music since I was young. I would dance in my lounge to music since I could walk, and before then, I was still boppin’. Then, when I could talk, I sang. I started this blog to keep my career in sight; a constant reminder of what I want because I feel like I get distracted by reality/society too much and too often. These rambles are just to get thoughts down for me. My brain fills up til I burst and it affects other people. So I thought that maybe having this unedited and just rambled might inspire me and other people? Maybe I can improve my writing skills as well. I use to write a whole heap back when I was in school. I wrote stories and shared them with my friends because I know I’m a storyteller and I love sharing my ideas with other people and collaborating or discussing. I love talking, I always feel like I have to talk to at least someone and I think that’s what makes me feel so lonely all the time. I’m so used to being swallowed in my own thoughts that I can’t really communicate with myself and understand what I truly want. That’s why I thought getting these thoughts down will help clear out my messy mind and help progress my life. I don’t know just a thought. On here, I want to post more rambles and eventually music. I plan on doing a song a week/fortnight/binight (for you Americans out there) so I’ll update you on that so you can see my progress etc. I haven’t really introduced myself but you can look at my blog description? I dunno, let’s keep it a mystery. You can find clues as I ramble I guess? Or you can just ask.... That’s why the ask option is there, on blogs, on Tumblr, so you can ask a blog a question.... Right?

[minjaevskpop]

Just normal fanboy things <^.^>

[lilysisterrambling]

Behold, my ill-tempered cat with petal hat

[miyku]

me after 3 hours sleep 

mother : are you all right? me :