what if ellie died. what if joel crawled over and cradled her body just like he did to sarah as she died. what if he cradled her face, just like winter, desperately searching for life. trying to wipe the blood off her face as his tears fall. he cries, hard. begging for it not to be true. carrying her to the horses while there’s silence among tommy, dina, and jesse. he lets tommy, maria, and dina help with burying her. there’s silence for a while. joel can’t even let himself cry. he can’t even speak. dina tries to ask if he’s okay, but it’s like she’s talking to a brick wall. he can barely think. his legs nearly give out at her grave, but tommy is there to keep him steady. after they bury her, he stays after they leave. he stares at her tombstone. beloved daughter. that’s who she was. his second chance. and now she’s gone, too. joel walks home and closes himself off. tommy’s the only one joel let’s near, but their meetings are short. tommy dropping off some food and checking on joel, physically and mentally. the bags under joel’s eyes getting worse every day. this isn’t their first time, but it’s harder for joel. it’s impossible for him. tommy wasn’t close with her. he was, but not like this. not like joel was. he didn’t love her the extent that joel loved her. tommy tries to help, to comfort, just like he did after sarah. joel appreciates it, of course he does, but it’s hard. it’s so hard. joel doesn’t know how to manage it. another loss like this. he doesn’t help in the carpentry around jackson anymore. he doesn’t go on patrols for months. the only thing he can do is play guitar. even then, he can only play a few chords, if that. future days is all he can muster. if i ever were to lose you… it’s all he can get out for weeks. not having ellie by his side, singing or playing along, is what makes it so hard. she’s not there to chuckle when he strums wrong, joel blowing air out of his nose while a smile creeps on his lips. ellie smiles beside him, “not that I’m any better”. every room is a reminder. the living room, where they’d have their movie nights. where they were going to watch Curtis and Viper 2, not that joel ever found out about Ellie’s plan to do so. ellie occasionally falling asleep on the couch and waking up with a blanket draped over top of her. the kitchen, where they’d spend their dinners, when they didn’t eat at Tommy and Maria’s, and they’d just talk. ellie stealing food off his plate, despite them eating the same thing. the two of them tag teaming the dishes afterward and splashing each other with water and the laughing fits that insued. they ended up on the floor laughing once, ellie genuinely crying from laughter while her shirt was soaking wet. the upstairs bathroom, where she used the chemicals on her arm in an attempt to cover up her bite. his bedroom, where she slept some nights while her nightmares rampaged. everything was a reminder of her and it nearly killed him. he visited her grave every night, long after the town was asleep. he brings flowers as often as he can. he still dreamed of sarah’s death and suffered with the trauma that continued to linger from it, and now he had it for ellie, too. something he never thought would happen. something he wished, begged, would never happen. he relives the basement every night. relives that last swing every night.
his heart is gone again. ellie was that saving grace. she picked his heart up off the ground, brushed the dust off and handed it back to him. after those two years, it was back, beating as heartily as ever. now it’s fallen again, and it’s shattered. there is no repair. there is no one to pick it up and hand it back. there is no more beating. the reason for its beating is gone.
germansingergirl
baratheonpilled
dededos
stormborns
romaincrisis
titsay
yousharknotpass
izzy806
turnnoffyourmind
prguitarman
