[litcyaoi]

✦　　hi! im cirrus or luka. it/frill pronouns. formally known as blksorrows.

bodily fifteen, sioux + japanese, intersex

irl cirrus baek. i block doubles and yumes of me

HC-DID system. av/b/npd + etc.

✦　　extra info about me;

i lack empathy for most and have little morals, i also am prone to lashing out and homicidal + suicidal tendencies.

i dont like making friends. please don't dm me trying to be friends; i will just ignore it. i only have interest in talking with my irl friends, my gf, and my fps.

this blog is my personal blog. things like syscourse, venting, rambles and reblogs are what'll be on this blog.

i will talk about triggering topics on this account. i will always add tws in the tags.

self-proclaimed yandere, outcast, bad dog, fudanshi, and puppyboy.

switches between i/me and we/us. we typically don't sign off but if you wanna know who's fronting, just ask.

i reblog nsft content on occasion. don't interact if you don't like that.

currently very interested in; lost in the cloud, banana fish, project sekai, genshin, honkai star rail, cherry crush, any yaoi/bl stories, jfashion, shojo animes, collecting figures.

sp is thirdharbinger, ask for other socials.

[nightmarereverie]

♡ “Sakura Miku Figure (Japanese-Style Café ver.)” by Taito ♡

[k9punkout]

the face you make when the girl you latched onto in order to cope with your severe trauma shows up after going missing, so you forget that there's a gun pointed at you and run to her like a dog (someone's about to get shot)

[litcyaoi]

shout-out to people who did actually have delusions about having DID/OSDD or who mistook their delusions/hallucinations for a CDD. u guys are cool

[amodernpersephone]

If it's any consolation, there exists a world, somewhere out there, far away, where you could have been happy.

It just... wasn't this one.

[litcyaoi]

kinda wish syscourse would talk about how common grooming is in the system community. or literally not just syscourse, the whole OSDDDID community in general.

there have been SO many people that ive seen be around my age (13 - 15) dating people who are 16, 17, or 18. my ex partner system, who i dated on and off for two years, is 18. i am 15 and don't turn 16 for another few months.

yet not a single person in all the syscord spaces i was, or on systok, or anything, said anything about the fact i was a MIDDLE SCHOOLER dating a JUNIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL. it was completely viewed as normal, with some of my mutuals even saying they had similar age gaps with their partners or saying the age gap was okay.

and i know it's not just me because there's so, so, SO many people, especially on systok, talking about how they've had similar experiences, and i WISH it was talked about more. i wish grooming between two minors as a whole was talked about more, especially in online system spaces where there's a lot of teenagers. yes, my ex was 16 - 17 for most of our relationship, but that doesn't mean the things they did suddenly are justified. i am traumatized bc of it.

[artisticdysfunction]

yeah, you're right. i know that discord is a common place for grooming to happen, but it can be especially in common in discord servers full of mentally ill minors.

i honestly think part of the problem is people making being a good person or a bad person into some form of identity. and then identifying as solely a good person because they are disabled and have a trauma history.

anyone is capable of doing bad things. but identifying as a Good Person makes one a lot more likely to not self reflect at all about what they're actually doing, and justify their actions because they can't be a Bad Person.

anyone can groom someone. and it's more likely if that other person is vulnerable in some manner. and a lot of system spaces are just filled with vulnerable people who don't have the maturity and experience to know what's going on.

i also partly blame the idealization of partner systems. they can be great, as any romantic partner can be. but i have seen the idea of having a partner system become an obsession for some people. and, i can easily see that desperate desire for a romantic partner who understands you being a system leading to being more careless and less discerning about who you partner up with.

[litcyaoi]

oh my god that last paragraph is the realest thing ive ever read. it hits so close to home and is literally WHY i ended up having so many shitty relationships with other systems.

like a lot of other systems, i was blessed (/sarc) with very heavy BPD, so obviously, that came with the sense of emptiness and lack of self identity, so... i threw myself into relationships to make myself feel whole again.

the ex mentioned in the og post, the one that's 18, we got together and (tmi, possibly, mb...) got sexual with each other a few hours after we met. i was 12 and this was months before i even got my emergency bpd diagnosis in the ward. i was just so desperate to finally feel whole again, especially considering this was during quarantine and id lost contact with all my irl friends. i was so desperate to just have someone, especially someone who understood my disorder, to help me out and love me.

teenagers, even neurotypical ones, don't really have a fully developed personality and the personality of theirs is just starting to fully come together, so when you add natural hormones PLUS OSDD/DID and in my case, untreated bpd, into the mix? its a toxic, codependent, power imbalanced relationship waiting to happen.

not to mention i was 12 who'd just discovered my system like, only 7 - 8 months prior? i was entirely confused and that made it so much worse. i, like many other tweens and teens with unsupervised internet access, was left in a vulnerable position online and it left me in a constant state of fight or flight and more trauma to work through 😭🙏🏻

[litcyaoi]

kinda wish syscourse would talk about how common grooming is in the system community. or literally not just syscourse, the whole OSDDDID community in general.

there have been SO many people that ive seen be around my age (13 - 15) dating people who are 16, 17, or 18. my ex partner system, who i dated on and off for two years, is 18. i am 15 and don't turn 16 for another few months.

yet not a single person in all the syscord spaces i was, or on systok, or anything, said anything about the fact i was a MIDDLE SCHOOLER dating a JUNIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL. it was completely viewed as normal, with some of my mutuals even saying they had similar age gaps with their partners or saying the age gap was okay.

and i know it's not just me because there's so, so, SO many people, especially on systok, talking about how they've had similar experiences, and i WISH it was talked about more. i wish grooming between two minors as a whole was talked about more, especially in online system spaces where there's a lot of teenagers. yes, my ex was 16 - 17 for most of our relationship, but that doesn't mean the things they did suddenly are justified. i am traumatized bc of it.

[starlight-chickens]

I am sorry for the cross tagging, I simply want to see how many of each group there is on Tumblr as much as possible.

for the sake of this pool, I use the inclusive definition of the endogenic umbrella, which includes created systems.

which of these applies the most to you?

Pro Endogenic, pro radqueer/TransIDs

Pro Endogenic, neutral radqueer/TransIDs

Pro Endogenic, anti radqueer/TransIDs

Neutral Endogenic, pro radqueer/TransIDs

Neutral Endogenic, neutral radqueer/TransIDs

Neutral Endogenic, anti radqueer/TransIDs

Anti Endogenic, pro radqueer/TransIDs

Anti Endogenic, neutral radqueer/TransIDs

Anti Endogenic, anti radqueer/TransIDs

No public stance

Nuance

Results?

Voting ended onMar 3, 2025

I am open to elaboration in comments or in my askbox.

[litcyaoi]

i clicked anti-endo and anti-radqueer/transid bc that's pretty close to my actual stance, but i think there's a bittt more nuance.

that nuance being specifically on trans-ids. not ALL transids are harmful/bigoted, of course a lot of them are (transrace, transabled, transharmful/harmed, transtrauma, some transage labels, etc), but there's a lot of them that AREN'T harmful (transspecies, some transage labels, transappearance, transpersonality, transbirthday, transcharacter, etc)

i was in and out of the radqueer community for years. i found it when i was 12, left when i was 13 after i got groomed, then went back when i was 14 as a trauma response, and then left again a month or two later due to burnout and the realization that "holy shit so many of my mutuals want to be groomers and rapists." and that i realized i only went back as a trauma response.

but also, both times i was active in the community, there was also a lot of labels and terms, especially transid terms, that were rly chill. a lot of people made things like "transhappy", "transtall", "transangel", and a lot of them were just harmless labels. a lot of them seemed unnecessary, but unnecessary doesn't mean harmful, and making labels is super fun!

even though im anti-radqueer, im not anti-transid full stop. i even use a handful of transid terms myself due to a lot of reasons (hoard is here), it really just depends on what the transid is exactly.

being in the community also made me very familiar and understanding of people who use transids and the reasons why they use them, especially with atypical dysphoria, which i also have. so i guess i kinda feel empathetic to people who use transids due to atypical dysphoria.

so yeah, a little nuance only when it comes to transids, but as a whole, anti-endo and anti-radqueer.

[syscourse-nonquestions]

question 2:

what would you buy at a shop that would make a cashier give you a weird look?

[litcyaoi]

5 bags of flavor blasted goldfish. or 5 bags of skittles. literally just 5 bags of any of my safe foods. and it HAS to be 5 because anything that isn't a multiple of 5 is a bad number.

and also the most horrible books ever. i love to buy books that i KNOW have bad reviews just so i can see how bad they are for myself 😭😭

[litcyaoi]

Curious question Is there anything related to plurality/systemhood that you find particularly interesting and/or have enjoyed learning about?

hmmm... probably exploring different alter roles and alter functions :-) we like looking at different coinings of alter roles and such, we find them fascinating. we also like hearing about other peoples headspaces and innerworlds.

[syscourse-dialogue]

Systems who identify as medically recognized why do you use the term for yourself? Is there a reason you don't want/can't get a diagnosis?

Please refrain from hate filled attacks against any individual, syscourse stance, or identity. These will be deleted/users blocked.

Feel free to utilize anons for anonymity.

[litcyaoi]

we use medically recognized simply because the waiting list for an evaluation is three years. under our facility, which is one of the biggest in our town (and we live in one of the most populated towns in NY), there is ONE dissociative disorder specialist that is able to properly diagnose people. ONE. so the waiting list is INCREDIBLY long, especially since 2020 with the rise of OSDD/DID cases.

we've been on the waiting list for two years, since we were 13, when we told our therapist we believed we had DID and she was like "oh definitely, you fit all the criteria for a diagnosis, I'll put you on the waiting list." so we literally are just... waiting. to be moved up the waiting list. we've gotten the "yeah, you have DID and a pretty damn severe case of it" from our therapist, as well as our psychiatrist, but not had the proper evaluation. not to mention, the actual evaluation is multiple 2-3 hour long appointments with us, our mom, our teachers, etc, that'll take a few months to complete, and it'd just be. a very big hassle when it does actually come.

[ratinacoat-deactivated20260310]

If your C-PTSD makes you unhappy keep that to yourself. The C-PTSD community is so negative, it's like you want us to be miserable 24/7. Just cause you're wallowing in your misery over your trauma doesn't mean you need to make it our problem. I personally love having C-PTSD and I wouldn't trade it for the world. If you hate it though that's fine ig, just be miserable over there. Seeing people with C-PTSD be so hateful towards people who share experiences with them is so sad... just because those people are happy and you hate your C-PTSD doesn't mean you need to be against them, so what if they don't also have C-PTSD? We're all in the same boat, we're a community. C-PTSD or not, we are the same and we share all the same experiences. Who are you to say we don't?

That's how you guys sound. DID is the most severe form of C-PTSD, it is a response to trauma. DID is not the only disorder with parts, it is just one that has the most distinct. They are not some special fun part of DID, they are the most severe case of C-PTSD. Stop expecting people to be happy about this, it is the exact same as telling someone with C-PTSD to stop being so miserable all the time.

[litcyaoi]

haiii in a very talkative mood rn....

so send me stuff!!! it can be questions for me to answer, random opinions you have, infodumps or just chatting with me, literally anything is fine ^_^ syscourse & non-syscourse responses are both a-okay!!!

be aware tho if you send me hate or something i will bite back

[syscourse-nonquestions]

question number 1:

whats your favourite type of cheese?

[litcyaoi]

there's different types of cheese????????? like ik there's different colors but i didnt know they had proper names... besides like. chedder and mozzarella.

idk i always just eat the orange ones 😭😭

[thecircularsystem]

(Checking the syscourse tag after blocking legitimately like a single person)

[litcyaoi]

me after i blocked sophie 😭😭

everytime i open syscourse and see multiple people vagueposting, my first thought is immediately "goddamn it what the fuck did sophie do now."

there's like 10 of us here so if you block ONE person in syscourse you miss a good chunk of the discourse 😭

[litcyaoi]

another day of syscourse, another round of people calling each other nazis. sighs. you all need to smoke a blunt and get over it.

[vocaidol]

Idol instead of alter

A flag for systems who use idol instead of alter/headmate/part/ect

Note that this is not an origin term or gender.

Tagging: @radiomogai and @love-letterworm