It's been almost a year now since we lost our little jellybean. 1 whole year since our jellybean left us. Sometimes I'm okay and everything is normal for the most part. Sometimes I feel nearly numb, like I'm experiencing life from a distance. Unmoored and floating, a dispassionate observer. Other times I feel like my chest is caving in from the weight of the grief. I try to be kind and compassionate with myself and not be resentful of the universe that took my baby from me so soon after I learned of their existence. We knew about you for 3 weeks. 3 whole weeks of a variety of emotions. Excitement and joy and wonder and worry and then devastation. I don't regret being pregnant and I'd do it over again even if nothing changed. My love for you, our little jellybean, was instant and everlasting. And even though you lived in my body for a too short time, you'll live in our hearts forever.
