Life in Lockhinge

Quotes from my D&D campaign that's half-module, half-homebrew, all rad.

[lockhinge]

DM: The Paladin runs around to all the injured hyenas, laying on hands. Bard Player: He's just gotta pet all those dogs, huh?

[lockhinge]

DM: The gnolls are fascinated by the Tieflings' horns. Bard: I make sure to teach them that no, you can't just grab them. DM: You can grab the gnolls' ears, though. They don't mind… They will try to bite you, but they don't mind.

[lockhinge]

"Duskhollow is continuing to grow slowly but adorably."

- DM, with the important updates

[lockhinge]

"I learned an important life lesson that night: don't leave the tavern walking on your hands if you want to correctly remember which building is the one you're supposed to be staying at."

- Bard, with words of wisdom

[lockhinge]

"Laughing makes the trauma grow fonder."

- Cleric, with questionable words of wisdom

[lockhinge]

"I've only lost a few hitpoints, but every one of them hurts, okay?"

- Bard

[lockhinge]

"As you approach, you see just a bunch of Lizardfolk tasting the air, getting a vibe check."

- DM, describing some good bleps

[lockhinge]

"The Rogue, who can't be surprised, goes "Oh—!" and you all need to roll Initiative."

- DM

[lockhinge]

"No, no. In Gnollish, teeth-baring is part of the pronunciation. It's very important. And if you can get your pupils to dilate on command, that's even better."

- Bard, giving important language lessons

[lockhinge]

Paladin: It's good of the Raven Queen to send a note this time and not... Bard: —Haunt me with a crazed ghost murderer? Paladin: Yeah.

[lockhinge]

"It's about to become an Insight Check arms race."

- Player, dice in hand

[lockhinge]

DM: Last time, you fought a skeleton minotaur named Virgil— Player: —WAIT. Why wasn't it named Skele-Taur?? DM: Oh man, the joke was right there!

[lockhinge]

"Two guards in here don't move when their boss calls them because the paladin Commanded them to sit. So, they get on fantasy Microsoft Word to update their resumes."

- DM

[lockhinge]

"The Tiefling who joins you at the table has horns that go straight back, like… racing horns."

- DM

[lockhinge]

Rogue: Go up to him and pretend to be a hot lounge singer looking for work. You know he would want to stroke his ego in front of that. Bard: I'm more than happy to squeeze every last drop of helpful information out of him. Everyone: …Ew. Bard: Not like that!!

[lockhinge]

"My only answer is a drunk, grumbly, The-Paladin-is-asking-too-many-questions sound."

- Bard Player

[lockhinge]

Bard: Straight up, you should work on your resume. This place isn't lasting long. Tiefling Entertainer: Yeah… there's just only so many jobs you can get with a theater degree. Bard: Oh gods, I thought you were about to say, 'as a Tiefling,' but no that is legit.