#dnd quotes

[lockhinge]

DM: You cast Sunbeam, but one of the mind flayers saved with a nat 20. Player: Whoa, that dude had sunglasses?? Cool Mind Flayer: You all laughed at me!!

[persuasioncheck]

Paladin: So, it must either be a sickness or zombies. Cleric: A sickness is actually what you call a group of zombies. Warlock: That makes a lot of sense. Cleric: Yeah, the song Down with the Sickness? It's about zombies.

[threegoblinsandarobot]

DM: The hot spring isn't a bubble bath. Goblin Barbarian: Not yet it's not! I'm adding bubbles to it. DM: No, I mean, the water is still. For bubbles, it needs to be agitated. Goblin Barbarian: Yeah! What's more agitating than me??

[someacedude]

Shoot From The Hip Characters as actual things my friends and I have said (mostly during DND) again;

Part 1

Anna (TVF): "Be the toxic yuri you wish to see in this world."

Nigel (AEON): "Your safety is gone, you feel very unsafe."

Frankie (TDVTCTB): "Cool people steal things."

Ethel (SAMN): "Have you felt cthulhu before?"

Jimmy (TGOTAT): *meeting a young Arthur* "Can I roll animal handling to calm down the child?"

Percy (WLP): *before the confession* "Stop trying to make my things gay!"

Noblin (TBWAS): "Do orcs need to breathe?"

Father Andrews (TPOH): "Every day we stray further from god."

Johnny (WBTWG): *Talking about his wife* "I guess she's gone through the bitchafcation process."

Joe Maggliano (TOA): "I have a sneaking suspicion my actions have come back to haunt me."

[batfambrainrotbeloved]

Batfam quotes as quotes from my DND game (pt 8) (but my main campaign is still on pause so this is from various oneshots over the summer)

Jason:“I'm not listening to someone who can barely touch my chin” Tim:“A pair of…” Steph:“..tits” Bruce:“No.” Jason:“If this is the job that puts me down, I swear I will come back just to haunt you” Damien:“I'm pretty sure you can see in the dark, correct”? Duke:“Oh yeah I can” Damien:“Did you forget”? Duke:“..Maybe” Jason:“Become demon- it pays off GREAT” Ra:“You wish to make one last heroic stand” Tim:“I wouldn't call it heroic but it is a stand” Dick:“Have you ever gotten hit by a meteor before”? Bruce:“...Can't say I have” Dick:“Yes, it is unpleasant” Steph:“Time isn't real, it's a soup” Damien:“That sounds like talking” Tim:“Well you see-” Damien:“That STILL sounds like talking” Tim:“-I mean that's” Damien:“Still. Talking” Tim:“Jesus... okay fine” Babs:“That's such fan behavior” Steph:“Have you ever put a hamster in a microwave”? Cass:“The fuck is a microwave”? Dick:“Congrats, You WON'T be eaten alive by rats-” Jason:“You’re making me the villain here” Damien:“God- You sound like my mother.” Dick:“Its an evil, im gonna slut shame it-” Duke:“That's my lungs not my skeleton” Cass:“Your right that's your gut not your bones”

[thelxipea]

Do you think turned vampires test themselves out to see if they’re immortal or not?

[firnen-the-teragram-teabag]

Things that nobody said until I played D&D part 2

"the pope says 'the most powerful weapon in the world, my son, is the bible gun' and he pulls out the bible gun"

"your racism upsets the stirge so much that it just drops dead"

"explain why we shouldn't kill you right now" "my funky fresh moves"

"wisdom saving throw to not be horny"

"we are distracted by his sweet, sweet nipples"

"you are the Minecraft Alpha to our Minecraft 1.18"

"he's always visually moist"

"can i flirt with the eyes"

"I just casually slip the cake into my hat"

"onwards, to the piss hut!"

[six-improbable-things]

To the Horizons Quotes

Before we even start:

Siso's Player, OOC: "It took all of 21 minutes for tentacles to become a topic of conversation."

As we open the map:

Guin's Player, OOC: "I don't remember what we were doing..." [*map loads*] "OH RIGHT, GAY PEOPLE."

After Kai rolls Awareness on a ship with a bear figurehead:

DM: "You don't really see anyone on deck." Nori's Player OOC: "They're probably all big men." Siso's Player, OOC: "Big, hairy men." Me, OOC: "And they're all wearing speedos." Nori's Player, OOC: "I love a man in uniform."

Discussing our plans for the island:

Siso: "After we get absolutely smackered -- with consenting adults -- then we leave and head to the Grand Line." Echo: "So are we leaving tomorrow morning? Or are we leaving right after the party." Siso: "I mean, I was thinking that we would leave right after the party. That would be pretty funny, because it's like "who's cleaning up this mess? Not us!"" Guin: "It's a North Blue goodbye."

Discussing Jolly Rogers:

Me, OOC: "I think on a scrap piece of paper from his notebook, Kai has doodled a skull that's fallen and hit a piece of obsidian and the obsidian has cracked but the skull is intact." Me, OOC: "Actually, I like to imagine he's made a tiny flipbook of a skull that falls, hits a rock, the rock breaks and the skull bounces out of frame." GM: "Imagine if you guys got like 20 Jolly Rogers made and it was the wind that made it animate..." Siso's Player, OOC: "You know those double-sided sequins? Like where you flip them over and it's a different image? Imagine we get a flag made out of those."

Immediately upon arriving at the island, we immediately start recruiting everyone we meet to come party with us on top of the mountain at the middle of the island.

A few minutes into our recruiting:

Guin, walking up to a group of people: "Have you heard about a the party that's happening tonight?" Random NPCs: "What? No." Kai, walking up on the other side of the group: "Yeah, there's a huge party up on top of the mountain tonight. Some pirates are having a "going out" party, whatever that is." NPCs: "Do the marines know?" Nori, walking up behind them: "Yeah, totally. It's a marine-sponsored pirate party." Me, OOC: "That's like saying "This is a cop-sanctioned anarchist hangout.""

A few minutes later:

Guin: "So, what are we going to do about the Marines?" Echo: "We could invite them?" Siso: "NO!" [a bit later] Nori: "I was thinking we could blow something up. Set something on fire on the other side of the island so that they're busy dealing with arson while we're busy throwing down at the top of the mountain."

After more discussion:

Nori: "Why don't we just like, block their transponder snails?" Me, OOC: "I mean, I don't know how transponder snails work, but I was gonna say why don't we just drug them? Make them too sleepy to receive messages." Guin: "What about salting them?" Briar (NPC First Mate): "You want to kill their snails?" Guin: "I mean, we are pirates. We do bad things sometimes." Briar: "Let's do it!" Siso's Player, OOC: "Man, our bosses really do not give a fuck."

As Siso zones back in after an anime flashback:

Guin: "So the first tattoo I got got infected, and I was in prison at the time, so I only had the other prisoners to help me. They don't give you disinfectant in prison."

After a few more minutes of tattoo discussion:

Guin: "That's it! I can give us all tattoos." Siso: "So you're DJ-ing, tattoo-ing, and kissing booth-ing?" Echo: "Wait. I thought I was kissing booth-ing." Nori: "We call all do the kissing booth. They can choose which of us they want to kiss." Guin: "What about they kiss one of us at random, but they can pay more to choose who they want to kiss?" Nori: "That's so smart!"

Standing on a high cliff, looking down at the harbor:

GM: "I need all of you to roll an Awareness (Perception) check." Siso's Player, OOC: "Oh no! Did I let our ship get stolen?" Siso: "7." Echo: "8." Nori: "Also 7." Me/Kai: "11." Guin: "3." Me: "The fact that I, with one eye and a -1 one to Awareness rolled the highest here is hilarious." GM: "I fucking love this group."

After we're all done losing our minds over our rolls:

Clay (the captain): "Uh, guys? We docked over there, right?" Siso: "If I lost you another ship, I'm going to be so upset!" Echo and Kai: "Another?!" Echo: "You've lost another ship?" Clay: "That's another story."

After we spend another 10+ minutes talking to the flag artist about the party we're going to be throwing outside her house while she's working all night:

Dawn: "This has been lovely talking to you, you're all lovely. But don't you guys have a ship to find?"