If you’ve followed me long enough you’ll remember that I’ve got an affinity for offering some unsolicited career advice…and I’ve arrived at one that I’ve got to share.
STOP TRYING SO MUCH. STOP DOING THE MOST.
See, I’ve been a lifelong overachiever, overcommitter, overworker, and overproducer. As a kid, I learned quickly that I could access positive attention (that I lacked elsewhere) by getting an A or doing the most chores and being the most helpful. I strove to be “perfect” however I could and that meant being the best behaved, twisting myself to fit whatever it would take to become the favorite of any adult authority figure I had access to outside my home. Inside my home, getting the best grades I could and the best comments from teachers saved me from how bad the abuse could get.
Being Type A, doing the most, being the dependable one, getting a shiny gold star, filling in the gaps, raising my hand for every new task, going above and beyond, and sacrificing (my own interests, self care, friendships, and rest) was put above all else. My sense of self worth became reduced to what I DO instead of honoring who I am.
I’ve been earning my own money since 1997 and I got what I consider my first “real job” in 2001. Since then, I’ve held more jobs that I can remember as working 2-4 at a time was how I got through my 6 years of higher ed and through my 20s. No matter what the gig was….food, retail, higher ed, office admin, public policy, K-12 school programming, and for the bulk of my professional career, fundraising and nonprofit management……. I’ve prided myself in going above and beyond.
After 20+ years of this exhausting mentality, more recently, I’ve learned about toxic productivity and my own relationship with it. I’ve tried to unravel these mindsets I was given and do what I can to actually honor my own value aside from what I produce. That’s why my biggest and best piece of career is now:
Don't be TOO good at what you do, or everyone, (including you if you're not paying attention) will end up thinking you should handle everything, all the time.
Reflecting on those 20+ years of busting my ass, I’ve come to realize all it gave me, beyond some “employee of the month” type awards is the expectation on teams that I can do more so I should do more. That literally helps no one, most of all myself, so I’m breaking up with my perfectionism and overachieving. (Well, I lied, it does help your boss and they’ll delight in treating you like a productivity machine.)
Ambition like this (directed toward things I’m not joyful doing for myself) is a curse and a trap. Don’t get stuck in it. If I could talk to my 16 or 26 year old self, I’d say: Do less. Do just enough. Step back. Say NO more. And save that extra energy for yourself, on your own time. Thinking that you can be The Best and that you need to work the grind is a scam designed to exploit and extract as much from you as possible. Fuck that.
Now if I can just remember to follow this advice more, I’ll be great.
blakekathryn
germansingergirl
yousharknotpass
snowghoul
titsay
