Lord Scaredy Cat

Charles, he/him. Here to ramble and shitpost, mate.

[lord-scaredycat]

If you can’t handle me at my worst, you can’t handle me I’m always at my worst Always

[lord-scaredycat]

*the sudden urge to write a play whenever I have more important things to do comes to haunt me again*

[lord-scaredycat]

It’s not really “good” or “evil” so much as it is clear or confusing, but I made an alignment chart.

Lawful good: Only call their all-time favorite ship their OTP

Neutral good: Only call their current favorite ship their OTP

Chaotic good: Never ship anything

Lawful neutral: Only call one ship per fandom their OTP

True neutral: Have only ever shipped one pairing

Chaotic neutral: Can’t choose which ship is their fave so they never use the word OTP

Lawful evil: Use OTP as a synonym for ship

Neutral evil: Can’t choose which ship is their fave so they call multiple ships their OTP

Chaotic evil: Calls their NOTP their OTP

[lord-scaredycat]

My mom: *says I look like a princess*

My dysphoria:

[lord-scaredycat]

Funny how those who ridicule people for wanting a safe space are usually never the ones who need to constantly keep a shield on because their very existence could be attacked at any moment

[lord-scaredycat]

Like bro. Your entire LIFE is a safe space.

[lord-scaredycat]

“God, does he ever do anything but read porn?!” —The FBI guy watching me, probably

[lord-scaredycat]

“Nah, sometimes I read some too”

—Me, definitely

[lord-scaredycat]

I dreamt I was meeting Hades. To be fair, he was not exactly happy to see me inside of his home, but I managed to convince him to let me stay. Somehow it persuaded him, and he was alright with my presence. He even allowed me to ask him a question, any question, but only one.

I chose a very difficult one, one I’m not even sure has an answer, because he is a god, he is immortal, he must know a thing or two that could help, right?

“Is it possible to save a man who doesn’t believe he can be saved, who’s not sure he wants to be?”

But alas, he struggled to answer.

“Perhaps. It all depends on how much energy, how much time you have, I would assume. And on whether it is wise to spend those on someone even you are not sure you can help, if there are others it would be easier to rescue.”

That’s when I got it.

“You’re not omniscient. You’re just extremely intelligent.”

He smiled, a bit tiredly, but also somewhat amusedly, almost with a hint of fondness. “Indeed.”

I grumbled, “I should have picked an easier question,” and he chuckled.

I left the house, intent on answering my question myself.

Oh and also I met Persephone and she gifted me with the sharpest knife I’ve ever seen.

[lord-scaredycat]

Catch me running down the street looking for bad guys, and when I find them, screaming “BY THE POWER OF PERSEPHONE!!!” then stabbing people.

[lord-scaredycat]

Me, closing my eyes to feel each of the car’s moves, each bump on the road, each vibration of the seat: I am one with the car and the car is with me, I am one with the car and the car is with me, I am one– Driving instructor: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING OPEN YOUR EYES RIGHT NOW

[lord-scaredycat]

Alternatively:

Me, closing my eyes to feel each of the car’s move, each bump on the road, each vibration of the seat: I am one with the car and the car is with me, I am one with the car and the car is with me, I am one–

Driving instructor, wearing a Rogue One T-shirt, hat, and boxers: Niiiiiice... *nodding in approval* Love your references!

Me: So I’ll get my driver’s license now?

Driving instructor: Well... You hit a tree and we’re going to die in ten seconds.

Driving instructor: And Heaven was the destination! Congratulations, you’re getting that license, dude!

Me: Yeaaaah!

[lord-scaredycat]

Me, closing my eyes to feel each of the car’s moves, each bump on the road, each vibration of the seat: I am one with the car and the car is with me, I am one with the car and the car is with me, I am one– Driving instructor: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING OPEN YOUR EYES RIGHT NOW

[lord-scaredycat]

I dreamt I was meeting Hades. To be fair, he was not exactly happy to see me inside of his home, but I managed to convince him to let me stay. Somehow it persuaded him, and he was alright with my presence. He even allowed me to ask him a question, any question, but only one.

I chose a very difficult one, one I’m not even sure has an answer, because he is a god, he is immortal, he must know a thing or two that could help, right?

“Is it possible to save a man who doesn’t believe he can be saved, who’s not sure he wants to be?”

But alas, he struggled to answer.

“Perhaps. It all depends on how much energy, how much time you have, I would assume. And on whether it is wise to spend those on someone even you are not sure you can help, if there are others it would be easier to rescue.”

That’s when I got it.

“You’re not omniscient. You’re just extremely intelligent.”

He smiled, a bit tiredly, but also somewhat amusedly, almost with a hint of fondness. “Indeed.”

I grumbled, “I should have picked an easier question,” and he chuckled.

I left the house, intent on answering my question myself.

Oh and also I met Persephone and she gifted me with the sharpest knife I’ve ever seen.

[lord-scaredycat]

My kind of ships

[lord-scaredycat]

Being a good lawyer means you can even convince people chaotic evil is chaotic neutral. Being a good devil’s lawyer means you can even convince people chaotic evil is LAWFUL GOOD.

[lord-scaredycat]

“Only one different letter between ‘awful’ and ‘lawful’”, I say with a shrug.

“True,” the judge mutters, seemingly lost in thought about my argument.

“And there’s only one different letter between ‘good’ and ‘mood’,” I continue, growing more and more confident.

“And also in food!” The judge points out, happy to participate.

“True!” I energetically agree, showing the judge I am proud of him for following my reasoning.

“I declare the culprit: not guilty!” The judge proclaims, and I slam his hammer on his desk because I have no idea how either of these things are called and know nothing about law in general.

“I am aware that you just saved me, but you did so in such a ridiculous fashion I feel compelled to assassinate you,” my client notes, approaching me slowly as an odd gleam makes him eyes sparkle.

I take a few steps back, growing slightly unnerved. “P-please calm down, Mr Lecter.”

The reference to food suddenly makes much more sense.

[lord-scaredycat]

*yelling into a megaphone* ALRIGHT FOLKS THERE WAS AN ACCIDENT SO HEARING MY VOICE WILL KILL YOU, NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO DON’T LISTEN TO ME!!!

[lord-scaredycat]

My pronouns are he-man/himbo

[lord-scaredycat]

Funny how those who ridicule people for wanting a safe space are usually never the ones who need to constantly keep a shield on because their very existence could be attacked at any moment

[lord-scaredycat]

I would literally let him walk all over me 😫😫😫❤️❤️

*cut to a picture of my cat*

[lord-scaredycat]

Forever fascinated by the people born in wealthy families who never worked a day in their life and use their free time to say stuff like “no, I don’t have a problem with immigrants as long as they are hard-working, but the ones who aren’t productive should just stay away” like bitch… What do you think you are?????

[lord-scaredycat]

I also have a nagging suspicion that there as many if not more immigrants in almost every country as there are in the US, but that the difference is Americans will 100% think it’s because ”this country is the best in the world“ and “everyone wants to live there“ when like... No...

Basically I’m pretty sure the US is that one person who rejects a single love declaration and then brags about it for months saying they’re so popular and why must they be cursed with such good looks and such an amazing personality