laura kate | 23 | feels all too dutch sometimes but english by birth, blood and more besides this is the home of all tortured, broken characters from television, film or literature. all are welcome. we provide love, tea and hugs. ik wil terug naar nederland zijn. zo, als je mij lief vindt, mag ik een vliegtuigkaartje hebben? bedankt. ā® i know i have the coolest best friend in the world. i'm extremely lucky to know her and i'm going to fight to keep our friendship SURVIVING. voldemort out, bitches. ā„
This yearsā is a bit naff but I just really wanted to get it done.
What did you do in 2015 that youād never done before?
Taught at a grammar school, had a teaching interview (or two), stayed in a hotel by myself, got a job, went to Mexico, had a layover at JFK, paid council tax, got a real wage, taught a class without being watched, had a kid write my name of their workbook (not quite old yet), taught lower sixth, took my cousin to London, saw Wickedā¦ 2015 hasn't been awful really.
Did you keep your New Yearās resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I checked and I didnāt make any and in keeping with tradition, I wonāt make any this year.Ā
I would like to join a social group in Manchester though. Iām going to write it down to force myself to do it.
Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not in my family or friend groupā¦
Did anyone close to you die?
For the first time in two years, no.
What countries did you visit?
The Netherlands, Scotland, England, JFK (so the USA), Mexico.
What would you like to have in 2016 that you lacked in 2015?
Time. Always time. A friend group.
What dates from 2015 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May 1st: job offer day!, July 4th: Flight to Mexico, July 22nd: my very fabulous birthday, September 1st: first day as a fully-fledged teacher, December 17th: graduation from Manchester University, December 18th: my first full term ever completed!, December 21st: Wicked at the Apollo Victoria
What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I GOT A JOB. Letās just bask in that.
What was your biggest failure?
I let loneliness and anxiety dominate ā thatās going to be a theme in my year reviews I feel.Ā
Did you suffer illness or injury?
OCD/Panic Attacks as per usual. (keeping 2014ās answerā¦)
What was the best thing you bought?
Flights abroad! :D A bus pass could also be considered rather useful.
Whose behaviour merited celebration?
My parents, Tiegan, my own I supposeā¦
Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
For fear of retribution, I wonāt answer this. (2014ās (which is actually from 2013) answer remains the answer I stick with)
Where did most of your money go?
The holiday to Mexico, if Iām being honest. And bills.
What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Mexico, the Netherlands (EEEEEEEEEEK), working at my school.
What song will always remind you of 2014?
Love Yourself ā Biebs, Drag Me Down ā 1D, Uptown Funk ā Mark Ronson, For Good ā Wicked
Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?Ā Sadder I think, but itās a close run thing.
b) thinner or fatter?Ā Neither.Ā
c) richer or poorer?Ā Richer, just.
What do you wish youād done more of?
Baked and gone to the cinema. (ā¦ which is the answer from 2014 which makes me SO sad because I just didnāt get anywhere near that).
What do you wish youād done less of?
Cry, panic, allow people to get to me, cared.
Did you fall in love in 2015?
Nope mate. Another theme I feel.
What was your favorite TV program?
Yonderland, Hawaii 5-0, Horrible Histories, Moone Boy.
Do you hate anyone now that you didnāt hate this time last year?
No actually. I leave 2015 quite calm.
What was the best book you read?
A Deeper Shade of Magic (VE Schwab), The Humans (Matt Haig), Bad Science (Ben Goldacre), A Man Called Ove (Fredrik Backman)
What was your greatest musical discovery?
Purpose by Bieber, the new Florence album, Wickedās soundtrack, Va Va Voom by Nicki Minaj has been a relentless earwormā¦
What did you want and get?
I wanted to go on holiday and I did. I got my dream job.
What did you want and not get?
I think Iāll always want someone to like me, but itās not something you can demand to have. I have another few answers which I will not be making public.
What was your favourite film of this year?
Right, 2015 was shit for watching films so these will be quite old I fear ā Inside Out, Pride, Kingsman, Big Hero 6, The Theory of Everything.
What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Twenty Three: My best friend flew over to spend the week with me and my cousin and auntie came over the Pennines and we literally played Singstar, ate cake, drank Pimms and went for dinner. On the Saturday, my parents, Eline and I went to Bettyās for cake and tea and then went and sung Blithering Heights around Haworth. A mature birthday. ā„
What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
The Netherlands. A job abroad. Making friends in SPT.
How would you describe yourĀ personal fashion concept in 2015?
A teacher: smart casual. (weep)
What kept you sane?
The pupils I teach, my mum and dad.
Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Mathew Baynton, I think, would have to be the ācelebrityā of 2015. He was just in EVERYTHING I loved.
What political issue stirred you the most?
Quite a lot.
Who did you miss?
Eline and Asako. Ā
Who was the best new person you met?
This is so pathetic ā I didnāt really meet anyone new. *tragic*
Tell us a valuableĀ life lesson you learned in 2015:
You are magnificent, you just have to believe that now.Ā
Quote a song that sums up your year:
This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me
Losing friends and I'm chasing sleep
Everybody's worried about me
In too deep
And it's been two years
I miss my home
But there's a fire burning in my bones
Yeah, I still believe
I love when you become so close with someone that you can see parts of each other in one another and you begin to say the same things and steal lines from one another and have a similar sense of humor and can exchange an inside joke with just a glanceĀ you donāt even have to talk because you have such a strong connection with them and you can sit in comfortable silence but also talk for hours itās really hard to find that kind of compatibility
Thereās something, you know, this feral quality about his acting that I find completely rare to find, actually impossible to find. There was nobody who was even close to his qualities. - Tom Tykwer on Ben Whishaw
#dean is like bursting at the seams with all different kinds of intelligence tbhĀ #like heās a mechanic and an engineer and a researcher and like a million other thingsĀ #he has to impersonate fbi agents and forest rangers and police officers ALL JOBS W SPECIALIZED KNOWLEDGEĀ #he has be able to bluff his way into and out of situationsĀ #he has a master knowledge of weapons and how to wield them safelyĀ #he has to be charming and be able to convince people to tell him information (interrogation skills)Ā #he hacks computers and hotwires cars like???Ā #he has a HUGE breadth of pop culture knowledgeĀ #and it annoys tf out of me when people act like thatās somehow different than being able to quote old ass booksĀ #um also heās a fucking hunter of supernatural beings who has survived in the biz since he was a childĀ #and we all know hunters have short lifespans soā¦. obviously heās doing something rightĀ #he needs to be able to think on his feet and be able to buy time when theyāre in a pickleĀ #heās a great cookĀ #heās a caretakerĀ #heās empatheticĀ #heās quick af with a comeback which is fuCKING HARD OKĀ #like there are a million instances of dean showing how smart he is in all kinds of different waysĀ #and the idea that casual viewers still see him as āthe brawnā IS SO HORRIBLE AND MAKES ME SO MADĀ #(also how does that even translate irl bc there really is more to being smart than book learningĀ #there is an infinite number of ways to be smart)Ā (via atomicwranglers)
People talk about how hard long distance relationships are but nobody talks about the struggle of long distance friendships. I would give my left leg right now to just be able to sit in our pjs and watch movies or to just be able to give a big fuckingĀ hug.Ā
"House rules, Sammy. Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole."
I think this episode cemented who Dean Winchester is in the minds of many people in the SPN fandom, for good and for ill. After all, this is the episode that gives us two fanfic staples (āNo chick flick momentsā and āBitch/Jerkā).
The main reason why Dean is my favorite character (even though Cas heavy episodes are usually my favorite episodes) is that he is not who he appears to be, he is not who he wants people to think he is. This episode so convincingly sets up the macho faƧade that it has fans believing that exterior is the real Dean nearly a decade later.Ā
This first episode establishes the hyper-masculine overly-confident persona Dean projects, but even in this first episode, we see glimpses of who Dean is underneath this persona. What I love about Dean is all in the nuances (subtlety is really where Jensen shines) and this episodeĀ establishes 3 crucial nuanced aspects of Deanās character: Deanās need to hide himself from Sam (see gif 1), Deanās ingenuity and cunning and resourcefulness (gif 7), and Deanās rejection of authority (gifs 5 and 6).
Unlike many long runners, Dean has been so wonderfully consistent in his characterization even as he develops. In 9x04, the scenes with the GOT DVDs still show how Dean acts (and I mean in the acting/theatre sense/putting on a show) when Sam is around, downplaying any non-traditionally masculine aspects of his personality. (As a side note, I love that from this first episode, Sam so obviously sees right through Deanās persona.) The conversation at the beginning of 8x18 so wonderfully illustrates this continuing character trait; when asked about how he heās doing after the traumatic events in the crypt, Dean doesnāt just shut down the conversation, he responds with bravado, mocking Sam for something so āgirlyā as talking about oneās feelings.Ā
Though Dean isnāt still making homemade EMF meters, he is often The Man with the Plan. Throughout the run of the show, Dean has been shown to be a great strategist whose resourcefulness often saves the day. 9x04 even has Dean remembering the key to Oz from months previous when he was cataloging artifacts. Heās rebuilt the Impala multiple times. He learned how to hack from Frank Devereaux. The boy has quite the technical mind, even as he downplays it. And Dean isnāt the best hunter because of his physical prowess alone; as Sam says at the end of 8x23, no one knows the lore better than Dean.Ā
I donāt know if Iāve ever seen a show set up a character so well, and then be so consistent in his characterization. Dean is a character with many layers, who subverts traditional masculinity and gender roles. And this isnāt something that develops over time in Dean as the story and backstory is expanded and retconned. This is something from the first moments of the first episode.Ā
You don't know what it's like, when your best friend disappears.
Maybe it is because I spend my days in a high school, watching pupils with their friends and see them laugh, chat (when they shouldn't), make plans like they have tomorrow to do so and be generally surrounded by supportive people, but I have begun to realise quite how much I miss my best friends.
I am blessed (yikes, bringing out the religious terminology there) with some fantastic people in my life. My family are an anchor in some extremely stormy seas. They put up with the best and worst of myself and love me all the same. My flatmates from University are like my sisters; after three years in close quarters, I would expect nothing less. My friends from teaching are supportive, wonderful souls who want the best for you and help you when shit gets real. I wouldn't still be going through this hell without them.Ā
But my high school friends, now that is when stuff gets intense. I grew up in a very nomadic family. My dad gets ants in his pants at work like normal people go for haircuts. We get up and we move. It makes for a complicated social history, I can tell you. But that means that I've been to a lot of different places and I've met a lot of different people. But I met myself, the best version of me, the completest one in the Netherlands - my home away from my home, my safe haven from madness, my kleine stukje aarde over the sea. With that came the best people I have ever had the honour to know.
My high school crew were truly magnificent; you could guarantee on us to be loud, talkative and together like you can bet that the sun will rise. They were the system I needed to get me to the end. Looking back now, every day I had with them was a gift. Something I did not cherish until I no longer had them with me to hold my hand.
But you see, I have a problem. My friends were made over the sea, somewhere entirely independent from my 'home'. That meant when high school came to an inevitable close, we all had to say goodbye. And unlike most people, there wouldn't be train trips in reading week. They were too far away.Ā
That has been a point of contention for nearly five years. My two best friends - you shouldn't have top bests, but I think everyone knows I do (I have some extremely fantastic runners up who also get the title of 'best friend') - are miles apart from each other and from me and I miss them every single day like an ache. They are the rest of me - the madness, the laughter, the inside jokes but most of all, when I'm feeling rough - which you may be aware happens a lot - when I need a damn good cry and someone to tell me that it's going to be okay, they are the people I need. No, need suggests co-dependency, they are the people I want. I want to be able to go to the cinema with them whenever, I want to be able to go to concerts because they'll put up with my shit music taste, I want to watch old movies in pjs drinking tea with them after sleepovers.Ā
It hurts that that's done. That time is past. Life is always about the future, it's about carpe diem and being brave. I regret nothing in my life; everything has got me to here, a place I supposedly want to be. But if I regret anything it is lost moments or forgotten opportunities.Ā
I'm supposed to be teaching the youth of today biology. I want to teach them to seize every moment with their friends while they are still together. If those friendships are anything like the ones I have, you'll never find anything better and sadly one day, you might be separated by more than a train fare.
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