Ryland Grace x Reader -- the last thing I need is space (series)
What Is A Star Without A Sky To Hold It? - 10k
The Cut That Always Bleeds - 2.5k
When Reason Ebbs Away - ~5k
i want to go home - 7.2k (NOT x reader: Ryland backstory)
20 Seconds - 1.8k
Bob Reynolds x Reader
ears to listen, hands to braid - 2.8k
Saving Private Ryan -- enlist? nah, educate. (College AU Series)
"THAT WAS MY CAPTAIN CRUNCH--" - 1.5k
necessary rest - 1.6k (Reader x Irwin Wade)
ROTTMNT
How To Describe It? - 2.7k (Reader x Donnie)
Ask Me Anything Info:
Yeah, ask me anything (PLEASE): questions, prompts, whatever!
Feel free to give me requests! I'll do my best. My writers motivation comes and goes but the motivation from a prompt takes me a long way. When it comes to romance, I really only write Reader x Male Character and I don't write smut. Other than that, I'm open to regular character stories and HEADCANONS (I love a good headcanon. Any headcanon. Does someone want headcanons? X Reader headcanons? Character headcanons? No? Just me? Alright.).
Here's the fandoms/people I'm really motivated writing for (* = really want to write for currently!) :
Marvel: Bob Reynolds, John Walker (guys, side note: invest in whump john walker it’s really good), Peter Parker
“i’m a sad shell of a leader” : rottmnt: the movie leo edit — maggots for brains
while i do write a lot, i also occasionally edit! i’ve been listening to Olivia Rodrigo’s new album, “you seem pretty sad for a girl so in love” a lot and just rewatched the rottmnt movie. in doing so, I couldn’t help but analyze how Leo was feeling as the reality of their situation due to his actions began to hit him, and how he realized he needed to be a leader, fix it, and protect his brothers from being hurt by his mistakes.
anyways, i thought this song really summed up how i feel he was reflecting on how he’s acted as a reckless, ignorant leader up to this point, how he needed to change, and how he could make it up to his brothers.
Summary:
Donnie has a bad habit of losing track of time when working. Even though he knows staying up so late will only cause him trouble, he can’t help but accidentally do it sometimes anyway.
Thankfully, Reader is always there to pick up the pieces and be so incredibly out of his league through her kindness, that he can’t help but struggle to put how she makes him feel into words. It’s so overwhelming, but he loves it all the same.
> established relationship, Donnie literally just can’t put a name to feelings in the moment as he feels them lol
Tags/Warnings: Donatello Is Bad At Feelings, Has Anxiety, and is Touch Starved, Panic Attacks, Nightmares, Disaster Twins (Leo & Donnie), NO TURTLE-CEST you freaks, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Sleepy Cuddles, Established Relationship, Fem!Reader, Donatello-Centric
A/N:
Did I plan on writing this?
No.
Did I see a major lack of Donnie angst and get dragged back into this fandom through its minor revival a few weeks ago over the disaster twin confirmation (I somehow only just heard about)?
Yes.
Hello niche community. Hope you enjoy!
And please excuse any typos. I’ve wrote this between 12:30am-3:30am. Ive been trying to reread and catch any errors lol
-> Crosspost from ao3, read it here!
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It was one of those nights, Donnie abruptly realized.
It made him sit up in his chair, finally looking down at the motherboard he was rewiring that he’d actually just been staring at for the past five minutes.
Ah. He was tired.
Looking at the time he saw 4:45am.
Well that would explain it.
He guessed he could turn in for the night.
He left his lab to patter off to his bedroom. The lair was silent, thankfully. He’d be partially concerned if it wasn’t. The only person who would be up at this hour would be Leo, but one glance into his room told Donnie that thankfully tonight was a good night, and he was getting some well deserved rest.
Leo always struggled with sleep. When it wasn’t nightmares, his simple insomnia always came creeping back. Maybe it was an effect of his constant energy as a kid, or maybe to many late nights after nightmares as a kid. Maybe, if the latter option, his body became accustomed to staying awake as a defense mechanism against fear he faced in his sleep.
Eh, Donnie was never good at deciphering emotional biological matters. He knew where his lacking in knowledge lied: emotions were where he was mainly lacking.
With that in mind, he pushed the problem solving aside for now because Leo was asleep, so it was fine.
Entering his room he fell into easy routine: take off battle shell, brush teeth, put on hoodie— oh, wait. His usual purple one was being washed (after a certain someone “tripped” spilling soda all over it… dear twin of his…). He opened his small cupboard of clothes to pick an alternative. T-shirt, t-shirt, t-shirt… that’s a crewneck he didn’t like sleeping in those… he liked hoods and strings to fiddle with… no, no, no… wait- yes! Y/N left one of her hoodies over here. While he did say he’d wash it and have it in perfect condition when she returned… he had yet to wash it anyway.
Not like it was dirty. She more brought it as a precaution incase it got cold and never used it, simply forgetting the folded item when she departed. Meaning… it wouldn’t be bad for him to wear it first so that it’s already clean nature didn’t go to waste when he washed it later. Yes, very logical. He slipped it on.
He’s changed his mind. He’s never giving this back.
Ahahahah… no he will he will, that’s the sleepy delirium or whatever talking.
He’s not giving it back.
It smelled like her perfume; pretty flowers and lavender. He immediately got into bed, the scent already making him drift off. He pulled the hood on, happily engulfed in the soothing false idea of her calm, comforting presence.
She was so nice. She always listened to his rambles, and not in a just “I have to sit through this till he wears himself out,” way, but instead in a, “wow, even though I don’t complexly understand this, I like learning about it and am happy to hear you explain it,” way. Enjoying his interests and finding joy in his joys. It made him stupidly sick in feelings he never had exact words for.
He found himself hugging his torso, being quick to replace it with some silly purple zebra plushie she made him. Made!
“Donnie, I didn’t know you had stuffed animals?”
Of course Leo didn’t. Donnie kept them all properly hidden from his brother’s view. They all may roughly know of one or two that he’ll carry around on rougher mental days, but they’d never find his secret army. He had fifty.
Anyway, he seemed to have noticed the zebra plushie left on his neatly made bed.
“Ah, see that one was gift from Y/N, and it would be illogical of me to not have it on display in all its glory. Did you know she made it herself? It would be rude for me not to have it out.”
“You’re so smitten bro.”
“Don’t British people say that?”
“Eh, didn’t Britain give us the Statue of Liberty? It’s close enough.”
“That was France, Leo.”
“Oh same thing!”
He felt himself teetering on unconsciousness. This feeling of… something he couldn’t name other than comfort was soothingly dragging him under. It wasn’t completely foreign to him but it wasn’t the same. It was something more. Something… he’d think about in the morning, as the feeling of consciousness slipping away came all to nicely.
——————
He bolted awake.
His breathing was heavy and he already felt tears pricking at his eyes.
What did he even dream about? He couldn’t remember, not now. Not while he couldn’t breathe.
He tried to close his eyes and concentrate but he just couldn’t. His mind was going to fast with anxiety he couldn’t place. He grabbed at the hoodie around him, quickly being hit with the scent of… flowers? Was that lavender—
Y/N.
He scrambled for his phone, moving in a blur. Before he knew it, her voice came from the other side of the line.
“Mmm… Donnie? Wh… Wha’s up?” Oh shit, he woke her up. He didn’t even look at the time before calling— it was 5:30am. Fuck!
He went to apologize, forgetting, ‘oh right! I can’t BREATHE’.
“Sh- Shit! F-fuck sorry I- I just— I c-can’t— I-fuck!” His voice cracked without him realizing. He dropped his phone in frustration or shaking as he tried to heave air in but only succeeded in hyperventilating more.
“H-hey Donnie— hold on just listen to me. We’re gonna do that uh, breathing exercise. The 4-7-8 one, yeah?” her voice calmly explained through the speaker. “I’m gonna do it too, you just have to copy me. Listen, in for four, one.. two…”
He tried, he really tried, but his breath kept getting caught and he couldn’t seem to focus and everything was just too much too much too much— how was he supposed to focus???
“I- I can’t!” He manages, which really comes out as a pitiful sob. When did he start crying? He never cried…
“It’s ok, we’ll just try again. In for four, one.. two..”
He tried again. And again. And by the time she got to four he’d failed, which was only making it worse. She was so patient, dealing with him and trying to calm him and he couldn’t even breathe right! “I can’t do it I— s-shit I woke you up for nothing—“
“Shut up D,” she said quickly, cutting him off. “Tell me about your night. Were you working on some tech earlier?” There’s some minor rustling from the other side of the line but he didn’t pay it much attention, instead tying to latch onto her words like a lifeline.
Tonight. What was he working on earlier? The motherboard… oh right, for… the security system? No no… a new weapon prototype? He doesn’t think it was that either… was it… it was…oh right! It was for his laptop!
“Were you working on something Donnie?” She repeated, more insistent with concern.
“Y-yeah, I was rewiring a uh, motherboard earlier.”
“What for?” She continued. He took in some breaths to answer, as if trying to talk after running a marathon.
“My laptop…”
“Why?”
“The uhm, screen started flickering. I w-wasn’t sure why cause that really shouldn’t happen but..” he took a deep breath. “I think Leo stepped on it or something cause some wiring connecting up the screen came undone. Thankfully no bulbs in the screen went out so it still projects fine, just needed to be rewired. I didn’t finish it though…”
“Well that’s ok. You can finish it tommorow right? You’re super smart so it’ll only take a few minutes. Did you have any other plans for tomorrow?”
He tried to wipe the blush from his face only to swipe off water instead. He did his best to ignore it and answer her question.
“Uhm.. I don’t think so. Maybe we were going to have a movie night? As in me and my brothers… I’m not sure. If we did you could come? Or we could have one regardless. Or not, if you didn’t want to—“
“I’d love to Donnie. What movie should we watch? Your pick.”
He racked his mind for any cool movie that came out recently. He came up blank. “Oh I— I don’t know—“
“No, Donnie, what movies do you want to watch? Any new come out recently you’re interested in?”
Him. What movies he wanted to watch. She was so out of his league, how did he even land her? “There’s… a new Spiderman one? It’s all animated and… it’s a bunch of different spidermen from different universes— they’ll all have different tech and I watched the trailers and it looks pretty cool cause I think the creators put a lot of thought into the suits and different tech design and—“
He rambled for an amount of time he couldn’t remember, getting lost in all he heard about the movie and his actual excitement to watch it. Of course, he held off from watching it on the release date just a week earlier, because in all honesty there’s no one he wants to watch it with other than her.
After some time though, she cut him off. “Hold on, I gotta hang up for just a minute. I’ll be right back, k?”
“Oh— ok.” He didn’t mean to sound so dejected, but it was too late. “Yeah, no problem.”
“I promise it’ll just be a minute or two. Love you lots.” And with two kisses across the speaker, she hung up.
The silence in his room was deafening. The quiet led pricking of his skin returned, a burning acheset deep in his bones. It only allowed thoughts from what he presumed was his nightmare to creep back in.
She hadn’t talked in a while, probably got bored of your rambling.
Maybe she muted her phone too. Why would she listen to all that anyway?
If she does watch the movie, it’ll probably fell like obligation after all the gushing you did about it.
She won’t even call back. She’s gone back to bed.
That— that wasn’t true. He pushed away the thoughts, grabbing back onto the zebra plush and holding it tightly.
It wasn’t true. She wouldn’t do that.
He had to stop staying up so late though.
It’s always what brought on these kind of nights. And he should really stop pulling all nighters as an alternative escape.
Before he knows it, he checks the time again only to see 4 minutes have passed. He must’ve zoned out, but the realization racks his body with minor fear before—
There’s a knock at his bedroom door. The noise made him flinch in its major unexpectedness. He can all but stare in weird horror. His body is stuck as his mind refuses to make it move, trying to process countless questions as the door creeks open and—
“Don?”
Y/N?
“W-what…”
Sure enough, it was her. Slightly tired look on her face with two blankets in hand. She kicked off her soft slippers and came over to his bed without hesitation. “Touch or no touch?” She even remembered about his sensory issues that really heightened when he was stressed. He actually doesn’t think he could ask for someone better.
He must’ve been staring (he really needed to work on zoning out so much) because his line of sight was interrupted by her hands moving.
She was signing the question because she didn’t think he was up to talking.
She was signing because she learned sign just to be there for him when he had silent episodes.
This wasn’t one of those, he was just so genuinely shocked by her presence that he couldn’t seem to get a word out , but it was the thought and care the action radiated that fixed him— and that sent a whole new wave of emotions over him.
The look on her face shifted. She signed as she spoke. “Crap— did I do something? I’m sorry I—“ but before she couldn’t continue he pulled her down into a hug. Suddenly, all the noise of his mind quieted. That pounding ache wracking is body subsided, replaced with comforting warmth. It made him wish he wasn’t so repulsed by touch most of the time. It was so frustrating— one day it makes his skin crawl, the next it’s the only thing that'll make it stop.
Leo, despite being his twin, never has had an issue with touch, the clingy bastard. Always begging for a hug or comforting presence. Actually, scratch that, he didn’t beg; he acted and was only stoped by opposing forces.
Regardless of Donnie’s constant internal train of thought that he could never seem to turn off, his more disturbing thoughts quieted. He finally managed to find his voice.
“You didn’t have to come.”
She relaxed immensely at the words, reciprocating the hug at the relief. “I wanted to. I like making sure you’re ok.”
“‘s just a nightmare…” he slurred, head already leaning heavily on her shoulder. All that exhaustion from earlier was finally coming back full force. They always say sleep deprivation will catch up to you (“they” being April and “you” usually being Donnie and Leo). Despite his arguments against the fact, “I’m still awake and functions aren’t I?”, times like these came all too often. It was almost 6:00am and he was running off restless, ‘faux’ sleep.
“One that had you calling me hyperventilating.” Right, the nightmare. Time moved so weird when this happened. It felt like they were talking about that ages ago.
“I d’nt even remember it… ‘s stupid…”
“Are Leo’s nightmares stupid?”
That made him perk up immediately. “What? No! He can’t help that they happe—“
“Oh, so then yours aren’t stupid then either.”
Curses. She loved catching him in a checkmate.
“Not the same,” he tried to refute, trying to be annoyed but failing miserably. Everything in him seemed to melt at her touch when his mind allowed it, including is superb arguing skills.
“Yeah yeah, tell me that all you want lovely.” She said, pecking a quick kiss on his forehead before pulling away and grabbing the blankets she dropped before making him scoot over.
He let out a breath. “Sigh, I can’t debate under these conditions.”
“But you can sleep. See, ultimate comfort.” She said, draping both the blankets over them, one being normal and the other being weighted. “This isn’t fairrrrr,” he grumbled, already sinking into the warmth and overwhelming scent of lavender. That’s it, he was buying a candle of it after this. Or just having her over forever. Both would likely cure his sleepless nights.
“Don’t care,” she shrugged, already pulling one of his arms over to use as her personal plushie. The warmth tickled his skin, another level of safety he always forgot about until it reappeared in his life through Mikey’s hugs, Raph’s pats on the shoulder, or Leo’s clinginess on sleepless nights. Maybe he and his twin had more in common after all, because he found himself leaning into her as much as he could, soaking up the contact. In his other arm, he held the little zebra, nothing but content surrounded by pure and utter love.
That was the word. Love.
And he didn’t think he minded it at all.
.
.
.
“Is that my hoodie?
He almost jumped. “WHAT! NO—“
His free hand came up to fiddle with the strings as he averted his eyes, the obvious lie burning on his tongue. His entire face felt red hot in an instant. He blushed so easily, it was the worst.
”Maybe..”
He cleared his throat: an attempt at composition. “If it uhm, hypothetically was, it would be antiquely washed and returned to you in a reasonable amount of time,” he managed with just a partial amount of disappointment in his tone.
She laughed, sweet and sleepily. “Just keep it you dork.”
His brothers could never see this. He doesn’t think he’s been more embarrassed and excited at the same time. It’s an odd feeling that, at least around her judgeless self, was weirdly pleasant. Like that, soft unconsciousness clouded his vision around the immense care and love that enveloped him.
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“Leo, stop getting blackmail.”
“Oh no Raph, this is way too good to go to waste.” He said, shit-eating grin on his face as he took a fifteenth photo of the sickeningly sweet scene before them.
“If he finds out you have those, you’re doomed.”
“Eh, I’ve handled him before. And no worries, I’ll have back up copies.”
“Leo, doesn’t he have like a bunch of stuff on you already?” Mikey pipped up.
“Pshhh, like what?”
“Like that time in the medbay, when you were super delirious and crying saying how much you loved us and—“
Leo abruptly shut the door to Donnie’s room, cutting Mikey off. “We never speak of that, and we will never speak of this. Capiche?”
“Capiche.”
Mikey’s turn to grin. Dr.Feelings, defender of love, reigns victorious again.
with my fixation with rottmnt returning, I watched the library episode last night. all was good, and so today I went to watch another episode while I ate lunch.
looking it up on Netflix, only the movie came up… weird. did a quick search on safari only to find IT GOT TAKEN OFF OF NETFLIX TODAY.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME. WHY WASN’T IT IN THE LEAVING SOON SECTION NETFLIX???? I WOULD’VE MADE THE MOST OF MY TIME
It's in my Masterlist but just btw, my requests are open! I'm happy to answer any questions, requests, or prompts you all may have abt anything (specific fandoms I'm in are in my Masterlist here)! Even if it's a silly hypothetical or something, I love talking!
lol i’m not the best drawer but i love multi arm rocky and simple rocky. this is based off my "Making Human!Rocky/Eridian's Canon" post, if you wanted to see a rant about that. also, just as a side note, i thought it would be kind of funny if sometimes eridian’s fell over and got stuck like turtles.
I've seen so many awesome human!Rocky drawings/concepts (especially loving the ones of him with multiple arms) but it got me thinking about how the Erdian race would work as humanoids and, how in this AU, his and Grace's language barrier situation would unfold.
As far as the biology of it, I think it would be cool if they were made of entirely different compounds that make their bones and all other parts of them like 200% stronger than Earth human's components. This would still give them that very heavy numerical body mass no matter their 'fitness'. This fact would also be why they can and often work with sharp metals and Xenonite so easily-- it just wouldn't cut them due to their much stronger skin. This would also attribute to their different diet (due to different insides and composition); human foods would not only taste badly to them, but they'd have zero nutrients the Eridian body could use and therefore not even digest properly. Aka, just the reason in this AU why Rocky, other than creating Taumoeba, couldn't provide Grace with any spare food on the way to Erid.
Personally, I really like the idea of the Eridian language having/being a form of sign language. With the human!Eridians having two set of arms, I like the idea that they created a sign-able version of their language since they all can 'see' physical objects/movement and have the extra limbs to communicate while going about their regular work. With their numerous sets of vocal cords, maybe it's more common for medical issues to arise that erode their ability to speak in full melodies/words leading to the need of sign language among their species to be very necessary and second nature to all.
When Rocky meets Grace (the name ‘Rocky’ given due to his tough, nearly impenetrable skin), maybe Rocky's vocal chords are just minorly damaged from the slight amount of radiation that did end up affecting him, or from a previous injury on Erid. Either way, this would lead to the computre translator being inaccurate since it translates the chords Rocky speaks, which sometimes aren't exact. On Erid, the damage is so minor he can still talk and be understood by other Eridians, but just like Google Translate here on Earth when going from language to language you have to be pretty exact. This would lead to them making some device Rocky would wear on his hands, connected with a ring on each finger, that would instead track his hand/arm movements/signs into English and then to text to speech.
I've watched a lot of Matpat and love nerding out about this kind of stuff.
Pt.2: @cowprintsillies had good questions so LETS TALK ABOUT THAT
Going with the basic description that yes, every bodily part of human!Eridians are 200% stronger than its Earth human counterpart, I love the idea that their hair is like wires. In the book, most of Rockys body is made of inorganic matter like metals and rocks. With their species being crazy innovative and master builders/creators, I think that would be really cool that even parts of their bodies can be used as raw materials for building. Like even their bodies main goal is to create and advance. Their hair wouldn't be wires in a metal way, I think it would still look like hair but even a single strand (thicker than calcium human hair) could be used to connect two things with a simple knot and be an actual reliable material. Aka, some crazy mutation of calcium/the Eridian version of it. It would be what makes up their bones, nails, etc, but just like earth humans all those things have different strengths and thickness/why their bones will like never ever break and are like rocks.
There's a bunch of different directions we could go with their eyes, but I like to think they still have them but don't need them. Their vision, just like in the movie and book, would be echolocation based -- (especially because of their extra vocal cords! they definitely have a built in set that emit high frequencies just for this function!) .
Basically, animals with echolocation do not need eyes to sense distances and objects, but still have them. High frequencies emitted bounce off objects creating a 3D mental map in their mind. This is how Eridians echolocation works, it's just very advanced, looking like what we see in the movie when we see through Rocky's 'eyes'. Eridian's with still working eyes can just sense objects more clearly and farther away, (just like Earth animals with echolocation like dolphins and bats) and would work just as an extra sensor for their brain to use when it processes detecting the physical objects around them. Their vision is still solely echolocation, so they're not actually seeing anything, but their eyes would work as a simple extra tool for their brain to detect more. Aka, they're not necessary, just nice to have if functioning. That's why a sign-able version of their language was so necessary, because whether an Eridian has eyes or not they can still see.
I think I'd be so cool if they had pretty cultural blindfolds Eridian's with damaged eyes could wear. Maybe damaged eyes would make their echolocation a little wonky, only sometimes detecting extra objects. It would make everything seem off kilter, meaning it would be better off if they just covered them and had their brain only processed objects near them with sound. This would be their equivalent of people being 'near sighted'-- cause they can literally only detect a certain radius around them with sound. (It's still a LOT though, cause echolocation is crazy)
They also, like Cow said, would likely have a thick sheen over their eyes for protection. Since the tissue of their body is so much stronger, it means that their bones, muscles, skin, and other tissues are thicker (making them like impenetrable 'rocks'). Since the eye is made up of three layers of tissue, it's reasonable to say that those layers are thicker and you can definitely see a transparent thick outer layer protecting the pupil-- like thick lensed glasses already in their eye.
@cowprintsillies had more questions and i'm very excited
Teeth: we're about to get crazy. TW: body horror? much talk of chewing and swallowing food, ik that grosses a lot of people out.
So in the book, Eridians strictly eat in private. It's a cultural thing because they (i'm pretty sure) basically open themself up to force food into their digestive track. For their "humanoid" version, I'd imagine something similar.
Firstly, two sets of teeth. A front and back row on the top and bottom of their mouth. Just like how humans/all animals on earths teeth and made to accommodate for our food options (plants and meat), I'd imagine of course that Eridians teeth would do the same. The first row wouldn't be too sharp, but could still dent metal (quick and easy tool for when working with metal!). The second row could completely cut through and crumble it (smaller, much tougher, razor sharp)-- as established, tissues in their body are tougher including their tongue which would not be cut by these teeth. Then, however, certain compounds may be just really tough and need more crumpling to be digested. Therefore, neck teeth. From the chin down to around the end of their sternum I would imagine could open up for tougher compounds to be placed and be slowly chewed as they process down their... weird throat.
How about this: due to their tougher, thick tissues, the quick movement of muscles needed for swallowing and movement down the throat would be difficult. This leads to them having two throats/esophagi:
1. The first, that connects to the back of their mouth for small, not as tough compounds. These compounds wouldn't require much swallowing muscle movement due to their mouth teeth being able to completely chew the compound up. (aka, same location as humans esophagus)
2. The second, that has to be opened up for food to be placed. This esophagus has teeth lining it all the way down and would directly connect to their stomach at the end (that end half of it would not be able to be opened. Only the ~50% of it that is from the chin to sternum would open). The metal compound would slowly go down and be chewed by this long line of teeth (much much more than the mouth of course), so that when it finally reached the stomach (very slow process) its just as chewed as the softer compounds eaten by their regular mouth.
Isn't opened as easily as a normal mouth, is a whole horrific process because when closed is just smooth skin quickly created by their advanced body.
This would keep the (book) canon culture of the Eridians the same, of eating often being a very private and horrific practice.
Baby/Wisdom Teeth?: nah. I think instead the teeth just wouldn't come in until they grew older and their mouth expanded-- their biology just being more advanced like that. However if a tooth were to fall out, I think the body would immediately notice and have no problem growing a new one and replacing it-- easily done by the compounds they eat to sustain their body. Big big brain.
+ for those wondering, their vocal chords would line the back of their neck, not the front like Earth humans. This, of course, is due to their second esophagus, as well as the need for room for the numerous pairs of vocal cords. This placement would also help their created noise echo through the whole tunnel of their mouth and for multiple chords to be used together easily (in the book, Eridians say multiple musical chords simultaneously to create certain words/emotional sounds.)
YES this in my mind is canon human multiple armed Rocky. There's also another piece of multi. arm Rocky art that I saw and can't find that's driving me a little bit insane but that's ok. ALSO @candiedbeez human Rocky design on TikTok *chefs kiss*
I've seen so many awesome human!Rocky drawings/concepts (especially loving the ones of him with multiple arms) but it got me thinking about how the Erdian race would work as humanoids and, how in this AU, his and Grace's language barrier situation would unfold.
As far as the biology of it, I think it would be cool if they were made of entirely different compounds that make their bones and all other parts of them like 200% stronger than Earth human's components. This would still give them that very heavy numerical body mass no matter their 'fitness'. This fact would also be why they can and often work with sharp metals and Xenonite so easily-- it just wouldn't cut them due to their much stronger skin. This would also attribute to their different diet (due to different insides and composition); human foods would not only taste badly to them, but they'd have zero nutrients the Eridian body could use and therefore not even digest properly. Aka, just the reason in this AU why Rocky, other than creating Taumoeba, couldn't provide Grace with any spare food on the way to Erid.
Personally, I really like the idea of the Eridian language having/being a form of sign language. With the human!Eridians having two set of arms, I like the idea that they created a sign-able version of their language since they all can 'see' physical objects/movement and have the extra limbs to communicate while going about their regular work. With their numerous sets of vocal cords, maybe it's more common for medical issues to arise that erode their ability to speak in full melodies/words leading to the need of sign language among their species to be very necessary and second nature to all.
When Rocky meets Grace (the name ‘Rocky’ given due to his tough, nearly impenetrable skin), maybe Rocky's vocal chords are just minorly damaged from the slight amount of radiation that did end up affecting him, or from a previous injury on Erid. Either way, this would lead to the computre translator being inaccurate since it translates the chords Rocky speaks, which sometimes aren't exact. On Erid, the damage is so minor he can still talk and be understood by other Eridians, but just like Google Translate here on Earth when going from language to language you have to be pretty exact. This would lead to them making some device Rocky would wear on his hands, connected with a ring on each finger, that would instead track his hand/arm movements/signs into English and then to text to speech.
I've watched a lot of Matpat and love nerding out about this kind of stuff.
Pt.2: @cowprintsillies had good questions so LETS TALK ABOUT THAT
Going with the basic description that yes, every bodily part of human!Eridians are 200% stronger than its Earth human counterpart, I love the idea that their hair is like wires. In the book, most of Rockys body is made of inorganic matter like metals and rocks. With their species being crazy innovative and master builders/creators, I think that would be really cool that even parts of their bodies can be used as raw materials for building. Like even their bodies main goal is to create and advance. Their hair wouldn't be wires in a metal way, I think it would still look like hair but even a single strand (thicker than calcium human hair) could be used to connect two things with a simple knot and be an actual reliable material. Aka, some crazy mutation of calcium/the Eridian version of it. It would be what makes up their bones, nails, etc, but just like earth humans all those things have different strengths and thickness/why their bones will like never ever break and are like rocks.
There's a bunch of different directions we could go with their eyes, but I like to think they still have them but don't need them. Their vision, just like in the movie and book, would be echolocation based -- (especially because of their extra vocal cords! they definitely have a built in set that emit high frequencies just for this function!) .
Basically, animals with echolocation do not need eyes to sense distances and objects, but still have them. High frequencies emitted bounce off objects creating a 3D mental map in their mind. This is how Eridians echolocation works, it's just very advanced, looking like what we see in the movie when we see through Rocky's 'eyes'. Eridian's with still working eyes can just sense objects more clearly and farther away, (just like Earth animals with echolocation like dolphins and bats) and would work just as an extra sensor for their brain to use when it processes detecting the physical objects around them. Their vision is still solely echolocation, so they're not actually seeing anything, but their eyes would work as a simple extra tool for their brain to detect more. Aka, they're not necessary, just nice to have if functioning. That's why a sign-able version of their language was so necessary, because whether an Eridian has eyes or not they can still see.
I think I'd be so cool if they had pretty cultural blindfolds Eridian's with damaged eyes could wear. Maybe damaged eyes would make their echolocation a little wonky, only sometimes detecting extra objects. It would make everything seem off kilter, meaning it would be better off if they just covered them and had their brain only processed objects near them with sound. This would be their equivalent of people being 'near sighted'-- cause they can literally only detect a certain radius around them with sound. (It's still a LOT though, cause echolocation is crazy)
They also, like Cow said, would likely have a thick sheen over their eyes for protection. Since the tissue of their body is so much stronger, it means that their bones, muscles, skin, and other tissues are thicker (making them like impenetrable 'rocks'). Since the eye is made up of three layers of tissue, it's reasonable to say that those layers are thicker and you can definitely see a transparent thick outer layer protecting the pupil-- like thick lensed glasses already in their eye.
reblog if people r allowed to send u asks as if theyre ur friend. wanna tell me how ur day went? do it!!! ask me for advice? sure! ask a personal question? go right on ahead!
I've seen so many awesome human!Rocky drawings/concepts (especially loving the ones of him with multiple arms) but it got me thinking about how the Erdian race would work as humanoids and, how in this AU, his and Grace's language barrier situation would unfold.
As far as the biology of it, I think it would be cool if they were made of entirely different compounds that make their bones and all other parts of them like 200% stronger than Earth human's components. This would still give them that very heavy numerical body mass no matter their 'fitness'. This fact would also be why they can and often work with sharp metals and Xenonite so easily-- it just wouldn't cut them due to their much stronger skin. This would also attribute to their different diet (due to different insides and composition); human foods would not only taste badly to them, but they'd have zero nutrients the Eridian body could use and therefore not even digest properly. Aka, just the reason in this AU why Rocky, other than creating Taumoeba, couldn't provide Grace with any spare food on the way to Erid.
Personally, I really like the idea of the Eridian language having/being a form of sign language. With the human!Eridians having two set of arms, I like the idea that they created a sign-able version of their language since they all can 'see' physical objects/movement and have the extra limbs to communicate while going about their regular work. With their numerous sets of vocal cords, maybe it's more common for medical issues to arise that erode their ability to speak in full melodies/words leading to the need of sign language among their species to be very necessary and second nature to all.
When Rocky meets Grace (the name ‘Rocky’ given due to his tough, nearly impenetrable skin), maybe Rocky's vocal chords are just minorly damaged from the slight amount of radiation that did end up affecting him, or from a previous injury on Erid. Either way, this would lead to the computre translator being inaccurate since it translates the chords Rocky speaks, which sometimes aren't exact. On Erid, the damage is so minor he can still talk and be understood by other Eridians, but just like Google Translate here on Earth when going from language to language you have to be pretty exact. This would lead to them making some device Rocky would wear on his hands, connected with a ring on each finger, that would instead track his hand/arm movements/signs into English and then to text to speech.
I've watched a lot of Matpat and love nerding out about this kind of stuff.
Saving Private Ryan: College AU
Pairing: Irwin Wade x Reader
WC: 1.6k
Summary:
Many people see Irwin Wade as… well… what he is: a very hard working and essentially always tired medical student. He’s probably gotten… 15 hours of sleep this week? He tries to ignore that fact but who’s he kidding, he’d have only drank coffee this week if it wasn’t for his ingrained medical knowledge of the important of water.
Anyways, what he does know is that tonight you both are finally not busy and he can come over and just sleep. That is, if his very nosy roommates will let him.
Characters/Tags: Irwin Wade, Reader, Daniel Jackson, Stanley Mellish, Adrian Caprazo, College Au, Roommates/Housemates, AU Everybody Lives, Established Relationship, Irwin Wade is a Medical Student, Irwin Wade is Tired, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Slightly Touch Starved Irwin Wade, Cuddling & Snuggling
A/N:
Hiya! Same as the last work (the starting basis of this au which isn't x reader) you don’t have to know anything about Saving Private Ryan to read this. I just really love writing the Cuddling & Snuggling tag… can you tell.
ANYWHO! If you DO know about SPR, HI! Funny seeing you here. It’s lonely out in these parts but we have each other. ENJOY!
-> Read it on ao3 here!
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“Hey guys I’m going out,” Wade says to the group of a few of his roommates in the living room. They usually wouldn’t bat an eye at this. Wade always had somewhere to be with all his classes and med work. However, they unfortunately must’ve noted that he very specifically had this night off. They have also noted that he doesn’t drink, so in their minds there’s no where for him to really go.
Mellish is the first to speak up. “Wait, why? To where? I thought you didn’t have med stuff tonight?”
Curses.
“Oh, I don’t. I’m just going over to… a friend’s.” Fuck why did he say that. He forgets he lives with the nosiest people in the world.
“A friend’s?” Caparzo says with an eyebrow raised. He’s obviously teasing, but the implications are there. “Cmon Wade, studying can wait, no matter what way you’re doing it. Why don’t you watch a movie with us or something, relax?” He feels himself internally squirm at the implication. Maybe he just wanted a hug Caparzo.
“You’re such a freak man, I’m out.” He’s joking (not really) other than the leaving part. As he turns on his heels to leave, Jackson cuts him off with another question from the couch.
“Wait wait wait, who are you going to see, actually?”
Wade rolls his eyes, turning back to them. It’s only Mellish, Caparzo, and Jackson in the room. He decided they won’t hold it over his head if he just told them. “My girlfriend’s.”
He’s never seen them this speechless before. Oh how he wished the dorm was this quiet all the time.
“YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?!??” Is what is essentially said (yelled) by all of them simultaneously.
“Damn didn’t know the neighbors had to know too.”
“Since when have you had time to have a girlfriend?” Mellish said, jaw to the floor but lips quirked up in a smile.
“I don’t know man. I still live a life outside of working,” he deadpans.
“For how long?” Caparzo adds, face still in shock rather than amusement.
“A year or so.” He shrugs, suddenly very sick of this conversation. He just wants to leave.
“A year?!” He hears Mellish mumble. Is him dating someone really that shocking? At least Jackson seemed to have some respect, seeming completely chill since the initial fact of the matter. He was also much better at taking social hints. “That’s great man. You should bring her around the next time we go out for dinner or something. That is as long as Reiben isn’t there. He might not let you hear the end of it.”
That at least gets a smile out him. “Yeah. Figures why I just never brought her up. Anyway, I’ll see you guys.” Even with his back turned as he walks away he can feel Jackson’s stare at the other two like, “You better shut the fuck up and let him leave.”Jackson was in general a more respectful guy, especially when compared to most of their dorm mates. He also had a fairly heavy or at least hard workload, so he understood the necessity of needing a break from it or a break from the chaos that was their dorm.
Jackson roomed with Reiben, so he understood that more than anyone. He was almost as scarcely in the dorm as Wade and not even because he needed to. At least in a work sense, mentally he probably needed to.
Either way, he starts the short walk over to her apartment building.
——————
It was always a toss up if Wade would be able to come over when you were both free. While it was what your schedules would say, you both had roommates who tended to often change those plans intentionally or not. Thankfully, your room mate was out of town. She knew Wade and they were good friends so she didn’t mind you ever inviting him over when she was gone. She knew you guys would just watch a movie and order takeout or something.
While you were lucky and only had one roommate, he had five. That alone sounded like a nightmare, but then some of the stories he told you about them made you wonder how he ever got any work done there. Then again, he usually did his work in the library, so he said living with them wasn’t so bad. Except for maybe Rieben, but they didn’t have any personal beef so even still it was fine.
You hadn’t actually met any of them more simply because the opportunity never presented itself. As said before, you two were really busy a lot of the time and weren’t much up for parties or bars. You were much more excited by the idea of a nap.
Speaking of, there’s a knock at your door. You get up from the couch and look through the peephole just to double check who it was but also just to asses the situation. Thankfully, it’s him and, go figure, he looked tired, but doesn’t seem to be in pain so no migraine which is a plus. Sometimes when he really overworks himself and doesn’t take at least a day to catch up on sleep he gets them. He usually just toughs them out because, “work still has to get done,” but he’s come to your place crying once in a blue moon cause the pain is just so bad and there’s no a chance his dorm could get quiet or dark enough to make it go away. Thankfully, today’s not one of those days, which is nice.
When you open the door his eyes light up a little bit, looking a little less like a kicked puppy but still exhausted. “Hey,” he said almost like a sigh of relief.
“Hi,” you said with a smile, giving him a quick kiss before walking off to the kitchen as he put his bag down. “I was hoping you’d make it tonight,” you say excitedly. “I made brownies!”
He goes still staring at you before immediately making his way to the kitchen and grabbing one. After one bite he slaps the table. “You gotta stop making these, you know I’ll eat them all.”
“Why don’t you take some to your roommates?” You offer, but he just shakes his head.
“No, they don’t deserve them.”
“Oh cmon, they can’t all be bad.”
He thinks about it before responding. “I guess I can give Upham and Jackson one.”
“How about give all of them a small one and Jackson and Upham a bigger one?”
“I don’t wanna give them all my brownies.”
“That’s why I made two batches. One for them and one for you. Isn’t the saying you catch more flies with honey than vinegar or something like that? Maybe it’ll make that Reiben feel a little better to given something even after the way he’s been acting.”
Wade looks unconvinced.
“Please?”
He rolls his eyes. It doesn’t take much from you to get him to surrender. “Fine. Just this once.”
“Yay!”
You guys talk for a few minutes before he heads off to take a shower. You pack up the brownies into two tupperware and write on the lids “Wade’s Dorm-mates” and “Wade <3”. After, you head to your room and open one of your books in bed while waiting for him to finish.
Eventually, the shower stops and after a few minutes he emerges with mused damp hair and one of your pink hoodies alongside your pink Hello Kitty pajama pants. You can’t help but stifle a laugh. “What? Your clothes are comfortable and I… forgot pajamas.”
“By accident I’m sure,” you say with a smirk.
“Yeah yeah, by accident.”
You shut your book and get up to give him a hug. He immediately leans into you at the touch, all that pushed down exhaustion resurfacing. You were glad you were able to give him the rest he needed.
“‘M sorry I’m so tired…” he says into your shoulder after a few minutes. “Y’ probably wanted to… watch movie or s’methin’.”
“No,” you say while tracing small circles into his back. “I want you to rest. Whether that’s sleeping or watching something, I don’t care. I just want you to be ok.”
“M’ ok. Can we sleep?”
You nod, pulling away so you can both slip under the heavy and soft comforter. It doesn’t take long for him to curl into your side, reassuming his spot hugging you. “I might sleep for like… 20 hours.” He mumbles, eyes already closed.
“If that’s what you need, I hope you sleep for 21.” You card a hand through his hair before planing a soft kiss there. “Love you.
“Love y’ too…” he mumbles before already passing out.
——————
——————
After knocking for a third time, Reiben finally answers his bedroom door with headphones around his neck. “Oh, hey Wade. Did you need something?” He seems genuinely surprised to see him. Figures. They didn’t talk much.
“Yeah,” he sighs, mentally bracing himself but still talking with his usual monotone tone. “My girlfriend insisted I brought everyone brownies and wanted to make sure you got one.” He holds out the tupperware towards Reiben, who has to many emotions on his face to read. He stared at the tupperware for an extra second, as if still comprehending what Wade said before. Wade would almost say he looked grateful… or confused? Confused at the offer? Confused at the kindness of the action? Maybe she was right about Reiben, in that he just needed someone to show him some kindness…
.
.
.
“You have a girlfriend?”
“Just take the fuckin’ brownie.”
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Bonus:
A few nights later…
Upham looked over Wade working on his laptop surrounded by medical textbooks. Something felt off. “Wade, since when did you have a pink hoodie?”
“Uh, I’ve always had a pink hoodie.”
“You have?”
“Mhm.”
“Oh. Ok. I like it.”
A small smile comes to Wade’s face. “Thanks Upham. I like it too.”
Saving Private Ryan: College AU
Pairing: None
WC: 1.8k
Summary: College life has been interesting for Timothy Upham. Especially regarding his dorm life with his…
*checks paper*
**checks again**
…five? Five roommates. Surly everything has been running smoothly, right? Right?
Characters/Tags: Timothy Upham, Irwin Wade, Daniel Jackson, Richard Reiben, Stanley Mellish, Adrian Caprazo, College AU, Cussing, Roomates/Housemates, AU Everybody Lives -- just no mention of Miller or Horvath, Domestic Fluff
A/N:
Hello niche Saving Private Ryan fandom. I couldn’t be more late but I’m here now! This fic is heavily inspired by ‘breaking all the rules’ by an orphan account but I really loved the concept (and lowk had never read a college au before… sue me but I’m changed now I promised— this was so fun) and wanted to do my own spin on it so here you go! Definitely go read their work for more if you’re interested!
HEY! And if you haven’t seen Saving Private Ryan you can still read this. They’re just silly college students here so if you wanna just read for that you should be able to without confusion and I urge you too! (definitely not trying to get you to love these characters as much as I do… definitely not… why would I do such a thing…)
-> Read it on ao3 here!
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Yelling was what woke Upham on this fine morning. To be fair, that was the usual. If anything it just meant he didn’t have to worry about missing his alarm, because he’d always be woken up around the time he needed to anyway. For some reason, breakfast in this house seemed to be worth starting a war over.
His roommate’s bed was already empty, also per usual. Wade got up super early for all his medical student work. Wade did so much for his major it was unreal. Once, he wrote out his schedule for the week just to show Upham since he was curious. He doesn’t think he does that much stuff in a month. It really changed his perspective on his own school work, seeing numerous books open on Wades bed at far to early hours of the morning while working on at least 13 assignments while Upham only had one paper due that week. They made a good team though. Wade was super kind. He genuinely couldn’t have gotten a better roommate within the large dorm. Wade was very busy but organized. Occasionally he would miss cleaning up a small mess here or skipping a meal there. In response, Upham would always make sure to have their room spotless for when he came home and sometimes pick him up a coffee or dinner on the way back from his later French classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. All in all, they were good friends. A good team in making their dorm life as easy for each other as possible.
They couldn’t necessarily say the same for their other roommates.
“THAT WAS MY CAPTAIN CRUNCH YOU STEALIN’ FUCK.” Reiben was clearly furious. It was always something with him. It was like he thought everyone could read his mind and was pushing his buttons on purpose. In reality, no one even knew there were buttons there— or, if anything, they weren’t labeled.
“This is why I don’t ever eat in the damn dorm,” Jackson deadpans, getting up from the chair at the kitchen’s island to clean out his bowl that must’ve previously been filled with Captain Crunch. Upham rubs some sleep from his eyes and walks into the kitchen to the fridge, unfazed by Reiben’s tantrums anymore.
“You had to know that shit was mine! Who the fuck else eats breakfast in the dorm!”
Through a side glance, Upham sees Jackson grip the bowl a little tighter as is fighting with himself not to launch it at Reiben. Instead, unlike Reiben, he composes himself enough to not start yelling (or throwing) but instead speak very directly and a little extra southernness that usually happened when he got upset. “Motherfucker, literally only I don’t ever eat breakfast in the dorm. Even Wade eats breakfast in the dorm, just earlier than you cause he’s doing shit with his life while you’re here arguing over fuckin’ cereal that you can just go buy more of.”
“Lazy ass,” Mellish mumbles behind Upham. Upham missed seeing Mellish walk in but finally sees him as he comes to his side, gesturing for Upham to hand him the orange juice bottle he was just pouring from. He hands him it, grabbing his own glass and moves to sit on the other stool against the kitchen island.
Thankfully, Reiben shuts up with a dramatic huff and leaves the kitchen. “He should just go on a reality tv show. Every one of those needs a good douchebag to keep the drama high.” Caparzo says, entering a few minutes after the dramatics. Thankfully, since Reiben’s exit it’s been the usual ‘no full sentences until we’re all fully awake’ kind of morning that the rest of them very much preferred. Even Wade, who while could get up however early he needed to wouldn’t ever classify himself as a morning person. “Just cause I have to get up and do, doesn’t mean I enjoy it. Morning people like it— it freaks me out,” he said when last asked about it.
Jackson grabs his bag and heads out, having an early Electrical Systems class on Thursdays. He was an Electrical Engineering major, which shocked a lot of people here in the North cause apparently everyone with a southern accent should be majoring in Agriculture. Upham found that majority train of thought stupid— Reiben believed it wholeheartedly.
The nostalgic smell of brewed coffee and sound of eggs crackling on the stove filled the room. Upham did like when he got to catch a morning of Caprazo’s cooking. It was always better than anywhere he could stop on the way to class— perks of living with a culinary student.
Unfortunately, if a breakfast argument didn’t wake him up he usually ended up running late and miss it.
“I don’t know how Reiben’s not always exhausted after wasting all his energy all day on stupid shit.” Mellish snickers, cutting into some of the eggs Caparzo just handed him.
“Good thing he’s majoring in Restaurant Management.”
“Why is that good, he can’t manage anything. I asked him to send a group text about meeting somewhere one time and he almost broke his phone in frustration cause people in the group kept asking him questions since he somehow forgot to add in the first text where we were meeting and at what time.” Upham remembers that. Wade almost lost it having to send all those clarifying texts to a painfully vague Reiben.
Caparzo cuts off the stove, finishing cooking the last of the eggs and sliding them on a plate towards Upham, who mutters a quiet “thank you”, while continuing to talk. “No but they need personalities to run the bars and serve the customers, y’know. You can be a dumbass and still make a good drink.”
“Don’t insult bartenders like that. Actually, don’t insult any line of work by suggesting Reiben would be a good fit there.”
“Maybe Love Island.” Upham speaks up. It takes a beat but after just a second the trio is laughing incredibly hard. Mellish literally gets tears in his eyes.
“Shit man, you’re funny. Weird, but funny.” Some people took Mellish’s words very personally, but that’s just because they didn’t know teasing was how he showed he cared. His jabs were usually truthful but more in an underlying fond way than actually picking on someone, at least once he got to know you. That’s why people usually misinterpreted his words, it was sometimes hard to read what he meant. After knowing him for some time though you could usually tell. If one of his friends ever came up to him and said they actually hurt his feelings though he’d stop immediately, not actually wanting them to take his words literally. Except for Reiben. He meant every jab he said to Reiben.
“Anyways, I gotta go, I got a Composition class,” Mellish says, heading to his room quickly to grab his bags. One was his usual book bag and the other held his saxophone. He was a Music Production major. Despite wanting a job more behind the scenes helping with audio leveling he still joined the college’s band for the fun of it. Well, actually it was a requirement for his major for him to participate for at least a year but he decided to stay in it after that because he found that he actually enjoyed it. He wouldn’t want to pursue preforming (so he says), but he says he likes the people and playing like he did in highschool.
“I should get going to,” Upham says, standing to clean off his dishes before grabbing his things. “Cliente, I’ll clean up. No worries. Gotta wash the pan off anyway,” Caparzo insisted. Cap didn’t have classes on Thursday’s, which he took to reorganize and clean the kitchen since he used it the most and liked it mostly spotless.
Upham thanked him, knowing he wouldn’t necessarily let him refuse the offer, and headed off to his room to freshen up and gather his things. His class wasn’t until later in the day but he wanted to sit out in the park to work on a study guide he needed for a test in his German class next week.
“See you later Tradurre,” Caprazo said with a smile after Upham reemerged from his room looking much more put together than when he first woke up. He loved calling Upham random nicknames in Italian. He didn’t think he could handle adding a fourth language to his roster for now, but did get an Italian to English dictionary to study up on a few words he used the most. He mostly took to calling him Tradurre (roughly meaning Translator), but would occasionally throw in a new word he didn’t know. Usually something about him being a ‘guest’ or ‘younger brother’. He had Italian nicknames for the others too, but for some reason had settled on calling Mellish 'Fish'. They never explained where the nickname came from, but used it so often it was honestly what Mellish usually went by when talking to any of his friends.
He was getting distracted. “See you Cuisinier!”
It was definitely an experience living with all of them. There were challenges and annoyances but if he was being honest, he wouldn’t have it any other way.
Summary:
Despite your struggles and the never ending stress, you and Ryland have slowly learned how to heal.
So finally, Ryland can bring himself to you for comfort knowing, for once in his life, he truly has safety.
A/N: I really like these sleepy fics but I never see enough of them so yayayay
(just a sidebar, this fic is also me working out the exact order of events from some of the past fics in this ryland x reader series! so if you're curious about any past events discussed, the fics relating to them are posted. these guys have to many emotions, gotta keep ‘em straight y’know.)
-> Crosspost from ao3, read it here!
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It was one of those rare moments where you found yourself working in the lab alone. Grace was up in the control room doing research on the data banks watching over a sleeping Rocky, so that left you to peacefully do some experiments with a little taumoeba.
It was nothing earth shattering. Just looking at the little guys, moving them around, poking them, just trying to write down some surface level information about them.
Things in the ship had been good recently. Throughout this trip you’ve learned things about Ryland that he didn’t even know about himself. At least not yet— the amnesia really hit him hard. Stratt should feel lucky you’ll never see her again. Actually, there’s a lot of people in Ryland’s life who are lucky they’ll never meet you. There were many choice words you had to the people who blatantly gave one of the kindest people you knew fucking PTSD.
You could go on and on about his misfortunes. If you thought about it for too long it made you want to punch the wall, so you try not to dwell on it. Still though, he used to be so scared of touch. Any brush of hands would cause him to literally flinch back, barely bumping shoulders made him profusely apologize. It put an awful feeling in your stomach. You tried to brush it off as him being uncomfortable with touch, but that trained medic in the back of your mind just screamed abuse abuse abuse.
That night didn’t help either. He kept getting obsessed with work due to his stress and it hurt you to watch him become someone he wasn’t due to his sleep deprivation. He was snappy and short, not the Ryland you knew.
He got an injury but didn’t even remember much of the night afterwards. It was full of profuse apologies and a moment of vulnerability that will stay with you forever.
It wasn’t until you finally gave him a real hug that you realized how stupid you were for not imploring further into the subject with him. He was wrecked, crying for 30 minutes begging for you to stay with the convinced thought in his mind that you would leave or disappear. He apologized like the hug was the most unreasonable ask in the world even though you initiated it.
It took time and honesty for him to feel less guilty over every touch he took. It took you having your own mental breakdown from your ever persistent insomnia for him to realize that it was ok to be a little broken. They both cried tears of wanting to be fixed, and the other was always happy to try and hold the pieces together.
The stress didn’t stop though, and despite your efforts, fear of imitate death and saving the planet only pressed down harder on your backs as time continued to run out. Ryland slipped back into his unhealthy habits and you drew away trying to push everything down. Unfortunately, like an idiot, you got upset at him for his actions despite subconsciously knowing the cause. You just hurt so much but couldn’t let it out. You can’t stop the inevitable, so you ended up taking out all your internal pain on him through passive aggressive words in a way you knew would hurt him most.
You almost can’t forgive yourself for that. Especially because your idiotic actions brought back arguably his worst memories through PTSD flashbacks. He didn’t say much, but from what you did get he grew up in an abusive foster household where cursing was a constant and always directed to him through insults and degrading comments.
That alone makes you grip the pencil you’re holding tighter, but you calm yourself. You two worked it out. Well, really you begged, telling him the whole truth about how kind and amazing he is; how he’s impacted your life beyond measure and you love him so much. You’re not sure if he’ll ever understand how important and good he is, but it’s your mission to try.
You hear the latch to the lab open. That’s odd, you didn’t think you’ve been down here that long but sure enough you look to the clock and it’s 2:00am— three hours from when you first came down here. You realize you don’t feel that tired but that’s probably because you slept in till 11:00am. It’s now that you realize that Ryland did not, having woken up more around 6:00am for no particular reason but decided to get up and start on some work anyway.
He walks into the lab, almost glossy eyed with exhaustion but determined as he comes to you, who’s sitting on the lab stool, and basically slumps onto you holding you in a hug.
“Ryland, you good?”
“Mmm. I’m good.”
“I was kind of…” you go to object but think better of it. Work can be done whenever. However, you wouldn’t mind at least getting to put the taumoeba away first. “Could I maybe finish this first? I was just going to put the taumoeba away.” You try to ask softly.
“No, 20 seconds.” He insists sleepily, digging his face into your shoulder.
What did 20 seconds have to do with anything? Regardless, you set your pencil and pipette down to hold him.
“20 seconds?”
“20 seconds of a hug release stress hormone.” You always knew he was tired when he started to talk like Rocky. “Helps. Just 20 seconds.”
You sigh and draw circles into his back. “Whatever notes I’m taking can wait. You can have more than 20 seconds of a hug. Cmon, let’s just go to bed.” You try to stand but he squeezes you harder, gently keeping you in place.
“Not yet.”
“Ryland you’re about to fall asleep, we both know it.”
He thinks about it for a second, and despite knowing he wants to protest he can almost never turn the rational part of his brain off. “Don’t let go,” is all you get, which translates from ‘Very Tired Ryland’ to “Fine but I’m begging you to not leave me. Please just don’t let this end.”
With a dip of your head in minor defeat, you slowly peel him off you enough to slip off the stool and start walking towards near the control room where your bed was set up. He stays close to you walking like he’s dead on his feet, clearly very tired. He holds your hand from behind, his head dipping to lean on the back of your should as you both walk. He can usually stay awake for long amount of time and be really efficient until he remembers you’re on board. The second you touch him with, even just the brush of the hand or pat on the shoulder, the sleep deprivation hits him with full force. You think it’s his body finally getting used to feeling safe and being able to decompress. You swallow the hate for the people of his past and continue onward.
Once your bed he basically just collapses into it purposefully dragging you down with him. Tired Grace always had places to be and didn’t care how he got there. Hitting the mattress so suddenly knocks some air out of you, but Ryland isn’t stopped as he quickly reassumed his hug, already falling asleep in the crook of your neck.
“Were you stressed?” You ask softly with a smile, carding your hands through his hair thinking back to that 20 seconds stress hormone fact. You also just liked hearing him sleepily try to explain things when he’s like this. You’ve asked him about that fact before, about people essentially having no filter when on the edge of sleep. Turns out it’s because the brains prefrontal cortex is what slowly shuts down as you fall asleep, which is the part of the brain in charge of impulse control, logic, and social filters. This leads to peoples more subconscious thoughts to come up and be voiced. If given the opportunity, you liked hearing more about him. He was also very guarded with his feelings and weaknesses, so if given a chance to hear about those you were going to try and hear them.
“Little, always a little… you fix. This fix.” He mumbles, all but melting at your touch.
You could make peace with that. It was impossible to be on this mission and not be at least a little stressed at all times. Knowing though that now he was coming to you to get help with it rather than let it stew and only become worse warmed your heart.
It’s something you’ve been working on too. It just helps reassure you that things can get better.
They will.
They are.
He holds you a little tighter. “Promis.. w’n’t leave?”
“You wouldn’t let me if I tried,” you say with a small laugh. He doesn’t seem to take that answer though. “W’n’t leave? Stay?”
You breathe easy. Any anxieties left in you quiet. “Yeah Ry, I’m staying. I’ll be right here when you wake up.”
He lifts his head up just enough to look at you. Despite the effort it seemingly took him, he’s in the past said it’s worth it to look in your eyes just one more time before he drifts off. They’re his favorite color, at least according to ‘Very Tired Ryland’. You’ve never asked awake Ryland, but you’d bet the answer would be the same just a bit more discrete alongside very red cheeks. He was so easily flustered when awake.
“L’ve you. I..mm.. love you.” He nods in your shoulder, even planing a little kiss there subconsciously.
The words make your heart flutter. He rarely found the courage to say them awake in implemented fear of loss from his past, so you cherished special moments like these.
“I love you too Ry. I love you a lot.”
“No..” he slurs, shaking his head slightly. “Me more. I love… love you more.”
You laugh slightly, full of affection. He’s about to fall asleep anyway, so you move his head up just enough to give him a kiss. He blinks at you once, the action barely registering as he drifts off to sleep. Regardless, you catch a small smile come to his face before his head is set back down. It’s then that you hear Rocky wake up not too far away from you both within his xenonite tunnel. You see him stretch and make some small trills before noticing you both.
“Friends go to sleep now, question?” You nod. Ryland does not, his breath already evened out. “Good good timing. Rocky watch now.” He says, grabbing a few of his small Eridian tools to quietly tinker with whatever project he has going on at the moment. You could feel more spoiled with care and compassion.
“Thank you Rock.”
“No need to thank. Rocky care for friends. Want to protect. Now, sleep sleep sleep!”
With that, surrounded by the soft hum of the ship, even breaths of safety, and tinkering full of cherished precaution, you easily fall asleep.
